Good Morning Heartache (17 page)

When she was done, she
attached the final file to an email with a quick letter to Dr. Lehrer. Alexis
knew that she wouldn't get it until Tuesday at the earliest, but she just wanted
it to be out there. The worst that could happen was nothing.

Chapter 12

When Ryan appeared at her
doorway the next afternoon, Alexis was a little surprised with herself. She
wasn't sure how he had done it, but this man was going to get the rare
opportunity to step into her home. Asking him to come over had, at the time,
been the courteous thing to do. Alexis figured he would be all alone in a
strange house for a holiday, which hadn't seemed right to her. Plus, she needed
dog food. But this seemed wrong. There was something intimate about letting
someone see who she really was, and alarm bells screamed in her head.

She hesitated to let him
cross the threshold, and held the red door more shut than open, covering with
her body any space that would otherwise reveal the inside.

Ryan’s lip was split down
the middle, and his jaw had a purplish hue that was masked well by his dark
beard. She had to admit that he looked a little manlier, which she hadn’t
realized was possible, and found it a little sexy.

“You know, it wasn't easy
for me to find this place. It's not like you gave me directions. Or even an
address. The polite thing to do would be to let me in.” He didn’t smile, but
his eyes didn’t criticize her either. He just stood there casually as if he
didn’t have a care in the world. “I had to talk to people in town. You know
that’s not my forte.”

Alexis ran her eyes over his
body and face. Despite the bruise and cut, he looked good. Really good. He was
putting on that charm he claimed he didn't have. Soon her defenses were lowered
enough, and she slowly opened the door and stepped out of the way, allowing him
to pass her and walk into the hallway. As he stepped in, his body brushed
against her arm. A tingle of craving crawled through her body, but he didn't
seem to notice and was examining the room in front of him.

“You're very sneaky,” Ryan
said, his lips pursed in concentration when he finished speaking.

As she closed the door,
Alexis shook away the prickle that was beginning to creep to more intimate
places. “Huh?” she questioned. She didn't think that she was a sneaky person.
In fact, she thought that she was fairly straightforward.

“Your house. It's a Reynolds.
Did you have it built?”

“Yeah.”

He led himself down the
hallway, stopped for a moment to look up the staircase, and then continued to
the kitchen and living room. “That's what I thought. There are a few things
that are different from his typical designs, but I could definitely tell it was
him.” Ryan looked like a little boy who arrived at the playground for the first
time. He studied the house very carefully and was mindful in his approach. “Are
you on a hill too?” he asked.

“Yup.”

Alexis was confused. She
thought that when she let a man into her house he would be interested in making
it his own. Sit on the couch, put his feet on her coffee table, and make her
prepare snacks while he watched sports. But Ryan looked at her house like it
was a museum, and not because of the stuff she had inside.

Ryan had a habit of doing
exactly the opposite of what she expected. She reasoned that it should make her
more comfortable since she normally didn't want the expected, but it didn't. It
set her on edge, and she had no idea what she was to him or what was coming
next.

“I worked with Reynolds on a
project once. He's pretty good.” His gaze moved from the high ceilings to her
face and then he leaned in close to her ear. “If you build again, let me know.
I'll design you something beautiful.”

His hot breath warmed Alexis
to her toes, and she found it difficult to get her bearings in her own home.
This guy was dangerous. She couldn’t think rationally when he was close enough
to notice that the hair on her arms was rising to meet his skin. Alexis backed
away and, for the first time ever, found Riley useful. She pointed to the
couch. “That's my sister, Riley.”

Ryan turned his gaze to
Riley, who was lying on the sofa watching TV and listening to an iPod. She
didn't turn when her name was called, twice, so Alexis walked over to her and
yanked on the ear bud cord, popping the small device out of its nest.

“What?” she whined.

“This is Ryan.” Alexis
pointed to the man who was smiling at them but failing to look comfortable.

Riley scoffed and
impatiently asked, “And?”

“We're going to have some
hot dogs. You want one?” Alexis was using her sickly-sweet voice in an attempt
to control her temper while Ryan was around, but she could already feel her jaw
clenching.

“I'm going out with Jimmy.”
Riley grabbed for her ear bud and began to bring it back up to her ear.

“He could have a hot dog
too.”

A sick look crossed Riley's
face. “Yeah right. I'm lucky he'll still come get me after the other day. He
won't set foot in this house again.”

Alexis prevented herself
from breaking into a happy dance, but it wasn’t easy because this was some of
the best news she’d heard since Riley left school. She'd hate to have to
replace any more of her furniture. She felt kind of lucky, though. At least
Jimmy and Riley ruined her furniture with their bare asses before a weekend
with great furniture sales. That morning, after she began plotting a novel, she
went out and bought a new living room set. It couldn't get there soon enough.

Alexis hadn’t used this
space since the incident, and when she saw Ryan crossing the room to attempt,
at best, awkward conversation with Riley, Alexis grabbed him by the sleeve of
his Ralph Lauren red polo and shook her head. She pulled him close, rose on her
tiptoes, and pressed her mouth against his ear.

“Don't bother,” she
whispered, though she didn't have to because Riley was once again fully plugged
in. “We'll go out to the deck.” Alexis lowered herself and turned his body in
the direction of the sliding glass doors, “You start the grill. I'll get the
meat.”

He nodded and raised his
eyes to meet hers. There was something calming in the blue; it made her want to
swim in them, letting him take all the stress away. She remembered how good he
was at making her stress melt away. She regretted it in the morning, but she
couldn't help but want to feel his hands all over her again. To be filled by
him.

Alexis broke his gaze and
wanted to scream. What the hell? She needed to end this. The thought of letting
him take care of her stress stressed her out. She should kick him out of her
house and forget all about him. But she didn’t.

After grabbing the hot dogs,
buns, and utensils from the kitchen, Alexis joined Ryan on the deck. She could
see the fumes of the fire coming out the front of the gigantic stainless steel
gas grill that she never used. Ryan was staring out at her pond.

“I see now why you don't go
to the beach house,” he said without looking at her.

Alexis set the stuff she was
holding on the picnic table and stood next to him. “Why's that?”

“There's no reason for you
to go anywhere. I haven't seen the rest of the house, but if I had this deck
and this yard, I don't think I'd be able to find a reason to leave either.”

Alexis glared at him. She
wasn't sure if she should be insulted, but eventually she just said, “Thanks,”
and softened her eyes.

For several moments, they
stood side-by-side, looking over the rail of the deck, pulling the thick air
into their lungs, and watching a chipmunk bounce through the neatly trimmed
grass in her backyard.

Turning away to put the hot
dogs on the heated grill, Alexis felt herself becoming increasingly ill at ease
as she realized that she was more comfortable with the silence she shared on
the deck with Ryan than the silence of being alone. Fear washed through her,
but she didn’t know if it was the fear of enjoying his company that much or
losing him in a few days. She told herself that it didn’t matter either way.
That he was temporary. He was going back to New York in a week, and things
could go back to normal. She gulped the fear back down to her stomach with
great force, and it sat there making her feel a little queasy.

“You should go easier on
her.”

Alexis was immediately
pulled out of her spiraling thoughts. “What?”

“Your sister. You should go
easier on her. It's hard for her too, you know.” Ryan had turned to look at
her.

Alexis felt the anger rising
in her chest. He had no idea what it was like to be responsible for a teenage
girl. What right did he have to tell her how to deal with her sister?

“Let’s
not
talk about
this,” she warned, knowing that it wouldn't end well if he continued this
conversation.

Ryan turned his head and
looked at her for the first time since she stepped onto the deck. “She lost her
parents too. A lot changed for her.”

“You think I don't know
that? That is not her issue. Her issue is that she is a spoiled brat.” Alexis
turned the hot dogs purposefully with a pair of tongs.

“I'd guess there is more to
it,” he replied, moving closer.

The heat of the day, the
grill, and her anger were becoming overwhelming, and she threatened, “If you
don't back off, I might add to your injuries.” She forcefully turned the hot
dogs again to give him a moment to move away from her—and to show him that she
was serious.

Instead of moving backward,
he took a step closer. Alexis threw the tongs on the side of the grill and
turned around with a fist in the air, but before she could do anything with it,
Ryan’s tight grip wrapped around her wrist. With his other hand, he laced his
fingers through her fingers on her free hand, and then he drew her against his
body. He kissed her hard. There was no passion, no softness, just the firm
press of his lips against hers, a warning of his own. She felt him grimace in
pain, but he wouldn’t give up.

Alexis tried to pull away,
but he held her tightly. When she stopped resisting him, her body remembered
his, and she felt a wet warmth stretch through her. After a few moments, she
gave into him completely, softening the kiss. She flicked her tongue into his
mouth carefully, and he followed her lead. Ryan remained firm but put more
passion into it, more need. He wrapped her arms around his neck and then
lightly rested his palms on her hips.

Their mouths opened and
closed. Their tongues twisted around one another.

The clang of a ring on the
glass door startled them both. Alexis jumped back and whipped around to find
her sister standing at the closed door with a disgusted look on her face. Riley
gave a quick, irritated wave, and then moved toward the foyer.

Riley never said goodbye.
She just wanted to interrupt them.

It was good that she did,
though, Alexis thought. It would have gone too far if she didn't.
Sex-on-the-porch too far.

They ate at a table on the
deck, and Ryan would occasionally run his warm hand over her bare thigh,
stopping just as his fingertips slipped beneath the hem of her shorts. Alexis
didn't stop him. It felt good. Normal. Right. But she didn't want to go any
further, so Alexis suggested that they go check out the newest
fast-car-big-explosions movie at the theater.

It wasn't her favorite type
of movie, but at least it wasn't a freaking romantic comedy. She hated romantic
comedies. Alexis was quicker to believe that a half city block could explode
and no one would really notice except the protagonist, who was the intended
target, and the antagonist, who was doing the destroying, than the sappy twist
of fate crap found in a rom-com.

Her hope was that her
efforts to suspend disbelief would get her mind off of him, if only for a
couple of hours. Plus, it was a good way to waste time with someone without
actually spending time with them. She didn't trust herself in private when she
was around Ryan.

The plan failed. The armrest
that normally separated the two chairs was pushed back into an upright
position, leaving the space between them open. Alexis couldn't be sure, but she
thought Ryan was closer to her side than he had to be, and halfway through the
movie, he rested his hand on her thigh again, stroking it gently with his
coarse thumb.

Alexis felt an ache rise
from that spot. She noticed that her breath quickened, and she suddenly felt
trapped.

This was it. The last few
days had been leading up to the moment where he could gently caress her thigh
in a movie theater, knowing it didn’t have to lead anywhere. It was what she
had dreaded. It was becoming a relationship.

§

Jimmy Black made himself at
home in front of Alexis’s television and turned on some mindless cartoon. Riley
sat with him but didn’t watch. Secretly she thought the cartoon was pretty stupid,
but she couldn’t tell him that. It didn’t matter anyway. He was willing to come
inside with her after Alexis texted to say she was going to a movie. She
watched him out of the corner of her eye and found comfort in his fingers laced
through hers and nuzzled herself in his arm.

They sat like this through
two episodes without talking to one another. Riley knew it meant that they were
truly in love. Love wasn’t constantly talking or having to do things together.
It was being able to relax with one another and not having to say anything.
Riley was surprised when, in the middle of a commercial break, he turned to
her, and her heart started racing with excitement.

“I forgot to tell you, but
the guys want to move the band.”

Riley sat up. “What? Where
are you going?” She hoped it would be closer to Alexis’s because she was sick
of the back and forth between, though somewhere about halfway between his
current apartment and Alexis’s house would be sublime.