Good Greek Girls Don't (34 page)

‘Just relax, honey.' If he tells me to relax one more time I am going to throw something at him. How the fuck can I relax when more than likely I'm pregnant?

‘You think it's easy to stay relaxed and calm because it's not happening to you. Well, it's happening to me!' It's about time I did some yelling. After all, his penis did this to me. It's happening to my body. It's my hormones that are in turmoil.

‘Damn it, Desi.'

Did Chris just slam his fist against the wall? Jesus.

‘It is not just happening to you. It is happening to
us
. 
We
might be having a baby.
We
might be getting ready to become parents. Don't you think it's time
we
found out?'

God how I wish he would just shut up. ‘I don't want to be pregnant. I don't want to be a parent yet. I don't want to know.'

‘Well, you can either find out now or in about eight months' time when I drive you to the hospital with contractions and broken waters.'

Why the fuck is he yelling at me now? As if this is all my fault? At least he's planning on being there in eight months' time. That's got to be a positive.

‘Just stop it. Stop trying to be logical. Stop trying to be calm. Stop trying to make everything okay. You can't.' Not this time. This time no one can make anything okay.

‘I just want this and that stupid Amazon woman you were hooked up with to go away and never have happened. It's not fair.'

I can't stop crying.

‘Everything was going along so smoothly and it all went to custard when Danielle showed up. She bloody cursed us.'

‘Sweetheart …'

Oh, thank God he's stopped yelling at me. I don't think I could deal with Chris yelling anymore.

‘Danielle didn't curse us. Things were going smoothly until you got all paranoid and insecure. Danielle is not a threat to us. I should have told you about her but I just didn't think there was a point. I wasn't a very nice person then. And I know that right now things aren't quite going the way we planned, but if the test is positive, then we'll just change our plans a bit. We'll get ready to be parents. And we'll face it together.'

I'm too tired to argue. I can't do it anymore. What's the point in arguing now anyway?

‘Okay, I'll pee on the stick. But on one condition.'

‘What?'

He's not going to like it but he shouldn't be surprised.

‘Tell me about Danielle. Now – or I go without peeing.'

‘You're not going to let this go are you?'

I think the shaking of my head answers that question. I don't want to talk, I just want to listen. Like it or not, I have to know what went on between them and what Chris did that was so bad.

‘Des, you're not going to like what you hear so just hear me out from beginning to end. Let me finish.'

Should I run now? I've changed my mind. I don't want to know. I can't move from this spot. It's too late though, he's started talking.

‘I was a lot younger when I met Danielle. I was starting up the business and I was an arrogant upstart. The world was my playground. Danielle worked for one of my first clients, and she and I had chemistry. I worked with that company for six months, reviewing their operations, implementing changes and corrections, and Danielle was assigned to assist me.'

I can see where this is going. Office romance developed into something more. I've heard this story before.

‘We hooked up. I thought we were both on the same page. But we weren't.'

Why has he stopped? Chris told me he just wanted me to listen and I am working so hard at not interrupting him. This can't be it. This can't be the extent of the history of Chris and Danielle.

‘What page were you on?'

‘Des, my main interest then was getting my company up and running. I wasn't interested in a relationship with Danielle. I thought she understood that we were just having some fun on the job. We never discussed exclusivity and I never thought there was a need to talk about it.'

He's right, I don't like where this is going.

‘I thought she knew that we weren't exclusive and was fine with it. So, I wasn't just seeing Danielle. When she found out … well, it got messy.'

No kidding.

‘Danielle thought that our relationship would lead to marriage and a family and all that sort of stuff. And I then had to let her know that our thing was never going to move in that direction.'

‘Why not?' I have to know why he didn't consider her a suitable candidate.

‘Come on, Des, you've seen her. She's not exactly the type you take home to meet your mother.'

The type? What the hell is he talking about? Physically, aside from the humungous boobs, I didn't see any flaws with her. She didn't look deformed and she seemed quite intelligent.

‘Des, you've got to know that marrying outside of our faith was never an option for me. There are some things that are just a given. I always knew if I was ever going to get married it would be to a Greek Orthodox girl.'

Huh? I always believed that you couldn't control who your heart chose for you – that the heart had a mind of its own. I know Chris likes to control things, but to control right down to his emotions? Right down to things that by their very nature are uncontrollable?

How could he do that?

‘I never thought you could be that narrow-minded. What happened when Danielle found out?'

This explains the old dog and new tricks comment that she had made all that time ago. I guess she thought he just wasn't the marrying kind.

‘It wasn't pretty, Des. She also found out about another girl I had started seeing, who happened to be Greek. It was then that I realised she was reading more into our relationship than was there. She was looking at things long term, having kids and the whole package. I had to tell her it wasn't an option. She offered to convert to Orthodoxy, said she's get baptised.'

‘If she was willing to do all that, even after finding out about the other girl, then why did you end it?'

‘Des, I didn't love her. There was no chance of me falling in love with her, so there was no point in giving her false hope. Now do you see why you didn't need to know about this? Now do you understand why I didn't want you to know?'

I understand. My fiancé was a cheating bigot. No wonder he didn't want me to know. Now I wish I hadn't pushed. I wish I could wind back the hands of time – just by five minutes – and tell him that I didn't want to know, that I had gotten over my paranoia, that I was secure in my relationship and that whatever happened before we met was irrelevant. But now that I do know, it's all very relevant. He strung a woman along so he could get his rocks off. He used her just for sex because she wasn't a good Greek girl that he could consider having a proper relationship with. He was oblivious to the fact that this woman obviously loved him. It can't have been easy to offer to convert to Orthodoxy and be baptised in the Greek Church. I mean, it's hard enough for babies to go through that dunking, but for an adult it is absolute torture, not to mention changing your entire religious beliefs. This can't have been an easy decision for her to make and it sounds like Chris didn't even bat an eyelid. Is this the sort of influence I want on a child? Do I want this racist and sexist attitude imparted on my child? Is this the same man I fell in love with?

‘Why did you keep that note from her?'

‘She sent it just after you and I started seeing each other. I think she thought if she offered to come back on the terms I wanted, then we could pick up where we left off. I told her it wasn't an option, that I'd met someone who completely changed my outlook. I don't know why I kept the note – maybe to remind me of the person I was then and why I never want to be that person again. I don't know, Des. I put the note away and didn't think about it again.'

‘What about that other chick you were seeing? What happened there?' If she was a good Greek girl then why I am here instead of her?

‘Danielle tracked her down and told her all about it. So that was the end of that. It was over before it had a chance to begin.'

‘Serves you right.' A part of me wants to take Chris into my arms and tell him it doesn't matter, that what's done is done, that it doesn't make a difference to our relationship and that we both have past relationships where we regretted our behaviour. But there is that other part of me that thinks I should be cautious; if Chris could do this once, he could do it again. That he cheated, and whether he saw it as cheating or not is really just semantics. Can I marry him knowing this and, more to the point, can I have a child with him knowing this? I may not have a choice about the second bit.

‘Are you okay with this? Do you believe me when I tell you I'm not the same person now?'

I can't breathe.

‘I finally grew up, Des. You have to believe me when I tell you I am not the same man I was then.'

‘I don't know.' I have to get out of here before the walls close in on me. I have to clear my head of all the thoughts and images that keep bouncing around in it. I have to not be looking at Chris while I figure out what the hell I am going to do.

‘Where are you going, Des?' I guess the fact that I am grabbing my bag and running to the door is hint enough that I am getting out of here.

‘I have to get out of here. I just can't be here right now.'

‘Des, I love you.'

That's not the issue right now. I love him, too, that hasn't changed, but I just don't know if I can live with him right now.

Can I just get over this? Can I forget what Chris told me and continue with our happy plans? He cheated on someone; he was stringing two women along at once. I know he doesn't see it as cheating; like he said, there was no discussion about exclusivity, they never actually said they weren't seeing other people. But then again, Chris and I never had that conversation either. I just assumed that once we met and hooked up there was no one else in his life. What if there was? What if I wasn't the only person in his life at that time? What if he hurt someone else so he could be with me? There are so many what if's and I just don't have the answers.

Pushing Chris to tell me about Danielle was a mistake. I realise that now. I know he's not settling for me because Danielle isn't available to him, because, by the sounds of it, she would be available in a heartbeat if he called. And I know he hasn't made that call. It sounds insane. I know that I am the only one in Chris's life. But knowing that he could be so cold and uncaring towards another person – this is not a side of Chris that I know. This is not a side of Chris that I like. He said it was a long time ago – three years ago when he was starting up his company – and people can change in that time. I know I've changed. God, I'm not the same person I was a year ago. I'm engaged to be married and might be having a baby.