Guard My Heart (8 page)

It’s an old cliché but it works. Because the moment I
opened my eyes I was one step closer to death.

I wake up to fresh sea air in my lungs and girly giggles
in my ears. I sit up stiffly, surprised not to find any sea creatures stuck up
my ass. My sister and Jenna are playing in the surf. They seem to be running
toward the receding water and then running back up the beach when the wave goes
out again. I can’t help but laugh at Mia when she waits too long and ends up
looking like she’s competing in the 110 meter hurdles. Yes, she’s lifting her
legs that high. I stand up and walk toward them, stripping my shirt off in the
process.

The freezing water engulfs my feet but I don’t mind. The
way the receding wave sweeps the sand from under my feet intrigues me too much
to be put off by a little cold water, and I walk in deeper. I don’t run back
like the girls when the waves start coming back in. I stand and wait for it to
crash around me. My jeans are soaked through in seconds. I don’t even want to
know how I’m going to get rid of all the sand. I stand on my toes to keep the
water below my waist. Big mistake. The next wave knocks me over, and I’m
engulfed in water. I hold my breath and squeeze my eyes shut, in an attempt to
keep the salty water out of my sockets. I can feel the water tugging me deeper.
My lungs start burning. I kick my feet out in search of the bottom. For a few
seconds, I can’t find it and panic sets it. That’s until my hand hits sand and
I realize I’m floating sideways. I laugh at myself and maneuver my body until
my feet are firmly lodged in the loose sand. My head breaks the surface, and I
take a deep breath. I try to open my eyes, but the water burns it, and I squint
toward the beach. I’m quite a ways out, and Mia and Jenna are standing on the
beach, hands shielding their eyes, skimming the surface to look for me. I try
walking towards them but the waves are too strong and the tide pushes me back
out deeper. I’m an alright swimmer, and it shouldn’t be too difficult to get
back, but after countless times of being pushed and pulled in the surf, my arms
and legs burn with exertion. Every time I think I’m finally making headway, a
bigger wave comes and pulls me back in. I’m breathing heavily and I’m getting
tired. I can hear Mia calling me from the shore. Her voice is panicked and
shrill. A big wave builds infront of me, and I swim towards the crest with all
the strength I have left. I use the force of the wave to propel me forward and
paddle for my life. The wave pushes me within meters of the shore. I thrust my
legs out, and my feet find an even piece where I can walk to the shore. Mia and
Jenna stand waiting for me. Mia looks kind of pissed, kind of relieved, but
when I get to her, she bursts out laughing.

“You look like a drowned rat!” she says, throwing my
t-shirt at me.

“I feel like a drowned rat. Remind me not to do that
again,” I puff, wiping my face off with the shirt before I collapse knees first
into the sand. How many near-death experiences am I going to have before I
actually die?

Jenna’s tummy rumbles loudly, and she slaps her hand down
hard onto it. She giggles embarrassed and looks down.

“Come on. Let’s feed that monster before it devours you
alive,” I say while reaching out for her hand.

Jenna flashes me a big smile and lays her hand softly in
mine. The three of us walk up the pathway back to the bungalows with Mia
leading and Jenna and I swinging our entwined hands between us.

We do a quick rinse off under the outdoor showers and head
for our rooms.

When I get back to my room I check my phone.

No miss calls, no texts.

Maybe he changed his mind.

***

Mr. Rogers was not happy with us staying out all night. I
think he was sure we were out getting drunk on the beach, but seeing as none of
us smelled of alcohol, he let it go.

Breakfast was alright. We could choose between a selection
of cereals, fruits, yoghurt, or real food like bacon, eggs, and
toast.

I gave the server lady a big smile, making sure she knew I
was a growing boy with plenty of space for bacon and eggs. At first I didn’t
think it was going to work, but when I took a step forward to go back to my
table, she quickly waved me over and gave me two extra pieces. The grin I gave
her after that actually made her blush.

“Shame on you, Kyle Andrews,” Jenna scolded playfully when
I sat down next to her.

“What?” I feigned innocence.

“Flirting shamelessly for extra food like
that.”

I shrug my shoulder. “Hey, it’s bacon after all. Don’t
underestimate the lengths a guy would go to for bacon,” I say while nudging her
playfully with my shoulder.

She smiles at me shyly and lowers her gaze to her yoghurt
and apple. I reach out for her hand and hold it on the table between us. After
last night’s kiss, I just can’t seem to keep my hands off her. I know I’m
leading both of us down a dangerous path. But maybe Reno changed his mind. I
haven’t heard anything from him or Mike. I hope Mike read the note I slipped
him, when I shook his hand at the library.

Mr. Rogers announces that we have a trip to the falls
after breakfast and everybody is supposed to bring their suits and hiking shoes.
It sounds like a weird combination, but apparently the walk there is quite
rocky. But he promises there will be some pretty awesome pools when we get
there. This news seems to perk up quite a few of the students, and even I’m
excited. Hiking, rock climbing, and swimming sound like a guy type of
afternoon.

I leave Mia and Jenna at their bungalow door with strict
instructions from them to meet back there in ten minutes. I think they just
want me to carry all their extra baggage up that hill. They’ve got a surprise
coming.

I put on my chucks, because that is the closest to any
kind of hiking boots I have. My feet are going to be killing me by the time we
get back. I pull my bag from the top bunk to hunt for my towel, and my phone
tumbles down with it. I grab it with my one hand, but it slips through my
fingers and tumbles to the floor with a loud crack. When I pick it up I see the
screen is cracked. Shit. Great, I think to myself sarcastically. Then I see the
flashing envelope in the corner of the screen.

My heart stops. A slow buzz starts between my ears, and my
breath speeds through my lungs. With trembling fingers I open the text.

Unknown number.

Blank text.

He didn’t forget.

I can’t remember much about the hike up to the falls. I
saw the green of the trees out of the corner of my eye as I kept my head down
and focused on my shoes. I heard Mia and Jenna talking, but didn’t care to
understand the words. The wind carried tiny sprays of water and splattered them
against my skin, but I just couldn’t bring myself to look at the rumbling falls
in the distance. What is the use, it doesn’t mean anything to me. Nothing does,
except why I got myself into this mess. My family. They matter, and in the end,
this price would be worth it. I have to keep reminding myself why I’m doing
this. I’m feeling a little selfish at the moment. They will mourn me. They will
get over it. But me, what would happen to me?

“Come up with me,” Mia says, pulling on my arm.

I lift my head and look at her standing over me. I’ve been
lost in the dark cloud of my brain all morning. The other kids are swimming and
diving off the high rocks and into the pool at the bottom. It’s actually quite
beautiful here.

The falls are nestled into the side of a mountain. The
water carving an age old path into the body of the vast rock. The water tumbles
down the crooked path and collects in a deep pool at the bottom, surrounded by
various rocks of all shapes. Some are flat and round and most of the girls are
sunbathing on those. Other rocks are big with jagged protruding
edges.

Some of the guys are jumping off the cliffs and into the
water. The school photographers are having a field day snapping pictures for
our year end DVD.

“Kyle, come on,” Mia says again, yanking on my arm harder.
She wants me to jump off one of the lower cliffs with her. Trust my sister to
want to be a daredevil today.

I sit up and eye the flat cliff some of the more cautious
guys are jumping off of. It’s not even high, maybe ten feet above the water
surface. Mia could easily make the jump herself.

“Mia, I’m not really in the mood to join you in a belly
flop contest,” I say half-heartedly. I’m going to have to try harder than that
to get out of it.

“Are you scared?” she teases with a smirk.

“I’m not scared,” I snort.

“I dare you,” she says defiantly.

Jenna laughs next to Mia and gives me an idea. “Take Jenna
with you,” I offer.

“Uh, no,” Jenna says holding up both her hands. “I want to
live,” she adds shaking her head from side to side.

I laugh and shake my head.

“Kyle is a chicken,” Mia sings flapping her arms around.
She looks like a deranged ostrich.

I fear she might start clucking soon so I get off my ass
and walk towards the rocks.

We have to maneuver over several shallow pools in between
the rocks, and at some places, Mia clasps her hands so tight around my arms I
swear she’s going to burst a blood vessel. I think the only reason she asked me
to jump with her is so I can help her over the slippery rocks. Twice I have to
pull her up onto the higher rocks. Did I mention it’s only about ten feet high?
When we finally get to the top, Mia looks down and takes a step back,
splattering her back against the side of the mountain. I think she thinks if
she pushes hard enough she might disappear inside the mountain.

“Since when are you afraid of heights?” I tease
her.

“I’m not afraid of heights,” she shoots back and takes a
step forward, only to immediately step back. “Okay, maybe I’m a little afraid
of heights,” she says nervously.

“Remember the diving board at the community center? This
is the same height,” I console her. She’s starting to look pale, and I did not
haul her ass all the way up here just too piggyback her back down.

“Are you sure?” she asks eyeing me
suspiciously.

“Yup, give me your hand and close your eyes,” I tell
her.

She hesitates for a second, her eyes darting between the
edge and the way we came up. One thing you should know about my sister is that
she’s a sport for anything, and this was her idea, so she will go through with
it. She just has to psych herself up first. Mia doesn’t have a lot of faith in
herself. She’s constantly pushing herself to do better, crazier, scarier
things. It’s as if she has to prove something to herself.

She places her hand in mine. Her eyes go to mine, and I
can see the spark of life in there, the determination to do this spurring her
on. I hope nobody ever takes that fight away from her.

“One, two—”

Before she can say three, I pull us both forward and leap
into the air. Her shriek dies out when we hit the water. She pulls on my arm as
she kicks and propels herself to the surface.

“That was awesome!” she shouts loudly while swatting wet
hair out of her face. “Let’s do it again,” she says, not waiting for me to
follow. I tread water for a minute while watching some of the guys jump off the
higher cliffs. The first jump with Mia was cool. A little bit of a rush, but
from their height, your stomach is sure to drop. I swim toward the edge and
follow Mia up. This time I don’t have to help her. Her excitement urges her
forward all on her own. She looks like some über chimpanzee or some shit as she
climbs up the rocky surface.

When we get to the flat rock, Mia stands at the edge and
gives me a sneaky grin. She jumps up into the air and grabs her knees, forming
a big ball. I rush to the edge to see her splash into the water. She manages to
make quite a big bomb for her tiny frame.

Her head pops out of the water, and she waves up to me.
Christopher is on the ledge above me and shouts for her to move out the way.
When I look back down to see if she’s safely out of the way, I catch a glimpse
of a figure. It’s a guy, dressed all in black. He’s standing on the hill on the
opposite side of the falls, and he is looking straight at me. I look around to
see if anybody else sees him, but everybody seems to be busy with their own
thing. When I look back to where I saw him, he is gone.

I scan the entire side of the falls, but the guy is gone.
Maybe if I climb higher I can see him.

“Kyle, are you gonna jump or what?” Mark asks me. His
voice startles me. I didn’t even notice there were other people waiting for me
to jump so they could go.

“Nah, you can go. I’m going higher,” I say pointing up
with my thumb.

Sticking to my last minute decision, I grab hold of the
ledge above me and pull myself up. I look over to the other side of the pool
and still nothing, no guy in sight. In fact, the entire right side of that hill
is devoid of movement. There’s another ledge a few feet above me. The same
ledge Christopher jumped from a few minutes earlier. It’s higher than I
would’ve liked, but if Christopher can do it, so can I. Besides, it’s the
highest point, and if I can’t see the mysterious dude from there, then I will
have to walk to the other side.

When I finally get to the top, my legs are cramping and I
sit down, heaving for air. I’ve got some scratches on my palms from the sharp
rocks, and I understand why Christopher only made this jump once. It’s a
full-body workout getting up here. Still sitting, I shade my eyes and look over
the world below me. Jenna is standing, watching me with a worried look on her
face. I blow her a kiss and she smiles. Her smile is a bit wobbly, and I flash
her a reassuring grin. I’m not sure if she can see it being so far away from
me. But she looks down and shakes her head lightly. A telltale sign that’s
she’s blushing. She always tries to hide it by tucking her head down. I stand
up and look down into the pool of water easily twenty feet below me. Mia is
still down there looking up at me. She shakes her head.

“You are crazy, Kyle Andrews! Get down before you break
your neck!” she shouts.

I laugh and shake my own head. A black blur draws my eye
to the right on the opposite embankment. It’s the guy, the same one from
earlier. He is running down the hill and toward the edge across from me. He
waves my black backpack at me. The bag I left in my room. I open my mouth to
call out to him, but my voice dies in my throat. I can’t see his face because
he’s wearing a cap, but I know who that is. Fuck.

They say your life flashes before your eyes before you
die. You see everything you’ve ever done. All your wrongs, all your rights, the
happy and the sad. But that’s not what I see. I saw everything I never got to
do. All my missed opportunities. I look over to Jenna who is still watching me,
she’s moved closer to the water’s edge. Probably to get a closer look at my
jump. My final act. I hope she can see everything I’ve ever wanted to say to
her. I hope my eyes tell my story. She tilts her head slightly and looks at me
like she’s confused. Then her faces slowly lights up and she takes a step
forward, a smile grows on her face. When I’m sure I have her full attention, I
touch my fingers to my lips and blow the girl of my dreams a final kiss. I move
my gaze away quickly. I don’t want to see what she thinks about that last kiss.
I find Mia’s eyes, and she looks just as confused as Jenna looked a few seconds
ago. But she’s not as patient.

“Come on, Kyle, just jump already!” she shouts, sounding
slightly annoyed.

That thing people tell you about being twins and feeling
each other feelings, that’s crap, but we can tell when something is wrong,
maybe that’s just because we know each other so well. Mia senses something is
off. She gets restless in the water and starts walking to the rocky
shore.

I take a step forward, my feet halfway over the edge. One
quick look tells me Mike is already gone and waiting for me on the other side
of the hill. I can only hope that one day I will be forgiven. The day I made
this stupid decision, I never thought it would come to this. I never thought I
would put my mom and Mia in danger. I never thought I would die.

I close my eyes and jump.