Gravity (Free Falling) (21 page)

             
“I know, but he’s driving me crazy in the meantime.”  I felt myself becoming tense again.  “But I don’t want to talk about it anymore.  I was hoping you would help keep my mind off of it.  Talk about something else. 
Anything
else.”

Before he could respond my phone began to ring.  The sound startled me and I fumbled to get it out of my pocket. 
Who would be calling me at 12:45 in the morning?
  I looked at AJ with a shocked look on my face

             
“It’s Antonio.”

             
“Aren’t you gonna answer it?” He asked as he smiled that devilish smile again.

I looked back at the phone
and hesitated before opening it.  “Hello?”

             
“Hey.  Sorry to call you so late.  Were you asleep?”

             
“No, I’m up.  What’s going on?”

             
“I just wanted to apologize again for the other day,” he said remorsefully.

             
“Oh, no.  I’m fine now.  Are
you
ok?”

             
“Yeah.  That fool sucker-punched me,” he insisted, not wanting to acknowledge that AJ had won the fight. 

I tried to press the phone closer to my ear to prevent
AJ from hearing Antonio’s comments.  “Well, I’m good.  So you can stop worrying about me.”

He hesitated for a moment. 
“That wasn’t the only reason I was calling actually.”

I paused, w
aiting for him to go on.  “I couldn’t let you go without telling you that I still love you and I don’t think I’ll ever stop.”  His words hit me like a ton of bricks.  Not only did he not hate me, he still
loved
me?  “I know that must sound pretty stupid considering everything that’s happened, but it’s the truth.  I almost lost my mind yesterday when I saw him touching you.”

             
“Antonio.  I don’t know what to say…..”  I trailed off as AJ started to kiss my neck, making me lose my train of thought. 

             
“I was hoping you’d say that a part of you still loves me too,” Antonio said hopefully. 

Unfortunately for me,
AJ was now close enough to my phone that he heard Antonio’s last words.  In a voice loud enough for Antonio to hear, AJ interjected.  “She’s busy right now.  You’ll have to call back.”

Antonio didn’t make a sound on the other end.  A second later we were disconnected.  I wasn’t sure whether I should
be angry with AJ or what.  I wished that he’d let me handle it on my own.  Now, I found myself in a familiar position.  I was sure that Antonio’s feelings were hurt once again…..because of me.  Just then, Daddy’s words came to mind. 
Careless. 
He was right about me.  No matter how much I tried to avoid causing Antonio pain, it seemed to be inescapable. 

AJ
was still kissing my neck as I thought.  My body wasn’t responding as it usually did under his spell.  I tried to fight against the anger that was building up inside of me, but I wasn’t winning.  I was capable of dealing with Antonio on my own without AJ’s help, but now he’d made things worse.  I was fuming and he could feel the tension emanating from me.

             
“What’s wrong?”  He asked in an unemotional tone as he sat back in his seat and stared up at the ceiling. 

             
“Why’d you do that?  What was the point?”  I asked shrilly.

             
“Are you seriously mad?  What?  You think he doesn’t know we spend time together?”

“No,
AJ, but I don’t want to shove it in his face either.  Have you forgotten that he was the only one in this whole situation that was completely innocent?  The least I can do is respect his feelings.”

AJ
continued to stare at the ceiling.  “Fine.   Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.  You’re capable of handling him yourself, but do you intend to hide our relationship for the rest of the school year? Do you expect me to act like we’re not together?  Break it down for me,” he demanded.

I could hear in his tone that he was becoming irritated.  He had a point.  It was unfair for me to expect for him to fall back because I didn’t want Antonio to be hurt.  So, my choices were to either hurt Antonio or to hurt
AJ.  The problem was that I wasn’t willing to do either of those things.  I sighed in frustration.  “I guess I don’t know how this is supposed to go AJ.”

             
“I
hate
that you feel guilty for being with me.  It’s supposed to be easier than this.”

             
“I don’t feel guilty for being with you.  I feel guilty for hurting Antonio in the process,” I corrected.

             
“Sam, be honest with yourself.  I know that you love me almost as much as I love you, but yet you’re still reluctant to make anything official.  Why is that?”  He asked in an intense voice that reminded me of my father.

             
“Well…..I just …..I think.”

             
“My point exactly.  You feel like
you
shouldn’t be happy because you hurt him.  Even though you love me you think that it can’t be right because of the way it happened.”  He paused briefly. “However love happens it’s no mistake.  You don’t just
fall
in love.  You
jump
in.  Head first.  No looking back.”

Now
I
was irritated.  “What happened to you not pressuring me, AJ?”

             
“What are you talking about?  I’m
not
pressuring you.  I’m just trying to understand you.”  He raised his voice a little.  I was even more frustrated now than I was when I left my house.  Mostly because AJ had a point and I hated to be wrong.  Maybe I
didn’t
deserve to be as happy as I was, seeing as how I’d caused Antonio to be so miserable. 

             
“So, what do you want me to do AJ?  Just forget about everything and give in to you?”

“
I don’t want you to do anything.  This is your show, so run it,” he sighed. 
That hurt a little
.  I didn’t want him to feel like I was stringing him along like some kind of puppet.  He deserved better than that.

             
“So let’s do it.  Let’s make it official.  Right here.  Right now.  Let’s not play anymore games.  From this point forward, we’re together…like really together,” I blurted.

AJ
didn’t answer me or even look in my direction.  I sat there waiting for him to say something:
yes
,
no
,
maybe,
but he said nothing.
 
Thinking that I’d thoroughly pissed him off, I felt defeated.  Now he didn’t even want to talk to me. 

“Did you hear me?”  I asked in frustration.  He nodded nonchalantly, but that was all he gave me. 

And?”  I added.

“And?”
  He repeated mockingly.  When I saw him crack a smile, I got out of my seat and in the next instant I was all over him.  This day marked the beginning of an actual relationship between him and me.  The way it happened was far from conventional, but then again,
we
were far from conventional.  When I first approached him, I could sense that he was still upset, but that melted away quickly.  He let me have my way and stopped fighting back.  The passion was so severe that there was no escaping it, but I somehow managed to stop myself before things got
too
out of control. 

We were there way longer than I’d expected.  I looked over at the clock and was shocked
when I saw the time……
3:06. 
“Wow I didn’t realize that it was so late.  We’d better go now.”

             
“Yeah I guess I lost track of time too when you attacked me,” he smiled.

             
“An attack would imply that you weren’t a willing participant, and if I recall you were
very
willing.”

“
You’re delusional, but I love you anyway,” he said jokingly.  I resisted smiling at him as long as I could, but that didn’t last very long. 

The drive home went by too quickly. 
When I was back in my room I snatched my shoes off and crawled into bed to get what little sleep I could, smiling to myself all the while as I lay there with my eyes closed.  It was so surreal, but AJ and I were
really
together now.

*****

The next morning I felt a bit more rested than the first time I’d snuck out.  Then again, it could’ve just been because I was still on my high from the night before.  I was on time to school and sat in the back of Mr. Talbert’s class waiting for the bell to ring.  When it did, reality set in.  I’d have to face my friends and they’d know what happened on Monday morning between Antonio, AJ, and I.  There was no way that I was ready for that.  I could already imagine what Kyla would have to say.  I walked into Mr. Kendall’s class, took my seat, and put my head down.  Seconds later, I heard Kyla’s voice.   “Are you Ok?”  She asked snobbishly, referring to incident the other morning. 

Once I got o
ver the initial shock of her speaking to me, I replied, “Yeah, I’m good.  Thanks for asking.”  She didn’t say another word, but that was enough.  I knew that she was still mad, but at least she didn’t hate me.  If she hated me she wouldn’t have cared how I was. 

That was my first and only encounter with any of my friends until lunch. 
Preparing to eat alone since AJ wasn’t even present to keep me company this time, I walked into the cafeteria and went straight for my table.  I was smart this time; I remembered to bring a book with me so I wouldn’t get bored.  Before I could even set my tray down on the table I heard Leslie calling my name.               

             
“Sam.  Come sit over here,” she beckoned.

I hesitat
ed briefly and then complied.  Cautiously, I took a seat and then looked around the table.  No one was really saying anything now that I was present.  Someone cleared their throat, breaking through the uncomfortable silence. 

             
“You don’t have to sit over there alone.  We don’t hate you,” Kyla explained, acting as spokesperson for the entire table.  “We were just torn because Antonio’s our friend too and he was really hurt about….the situation.” 

             
Her expression was much softer than it was the other day in Math when she tried to go off on me.  “I understand that, but I hope you all understand that it wasn’t my intention to hurt him.  Things just kind of happened and he got caught in the middle,” I explained.

             
“What happened on Tuesday?”  She asked.  “There’ve been a lot of rumors flying around, but I don’t know what to believe.”

             
“Well, Antonio got upset when…..” I decided to be vague in my response.  “Things just got out of hand.”

There
was a long pause and then Ashley chimed in.  “So, are you and this Chinese kid together or something?”  Her condescending tone reminded me why I didn’t like her. 

It didn’t feel right to lie, but I wasn’t sure that they were ready to hear the truth yet. 
At the same time, I also didn’t want to be deceitful, especially since they were being open and accepted me into their circle today.  “Yeah, we are now.”

             
“Hmmm….I just don’t get it.  What’s wrong with Antonio?  You too
good
for black guys now?  You know that boy doesn’t really have feelings for you, right?  He’ll lose interest before the month is out,” Ashley scoffed.

I tried to suppress my rising anger.  “Well
, that’s your opinion.  And next time I want it, I’ll ask you for it.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’m going to go back to my seat.”

             
“Fine.  Nobody wanted you over here but Leslie anyway,” Ashley mumbled under her breath.  I tried to control my temper.  I couldn’t afford to get in any more trouble at home than I was already in, so I refrained from throwing my drink in her face like I wanted to, and got up from my chair, rolling my eyes at her as I walked away.  I couldn’t sit there and listen to her stupidity any longer.  I walked away and nearly threw my tray onto my table.  It would be a cold day in Hell before I’d try
that
again.

*****

When I got home, I found myself still angry about my conversation with Ashley.  Everything she said replayed over and over in my head no matter how hard I tried to stop it.  The cold feeling I got when I sat at their table still lingered with me despite the fact that hours had passed since the incident.  All of them seemed to hate that AJ and I were now together.  It wasn’t fair that I’d hurt Antonio, but was it justice that I be outcast because of one decision I’d made?

I was just finishing up my homework when I heard my mom calling me down to eat.  Dinner was pretty much the same as yesterday.  Daddy and I sat in silence.  I cleared my spot and retreated back to my room as quickly as I could.  This had to end soon.  I didn’t like that he was trying to force me to end things with AJ, but I didn’t like the tension between us either.  If he wasn’t going to be the one to give in, I guess I had to be.  I walked down the stairs slowly and found my parents in the living room together.  Mom was sitting on the couch watching television and my father sat in his chair reading the paper.