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Authors: Beatrice Sparks

Go Ask Alice

BOOK: Go Ask Alice
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Contents

September

September 16

September 17

September 19

September 20

September 25

September 30

October

October 10

October 16

October 17

October 22

October 26

November

November 10

November 30

December

December 4

December 10

December 14

December 17

December 22

December 25

January

January 1

January 4

January 6

Evening, January 6

January 7

January 14

February

February 8

March

March 18

April

April 10

April 20

May

May 5

May 13

May 19

May 22

May 24

June

June 3

June 10

June 13

June 15

June 18

June 23

June 25

July

July 2

July 7

July 8

July 10

July 13

July 14

July 20

July 23

July 25

July 28

August

August 2

August 3

August 6

August 7

August 9

August 10

August 13

August 14

August 16

August 17

August 18

August 20

August 22

August 23

August 26

September

September 6

September 7

September 9

September 10

September 12

September 13

September 21

September 23

September 26

October

October 5

October 8

October 17

October 18

October 19

October 26

October 27

October 28

October 29

October 31

November

November 1

November 3

November 5

November 8

November 10

November 11

November 13

November 16

November 19

November 20

November 21

November 22

November 23

December

December 3

Still December 3

December 5

December 6

December 9

December 10

December 12

December 13

December 15

December 17

December 18

December 22

December 23

December 24

December 25

December 26

December 27

December 28

December 29

December 30

December 31

January

January 1

January 4

January 5

January 6

January 7

January 8

January 11

January 13

January 14

January 15

January 17

January 20

January 21

January 24

January 26

January 30

February

February 6

Februrary 13

February 18

February 23

February 24

February 27

March

March 1

March 2

March 5

March . . .

April

April 6

April 7

April 8

April 9

April 10

April 11

April 12

April 13

April 14

April 19

April 21

April 24

April 27

April 28

May

May 1

May 4

May 5

May 8

May 9

May 12

May 14

May 15

May 16

May 19

May 20

May 21

May 22

May 23

May 25

May 26

May 29

June

June 1

June 2

June 3

June 7

June 8

June 9

June 10

June 11

June 12

June 16

June 17

June 19

June 20

June 22

June 23

June 24

June 25

June 27

July

July 1

July 3

July 7

July 22

July 23

July 24

July 25

July 26

July 27

July 29

July 30

July 31

August

August 1

August 2

August 3

August 4

August 5

August 8

August 9

August 10

August 12

August 14

August 17

August 20

August 22

August 24

August 27

August 29

September

September 2

September 4

September 6

September 7

September 10

September 11

September 16

September 17

September 18

September 19

September 20

September 21

Epilogue

Go Ask Alice
is based on the actual diary of a fifteen-year-old drug user.

It is not a definitive statement on the middle-class, teenage drug world. It does not offer any solutions.

it is, however, a highly personal and specific chronicle. As such, we hope it will provide insights into the increasingly complicated world in which we live.

Names, dates, places and certain events have been changed in accordance with the wishes of those concerned.

The Editors.

September 16

Yesterday I remember thinking I was the happiest person in the whole earth, in the whole galaxy, in all of God’s creation. Could that only have been yesterday or was it endless light-years ago? I was thinking that the grass had never smelled grassier, the sky had never seemed so high. Now it’s all smashed down upon my head and I wish I could just melt into the blaaaa-ness of the universe and cease to exist. Oh, why, why, why can’t I? How can I face Sharon and Debbie and the rest of the kids? How can I? By now the word has gotten around the whole school, I know it has! Yesterday I bought this diary because I thought at last I’d have something wonderful and great and worthwhile to say, something so personal that I wouldn’t be able to share it with another living person, only myself. Now like everything else in my life, it has become so much nothing.

I really don’t understand how Roger could have done this to me when I have loved him for as long as I can remember and I have waited all my life for him to see me. Yesterday when he asked me out I thought I’d literally and completely die with happiness. I really did! And now the whole world is cold and gray and unfeeling and
my mother is nagging me to clean up my room. How can she nag me to clean up my room when I feel like dying? Can’t I even have the privacy of my own soul?

Diary, you’ll have to wait until tomorrow or I’ll have to go through the long lecture again about my attitude and my immaturity.

See ya.

September 17

School was a nightmare. I was afraid I’d see Roger every time I turned a corner in the hall, yet I was desperate for fear I wouldn’t see him. I kept telling myself, “Maybe something went wrong and he’ll explain.” At lunch I had to tell the girls about his not showing. I pretended I didn’t care, but oh, Diary, I do! I care so much I feel that my whole insides have shattered. How is it possible for me to be so miserable and embarrassed and humiliated and beaten and still function, still talk and smile and concentrate? How could Roger have done this to me? I wouldn’t intentionally hurt anyone in this whole world. I wouldn’t hurt them physically or emotionally, how then can people so consistently do it to me? Even my parents treat me like I’m stupid and inferior and ever short. I guess I’ll never measure up to anyone’s expectations. I surely don’t measure up to what I’d like to be.

September 19

Dad’s birthday. Not much. 2

September 20

It’s my birthday. I’m 15. Nothing.

September 25

Dear Diary,

I haven’t written for about a week because nothing of interest has happened. The same old dumb teachers teaching the same old dumb subjects in the same old dumb school. I seem to be kind of losing interest in everything. At first I thought high school would be fun but it’s just dull. Everything’s dull. Maybe it’s just because I’m growing up and life is becoming more blasé. Julie Brown had a party but I didn’t go. I’ve put on seven ugly, fat, sloppy, slobby pounds and I don’t have anything I can wear. I’m beginning to look as slobby as I feel.

September 30

Wonderful news, Diary! We’re moving. Daddy has been invited to become the Dean of Political Science at ________. Isn’t that exciting! Maybe it will be like it was when I was younger. Maybe again he’ll teach in Europe every summer and we’ll go with him like we used to. Oh those were the fun, fun times! I’m going to start on a diet this very day. I will be a positively different person by the time we get to our new home, Not one more bite of chocolate or nary a french fried potato will pass my lips till I’ve lost ten globby pounds of lumpy lard. And I’m going to make a completely new wardrobe. Who cares about Ridiculous
Roger? Confidentially, Diary, I still care. I guess I’ll always love him, but maybe just before we leave and I’m thin and my skin is absolutely flawless and petal smooth and clear, and I have clothes like a fashion model he’ll ask me for another date. Shall I turn him down or stand him up or will I — I’m afraid I will — weaken and go out with him?

Oh please, Diary, help me to be strong and consistent. Help me to exercise every morning and night and clean my skin and eat right and be optimistic and agreeable and positive and cheerful. I want so much to be someone important, or even just asked out by a boy every once in a while. Maybe the new me will be different.

October 10

Dear Diary,

I’ve lost three pounds and we’re busy getting sort of semi-organized to move. Our house is up for sale, and Mom and Dad have gone to look for a place in ________. I’m staying here with Tim and Alexandria, and as much as you’ll be surprised, they don’t even bug me. We’re all excited about moving and they do whatever I tell them about helping with the house and meals and such — well, almost. I guess Dad will be taking over the new position at mid-term. He’s as excited as a little boy and it’s kind of like old times. We sit around the table and laugh and joke and make plans together. It’s great! Tim and Alex insist they have to take all their toys and junk. Personally I’d like to get a whole new everything, except my books of course, they are part of my life. When I was hit by a car in the fifth grade and was in a cast for such along time, I’d have died without them. Even now I’m not really sure which parts of
myself are real and which parts are things I’ve gotten from books. But anyway it’s great! Life is positively great and wonderful and exciting, and I can’t wait to see what’s behind the next corner and all the corners after that.

BOOK: Go Ask Alice
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