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“She didn’t want to come out this afternoon, then?”

“No, but she did ask me to tell you the following message,” he made speech mark signs with his fingers in the air, “you dirty girl, what happened to the silver
fox you left with last night?”
Tim raised his eye
brows, waiting for a response.
My hands instinctively covered my face as I
tried to hide my embarrassment.
“I must confess, Claudia,” Tim continued, “I am intrigued…”

I interjected rapidly, the words tumbling out of my mouth through mortification, “I am going to kill your sister, it wasn’t how she made it sound, I shared a taxi with my friend’s dad, nothing happened…”

“Methinks t
he lady doth protest too much…”
Tim was enjoying my discomfort.

“No, really, I just didn’t want to wait around for your sister – if an
yone is a dirty girl it’s her.”
As soon as I spoke the words I felt bad – most brothers, like most dads, didn’t like to hear that their female relations were sexually acti
ve.
To my surprise, Tim didn’t defend Jad
e’s behaviour but nodded at me.

“Oh, I know, my little sister is a prize slut sometimes,” Tim didn’t say the words unkindly, and even though Jade was my friend, I had thought similarly about her the previous evening. “But if she was a man, everyon
e would accept her as a player. Double standards.
Anyway, back to you…silver fox?”

I rolled my eyes, “He’s in his late thirties,
I guess, but nothing happened.
He was just being kind, making sure I got home safely.”

“Are you sure you have
n’t got a thing for older men?”
Tim was laughing, teasing me, his words weren’t meant maliciously, but they still hurt as they reminded me of Marty – he may have looked in his twenties, but he was certainly
the definition of an older man.
When I didn’t respond, Tim glanced over at me, taking his eyes off the ro
ad for the briefest of moments.
“Claudia, are you OK?”

“Yeah, my last boyfriend was older than me, I just miss him, that’s all.”

“So you do like older men?
There’s hope for me yet!” He winked at me and I wondered if flirting was a natural trait in his and Jade’s genetic make up.

“Stop flirting with me, I’m not looking for a boyfriend.” I tried to keep my tone light, sure he was just having a bit of fun and not wishing to upset him.

“I’ll bear that in mind.”

We arrived at a garden centre and headed towards the outside section where the Christmas trees were w
aiting to be bought.
The afternoon was heading to dusk
and a cold breeze circled us.

“Well, which tree is your tree?”

I walked up and down the rows of cut pines, breathing in the woodsy, outdoors scent, trying not to think of last year when my dad had brou
ght me to this very same place.
I decided against buying a large tree like my parents had always purchased – Tim’s car wasn’t as big as my dad’s Volvo had been.

I selected a short, but fat, spruce wi
th a blue tinge to its needles.
Tim fought bravely with the tree to convince it t
o fit into the boot of his car.
I hated to think how many pine
needles it would leave behind.

The journey home was more subdued, my mood having become melancholy at thinking about how different this Christmas, all my Christmas
es, would be from this year on.
Tim tried to distract me by asking questions, making chit-chat, but like everything thes
e days, my heart wasn’t in it.

“So how is the course going?”

“The English side is fine, the drama side is a nightmare – well, the l
ecturer is.
I can’t believe I have another two
and a half years left of this.”
I hoped I didn’t sound like a spoilt brat – I knew lots of people who wanted to go to university and couldn’t afford it.

“Enjoy it while it lasts, it flies by, especially the third year, and then you’re out
in the big, bad world of work.”

“Don’t tell me you’re already counting down the days until your retirement?”

“No
, but I hate being the new boy.
I’m working at the same level as people who have been there for years – I got fast tracked as a graduate and some of them resent that.”

I momentarily thought of Andrea, the receptionist at my dad’s compan
y, and how she resented me.
I’d assumed a lot of her problem came from a lack of self-esteem, but now I could see how it would be frustrating to put years of hard work into a business, only to be rejected in favour of new blood.

Back at my house, Tim helped me to position the tree against a wall of the house, so that it could acclimatise overnight and he promised to come over the next day to help me s
et it up in the living room.

I spent the evening alone, the T
V on, but I wasn’t watching it.
I was reliv
ing my dream from this morning.
Despite all the goings-on of my day, the best part of it had been over before I woke up.

As promised, Tim turned up the next morning,
with a still pale-looking Jade.
I made a pot of tea, while Jade apologised for her behaviour the other night.

“Claudia, I am really sorry I got so drunk…did the silver fox try anything on the way home?”

Again, I felt embarr
assed by Jade bringing this up. “No, he was a gentleman.
And can you sto
p calling him ‘the silver fox’?
He’s Ben’
s dad and he’s called Mr Acton.
He’s old enough to be my father, so just leave it.”

“But he was good-looking, in a distinguished way,
you know, like George K
looney.
Plus, older men have more money.”

“What? Am I a gold digger now?”
I was getting angry with Jade now, I didn’t like he
r applying her standards to me.
I was surprised when Tim jumped into the conversation.

“Jade, Claudia s
aid leave it.
She told me herself she’s not looking for a boyfriend.”

“I just meant that he could take you out on nice dates, m
ini-breaks, that kind of thing. I didn’t mean anything else.”
Jade couldn’t meet my eyes.

“It’s OK. I know.
I’m just a bit s
ensitive.
My parents left me enough money to be comfortable, I don’t need anyone else to look after me.” Not financially, anyway, I thought to myself.

“She shouldn’t be nosy.
You wouldn’t have had to leave w
ith him if she wasn’t so drunk.
She’s your fri
end, and she let you down.”
Tim’s simmering anger towards his sister was creating a
nasty atmosphere in my kitchen.
I closed my eyes for a second, imagining a turquoise mist floating around us,
providing a calm, serene air.

“Come on, guys, who wants to he
lp decorate my Christmas tree?”
My voice sounded jovial, even to me.

Tim used a hacksaw to trim the bottom of the tree trunk off so it was flat, while Jade and I sorted out the decorations my mum had stored in
the cupboard under the stairs.
She kept apologising and I
kept brushing her words away.
Friday night was over wi
th, as far as I was concerned.

“Claudia, why don’t you pop over to ours tomorrow night and
we can watch some chick-flicks?
I’ll even make popcorn.” Jade was at least trying to make it up to me, the least I could do was to accept.

“That sounds great – what time do you want me to come over?”

“Come over at 7pm, Mum and Dad are going out to Mum’s Christmas party with her work, they are going to get a taxi back at 11pm and then you can use that taxi to get
home.
That way, we can w
atch two films in one evening.”
I could almost see Jade imagining which leading men she could drool over tomorrow night.

“Sounds like a plan.
Do you want me to bring anything?” I asked.

“Just yourself.
And wine.” Jade’s smile was pure wickedness and
I couldn’t help but grin back.
Maybe one day she’d change, but it didn’t look lik
e it would happen anytime soon.

“Deal.”

“I hope you girls are ready with the decorations, because this tree looks naked!” Tim’s voice came hollering from the living room, where he’d finally managed to get the tre
e sitting upright in its stand.
Jade and I ran
to look at it and both smiled.
It was beg
inning to look like Christmas.

We passed the afternoon pleasantly, decorating the tree and singing along to Christmas songs, Jade sounding decidedly off key and Tim
embarrassed but giving it a go.
Part of me wondered if this is what it would have been like
if I’d not been an only child.
I guess I’d never know.

I spent another evening in my own company and realised I was beginning to relish tim
e alone instead of dreading it.
I lit the fire and some candles and put the TV on, dividing my time between pretending to watch the TV
and staring at Christmas tree.
Mostly, I just imagined Ma
rty.
I thought about how Christmas had to be the hardest time to be alone. I’d once heard that more people commit suicide at Christmas and that more couples get divorce
d directly following Christmas.
It clearly wasn’t the most wonderful time of the year for some people. The phone rang, cutting into my thoughts.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Claudia, it’s Aunt Sandra.” She sounded bubbly and I wondered if she had already indulged in some Christmas spirit.

“Sandra, how are you?”

“I’m fabulous, darling,” Sandra had definitely been at the drinks, “I just miss you, are you still coming over on Friday?”

“Yes, I’m booked on the morning train, I’m really loo
king forward to seeing you all.
Is Ned still OK t
o pick me up from the station?”

“He’s already cleaned out the car, ready for your suitcase – you wouldn’t believe how much junk he’s
been ferrying to work and back!
How are you gettin
g to the station at your end?”

“Um, taxi, I guess?” I hadn’t booked one yet, but I was sure it would be OK.

“Good, I can’t wait.
Your cousins have been making you Christmas cards today, they are so cute, atrocious spelling, but cute, nonetheless.”

“Brilliant, I’ll bet they’ve all grown so much.”

“They do, all t
he time.  I feed them too much!
Have you started packing yet?”

“Not yet,” I admitted.

“Well, start thinking about it, you know how these last few
days before Christmas rush by.
Claudia, call
me if you need me, won’t you?”
Her concern for me cut through the triviality of her phone call.

“I’m doi
ng OK, honestly, I’ll be fine.”
I tried to believe the words as I said them.

“I know you will, honey.
But I still want you to know I’m here for you.”

“I know.
And you’l
l see on Friday that I’m fine.”
I would be glad of the change of scenery and company during the coming weekend, even though it wasn’t the Christmas
I would have chosen for myself.

“Good, I’d better go, I can smell burning, I think Danny has put one of Laura’s Barbi
e dolls in the microwave again.
Bye, Claudia.”

“Goodbye, Sandra.”

I had a dreamless sleep that night.

The next day dragged, but having a plan for the ev
ening at least gave me a focus.
I stopped at the off-licence and picked up two bottles of wine – one red and one white – and walk
ed in the cold to Jade’s house.
It was several minutes away, less than half an hour, but I fel
t frozen by the time I arrived.
With shakin
g hands, I knocked on the door.
It opened with a creak, the holly wreath on the f
ront rocking with the movement.

“Claudia?
What are you doing here?” Tim couldn’t hide the surprise in his voice.

“I’m here to watch chick-flicks with Jade.”

“Sh
e went out to meet some bloke.”

I shivered involuntarily.
“But I only made plans with her yesterday…”