Good Morning Heartache (20 page)

“I'm not really sure why I
came. I knew it was a bad idea, but I just followed the dog. I won't let it
happen again,” she promised.

Ryan dropped her wrist, and
she moved to leave the room. His tall, hard body stepped in front of her, and
she ran right into him. She looked up into his blue eyes, which seemed to be on
fire, and before she could say anything, his tongue was thrusting deep into her
mouth. The kiss pulled the breath out of her, and his passion burned her lips.
His hands grabbed the back of her hips and pulled her tight against his growing
erection. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and the weight of his body pushed
her backward until her thighs were pressed hard against the edge of the bed.
She sat back, and the whoosh of the bed made her jump. Alexis’s eyes shot open.

“A waterbed?” she questioned
through a kiss.

He answered her with the
press of his body against hers. “It’s not mine.”

 His lips littered the curve
of her neck with soft, moist kisses, and it sent a tingle running through her
entire body and back again. Desire swelled inside of her, and she pushed back
against him with the arch of her body. She couldn’t get enough of him, and she
hungrily ran her hands along the length of his back while his fingers worked
their way to the bottom edge of her tank top and lifted it over her head in one
smooth motion.

They moved with the rocking
motion of the mattress, and she jerked on the knot of his tie, pulling it until
it draped around his neck. He ran a hand up her stomach and under her bra to
her breast where he teased her nipple between two fingers. She tried to moan,
but he pushed his mouth against hers and let out a slow, soft “shhhhh.”

The heat between her thighs
poured through her body, and without realizing it she was fumbling with the
buttons on his shirt and then pushing it over his shoulders desperately, like
she needed him. It was more than a desire. She needed a fix.

She lifted her hips as he
yanked at her shorts and panties, but as the waistband touched her knees, there
was a hard knock on the door.

“Ryan, you in there?” asked
the gruff voice.

Alexis grabbed her shorts
and pulled them back up her waist, and then scrambled, as best as she could,
off the sloshing mattress.

Ryan sighed as he stood up.
Then he called back. “Give me a minute.”

“Just meet me down the hall.
I have a question about the design of the bathroom.”

Alexis felt like a teenager
who was just caught with a boy in her room, and her cheeks, if they weren’t
already flushed by the promise of sex, would have turned red.

Ryan sat on the hard edge of
the bed, threw his tie on the mattress, and buttoned his shirt. “Can you give
me a few minutes? I doubt this will take long.”

“I should go,” she said as
she grabbed her tank top.

“Just a minute,” he leaned
clumsily on the bed and softly kissed her lips.

Finally she agreed with a
nod of her head, but she knew she should go. This felt different to her, like
it was more than just sex. Her desire for him wasn’t only touching her loins,
but was also pulling at the edges of her heart. Now it felt like sickness.
Running away was the only thing she knew to do.

She slipped the tank top
back over her head and fixed the mess that had been a pony tail. What was she
thinking coming here? She was breaking all of her rules for this guy, and it
was just going to hurt him in the end.

She rushed out the bedroom
door without looking to see if anyone was in the hall. Some people talked about
a walk of shame, and it wasn’t until that day that she knew what they were
talking about. There could have been twenty people in the hall or nobody.
Alexis didn’t know, but she still felt like she did something wrong.

Alexis took the stairs two
at a time as she called for Sam, but when she reached the door, his familiar,
deep voice called after her, “Where are you going?”

She turned and looked into
those glacier blue eyes that called her back to his arms and back to his bed,
but she grounded her feet and kept herself from moving. “I need to go.”

He slowly walked down the
stairs and stood next to her on the landing. “Now? Why? What happened?”

“I don’t know, Ryan. I have
reasons for the things I do, and you’re making me forget all of those reasons.”

Ryan reached down and
grabbed her hand. “Could it be that you actually care about me?”

“I like you, Ryan, but…” she
trailed off.

“But what?” he probed.

But there was no but. “I shouldn’t
be here with you. It’s against the rules. My rules.”

“Maybe the rules don’t apply
in this situation.” He kissed her forehead, then one cheek, followed by the
other. “Maybe we’re different.” Gently, he put his lips to hers for just a
moment.

Alexis’s chest ached, her
eyes burned, and she felt like she was going to suffocate.

“We can’t be different.
Everyone is the same.”

“And if I fall in love with
you? What then? Does the world end?”

Alexis stepped away from him
and toward the door. Grabbing the leash, she called for Sam and then turned to
Ryan, whose eyes had turned cold and sad. The dog circled around her knees, and
she quickly latched the leash to his collar. After opening the door and letting
Sam out, she turned and looked back at the stoic figure whose hands were
stuffed in his pockets. “Don’t love me,” she pleaded. “I can’t be loved.”

§

After watching her disappear
down the driveway through the glass storm door, Ryan turned and went back up
the stairs. He walked straight ahead and surveyed the work that had been done
in the kitchen. The room was a little more than twice its original size now,
and Ryan suddenly felt small.

He’d just been toying with
the idea of trying to coax her into something more substantial than meals and
sex. He’d thought her showing up in the middle of the day was a good sign. And
then he blurted out that he might fall in love with her.

This room was done, and it
wouldn’t take too much longer for the other room to be finished. He’d be gone
soon. But for a moment back there in Caitlyn and Michael’s guest room, he wondered
what it would be like to live in this town with her around. Now it was out of
the question.

Ryan went to the guest room
and looked at the envelope containing his letter of resignation. Daniel was
pressuring him to move out here, saying that he had no reason to stay in New
York. Ryan didn’t have a life there outside of work, and his work life could be
better.

He tore the letter in two
and threw it into the wire wastebasket. Daniel entered the room a moment later.

“What’d she want?”

“Just saying hi.” Ryan
answered monotonously.

Daniel looked his over Ryan.
“And you lost your tie in that hi?”

“It was uncomfortable.”

Daniel looked at him
suspiciously but didn’t say anything more on the topic. “The realtor found a
space for offices. I think that you should come with me after work and check it
out.”

Ryan shook his head. “There
may be no reason for me to stay in New York, but there’s no reason for me to
move here either.”

“You know that’s not true.
There’s…”

Ryan cut him off. “It’s not
going to happen, so drop it.”

There was a silence for a
few moments. Through it both men were trying to break the other, and it was
Daniel who spoke first. “So are you going to tell me who punched you in the
face?”

Ryan gave him a half smile. “Maybe
some other time.”

Chapter 14

Alexis looked into the eyes of a man she had completely
wrapped around her finger. He was tall with dark eyes and a pointed chin. She
sipped on her daiquiri as he talked about fighting in the war in Afghanistan.
Phillip was everything she should want: young, handsome, a great conversationalist,
and completely won over by her. She didn’t know his last name; he didn’t know
hers. It was a position she was too familiar with, and one that she didn’t
particularly want to be in at the moment.

She looked at her drink. It
was sweet and strong and her seventh. She didn’t like it all that much, and she
knew that she should stop. Everything about this bar, the night, and Phillip
was right, except for the drink and the sinking feeling that she didn’t want to
do the thing she was best at—a casual encounter.

Instead of listening to the
eloquent dialogue that Phillip was attempting to exchange with her, she thought
of Ryan. More often than not, her response to Phillip was a questioning “what?”
but he didn’t seem to mind carrying on the conversation without her.

A slurp signaled that her
drink was gone, and before she could say no another was placed in front of her.
What’s one more? Maybe it would convince her that she was doing the right
thing. That she was doing Ryan a favor.

He broke the rules; he was
the one that took it too far. She could feel it in his kiss and see it in his
eyes.

And if I fall in love
with you? What then? Does the world end?

She mulled the words over in
her head probably a thousand times. She hoped she hadn’t hurt him. Or maybe it
was best that she had. Maybe this nightmare could be over. The world wouldn’t
end, but it would suddenly be an illusion. He needed the reality check she gave
him. It was for his benefit.

Now she had to get herself
back on track. She had to admit that he threw her off a little bit. It wasn’t
the one night stand she had promised. He’d made her a liar, and she had to
bring a little bit of raw truth to her life. That was Phillip’s job. But she
didn’t want Phillip. She liked being around Ryan and wished he were the one
sitting in front of her right now. If she went through with her plan to bed
Phillip, she’d be lying to herself. It wouldn’t make her feel better.

She swirled the daiquiri and
took a big sip through her straw, finishing it off. She set the glass down and
rubbed her head that now ached from brain freeze.

“You okay?” Phillip put a
hand on her arm.

Alexis looked up at him, “What?
I mean… I drank my drink too fast. It’ll go away in a minute.”

“Do you want me to get you a
cup of coffee? I’ve heard that hot beverages will stop brain freeze.” His eyes
stared sweetly back into hers. Despite all his adventures as a soldier (that
she hadn’t paid very close attention to), he was a genuinely sweet guy. He
didn’t deserve a girl like Alexis using him in an attempt to prove a point to
herself.

“No. I think I’m just going
to go home.” Alexis slid off the barstool and steadied herself on her red
stilettos, but the moment she did the room began spinning and she wavered.

Phillip grabbed her by both
arms, keeping her from spilling onto the floor. She tried to give him an
appreciative smile, but she wasn’t successful. Her head was floating on the
energy of the bar, and she couldn’t even see Phillip’s pointed chin very
clearly.

“I don’t think you should
drive.”

Alexis was sure she smiled
this time. “I wouldn’t dare. Do you mind asking the bartender to call a cab for
me? I need to hit the restroom.”

“Should I send a chaperone
with you?”

“No. I’m good.” He let go of
her arms; she faltered and he grabbed her again. “It’s okay. If I fall, I’ll
crawl.”

She turned away from him and
slowly made her way to the restroom. When the door closed behind her, it was
like she shut out the world. The music was dulled to a hum, and she was alone.
She stood in front of the mirror. She looked about as good as she felt. Her
mascara was beginning to run, her hair was falling out of her ponytail, and her
face was a blank page.

“Don’t you dare puke,” she
commanded herself. The scorching burr began to rise from her stomach. She swallowed
and tears formed in her eyes. “Don’t,” she begged, but it didn’t matter. She
ran to a stall and made a little peace with her stomach.

When she was done, she
gurgled some water, rinsed her face, attempted a fix to her hair, and left. Phillip
was waiting for her when she returned to the unbearably loud room.

“Your cab is here.” He
offered her a bent arm; she took it without hesitation. They walked silently to
the cab, and Phillip helped her get settled in the backseat of the car.

“I’m sorry this didn’t work
out the way you’d probably hoped.”

He gave her a genuine smile.
“I wasn’t planning on sleeping with you.”

“What? Why not?”

“Couple reasons. First, I
don’t like kissing pukey mouths, and second, I don’t like kissing girls.”

Hot embarrassment rushed
over Alexis’s skin. “You’re gay?”

“You’re also a terrible
conversationalist.”

Ryan immediately came to the
forefront of her mind, and she pushed him as far back as she could. “I’m a
little of practice.”

“You didn’t look like you
needed a fling. Just a distraction, so I stepped in before you did anything you
would regret. There was no one in there for me anyway.”

“Thank you, Phillip.”

He closed the car door,
waved, and walked to the sidewalk. Alexis closed her eyes, and the car pulled
onto the street.

Before she knew it, she was
standing in her driveway barefoot, handing the cabbie several bills. She pulled
her keys out of her purse and unlocked the front door. The house was dark,
quiet, and lonely; and it sent a chill through Alexis’s body.

She set the alarm to the
house and set her purse, keys, and shoes on the counter in the kitchen before
getting a glass of lukewarm water—she couldn’t stand any more cold beverages.
She took small sips as she stumbled to her bedroom.

When she finally lay on her
bed, which was the saving grace she’d been waiting for, she listened to all of
her body’s protests. From the aching in the arches of her feet because of heels
that were too high to the pounding in her head from the numerous alcoholic
beverages. Like her mind, her body was in complete rebellion. She took in the
complaints, knowing there was very little she could—or would—do and that
tomorrow would be worse.