GreekQuest (10 page)

115

 

“I'd go for Aphrodite,” you whisper. “You might make a great marriage with the most beautiful woman in the world and even if you don't, you'll be the envy of the boys down the pool hall.”

The two other goddesses look dumbfounded when Paris announces his decision, but Aphrodite only makes with a mysterious smile and says, “Obvious choice. Now off you go to collect your reward.” She waves a casual hand and Paris disappears in a small, but powerful whirlwind.

Aphrodite turns to you. “Here's your Judgement of Paris Certificate,” she says. “To mark the fact you've given good advice.”

With which, rather to your surprise, all three goddesses stroll off hand in hand.

 

Leaving you with no option but to retrace your steps west to
153
.

 

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116

 

Convinced the dark shape is no crocodile, you remove your clothes as swiftly and completely as a Spartan and -

 

Look here, are you sure about this? I mean, you're seriously about to leap naked into a pool with a dark shape in it? If you must go ahead with this madness, you can jump in the pool at
138
. Otherwise, the paths leading out of this place go north to
93
, east to
58
, south east to
18
, south to
67
and north west to
107
.

 

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117

 

“All right,” you mutter crossly, “but I'm doing this under protest.” A ring of young men has formed around you both and you notice the paidonomos has drawn his sword. “Here,” you protest, “we're not using weapons are we?”

“In Sparta, fights are to the death,” he tells you sternly.

 

How did you get yourself into this mess? The paidonomos has 60 Life Points and is so skilled he actually adds +3 to any sword he uses and the one he's using now is already +5, giving him a successful strike of +8. If he kills you, go to
13
. If you survive, you can lick your wounds (a filthy habit) at
38
.

 

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118

 

“Modesty forbids it!” you exclaim.

“Modesty?” echoes the priest. “You're in Ancient Greece! We're always running about with no clothes on here! Good grief, every athlete in the entire Olympic Games is starkers! Won't you reconsider?”

 

Well, will you? If you reconsider your decision, you can denude yourself at
11
. But if you'd prefer to stick to your guns (and your underwear) turn to
149
.

 

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119

 

“An excellent choice!” exclaims King Menelaus. “You can lead the charge!”

Which, since you have no option, you do and are killed by the first arrow fired from one of those high towers for which Troy was famous.

 

Pull the arrow out and go to
13
.

 

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120

 

Cautiously you take up the bawling brat who promptly does something runny and obscene down the front of your tunic.

“Doh!” you gasp as you try to clean it off with one hand and a hanky while clutching the baby with the other. All you do is spread the stain. “Why can't you wear a nappy like any normal baby?” you ask furiously.

The baby doesn't bother to reply.

You tuck it under one arm and begin to make your way down the hill, your nose wrinkling against the smell. You've gone no more than a few hundred yards when two young men with swords step out from behind a rock.

They look at you suspiciously. “What are you doing with that baby?” one of them asks you.

“I found it further up the hill,” you tell him. “Looked like it had been abandoned there.”

“Then why didn't you leave it where you found it?” asks the other one grumpily.

“Leave it?” you echo, horrified. “Leave an abandoned baby?”

“Look, friend, this is Sparta. Weak babies get abandoned all the time. Usually by their mothers. Helps make sure we stay tough as a people.”

“You mean they're just left there?” you gasp.

“Of course they're just left there! How long do you think Sparta would stay strong if interfering do-gooder busybodies like you kept coming along and rescuing the abandoned babies? Before you know it we'd be losing to the Athenians. Now you just go back and dump that baby where you found it, that's a good barbarian, and we'll say nothing more about -”

“Here, wait a minute,” his companion cuts in. “That's not an abandoned baby - that's young Heracles. Toughest little wriggler in the city state. I bet he crawled up the hill himself!”

You look at the youngster underneath your arm. “But this baby's only a few weeks old!” you protest.

“We breed them tough in Sparta,” the man grins. “Better get him back to his Mum - she'll be worried about him. Just take him down to the tree line. You'll find her somewhere around teaching her boys commando warfare.”

“Or we can take him down for you, if you like,” offers the other man. “Whichever you prefer.”

 

You can take the baby back to his mother personally at
100
. Or you can hand him over to this kindly stranger now and be on your merry way without any further delays (or responsibilities) at
130
.

 

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121

 

“And we'll fight for him since he's a bit tired,” volunteer two brawny young men on the edge of the crowd.

Pheidippides starts to protest, but faints dead away from the effort.

 

Leaving you to face two Spartans with 40 Life Points each, swords that hit at +3 each, and a grim determination to put you away so they can become joins paidonomoses in your place. If this somewhat unexpected encounter kills you, go to
13
. If you survive it, the crowd will strip you of your title on account of your bad behaviour to a famous (but now fainted) athlete and send you off to
61
to pick another destination from your map.

 

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122

 

“Wrong!” shouts the huge man, casually hurling you all the way to 61.

 

So pick yourself up, dust yourself off and select another destination from your
61
map.

 

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123

 

“Get real!” you exclaim, bopping him on the nose.

 

This may not be the best decision you've ever made. While I'm sure you have no desire permanently to injure the priest, he now has every desire to cut you into little pieces and feed you to the crows. His Life Points stand at a healthy 60. His dagger strikes at +4 and if he ever throws a natural 12, he will pray to Apollo to strike you dead and Apollo will comply without a moment's hesitation. If the priest kills you, go to
13
. Should you bring his Life Points below 15 (since you definitely don't want to kill him) he will capitulate suddenly and take you into the temple at
82
.

 

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124

 

You rub your chin. “I think Athena's your best bet,” you whisper. “I happen to know there's a good chance of war between Troy and Greece. You could do a lot worse than getting a little supernatural help for your side.”

“You want him to pick that hideous freak?” screams Hera, obviously having overheard every word. “She wasn't even born - she jumped out of her father's forehead fully grown.” She turns her head upwards so she's staring into the sky. “Zeus - punish this stupid young person!”

“Yes, dear,” sighs a tired voice from the heavens. With which a thunderbolt crackles from the cloudless sky to strike you dead.

 

Your hair will have stopped standing on end by the time you reach
13
.

 

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125

 

You peer curiously through the open entrance in the wall around this scruffy building to see three men, two women and a youngish boy all hard at work cutting bits of leather. One of the men looks up and spots you.

“Hallo,” he says, “is it repairs or a new pair of sandals?”

“Well, neither actually,” you tell him. “I'm just trying to find my way around.”

“We've got very good sandals here,” he insists. “Best in Sparta. Bit expensive, admittedly, but then you have to pay for quality. Three obols a pair.”

There's a heap of sandals beside him in various sizes and they do indeed look rather stylish.

The man notes your hesitation and says, “Tell you what. If money's the problem, how about giving us a day's work? We've a rush order on and we could do with all the hands we can get. I'll pay you a drachma, which is a skilled worker's wage. Can't say fairer than that.”

 

Considering you're far from skilled, that's very true. If you want to spend a day as an Ancient Greek shoemaker, turn to
96
. If you have three obols already and want a new pair off sandals, turn to
155
. Otherwise you can return to
61
to select another destination from your map.

 

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126

 

“Positively, absolutely, definitely not!” you exclaim, striking a noble pose.

To your surprise, the priest drops to his knees, closes his eyes, clasps his hands and intones in prayer, “Great Zeus, this not so humble servant of yours refuses to comply with the traditional ritual of the oracle. I thought I'd mention it to you in case you wanted to do something about it.”

At which a thunderbolt slams down from the cloudless sky and strikes you dead.

 

Looks like old Zeus finally lost patience. Go to
13
.

 

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127

 

“Wrong!” shouts the huge man, casually hurling you all the way to 61.

 

So pick yourself up, dust yourself off and select another destination from your
61
map.

 

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128

 

Dappled sunlight. You're in a clearing in the woods.

 

Paths lead north east to
152
and west to
156
.

 

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129

 

“You're right!” roars Menelaus. “This confirms exactly what I thought. In fact, to tell you the truth I've already made the arrangements. Come with me and you can watch what happens.”

You follow him a little sheepishly to find Paris already waiting a little distance from the city walls, his sword already in his hand. Menelaus breaks away from his men and runs towards him, his own sword swinging.

Within minutes it looks as if Menelaus has the upper hand. Paris slips, falls. Menelaus moves in for the kill.

But suddenly a cloud surrounds the fallen Paris and he rises upwards to float out of reach over the walls to the safety of his native Troy.

Menelaus stamps back angrily towards you. “What do you think happened there?” he demands.

“Paris has been practising Transcendental Meditation?” you venture.

“Nonsense!” snaps Menelaus. “Aphrodite carried him to safety. That sort of trick has Aphrodite written all over it. Now, since that didn't work, we have three possibilities as I see it - all-out attack, strategic retreat, or cunning ploy. Which do you vote for?”

 

All out attack takes you to
119
. Strategic retreat is at
113
. But if you can think of some cunning ploy that might do the trick, turn to
104
.

 

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130

 

With far too little information on your situation in the Brief Guide, you squat down with your back against a convenient tree to do some serious thinking.

Zeus talked about training and he's certainly sent you to the right place to get it. But where and how exactly are you supposed to train? More to the point, how are you supposed to let Zeus know when you're ready to tackle the main job in Troy? All tricky questions.

After a bit of hard thinking, you come to the conclusion that the place to train is the city of Sparta itself and the way to let Zeus know you're ready would be at his temple, which a city like Sparta would certainly have.

You stand up again and wander further down the hillside until you emerge from the trees. Beneath you is a fertile river valley with a clustering of five villages at one end on the edge of a vast, broad plain, but no sign at all of the city you're looking for. Obviously you're going to need directions.

Fortunately there's a group of yokels working in a nearby field. One is chewing a straw and watching the others, presumably some sort of foreman. You stroll casually up to him.

“Excuse me, good peasant,” you greet him cheerfully, “but could you tell me the way to Sparta City please?”

He looks you up and down and spits on your sandal by way of reply.

 

Charming! But when in Rome - er, Greece, do as the Greeks do and this one's obviously spoiling for a fight. It'll have to be a bare-knuckle affair since you want some answers and there are few forthcoming from a corpse. The way it works is this:

The yokel making free with his goobers has 35 Life Points. If you can bring these down below 10 without killing him, you can ask him the question again at
6
. If you kill him accidentally, you'll have to sort out something very different at
47
. If he brings you down below 10 without killing you, you'll fall over unconscious and wake up at
95
. If he accidentally kills you, go to
13
. Nobody uses weapons even if they have them.

 

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