GreekQuest (7 page)

71

 

“Wrong!” shouts the huge man, casually hurling you all the way to 61.

 

So pick yourself up, dust yourself off and select another destination from your
61
map.

 

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72

 

You spend so long trying to decide what to do that old age catches up with you and you keel over feebly from natural causes.

 

Go to
13

 

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73

 

“I think that's about the dumbest idea I've ever heard in my life,” you remark honestly.

“How dare you speak to a king like that!” roars Menelaus, casually lopping off your head with his sword.

 

Don't you know ANYTHING about history? Everybody says the wooden horse was the greatest strategic ploy in the annals of military thought. Did nobody ever tell you to beware of Greeks bearing gifts? Where do you think the saying came from? How could a no-brainer have got so far in this adventure? Look, you can skip 13 just this once, screw your head back on and tell him what a wonderful idea he's had at
160
.

 

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74

 

Swiftly you race back to the filthy pile of straw you were lying on when you woke up and pretend to be still unconscious. You hear a guard enter and set down a tray before leaving and locking the door behind him.

You wait a moment to make sure the coast is clear, then leap up to pick the lock.

 

But will you succeed? Make an Absolutely Anything Roll. If you manage to pick the lock, you can escape singing and dancing to
61
. If you fail utterly or the effort of picking the lock kills you, go to
13
.

 

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75

 

You hurl yourself upon the guard (who actually looks a fairly weedy specimen.) He falls back before your onslaught, whistling loudly through his teeth. At once a thousand heavily armed Trojan warriors race through the gate to his aid.

 

You thought there would be only one guard on a city gate during a siege? If you want to fight these thousand and one opponents, they've each got 60 Life Points, +5 swords and - 8 armour. But if you really can't face the prospect of rolling the dice a thousand and one times (and that's just to find out who gets first strike) you can cut this whole mess short by going directly to
13
.

 

Please select an option from the previous page.

76

 

The world spins at the very first sip. From somewhere distant you hear the old familiar voice of Zeus advise, “Don't let my son lead you into evil ways!”

Then another, rather jolly voice whispers, “Don't listen to my father. You just stick with Baccus and you won't go too far wrong. Or if you do, at least you'll have fun!”

“Who are you?” you call desperately.

“I'm BACCHUS,” shouts the voice. “God of wine and fruit of the trees, often confused with Dionysus, especially by myself when I've been drinking. Open your eyes and meet my followers.”

You hadn't actually realised they were closed, but when you open them, you find yourself surrounded by a group of (rather handsome) girls dressed in fawn skins. They begin to dance around you chanting, “We're the Maenads! We're the Maenads! Welcome, welcome to the realm of Baccus!”

At any other time you might feel a little uneasy with the strangeness of it all, but the foaming drink has done something to your better judgement since you begin to grin widely. One of the girls comes forward and takes you by the hand.

“You're in luck, young person. The god Baccus has taken a fancy to you - which probably isn't surprising since I understand you're working for his father - so he's asked me to go with you and help you through the rest of your adventure.”

Your head is still reeling a bit, so you shake it to clear it. “Help me?” you echo stupidly.

She smiles and nods. “Obviously I can't advise you or interfere with your decisions, but sure as treading grapes makes wine I can help you in any fight.”

 

This is a real stroke of luck. The young (and rather handsome) Maenad has 40 Life Points and enough martial arts training to strike at +4 even without a weapon. She will fight to the death on your side in any combat unless you instruct her otherwise. If she's injured, she has three doses of herbal medicine in a pouch around her waist, each of which will restore a double dice roll of life points to her; and when that's finished, she can share in any healing you may find. When your head clears, you can go on from this place hand in hand with the Maenad north to
10
, north east to
84
, west to
18
or north west to
58
.

 

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77

 

You are strolling round this impressive building admiring the architecture when a smallish man in a grubby tunic leaps out from a doorway and grabs you by the arm.

“Come in quick,” he says, “the performance is just about to start.”

“You mean this is a theatre?” you exclaim, since you'd been wondering what on earth it was.

“Thought they only had them in Athens, didn't you?” the man grins. “But we're very civilised here in Sparta. Tell you what. Since you're obviously a barbarian, I'll let you in free this time. I'll even give you a sack of figs.”

“Well, thank you,” you say as he drags you inside. “But what are the figs for?”

“Throwing at the actors, of course!” he tells you.

As you slip inside the auditorium you realise theatre must have been very popular in Ancient Greece. This place looks as if it would literally seat an audience of hundreds. A quick glance at your Brief Guide tells you that this place in Sparta is nothing when compared to the Theatre of Dionysus in Athens which actually accommodated fourteen thousand.

You slip into your seat.

“It's a comedy,” whispers a man in the seat beside you. “I'm glad, aren't you? Those old tragedies they used to put on were so depressing. Who wants to hear about the gods and heroes when you can have a good laugh, eh?”

“Right on,” you reply and settle back to enjoy the show.

It's a bit different to what you're used to. There only seem to be three actors, no actresses at all, and a sort of chorus of about a dozen blokes who prance about, singing and dancing, to fill in the details of the action.

But though there are only three actors, this play (by some hack called Aeschylus of Athens) has many more than three characters, so that the actors keep putting on different masks. You notice all three are wearing very thick-soled shoes that make them look taller than they actually are. You find it all very confusing, but the rest of the audience obviously loves it.

Since it seems a waste to throw the figs at the actors, you munch them instead.

 

A fortunate burst of appetite since these wonderful fruit will restore you to full Life Points if you happen to be depleted. But enough of stuffing your face and amusing yourself at the theatre. You've a job to do, so you'd better get back to
61
and pick another destination from your map.

 

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78

 

You've stumbled on a pool. The water looks cool and inviting, but there's something swimming in the depths that looks suspiciously like a crocodile.

 

Ah, come on - there were no crocodiles in Ancient Greece! Or were there? You may find out if you take a dip at
116
. But if you don't want to risk it, the paths leading out of this place go north to
93
, east to
58
, south east to
18
, south to
67
and north west to
107
.

 

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79

 

Achilles blinks. “That's good enough for me,” he says, absently rubbing his heel. “Now, would you like me to take you to meet the King or do you fancy another fight if I get you healed up to full Life Points - I have to avenge my friend Patroclus and I could do with some help.”

 

Which is it to be? Achilles will take you to the King at
98
. Or you can help him avenge his friend at
136
.

 

Please select an option from the previous page.

80

 

“Now,” says Zeus briskly, “just a few preparations. First -”

He waves both arms wildly above his head and a luminous cloud settles briefly round yours. You experience a moment of disorientation before the cloud disappears. “What was that?” you gasp.

“Language,” Zeus says shortly. “Pointless sending you on an adventure if everything everybody says is Greek to you. You'll now be able to understand the lingo perfectly. Speak it too, although I'm afraid you'll have a slight accent - nothing I can do about that. Now, training -”

“Here, wait a minute, you didn't say anything about training!” you protest in sudden alarm.

“Oh come on!” Zeus exclaims. “You don't think I'd set you down in the middle of a war zone without training, do you? You wouldn't last five minutes.”

With which he waves his arms around his head again and this time the luminous cloud envelopes your whole body.

 

Carrying you instantly (and somewhat unexpectedly) to
20
.

 

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81

 

“Look here, Pheid,” you say brusquely, “I've no authority to send soldiers, but I certainly won't let you down in your hour of need. I shall run bravely back with you to Athens - it's only a couple of hundred kilometres, after all - and there instruct your worthy General Miltiades on how to win the battle.”

To your surprise, the crowd around you gives a rousing cheer.

 

This is all very well for the morale of the troops, but are you fit enough to run all the way back to Athens with Pheidippides? Make an Absolutely Anything Roll. If it succeeds, turn to
109
. If it fails, all you can do is creep away to
61
in utter disgrace to select another destination. If it kills you, go to
13
.

 

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82

 

“Stay here,” commands the priest. He walks into the temple, but returns only moments later hand in hand with the weirdest looking woman you've ever seen.

She's something over fifty years old with unkempt greying black hair, thin as a pipe cleaner and with a pale face dominated by huge wild eyes. Frankly, she looks daft as a brush.

“This is Pythia, our chief priestess and oracle,” the priest introduces you.

She stares as if she's about to eat you alive, but says nothing.

“Charmed, I'm sure,” you nod.

“Now,” says the priest, “you're supposed to have sponsors, but since you haven't, I'd better take their place. I don't suppose you have a pelanos either?”

“What's a pelanos?” you ask blankly.

“Ritual cake,” the priest says. “Obviously you don't, so we'll use this one.” He pulls a small cake from a fold in his robe and hands it to you. “I don't see any sacrificial animal either -”

“I'm a member of Animal Rights and the Anti-Vivisection League!”

“- Yes, yes,” the priest says hastily. “We'll forego the sacrificial animal in this instance. Walk this way.”

The three of you walk a little way from the temple to a small river. “The Castalian spring!” announces the Pythia. To your amazement (and horror) she starts to throw off all her clothes.

“You too,” the priest tells you.

 

What is this - some sort of orgy? If you're prepared to take your clothes off in front of these extraordinary people, you can do so at
11
. If modesty forbids it, you'll be a lot better off at
118
.

 

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83

 

As you step back from the body, there is a sudden thunderclap and a large (but depressingly familiar) voice booms down from the sky: “You blithering idiot! That was Paris you just killed!”

“Paris, France?” you frown, bewildered.

“No -Paris, Troy!” shouts Zeus from his heavenly abode. “When he got involved with my wife and those two other trouble-makers, it was the start of this whole Trojan War business. Now you've killed him, the war will never get started.”

“But I thought that's what you wanted!” you protest.

“I wanted you to cut it short, not stop it happening altogether!” Zeus snaps. “I'd better send you back in time a little while so you can undo this ghastly mistake.”

And before you can protest, you find yourself whirling through spacetime in a giddying manner.

 

Roll one die. Score 1 and land at
33
. Score 2 and land at
135
. Score 3 and land at
93
. Score 4 and land at
58
. Score 5 and land at
84
. Score 6 and you're caught in a time-loop and have to roll the die again.

 

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