Graham Ran Over A Reindeer (8 page)

Gaping, Graham eyed the woman he had known since a little boy. He could admit she had aged very little. “You look really good for your age.”

A round of laughter circulated the table and even Doc Snowden smiled. The amusement faded and she looked to Rudy who fidgeted.

“I haven’t told him about that part yet,” he said.

Graham cocked a brow. “Tell me about what?”

The guy sighed and finished off his glass of water. “We live a very long time. Several hundred years if we’re lucky. Mom is ninety-three, Dad one-hundred and fifty-eight. Grandfather is… four-hundred and sixteen, I think.”

Graham’s jaw dislodged from his skull as he ran his eyes over the Snowden family. Even at four-hundred and sixteen, the elderly man looked great. He quickly snapped his attention to Rudy and narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

“I’m twenty-nine, just like you. We age normally until our teens when we mature. But yeah, we are fairly hearty and can expect to see several centuries.” Rudy grinned as he took a bite of his food and chewed as if it were no big deal that he was capable of outliving turtles.

Thinking about all the things he might see, Graham turned his attention to his food. One thought killed his appetite—
what about all the people I would have to watch die?
It was a startling realization, one that soured his mood. He resigned himself to listening as the Snowdens chatted lightly, Mom Abby talking about their trip with Dad Anik to Canada to visit the rest of the ‘herd’. It was strange hearing distant Snowden relations being referred to as a group of animals, but he accepted he was in new territory.

Rudy helped clear the table while Mom Abby disappeared into the kitchen to get dessert. Graham was suddenly the focus, Doc Snowden and Dad Anik watching him closely. Graham scratched the back of his neck and offered them a shaky smile.

“Much has happen in so short a time,” the elderly Snowden said. “But you seem to be handling this well. What you must think about and decide very soon, is can you accept what Rudy wants from you?”

Opening his mouth to respond, his words were lost as Rudy and his mother entered the dining room, a cake stand in her hand. She set it in the middle of the table while Rudy handed out plates and forks. Rudy cut the rich looking chocolate cake and set a slice on Graham’s plate. Yeah, that’s what he needed. Coma-inducing chocolate to steady the nerves Doc Snowden’s words had dug up. He stabbed his fork into the cake then started devouring it like a starving man, the sugar doing the trick. A glass of milk was shoved in front of him and he gulped it down.

Can you accept what Rudy wants from you?
The words cut right through the dessert induced happiness like a razor, and severed the dreams of him and Rudy living a happy life together.

****

As Graham pushed his hat onto his head, Rudy bit the inside of his cheek. Something had changed. Graham had been nervous in the beginning, but he’d loosened up during dinner… now he was tense again and Rudy wasn’t sure why. He focused on the man’s heartbeat and the sound of blood rushing through his veins. Eying Grandfather carefully, Rudy suspected the man had said something to Graham. When Graham was bundled up, Rudy slipped into his own coat and followed him out the door and onto the porch. The temperature had plunged and a little chill filtered through his body. Not wanting to keep Graham out in the cold, he marched right for his truck and got the heat going.

“Jesus, it’s freezing,” Graham said as he hopped in the passenger’s side and rubbed his hands together.

“Yeah,” Rudy muttered. “Just give it a few and it will warm up.”

He got the engine going then started moving, the drive back into town quiet as Graham stared out the window. Grinding his molars, Rudy wanted to ask if everything was okay between them, but he was afraid of the answer. “I’m sorry if you felt like you were at an inquisition.”

“It’s okay. It wasn’t as bad as I expected,” he said, his attention on the window. “It was nice to see your parents again. I didn’t realize how much I missed your mother.”

“I’m glad. She used to ask me about you all the time. After a while of telling her we didn’t hang out anymore, she stopped asking.” Rudy kept his eyes on the road, wanting to stop and demand Graham let him know everything was okay.

Graham nodded, but avoided the topic. “So what are you doing for Christmas?”

“Nothing really. We don’t… um, celebrate it. I mean, we celebrate the season, but our festivities center around the winter solstice.”

Frowning, Graham glanced at him. “But we used to bake gingerbread cookies with your mom and make wreathes…” he said, his tone bordering on a pout.

“Gingerbread is good and the wreathes are a tribute to the Great Spirit. You just assumed they were for Christmas,” Rudy said.

“I guess you’re right. I have no idea what I’ve gotten myself into here.”

Rudy jerked the car to the side and put it into park. The man blinked at him with wide eyes, his hands on the dashboard. Taking a deep breath, Rudy said, “I’m sorry. I guess I romanticized the idea of you knowing the truth. I wish I could go back and redo everything…”

“But we can’t. And I don’t think we’d be here if I hadn’t run you over. I was too much of a chicken to properly ask you out.” His throat shifted hard and Rudy wanted to pull him into a hug, but he forced away the desire. “I don’t know, I’m just in a weird place right now. You have to give me time to adjust to all this.”

Nodding, Rudy sighed. “Whatever you need. I really want us to work out.”

Graham’s lip went between his teeth and he pulled in a healthy dose of air. “You told me you’re not doing anything for Christmas, so why don’t you come over and have dinner with us?”

Rudy hadn’t expected that and his heart thumped with joy. “I’m in.”

A smile slowly spread over Graham’s face, his eyes crinkling in the corners. Rudy couldn’t help but follow. He told himself that he needed to have patience and give Graham the room he needed to come to terms with the discovery of Rudy’s heritage. He got his truck moving down the road, the silence returning but it was a comfortable quiet. He knew Graham was still troubled by something. The man had loosened just a bit, and Rudy was going to take what he could get. When they pulled up to Graham’s apartment, that uncertainty nipped at him again. He craned his neck toward Graham to find the man tightening his scarf.

“Well, I’d say dinner was interesting at the very least. I would definitely like to do that again but without all the scrutinizing.”

“I promise the next time we have dinner it will be the two of us. No parents, no questions and no pressure. Just good old-fashioned fun,” Rudy said, wanting desperately to pull Graham into a kiss.

Graham seemed to mull over that for a moment. Finally he leaned across the armrest and pulled Rudy into a kiss. Rudy moaned at the contact, his lover’s soft lips sliding against his own. He had wanted to kiss the man all day, the need poking at him like the sharp points of an antler. Now that he had Graham, he didn’t shy away from letting the man know just how much he wanted him.

Backing away, Graham chuckled. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you all day.”

“Oh, I know the feeling,” Rudy purred and licked his lips.

Graham glanced at his apartment building as if he were considering asking Rudy to come up. Rudy wasn’t sure if it was a good idea, not when Graham was in a shaky mood. Pushing his own desires away, he focused on the need of his lover. Skimming his fingers across Graham’s cheek, he pulled the man’s attention to him.

“It is kind of late and I know you had a busy day. Go upstairs, take a shower and get a good night’s rest. I’ll call you in the morning.”

Letting out a big breath, Graham closed his eyes for a moment. “Okay, yeah. That sounds like a good plan but I do expect to wake up to your phone call.”

Rudy got in a quick kiss before Graham could back away. “Good night, babe.”

Chapter Ten

Rudy stuffed the colorfully wrapped packages in his truck, mentally checking he had all of them. He couldn’t believe the last few days had gone by so quickly and Christmas was here. Although traditionally his family didn’t celebrate the Christian holiday, he did enjoy all the gift giving and hall decking. Besides… holiday sex was awesome and he was looking forward to when he got Graham in bed. They hadn’t done anything remotely sexual since last week when Rudy had rode the man into the bed, and he was entering desperate territory.

He needs time,
Rudy reminded himself. Though Graham had thrown him heated glances, Rudy knew he was in a vulnerable place right now. If Graham wanted him, he’d be available… he just hoped tonight was the night the man made his move.

Unconsciously, his hand went to his coat pocket where he felt the stiffness of a letter. He couldn’t help checking every five minutes to make sure it was still there. True to his word, Grandfather had taken precautions to prevent the council from sending someone to Alaska to poke around Graham’s life and determine if he were a threat. Withdrawing it, Rudy ran a finger across the header. It was a fake address, a ruse to hide the tribunal’s location, but every shifter knew the significance of the Winds of Change, LLC name. When Grandfather had first presented it to him, Rudy’s hackles had risen in annoyance.

What other outcome is there, Grandson?
Grandfather had always been wise about these sort of things and Rudy had to admit he wanted the same thing Grandfather was suggesting. He just needed to find the right time and courage to ask. Besides, informing the council of the situation and holding formal permission was sure to avoid problems down the road. Licking his lips, he returned the envelope to his pocket and triple checked he had everything. Graham had invited the entire Snowden family over for dinner, but Mom and Dad were off frolicking in the woods, and Grandfather was tending to tribe business. Besides, he didn’t want them pressuring Graham.

The drive over to Sue’s house was filled with more trepidation than Rudy wished. How did he ask Graham to be his life-mate? What words did he use to express his desire to gift his
light-well
to Graham? He had purposely avoided thinking about it because it was a huge source of fear for him and he wanted to enjoy this time with Graham. Grandfather’s initiative to provide Rudy with official approval of gift-giving from the council kicked Rudy’s butt in gear. Glancing at the presents, he considered offering the document to Graham as a Christmas gift.
One thing at a time,
he reminded himself and focused on the road. The plow guys had been efficient, the main road mostly cleared of snow, but that would change come tomorrow. The weathermen were calling for sleet, and warnings of icy conditions had been going out all afternoon. When he pulled up to the house, several cars were parked in the drive way. Graham was sitting on the porch, a little boy on his lap. The man spotted him and thrust his hand into the air in greeting.

Excitement was injected into Rudy’s system and he hopped out of his truck. He gathered the presents in his arms and made his way toward Graham. The man rushed to help him before they toppled over.

“Christ, I didn’t know you were bringing the entire department store with you,” Graham said on a laugh.

Heat flittered across Rudy’s cheeks. He knew he’d gone overboard, but he was in a really cheerful mood as of late. “Sorry. I’ve never had Christmas dinner at your house before, and wanted to celebrate with your family.”

“It’s okay. I told everyone you were coming over and they rushed out to get you something, too.” Graham set the boxes on the porch and Rudy followed. Taking a seat back on the steps, he smiled. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me, too.”

“Are any of them for me?” The little boy asked, his blue eyes twinkling.

“Uh huh,” Rudy said. “See that big one in the silver wrapping? That is for you.”

The kid gasped then looked to Graham.

“Go get it, Jake. Let’s see what Santa Rudy brought you,” Graham said.

They watched as the little boy tore the paper away to reveal the carved figure of a bear. Jake beamed then wrapped Rudy in a big hug. Holding his toy in the air, he raced into the house, his voice carrying as he bragged about his present.

“I remember the first gift you gave me,” Graham said, turning to regard Rudy. “It was a little caribou. I still have it lying around somewhere. It was always my favorite.”

Smiling shyly, Rudy took Graham’s hand in his and stroked his thumb along the man’s knuckles. “I’m glad. It took me days to carve that little thing. It never seemed good enough for me, then again I was still learning the fine are of whittling.”

“It’s perfect.”

They traded smiles for a long while and chatted about the old days. Rudy divulged a few stories about his time with his grandmother, hoping it didn’t dig up unpleasant memories for Graham. “It was a tough time, but that’s not unusual. It’s like… going through puberty on steroids.”

“Christ,” Graham said on a snicker. “Remember those dirty magazines we found in the trash?”

Rudy sputtered a laugh as they reminisced. “And we thought it was a good idea to bring them to school? Week long detention sucks.”

“Yeah. Of course… they didn’t do anything for me.”

Nodding, Graham conceded the point. “It elevated our popularity though. I mean, entering high school with porn mags to share with all the guys… it was the best thing ever.”

“At least until we had to sit in detention,” Graham poked.

Grinning, Rudy shook his head at their adolescent antics. “I’m sorry I left. We would have had so many adventures.”

Graham made a sound of acknowledgement, but didn’t say anything else about Rudy’s absence. Rudy knew it was a source of pain for the man, but he didn’t know how to erase that hurt. Deciding it was best to avoid the topic, he play punched his lover in the arm.

“I have a present for you,” he said, his voice wavering.

Cocking a bow, Graham grinned. “Yeah? What kind of present?”

Rudy’s cheeks hurt as he tried not to smile. “A very special one—”

“Hey, you two,” Graham’s sister said through the screen door. “Dinner is about ready.”

At the mention of food, Rudy’s stomach growled and Graham rose to his feet. Rudy followed the man into the house and his nose lit up with the scents of pine, cinnamon, starch, meat and so many other flavors that all he could smell was home and family. He recognized Graham’s aunt and her husband and waved at them. The host of kids playing with their gifts dug up memories of Rudy and his brother and his throat tightened.

“Babe?” Graham asked quietly. “You okay?”

“Sorry. I just really miss my brother. I was three when he left. It was right before I met you.”

Graham stiffened, then entwined his fingers with Rudy’s own, the touch grounding Rudy. He managed a tender smile. “Come on. You’re a part of this family and always have been. Let’s have dinner and then you can open my gift.”

****

Graham rounded the corner of the barn and pulled Rudy into him. He was glad for the privacy and wasn’t going to squander it. Rudy had quickly become the highlight of the celebration as he talked about Santa’s reindeer and shared his wood-carved gifts with everyone. Now, he belonged to Graham. Rudy moaned into his kiss and Graham tasted sweetness on the man’s lips. He took his time, savoring every lick and nip. He moved to pull his boyfriend closer, but the sound of paper crinkling sent him backing off.

He chuckled. “I forgot why I brought you out here.”

His expression lighting up, Rudy teased, “Could it have something to do with that gift tucked under your arm?”

“Hm. You know, it could.” Withdrawing the simply wrapped package, he offered it to Rudy. “Happy holidays, Rudy.”

The man accepted it, his face brighter than a decked Christmas tree. He tore through the paper easily and revealed a cross stitching of a caribou set in a simple wooden frame.

“I made it back in ninth grade. We were just starting cross stitching in art class, and…” he let his words die.

“I left,” Rudy finished for him. He slid his eyes up to Graham’s, his expression tender. “You made this for me?”

Shrugging, heat flittered across Graham’s cheeks. “It took me a few years to finish it. When you came back, I meant to give it to you, but time just slipped by.”

“Graham, this is the best Christmas present ever,” Rudy said, his voice hoarse. His fingers glided across the glass as if he were imagining every pain-staking stitch. Graham was sure he’d lost a quart of blood trying to finish the damned thing.

“From what you told me, it’s probably the only Christmas present you’ve ever gotten. Not counting the ones you received earlier.”

“Don’t do that,” Rudy said, pressing his body against Graham. “It’s amazing and I will cherish it forever.”

Feeling warm and fuzzy inside, he buried his face in the crook of Rudy’s neck and planted a soft kiss on his skin. He kept it to himself that the real reason he hadn’t given it to Rudy sooner was because it reminded him of the time when Rudy had vanished. But he wasn’t going to dwell on it. He was determined to look forward, not backward.

Graham regarded the man, a smile planted firmly on his lips. “I had wondered why there was nothing with my name on it in that pile ‘o presents.”

“I have something for you, too,” Rudy said.

Rudy’s smile was luminous, but it quickly faded and the man’s throat shifted hard as if he were swallowing a lump. He reached to the side and withdrew an envelope from his pocket. Offering it to Graham, he attempted a reassuring look, but failed. Graham accepted it and slid out a piece of thick parchment. He ran his eyes over the official looking document, his brows pulling down with every word.

“I know some of the language might be… confusing, but it basically says I have permission to offer you my
light-well
. We must have permission from the council to use the gift and to avoid problems down the road. Grandfather petitioned the council for permission ahead of time. So this is my gift to you, Graham Miller.”

Biting his lip, Graham read through the letter again, the language very lawyer-like. Rudy was offering him his most precious possession?
Can I become like him?
He had thought about it and could see himself running around as a caribou.

Will I have to watch everyone age and die around me?

That thought gave him pause and he swallowed the excitement of being with Rudy for many, many years. Folding the parchment, he slid it back into the envelope. His gaze was pointed at Rudy, but he focused on the dark background behind the man. “It means a lot that you think I’m worthy to receive your gift, but I don’t know if I can accept it.”

Graham was sure he’d just witness a pile up on the freeway as Rudy’s face fell. Rudy shuttered, his eyes glazing as he accepted the letter with shaky hands. He proceeded to look at the envelope as if he didn’t recognize it and Graham felt like shit, but he had to be honest.

“It’s not that I don’t want to, but… I can’t watch everyone die around me. It would be too hard. And I can’t stay human and be with you. I won’t let you watch me get old and die, either. I want you to be with someone like you, someone that is your equal and can meet your needs. I—” his voice cracked as he realized they were breaking up. “I’m sorry, Rudy.”

The man nodded and stuck the envelope back into his pocket. “I understand.”

Graham wanted to say so much more than that, but his brain turned to mush and he was afraid his words would further drive the pain deeper into Rudy’s heart. The man was absolutely crushed and Graham’s first instinct was to hold him close, but—
we just broke up.
The realization was startling.

“It’s getting late, so I think I’m going to head out. Goodnight, Graham,” he rasped as if he were suffering from a sore throat.

Staring blankly at the man’s back, he could hardly breathe as he watched Rudy walk toward the house… and out of his life.