Goddesses Don't Get Sick (11 page)

THIRTY.

AS THE REST OF THE YEAR CONTINUED,
Angela found her mind occasionally drifting back to the abysmal holiday. She supposed many would consider such an event that was so completely awful—especially when compared to the rest of her recent life—to be a signal that the run of good luck she’d be having was reaching its end.

Except that it hadn’t ended. As soon as she’d returned home, everything started working out again, the way it always seemed to for Angela, ever since—

No.

Angela refused to think about that time. Even as her hand would reflexively clutch at the feather she still (unconsciously) wore around her neck, Angela told herself to forget the past, and the man who had hurt her so badly.

But forgetting someone like Tuyen was easier said than done.

He’s gone
, Angela would tell herself on those nights where she was awakened by an old ache in her heart.
He said he’d leave you alone unless you asked him to return
.

So ask him?
A timid, lonely voice begged, only to be beaten down by Angela’s anger.

So he can break my heart again? Damn it, he’s not worth the pain, no matter how much I want to see him.

Besides; there was another reason she didn’t want to see Tuyen.

Angela couldn’t deny that she did indeed seem to have a charmed life. Perhaps it was just incidental, merely the result of coming into contact with an Angel. Angela could accept something like that; a kind of residue good luck from her kissing him, maybe.

What she couldn’t accept, however, was the idea that nothing she had done had been by her own hands. Good luck was fine, but what happened when it did eventually run out? Angela knew there was nothing she could have done while on the holiday to make it any better, but if it turned out that the only reason she had the life she did was because some winged being had manipulated her surroundings? Led people to believe Angela was better than she was?

No.

That was not a concept Angela wanted to have proven to her, and she was more than happy to remain vaguely aware that she
was
lucky, without finding out exactly how or why.

And so, Angela continued to go about her life; performing well at work, continuing her relationship with Jason, ignoring the aching memories of an Angel from her past.

The anger faded, just as it had done the last time he’d hurt her and run away. Eventually, so too did the tears that used to wake Angela up at odd hours of the night. She never forgot Tuyen—to forget an Angel would be impossible, no less one that she still loved—but as time passed, Angela found herself forgetting why she had been so angry with him, remembering only the good moments wistfully. She missed him, but always reached the same conclusion.

He won’t be with me. It doesn’t matter how much he says he loves me, he won’t even
try
to be with me. At least I know Jason loves me. At least I know Jason
wants
me. That’s what’s important, being wanted.

Yes,
Angela thought bitterly when her mood was at its darkest.
Keep telling yourself that. Maybe, one day, it’ll be true.

THIRTY-ONE.

THE RESTAURANT HADN’T CHANGED
since the last time they’d been there together. Nor had it changed since the times before. Jason had taken Angela to the same restaurant for every anniversary—just as he had on their first date. Not that they didn’t try other restaurants on other various occasions, but it was no longer a surprise when that familiar date would arrive and Jason would inform Angela of the booking.

Good old sentimental Jason.
Angela sighed internally, even as she smiled at him.

The date arrived midweek, prolonging their well wishes and gift giving until they met at the restaurant that evening after work.

Why does Jason look nervous?
Angela wondered as she approached their table, watching him rise from his seat to greet her and hold her chair out. It wasn’t until they’d ordered their food and their drinks had arrived that Angela got an answer to her curiosity.

“Angela,” Jason coughed nervously and fidgeted with his wine glass. “You…you’re the most wonderful person I’ve ever met. I’ve always wanted to ask you out, ever since I first saw you, and when I finally got up the guts to do so I…Well, Angela, these past three years have been the best of my life. I couldn’t imagine ever being with anyone else. And I don’t want this to end.”

Oh, no…

Jason stirred from his seat then, moving to rest one knee on the floor as he pulled a ring box from his pocket.

“Angela, will you marry me?”

For a moment, Angela’s mind went completely blank.

Marriage?!
She thought in a panic when thinking returned.
Jason? He’s
that
happy with me? He wants that with me?
In some strange way, it was almost flattering.

Angela swallowed nervously and opened her mouth to answer before she even knew what she was going to say.

It’s not right. I don’t love him.

But he loves me. He’s happy. Isn’t that enough?

“I— Yes.” Angela flushed deeply, even as she forced a smile on her face. Jason’s expression of joy was almost as heartbreaking as it was comforting.

(Making him happy makes it all okay do it for Jason he loves you)

Jason placed the ring on Angela’s hand and hugged her, before champagne was brought over by the manager and they toasted to the applause of the staff and other patrons.

Angela sat there in a kind of stunned shock, only able to smile dazedly while her mind struggled to catch up. She looked across the table at her boyfriend—no, fiancé—and realized she should say something.

“I…think my present for you just got trumped,” Angela attempted weakly, sliding the wrapped box across to Jason. He smiled and made some comment about Angela’s answer being all the present he needed—Angela wasn’t really paying attention at this point—before he unwrapped the Rolex watch she had bought him. He grinned happily at her, although truth be told, Angela figured she could have given him a kick in the teeth and he’d thank her for it that night.

The rest of the evening passed in a blur of congratulations and drinks. Did they ever end up eating their meals? Angela couldn’t remember. She vaguely remembered getting home and waiting in bed while Jason called his parents to tell them the good news.

Then Jason had joined her, drawing out their lovemaking as he continually thanked her and professed his love. As they finished and lay in bed sweating, Angela was surprised to find she had tears in her eyes.

Was her saying yes that much of a mistake? How could it be any worse than what she was already doing, what she’d decided to do three years ago? Jason loved her, and was happy, and they were going to be married, and she…

Well, she cared for him a lot.

There had been worse matches made.

Jason’s everything I wanted
, Angela reminded herself as they both drifted off to sleep.
So why don’t I want him now?

THIRTY-TWO.

AS IF THAT TINY CIRCLE OF GOLD
and diamonds had been a detonator, all the calm left Angela’s world for the next six months. Having no living family of her own, Jason’s parents were more than happy to adopt Angela as their own daughter for the planning.

What started as an offer to pay and help with the planning, soon turned into Vera (and to a lesser extent, Jonathon) organizing the wedding as if it were their own. It was all Angela could do to keep up as she weakly submitted to the suggestions thrown at her. She had never really thought about getting married, so had no ideas of her own to contribute, whereas it was obvious that Vera was relishing having a wedding to plan.

Swept along as if by the tide, Angela couldn’t help but feel that six months was both too long to wait, and not long enough. There seemed too much to do, too much to plan, even with Jason’s parents governing most of the arrangements. But at the same time Angela just wanted to be done with it; to get married and return to her normal life. It was as if the ring was a glowing beacon that demanded attention—even Angela’s workmates were treating her differently, making concessions and sending her home early, “To plan the perfect wedding.”

And this was just after the first month. By the third, Angela was positively sick to the death of all things old, new, borrowed, blue, and—most of all—white.

“You know,” Angela sighed to Jason as she staggered home one day, after trying on dresses for three hours, and slumped onto the bed. “Vegas sounds reeeeeeeally good right now.”

Jason looked up from the bills he’d been reading over and smiled kindly.

“I think that’s what all brides to be are meant to say at about this stage in the planning.”

Angela groaned and rolled over to bury her head in a pillow.

“They’re just trying to help, Babe,” Jason continued. “They want us to have the perfect wedding.”

The perfect wedding for
them,
I’m just a convenience,
Angela bit her tongue at the bitter retort and sighed softly.

“I guess. Still. Vegas…” Her voice was wistful.

Jason chuckled and lay down next to Angela, pulling her into a hug.

“Have my parents told you what they’re getting us as a wedding gift?” He asked.

“A debt-free wedding?” Angela hazarded a guess, which made Jason laugh warmly, before he handed her a photo of a pretty-looking house in the suburbs. There was a ‘For Sale’ sign on the lawn, with a ‘Sold’ sticker blocking out the name of the realtor.

Angela blinked stupidly for a moment, before turning the photo over and reading the date stamp on the back—yesterday. Realization was slow in dawning, but eventually she understood what it meant.

“They bought us a HOUSE?!” Angela squeaked in shock.

“Yeah,” Jason smiled at Angela’s reaction. “They’re going to start moving us in before the wedding so we can settle into it when we return from the honeymoon.”

“They?” Angela raised an eyebrow archly. “As in no living out of boxes when we arrive?” Jason knew of her distaste for packing and unpacking from when they had first moved in together.

“Babe, if there are any boxes that still need to be unpacked by the time we get there, I will send you to a five star hotel until I am finished unpacking them, and make my parents pay the bill.”

“Methinks your parents have too much money,” Angela grinned wryly, before she checked her watch and yelped.

“Crap! I’m meeting Sharon in ten minutes!” She hauled herself off the bed and unzipped her skirt, kicking it and the heels she’d been wearing off as she snagged a pair of jeans out of the hamper.

“More bridesmaid stuff?” Jason asked.

“Hardly,” Angela ran a brush through her hair and sat down to put on her shoes. “She’s called it ‘sanity treatment,’ and I’m starting to see her point.”

“Fair enough,” Jason smiled and went back to his work. “Have fun, Babe. Love you.”

“Yeah, you too,” Angela called out as she raced for the door.

“Here comes the bride!” Sharon crowed from the little outdoor table of the bistro when she saw Angela approach.

“Don’t.” Angela groaned as she sat down heavily and rested her head and arms on the table. Sharon’s grin was quickly replaced by a look of concern.

“You okay, hon?”

“I’m so tired and
done
with all this wedding shit,” Angela sighed and righted herself in her seat. “Sorry,” she flashed a weak grin at Sharon. “I’ve just spent all afternoon trying on dresses.”

“You still haven’t picked one?”

“I’m not who you should be asking. There were plenty I tried on that I thought looked fine. But
Vera
insists that they’re all missing something, and refuses to settle on anything less than what she thinks is perfect.” Angela sighed again and shook her head. “This doesn’t even
feel
like my wedding. It’s Vera and Jonathon’s, and I’m just the final piece to their perfect wedding for their perfect son.” Angela paused in her rant and winced. “I sound like a bitch.”

“No, you don’t,” Sharon shook her head. “You sound exactly like my sister did before she got married.”

“I keep forgetting you have a sister,” Angela admitted guiltily. “You never seem to talk about her.”

“Yeah, she’s over in Africa somewhere doing a bunch of charity work,” Sharon waved her hand dismissively. “Haven’t heard from her in ages, but that’s not the point. The point is; it’s a myth that the wedding is the bride’s. It’s the parents’.”

When Angela made no comment, Sharon pressed on. “Well, think about it, hon. You’re getting married, your parents help you arrange it, things don’t go the way you want, so when
you
have kids, you try to make
their
wedding everything you wanted
yours
to be. It’s like this everlasting tradition that won’t die, because there’s no such thing as the perfect wedding for the bride
and
the parents. Since Jason’s got no siblings and your parents…uh…can’t be there, of course his parents will be transferring to you what they would have done if they’d had a daughter.”

“So, I’m not losing my mind?” Angela looked hopeful. “I’m
meant
to be this unhappy about the whole thing?”

“Well, not meant to, but you’ve got the right idea.” Sharon smiled comfortingly. “Everything will fall into place, Ange, don’t worry. It’s like a kind of magic or something. You’ve already got the venue, right?”

“Yeah,” Angela smiled back at her friend, finally starting to relax a little as Sharon’s words calmed her nerves. Could things really fall into place with so little time left?