Gnome On The Range (5 page)

“You have a one track mind!” I hissed.

Ty laughed. “With you? Absolutely.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, too. And roll my eyes. It felt good to banter with a man. Special, like there was some secret between the two of us.

“Hey, Ty! Look at me. I’m stuck!” Bobby said, his free arm waving around.

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. Sure, they were frazzled because I was worried about Bobby. It had nothing to do with Ty’s heated glances, his obsession with a certain part of my anatomy. Yeah, right.

With everyone focused on Bobby, I got to check out Ty. He wore his official firefighter uniform. Blue dress shirt with a shiny silver badge on his chest, blue pants that made his butt look amazing. If he was going to look, then so was I. He had on heavy black work boots, a walkie talkie and other various electronic do-hickeys clipped to his belt. The few times I’d seen him, he always looked crisp and precise. Not a hair out of place. Although a military buzz cut made that part fairly easy. I had my suspicions he was a neatnik, just like the Colonel. Probably a lengthy stay in the military did that to you.

I had to admit, Goldie had been right. He was a real man. Who looked at my mouth as if he wanted to kiss it! At my breasts as if he wanted to kiss them, too. I stole a quick glance at his hands. Big. Rugged. Yup, he could probably do a lot with those hands. And I wasn't thinking about a snow blower either.

No one rushed to get a gurney or call in an ambulance for Bobby. I made Zach tell them what had happened. I figured it was punishment enough.

“I guess this is the kind of call you like. No one’s hurt, no fire to put out,” I said as I snapped a quick photo of Bobby with his arm stuck. I had to email the photo to my mom and Goldie and everyone else who wouldn't want to miss seeing it. Besides, I needed a picture to show Bobby’s girlfriend in twenty years to embarrass him. I stayed out of the way as Ty knelt next to Bobby.

“Okay, champ. No big deal here. I’m going to use this hacksaw and cut the pipe.” Ty ran a reassuring hand over Bobby’s dark hair. “When you go to preschool next month you’re going to have a great story to tell!”

Bobby nodded his head happily, probably excited about sharing this experience with his fellow four year olds. He seemed to trust Ty and didn't panic as the blade went back and forth. I realized I was holding my breath and let it out. I had faith in Ty too, but I wanted Bobby to keep all of his fingers.

Within a few minutes the PVC pipe that stuck out of the cement was sawed off. The firemen cheered and made a big deal out of it for Bobby, arm still trapped in plastic tubing up to his armpit. He smiled and loved all the attention. Zach did not. Served the little bugger right.

“Cheese, Mommy!” Bobby held his arm straight from his body and hammed for the camera.

I fumbled for a moment, but got the shot. I shook my head and laughed as a few firemen tended to him.

Ty stood up and came over to me. “How are you?”

“I could have used a little reassurance my baby wasn't going to get his arm sawed off,” I grumbled.

He moved in close, his hip brushing against my waist. “You kept a brave face,” he whispered in my ear, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. His warmth seeped into me through the thin cotton of my shirt. “Show me the picture,” he added, probably trying to distract me.

I held the digital camera up for him to see the little screen. I tried to click the buttons for the photo to come up, but his hot breath on my neck made such a simple task extremely difficult. Ty was very good at distraction.

“This week we’ve been on three meth ODs. That’s not what I call fun.” He didn’t sound happy about it. “We sure do like a good fire, but this,” he pointed to Bobby’s image when I finally pulled it up and chuckled, “we’ll talk about at the Christmas party.” He winked at me.

“I’ll…um…make sure you get a copy.”

The firemen used dish soap to lube Bobby's arm and he quickly wriggled free. First thing, he launched himself at Ty and hugged him around the legs, soap and all. Ty knelt down and hugged him back. Pagers and walkie-talkie’s squawked. Before the men dashed off to another call, they quickly gave both boys Junior Fireman badges, Bobby for bravery, Zach for creativity.

***

I called Goldie and told her about the boys and the patio umbrella stand before she heard it somewhere else first.

“They’re boys. This is only the start of the shenanigans they’re going to pull.”

Great.

“Oh! I forgot to tell you. I heard from Mary Trapp’s sister who is the hair dresser for Carl Winkler’s first wife. She’s the Fire Marshall’s godmother. They were at church together on Sunday and she found out—”

Huh? “What are you trying to tell me?”

“I’m getting to it,” she scolded.

“Well?”

“Ty doesn’t have a girlfriend.”

The Bozeman grapevine at it’s finest.

No girlfriend, significant other, attachments. I felt elated and petrified all at once. Just one look or a casual touch of Ty’s hand sent me into heart palpitations. What would it be like to actually kiss him?

***

By eight, the kids were conked out. The full day had finished them off. After their baths, they’d insisted their plastic badges be clipped to the collars of their jammies. Deciding on a sleepover, Bobby was on the bottom of Zach’s bunk bed, Zach on top.

They’d thought instead of having the gnomes in bed with them, they’d put them out on the front stoop to watch for the newspaper man. They believed the newspaper appeared on the doorstep by magic. I kept trying to explain about the newspaper man delivering the papers early in the morning, but they didn’t buy that logic, especially since they thought everyone else was asleep when they were. It was magic something akin to the tooth fairy. So, they left the gnomes out front to watch and see what really happened.

The windows were open, which brought in cooler air and the smell of cut grass. Fresh Montana air. None of the polluted big city stuff.

The phone rang. Caller ID said Olivia Reed.

“Hi, Mom.”

“I love the picture you emailed. It was impossible not to laugh when I saw it. Are you sure Bobby’s all right?”

I knew she’d be worried if she heard about it from the Colonel or Goldie. Fortunately, the photo downplayed anything they might have told her.

“He’s fine. You should be more worried about Zach. The little bugger.”

My mom couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “Tell Bobby I said he was very brave and I’ll see them soon. I have my ticket for the fifteenth.”

“Can’t wait to see you.”

It was two hours later in Savannah so my mom didn’t linger on the phone. She was the early-to-bed, early-to-rise type. Ten at night was pretty late for her. I loved it when she visited since she woke up before the kids. Meaning, I could sleep in.

I placed the phone on the base in the kitchen to charge and started cleaning up the dinner dishes. For a fifties house, the kitchen reeked of early eighties. It had dark wood cabinets with forest green laminate counters. The floor was a light pine, which matched nothing. The only updates in the past twenty-five years had been recessed light fixtures, a new fridge and stove top.

I wasn’t in a rush to update. The garage was off the kitchen and the room became a catch-all for coats, boots, school projects and all and sundry that came into the house. It didn’t make sense to modernize if it was a mess all the time.

The fabulous feature of the room was wall-to-wall windows in front of the kitchen table that looked out on the back yard. It made the outdoors a part of the room. I was closing the dishwasher when there was a knock at the door. Ty.

“Hi. I wanted to see how Bobby was doing,” Ty said, a small shipping box under one arm.

He wore his work uniform and looked perfect. I wore The Usual. Shorts and a T-shirt. Barefooted. My hair in a ponytail. I'd looked better, but I was learning this man seemed to only see me at my less than fashionably-perfect moments. Getting pulled together was a lost cause at this point. He'd know for sure I was trying too hard. Kelly wouldn’t buy that theory, but I was running with it.

I stood back and let him in. “He’s fine. They’re asleep already. I really appreciate your help today.”

“All in a day’s work.” Ty placed the box on the counter, and then shoved his hands into his pants pockets.

“I just finished doing the dishes. Want a beer?” I walked over to the fridge and pulled out two. I wasn’t curious about the box at all. Nope.

“Sure.” Ty leaned a hip against the counter, took the beer I handed him and twisted off the top. “Can I ask you something?” He took a swig.

I wasn’t sure what he would say. He could ask anything from borrowing a cup of sugar to what color underwear I wore, so I just nodded my head.

“Should I be making a move on you or something?” Ty’s mouth tipped up.

Yes! Make a move!
I got that nervous feeling in my stomach, the one where the butterflies tried to escape, and took a lug of my beer to stall. And hopefully drown the butterflies. I definitely fantasized about kissing him a whole heck of a lot. “Why...why do you ask?”

“When I got home from work tonight,” he pointed to the box, “this was on my doorstep.”

“Order something lately?”

“Not quite. Inside’s a super sized box of condoms, ribbed variety.” He used his fingers to help him count off the items. “One of those fingertip vibrators, some lube, a pair of pouchless briefs and some anal beads. Are the beads meant for you or for me?”

“Holy crap.” I was so mortified I might throw up. I put my beer on the counter with a loud thud and held onto the surface for support. I tilted my head and looked up at Ty. He seemed relaxed and unruffled, once more enjoying my embarrassment. Saying the words ‘pouchless briefs’ didn’t seem to bother him at all. In fact, he was smiling.

I pulled the box toward me and pried back a cardboard flap with a finger. Yup, there was the great big box of condoms. Then I realized he thought I was the culprit.

“You think I did this?” I sputtered. “I usually take a plate of brownies to new neighbors.”

“Maybe you’re the aggressive type. Likes to show a man what she wants. Or certain parts of her,” he replied, smiling. His eyes moved blatantly to my breasts. “I like that in a woman.”

It was so absurd, I laughed.

“Me? You think I’d pick out pouchless briefs for a guy?” If he only knew. I was so un-aggressive. I wanted desperately to kiss him, but I couldn’t even do that. My nerves would make me start to giggle. I was such a mess! If I couldn’t even make the first move, how could I push pornographic underwear on him? Or anal beads!

“Just because I work in a sex store doesn’t mean I go for,” I held up the black mesh pseudo-briefs with one finger, “this!” I slingshot them across the room. They landed on top of the toaster oven. I shivered. “I’m not getting a good mental image right now.” Ty or any man, no matter how hot they were, would look ridiculous in a pair of underwear that left his bits and pieces hanging out. It was like the crotchless panty for men. And in black mesh. Gross!

“I’m more a boxers kind of girl.” I darted a quick glance at Ty’s lower region.

He noticed and waggled his eyebrows. “Wanna see if I’m a boxers kind of guy?”

Yes
. “Um…” I felt like a fifteen year old girl with brand new, raging hormones mucking up all modest thoughts. I tapped the box. “This is
all
Goldie. My mother-in-law.
She
thinks I need…sex. She thinks I need sex with
you
.”

I ran my hand over my face, hoping to wipe off some of the scorching heat I felt there. I was more than competent to embarrass myself without any help from Goldie. Especially since I’d been caught checking out his package. I considered how I was going to murder her. Strangulation was good. I could strangle her with the pouchless briefs.

“Your mother-in-law…your MOTHER-IN-LAW thinks we should have sex?” The man looked stunned, and then took a big glug of beer. “Jesus. Your mother-in-law thinks we should have anal sex.”

“Can you please stop saying anal?” I asked, dying a slow death.

“I’m not sure if I should be thankful or hurt. Does she think I need that much help with a woman?” He pointed at the box.

“Let’s take Goldie out of this for a minute because she’ll be dead by morning. You haven’t thought about having sex with me?” Might as well put him on the spot.

“Well…yeah,” he replied. “Definitely. Especially the other morning when you weren’t wearing a bra and your nipple…. And that other time when your nipples—”

I held up my hand to stop him. Obviously the man wasn’t a monk and had a breast obsession. “I get the idea.”

“I really like your nipples.” One side of his mouth tipped up in one of those perverted male grins. It was the grin of a man with sex on the brain. “And they really seem to like me.”

I felt heat shoot to the roots of my hair. Time to change the subject. “Goldie doesn’t think you need help, she thinks I do.”

He raised one eyebrow then looked me up and down. He took his time doing it, too. Especially in the nipple region. “If you keep going the braless route you’ll have guys lined up around the block.”

Thank goodness I was wearing one right now. Huh. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Ty took another swig of beer. “You have an…interesting family. Never a dull moment around here.”

“Excitement’s not so bad,” I said. My life had been ho-hum for so long, I had to admit the past few days had been…action packed. Exciting. Thrilling.

Ty shook his head. “I’m done with excitement. Two tours in the Middle East and I’m full up on excitement. I’m trying for the quiet life.” He grabbed the box of condoms. “I’ve got to go.”

“I thought you didn’t need Goldie’s help.”

His grin was back. “Goldie helped by saving me a trip to the store.” He held up the box of condoms. “Tell her thanks for me.”

He walked toward the door but came back, stood right in front of me. Close enough I could see the blond stubble on his jaw, smell his fabulous scent, whatever it was. “Look, I’m more than okay with sex. That’s adventure, not excitement. A relationship, not happening. That’s more than I can handle right now.”