Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms (3 page)

This has nothing to do with urine or pressure on the bladder (assuming your partner isn’t actually pushing on your bladder and that you don’t have an infection). It has to do with learning. When you were little and being potty trained, you learned to recognize the sensation of needing to pee. You had to recognize it in order to get to a potty before it was too late. It was an important and useful lesson.

Now your body is experiencing a new and different sensation. It’s geographically and neurologically adjacent to the need-to-pee sensation, so your brain is misinterpreting it as pressure to pee because that’s the only existing category that this new sensation seems to fit.

But
it is not the same sensation.

Okay, so what do you do about it?

Relax.

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That’s it, one step. Simple! (Though not necessarily easy…. it will take practice.)

If you feel like you need to pee even when your bladder is empty, it’s most likely because your urethral sponge is swollen and therefore you
can’t
pee, even if you want to. So, take a deep breath and relax into the sensation.

Let it be sensual, let it grow. You won’t pee. Relax.

Experience the sensation without judgment.

Given time and practice, your body will create a new category for this sensation, it will learn that this sensation is erotic, and eventually you will be able to recognize the ways in which this sensation is very, very distinct from the need to pee.

2

Stimulation

Techniques*

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I’ve broken down stimulation techniques into those you do with your hands and/or accessories (vibrators, etc.) and those you do with a penis. It’s sort of a false distinction, since anything you do with a penis you can also do with a dildo or vibrator, but the main things to keep in mind are:

*G-spot stimulation is about the positioning of the stimulating device (whether toy, finger, or penis) relative to the internal angle of the vagina.

*Variations in pressure and speed can make all the difference. Try a variety of things until you find the combination that feels best.

*G-spot stimulation and orgasms don’t feel the same as clitoral stimulation and orgasms. If you’re wondering, “Is it supposed to feel like that?” the answer is,

“If it feels good, do it. If not, change something.” It’s about what feels pleasurable to
you;
there is no one measuring whether you’re doing it right or wrong.

Follow your bliss, as they say.

*Take your time. Allow your arousal to build and let yourself feel the new and intense sensations without trying to make it anything more than a pleasurable experience. Remember, your first goal is pleasure, 32

The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms not orgasm. Orgasm will come as you get more and more comfortable with g-spot stimulation and the sensations it produces.

Chapter Six: Manual Stimulation

Okay, you’re wondering, “I found the g-spot, so now what do I do with it?”

You rub it.

How exactly you do that depends on how you’re wired, and you can only figure that out through trial and error. Here, I’ll give you some basic techniques that work for various women. Remember, with all manual penetration, the fingernails should be short, well groomed, and very, very clean. I also recommend latex or polyurethane gloves, not just because of their obvious infection prevention benefits but because many women prefer the smooth texture of the glove over the rough texture of a hand. If you can’t get used to the idea of a rubber glove during sex, that’s fine, but don’t knock it before you try it. You might be surprised how good it feels:

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*Pressure. You might find that the best stimulation for you is just steady, direct pressure. Start with a high level of arousal generated by clitoral stimulation, use a little lube around the mouth of the vagina if you like, and insert a finger or object about two inches into the vagina and press up, against that front wall of the vagina. Just press and hold.

*Come here. Starting, again, at a high level of arousal, insert a finger or two or just beyond that special area, pressing up against that anterior wall. Bend your fingers in a “come here” motion. This provides pressure and motion against the g-spot and is the standard recommended type of stimulation. Make sure your fingernails are short, smooth, and
clean!

*Tapping. With a finger pressing dead against the center of your g-spot, tap your finger rhythmically against the area. It’s not really wiggling because it doesn’t matter much about stimulating the posterior wall of the vagina. Don’t think back and forth or side to side, just think tap. You might like hard and slow, you might like light and fast, you might like hard and fast or light and slow. Try many variations and see how your body responds.

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The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms

*Glass. When you are already very aroused, rub a glass, acrylic, or other very hard dildo against your g-spot. Play with different angles of penetration and different speeds. Remember, the g-spot is right at the entrance of the vagina, no more than about 3 inches in, so you’re not looking for deep penetration, but intense pressure on the g-spot. Your body may like very small, slow movements over the surface of the g-spot, or it might like very fast movement. Different women need different kinds of stimulation, so try a variety of things to learn what your body likes.

*Buzz. Using a penetration-style vibrator, tilt the shaft so it angles up toward your abdomen as you insert it. The vibrator will buzz directly in contact with the g-spot. Dual vibrators are convenient for this kind of stimulation because they work the clit at the same time. However, until you’re very familiar with g-spot stimulation, it might help to avoid too much direct clitoral stimulation at the same time, since that sensation might overwhelm the g-spot stimulation.

Clitoral stimulation and orgasms are fantastic, but they are a distraction from g-spot stuff. Once you’ve got the hang of the g-spot stuff, then you can inte-grate g-spot and clitoral stimulation simultaneously.

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All of these techniques can be combined with both clitoral and anal stimulation for more intense and complex experiences. Remember, you should always be aroused before you try anything involving penetration.

Once you’re very aroused, start with penetration slowly and increase the stimulation as you become more aroused. Take your time—the build-up to g-spot orgasms can be long and intense (as in, an hour or more). Orgasm alone is not the goal; you can enjoy an intense and pleasurable new experience that is not necessarily orgasm but is definitely a nice way to pass the time.

Also, all of these techniques can be done in multiple positions. You might find it most comfortable to try these while lying on your back, which allows you to put pressure just above your pubic bone, which helps many women locate the g-spot. You also might prefer lying on your belly, which makes reaching the right angle easier. Another position to try is kneeling, sitting on your heels. With your torso upright, you can have more control over the movement of your hips against the finger or toy.

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The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms Chapter Seven: Intercourse

If you want to try g-spot stimulation during penile–vaginal intercourse, there are several different positions in which it’s easier for you to get the right angle, speed, pressure, and depth of penetration for high intensity g-spot stimulation:

*Woman superior, reclining. Let’s put you on top.

In the most typical woman-superior position the woman is on her knees, straddling the man. In the g-spot specific version of this position, you can mount him this way, and then put your feet flat on the mattress, so you’re sitting on him, facing him.

Lean backward with your hands behind you on the mattress. This shifts the angle of penetration to a sharp angle against the front wall

of the vagina, providing more di-

rect g-spot stimulation. A benefit

of this position is that he has great access to your clit this way, and

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can stimulate you there with his hands or a toy, while you ride him to stimulate the g-spot.

*The couch. This is a man-superior position, and it’s a little on the athletic side, so try this out and see if your flexibility will allow it. You lie on your back and raise your knees to either side of your breasts, which tilts your pelvis up. He straddles you and clamps your legs down against your torso. This position, like positions from behind, can allow for really deep penetration and gives him more control than you, so keep your communication clear.

You can vary this position in a multitude of ways.

Any variation where your legs are raised and bent toward your torso will change the angle of your vagina to allow for better g-spot access by your partner.

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The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms

*The bull. This is the “woman-superior, reclining position backward.” Straddle your partner, but do it facing away from him, so that he can see your back and you can see his feet. Lean forward and put your hands on his shins or ankles or feet, whatever provides the best sensation for you. This position makes clit stimulation more difficult, but provides targeted g-spot stimulation and gives him a really, really good view.

*From behind. Any position where you’re penetrated from behind can be adapted for good g-spot stimulation. If your partner’s penis is very large or your vagina is very small, penetration from behind can make it all too easy for him to penetrate too far and bump into your cervix, which is painful except under the right, highly aroused circumstances.