Gravity (Free Falling) (17 page)

             
“It was alright, I guess,” I replied.  She looked at my face questioningly and I was grateful that she didn’t push the issue because I was in no mood to relive any of it. 

She hesitated for a second before going on.  “Well, as long as you’re alright.” 

Daddy looked at me curiously as he listened to my mom and I talk. 
Did I look guilty?  Did he see in my expression that I was hiding something?  Did he know that I was planning to defy his rules tonight?
  Of course he couldn’t, but that didn’t stop me from stressing over it.  I quickly looked away from him and ate my food as fast as I could.  It was imperative that I get up from the table and out of their presence.  When I was finished, I walked as quickly as possible to the kitchen and put my plate in the sink.  My hands were in a death grip as I held the edge of the counter and closed my eyes, trying to keep myself from overreacting.  Daddy knew nothing, but my guilt caused me to imagine that he knew every detail of me and AJ’s plan.  I exited the kitchen, sprinted up the stairs and rushed into my room.  As I stood there leaning against the door to catch my breath, I managed to convince myself that I was worrying for nothing.  The hard part was over and once my parents went to sleep, they were out for the night and I’d be in the clear. 

For the remainder of the evening, I stayed up in my room
.  At around 10:45 I heard the TV in the living room turn off and my parents were on their way up the stairs.  Before going to bed Mom stopped by my room.  She knocked softly and then peeked her head in.  When she sat on the edge of my bed, I looked up from the magazine I was reading. 

             
“Did everything go alright with Antonio today?” She asked.

             
“He wasn’t there,” I replied.  “But my friends are all mad at me now – even Leslie.”

             
Her expression was sympathetic.  “Sweetie, you can’t change how they feel.  All you can do is continue to show yourself friendly and let them do whatever they’re going to do.  That’s not your problem.”

             
“I know.  It’s just hard to feel like an outsider.  I sat by myself at lunch today until AJ finally came in and sat with me.”

             
“I understand this is hard for you, but it’s just something that you have to go through.  It’s part of your process,” she explained.

             
“Process?”  I asked.

             
“Everyone goes through a process.”  She settled in and got more comfortable.  “Everyone starts as a piece of unformed stone; untouched.  Over time you’ll meet people and have experiences that chip away at pieces of the stone.  Some of them remove things that you’re better off without and some of them remove things that were never meant to be taken from you.  But in the end, you have a beautiful piece of work…..even with the flaws.  We’re all unique because no two people go through the same process.”  She put her hand on mine and then continued.  “Baby, this is going to pass and when it’s all over you’ll be a better person because of it.  I know you feel bad about hurting Antonio, and there may
never
be a way to mend that relationship even into a friendship, but if you hadn’t told AJ how you felt, don’t you think you would’ve regretted it?”  She asked.

The question forced me to search
the depths of my heart for the truth.  While I loved Antonio, I would’ve never forgiven myself for letting AJ slip through my fingers without even giving it a try.  “Yeah, I think you’re right.”

             
“Then baby, let go of some of that guilt you’re carrying around with you.  The only mistake you made was not burning one bridge before you built another one.  Now, I know that isn’t usually the advice people give, but the rules are different when it comes to love.  You’ve learned your lesson from it and now it’s time to move forward.”

We hugged and I
felt the burden on my shoulders lift.  Her insight made me see her as more than just my mother, but as a woman who had experiences of her own that were part of
her
process.  Perhaps she too had faced similar difficulties that made her so wise.  She kissed my cheek and then got up to go to her room, looking back one last time.  “Don’t stay up too much later.  You
do
have school in the morning.”  She smiled and shut the door behind her as she went off to bed. 

I couldn’t believe how much better our talk made me feel. 
Who would’ve ever thought that she could see things in such an unbiased light?  Not once did she talk to me like she was my mother, but as another woman who had once herself had to feel her way blindly through love. 

Only one
hour remained before I was due to meet AJ, so I decided to hop in the shower to freshen up.  I pulled on my favorite pair of jeans that fit me just right and a top I’d picked up from the mall a few weeks ago. My hair wasn’t cooperating, so I decided to just pull it up into a ponytail. 
Ten more minutes. 
I sprayed on some of my favorite perfume, slipped my tennis shoes on and then there was nothing left to do but wait.

I sat there nervously on the edge of my bed.  There were so many things that could go w
rong; like losing my keys and not being able to sneak back in; getting caught leaving or coming back, but I didn’t want to think about any of that.  My excitement overshadowed all of my random worries and in a few short minutes it would just be me and AJ and I couldn’t wait to be near him again.  My imagination ran away with me and in an instant I was consumed. 
Seeing him…..breathing him…..touching him
.  The desire I felt to be with AJ gave me the courage to go through with the plan.

11:58…..
I could feel my breathing speed up as I made my way to my bedroom door.  I turned off the light and eased the door open slightly.  The house was silent.  Closing the door quietly behind me, I slipped out of my room.  My movements were stealthy as I stalked quietly down the stairs.  I checked my pocket for my keys, and then slipped out the front door.  I stood there on the porch for a minute making sure that my parent’s bedroom light didn’t turn on, and once I was sure that I was in the clear, I made a run for it. 

As my feet thudded against the pavement I felt a rush that made me move faster than I’d ever moved before. 
Driven by the thought of AJ being just beyond my reach, I smiled and made my way down the driveway, up the street and to the corner where I saw his car parked at the stop sign.  I didn’t stop running until my hand was on the handle of the passenger-side door, and by the time I jumped in my smile had turned into laughter.  AJ smiled back at me and then leaned in for a kiss.  The next second we were off.  I wasn’t sure where we were going, but it didn’t really matter to me.  Sitting there next to him, I couldn’t worry about anything. 

He was so alluring
.  The sleeves of the white t-shirt he wore were cut-off revealing his well defined arms.  I had to turn and look out the window to keep from staring.  He was quite possibly perfect.  For the time being, watching the trees whisk past at high speed gave me something else to focus on, but I was startled by the feel of his hand resting on my thigh as he gripped it gently.   I placed my hand on his and tried to relax, but it was hard enough to resist him when he
wasn’t
touching me.

We drove for about 20
minutes to an open field in what seemed to be the middle of nowhere.  AJ popped the trunk, but before stepping out of the car he turned to me.  “Wait here a sec.”

I watched as he went around to the back of the car and pulled out a blanket.  He c
ame around to my side and spread it out about ten feet from the car.  Next, he opened my door and held my hand as I stepped out and walked over to the blanket. I sat waiting while AJ rolled the car windows down and turned up the radio a little.  When he came over to join me, he put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to him.  His scent was something I’d never get used to. Inconspicuously, I leaned my head on his shoulder and inhaled. 

We sat there for a while listeni
ng to the music until he broke the silence.  “I’m glad you decided to come with me tonight.”

             
“So am I.  It felt like I
had
to see you.”

I could hear
him smiling when he responded, “I know the feeling.”

             
“Weren’t you worried about your parents catching you?”  I asked.

             
“Nope.”

             
“They don’t care?”

             
“
I
don’t know.  I never get caught,” he replied.

The way he worded that made me curious. 
“So…..you sneak out with girls a lot?”

AJ
was smiling again when he answered, “I wouldn’t say a
lot
.”  He wasn’t mine to claim, but I didn’t like to think of him being with anyone else.  The thought was silly considering that he’d been so patient with me in my situation with Antonio.

             
“Do you bring all of them here?” I asked snidely.

             
“No, I assure you; you’re the first.”

             
“Then how did you know about this place?” My tone was a bit accusatory.

AJ
was nearly laughing this time as he pointed off into the distance.  There was a small, dark shadow that stood out against the trees; it was a tiny house.  “You see that place over there?”  He waited for me to nod.  “That’s my uncle’s house.”

M
ildly embarrassed by the tone I’d taken before, “Oh,” was all I could say.

He was still smiling when he asked
, “Does that make you feel any better?”

             
“A little.”

             
“Hmm…only a little?  What else is on your mind?”

I hesitated a
s I wrestled with my thoughts because I wasn’t sure if I could handle the answer to the question on my mind, but I asked it anyway.  “Have you ever…..” I trailed off and shied away, wishing I’d never even said
that
much.  What he’d done with other girls in the past really wasn’t any of my business.

He
didn’t hesitate to answer, “Yeah.”  I didn’t really know what to say next.  “Does that bother you?” He asked.

             
“It shouldn’t, but I guess it does.”

             
“You’re allowed to feel that way.  It was a long time ago if that makes it any better.”

             
“Exactly how long ago?”  I chimed in quickly.

I saw a smile cross his face
again.  “About two years ago.”  He paused. “And I wish it never happened.”

             
That’s not something you usually hear guys say.  “Why?” I asked.

His expression was thoughtful
when he answered.  “It just didn’t mean what it was supposed to mean.  It was wrong. 
She
was wrong.  I was too immature to even understand any of it beyond the physical and there’s supposed to be a lot more to it than that.”  He turned to me.  “What about you and this Antonio guy?”

             
“No, not him.  Not anyone.”

He stared at me for a minute.  “That’s good.  I don’t mean to sound hypocritical or anything, but I don’
t think I could handle that.”

Now I was the one laughing.  “What do you mean you couldn’t handle it?”

              “Just the thought of you and him…..like
that
…..it makes me wanna fight him.”

AJ
’s expression was so serious as he stared off into the distance, but I couldn’t suppress my amusement.  He looked at me for a moment as I continued laughing uncontrollably.  Out of nowhere, he caught me off guard with a kiss.  I quickly met the enthusiasm of his soft lips.  We were spellbound and didn’t bother trying to fight the pull that we felt toward one another.   Antonio
never
made me feel like this; not even when I’d finally won his heart after obsessing over him for so long.  This was different than anything I’d ever experienced and my mother was right; it would’ve been a crying shame to miss out on it.

It was time to return home before one of us got caugh
t, so I stood up to stretch and AJ wrapped his arms around my waist.  I brought my arms down to rest on his shoulders, returning his embrace.  As we stood there unmoving, it felt like there was something that he wanted to say.  His lips were pressed against my neck as he whispered, “I love you too.”

He
was finally responding to my admission on Saturday and his timing was perfect.  If I hadn’t been fully convinced before, there was no question about it now; I was unmistakably and unavoidably in love with him.  As our tryst came to an end, I fought back the feelings of sadness that began to overwhelm me.  AJ was quiet which made me think that maybe he felt the same way.  We listened to the radio and held hands the entire way and it felt as though there was an invisible bond between us that was drawing us together and getting stronger as the minutes wore on.  The feeling was indescribable.