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Authors: Keisha Ervin

BOOK: Gunz and Roses
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“Uh-uh, fuck that, Clyde. I ain't wit' it. Yo' jive ass still ain't paid me for that gig we did back in eighty-seven.”

“Nigga, I told you we wasn't gettin' cash for that gig. That bucket of fried chicken yo' fat-ass wife ate up was the payment, so tech-nic-ly, you . . . owe . . . me!”

“Oh, no you didn't!” Uncle Ronnie threw down his drink. “Ain't nobody said nuttin' about that big bitch you got over there! Lookin' like a big-ass porch monkey.”

“Now you done did it! You ain't have to go there! You know Francine got a low metabolism!”

“Fuck you and Francine!”

“You out the group! Goddamn!” Clyde pointed his finger in Ronnie's face. “It's just me and you now, Joe! But don't get yo' ass on this stage and start embarrassing me like that crackhead Amy Winehouse.”

“My singin' days is over, Clyde,” Joseph replied. “And yours are too.”

“I shoulda known yo' hatin' ass was gon' say that. You been jealous of me ever since Mama let me get a perm.”

“Sure, Clyde.”

“You know what? Fuck it! I don't need n'all one of ya! Like Swizz Beatz said, I'm a one man band man. When my record go platinum, I don't wanna hear from neither one of you bitches!” With that being said, Clyde stormed off.

“Y'all wild than a muthafucka.” Gunz cracked up laughing.

“That's ya Uncle Clyde actin' a fool. As a matter of fact, I'm about to go tell Mama,” Uncle Ronnie exclaimed. “Mama!”

“Those are my brothers.” Joseph hung his head and smiled.

A warm breeze swayed through the air. An uncomfortable silence filled the space between Gunz and his father. Neither knew quite what to say to the other.

“So why you don't sing no more?” Gunz finally spoke up.

“I do sometimes. My throat kinda messed up, though, from smokin' so many cigarettes throughout the years.”

“Umm.”

“I see you brought you a li'l lady friend.” Joseph looked over in Gray's direction.

She was laughing and having a good time. Her smile brightened up Gunz's whole mood.

“Yeah.”

“She's nice-lookin' .”

“I know.”

“Can I give you some advice?”

“Knock ya'self out,” Gunz replied in a sarcastic tone.

“Treat her right. You don't want to end up like me—old, alone, and full of regret.”

“I ain't even worried about all of that. Gray ain't going nowhere. I got that in the bag.”

“If you say so.” Joseph shrugged his shoulders.

“Look, I appreciate your concern, but you the last person to be giving me advice,” Gunz said sternly.

“Your grandmother is so cute,” Gray said, coming over. “We're all going shopping this weekend.”

“That's what's up. Gray, this is my old dude, Joseph.” Gunz wrapped his arm around her waist.

“Hi. Nice to meet you.” She waved.

“Nice to meet you too, sweetheart.”

“If I could have everyone's attention.” Uncle Clyde tapped and blew into a customized white microphone decorated with rhinestones.

Nobody was quite ready for what he had to say or his choice of wardrobe. Uncle Clyde had changed into a form-fitting, shiny metallic jumpsuit. The front zipper was zipped down to the middle of his stomach, revealing a chest full of nappy hair lathered in baby oil. Around his neck was a white scarf tied to the side. On his feet he wore a pair of silver men's ankle boots.

“I got a little song I want er'body to hear,” he said with his head down, obviously upset. “Ronnie and Joseph, I dedicate this to you.”

Uncle Clyde pressed
PLAY
on the CD player and a funky drum beat began. Then the sound of a keyboard came through. Suddenly, before anybody knew it, Uncle Clyde had twirled around in a circle then dropped to his knees and sang, “The shooooooow must go ooooooonnn! One monkey . . . don't stop no show! If you don't want my love, you're free to go.”

Everyone in attendance was flabbergasted.

“If this is how all your family get-togethers are, then when are we gettin' married?” Gray laughed uncontrollably.

“When ‘Smoking Weed Wit' the Windows Up' goes number one,” Gunz replied.

 

Two months had passed since the picnic, and the weather outside Gunz's window was bleak. Wet and dull were better words to describe it. A thick fog cascaded over the decades-old buildings. Slick rain covered the streets, while leaves fell leisurely from trees. Businessmen and women hustled for yellow cabs, but nothing else seemed to move. Everything was still, like the end of the earth was approaching. Gunz detested being alone.

The four walls that surrounded him appeared as if they were closing in. Something evil was lurking in the shadows. He could feel it in the air. Bishop and Watts said it was just paranoia, but Gunz knew better. He'd felt the same way when his sister died. There was no way he was gonna ignore the painful feeling that alarmed his stomach.

Something bad was about to happen. The only thing that kept him sane was Gray. Nine months had passed, and they'd been hanging tough like Ernie and Bert. Gunz never thought it would be, but he'd completely switched the way he lived. Rough sex with random women was a thing of the past. He didn't even stay out all night anymore. With Gray, his all wasn't enough. For her, he wanted to give everything he was and more.

Anything she requested, he intended to provide. Gray was heaven sent. The type of love she gave was the kind only God could provide. On a scale of one to ten, he couldn't rank her. She was his drug of choice.

He needed to see her. She promised that she'd be over after work. Gunz checked his watch. It was six o'clock. She'd been off for over an hour.

Tired of playing NBA Live '09, he placed the game on pause and made his way into the kitchen. He was in desperate need of a drink. After fixing himself a glass of Chivas scotch mixed with lemon-lime soda, Gunz reentered the living area. His place was too big. There was no life to it. Maybe Gray living there on a permanent basis would liven up the place.

“Nah.” Gunz shook his head.

He couldn't go out like that. It was simply too soon. Anxious, he checked his watch again. Fifteen more minutes had passed. Where was she? He hadn't seen her face in over twenty-four hours. Gunz missed the way her blue eyes slanted like diamonds. If she didn't come soon, there was no telling what he might do. He needed her there to calm all of his worries.

As if on cue, a minute later she knocked on the door. Gunz made his way over and opened it.

Gray sauntered into the room like America's Next Top Model. Gunz never could get a grip on just how beautiful she was. Her long black hair was flat-ironed straight to the back. A simple but expensive pair of three-carat diamond stud earrings, which were a gift from Gunz, twinkled from her ears. Gray was elegantly dressed in a pink-and-white striped, three-quarter sleeve button-up shirt, white fitted vest, white wide-leg cropped pants, and black tie. A vintage brooch in the center of the tie added a bit of spice to the overall look of the ensemble. Smiling from ear to ear, she took off her coat.

“ 'Bout time yo' ass got here,” Gunz spoke while eying her.

“I'm sorry.” She rushed over and kissed his cheek. “Hailing a cab was hell.”

“What I tell you about that shit? I could've had Lorenzo come get you.”

“I know. I'm just used to doing stuff on my own. But that's not important. Guess what?” she gushed.

“What?”

“I got a promotion!” Gray jumped up and down.

“That's what's up, babe.” Gunz scooped her up in his arms.

“Thank you. You're lookin' at the new creative director of style.”

“I'm proud of you.”

“And guess what else.”

“What else?”

“Next Saturday the company is throwing me a private party at Niche.”

“Word? That's what's up, ma. You in there. I'm really happy for you, straight up.”

“Thanks, babe, I'm happy too. I can't wait to pick me out something to wear. Niche is really posh, so I have to look fabulous. I'm thinking I might wear that one dress you had Jada pick out for me. What are you going to wear?”

“I . . . don't . . . know.” He eyed her, confused. “I wasn't planning on going.”

“Why not? It's my party.”

“I understand that. I just figured we'd get up afterwards.”

“Noooo. I want you there. I've already told everybody that you were coming. They can't wait to meet you, especially Sienna.”

“See, I wish you wouldn't have did that.” Gunz walked away, upset. Gray stood thunderstruck.

“What's the problem?”

“I'm happy for you, G, I am, but that's yo' thing. I ain't into all that.”

“Okay,” Gray stated, confused. “Soooo, you can't just come for me for a little while?”

“You making this hard, man.” Gunz exhaled.

“Please. I never ask you to do anything for me. Just this once, please.”

Gunz took one look into Gray's puppy dog eyes and melted. There was no way he could tell her no.

“A'ight, I'll go.”

 

The next day after getting off of work, Gray called Truth.

“What's up, big head?” she joked as he answered the phone.

“Shit, on Washington having lunch at Mosaic.”

“With who?” she quipped, slightly perturbed.

“By myself. Why?”

“I'm just fuckin' wit' you.” She laughed. “You could've called me, though.”

“I thought you and ya man might be together,” he shot.

“Noooo, not today. Anyway, I was callin' to invite you to my party.”

“What party?”

“I got a promotion. You are speaking to the new creative director of style.”

“That's what's up, ma,” Truth said, genuinely happy. “Where the party gon' be at?” He took a bite of his sandwich.

“At Niche. It starts at seven p.m., so don't be late.”

“Is ol' boy gon' be there?”

“Yeah . . . but I really want you to be there. I mean, I know it's a lot to be asking, but you're one of my best friends.”

“I hear what you're sayin', but I don't know if I can be around that nigga like that. I mean, have you forgotten that he killed my brother?”

“Truth, we already discussed that. You don't have any proof.”

“So you still taking up for that man?”

“I'm not taking up for anybody. I just want you to be there to support me on one of my biggest nights.”

“Nah, you know I ain't gon' never not support you, but I don't know. Let me think about it.”

“I understand,” Gray replied, disappointed. “So how have you been?”

“Good. You?”

“I've been great.”

While Gray talked, Truth held the phone and wished that she would see that with him was where she was destined to be. He didn't wanna hear about her and another man, especially when that man was Gunz, who didn't deserve to wake up to her smile. He didn't see how special she really was. Gray was the type of woman who, when she found love, she would give you her world. Gunz would never appreciate that.

Truth was the one who recognized the wonderful qualities she possessed. He wanted to be the one who kissed her lips at night and made love to her under the moonlight. He wanted to love her openly and freely. She held the key to his heart. No other woman was of interest to him, but it was up to her to give him a chance. If she didn't, he would simply have to force his way into her life.

I
t's like I checked into rehab and baby,
you're my disease . . .

 

Rihanna, “Rehab”

Chapter Nine

T
he vibe at Niche was mellow and elegant. The who's who of the industry were all in attendance for Gray's big party. Never before had she felt more special. All of her friends, including Truth, were there. Waiters dressed in black tie roamed the room, offering guests appetizers and glasses of Cristal. A smooth mix of R&B and Neo-Soul music played softly in the background.

Gray was dressed to the nines in a black tank top and super sexy charcoal grey Herve Leger mini-skirt. Her hair was parted down the middle with loose curls. She wore two small necklaces and a bracelet. The heels she rocked were what set the entire outfit off. They were a pair of $945 tribal-inspired Yves Saint Laurent heels that Gunz had bought.

Surrounded by her colleagues, Gray smiled graciously and checked her watch. The party had been in full effect for over an hour and Gunz still hadn't opted to show up. With each second that passed, her patience began to grown thin.

“Giiiiiiirl, this party is nice.” Tee-Tee clicked his tongue.

“Yeah, it is,” she answered, barely paying attention.

“It's a whole lot of eligible men up in here, and one of them is coming home wit' me tonight.”

“Tee-Tee, please.” Kema rolled her eyes. “Don't none of these men up in here want yo' ass.”

“Satan, please. That stallionaire over there been giving me the eye since I stepped up in this muthafucka. If he keep it up, I'ma have to let 'im get a taste.”

“You are one sick individual.”

“How many licks does it take till you get to the center of the—” he sang while grinding his booty on Kema.

“If you don't get yo' ass off of me” she hissed, pushing him away. “Can't take black folks nowhere.”

“Umm, Gray, it is going on nine o'clock. Where is yo' man at?” Heidi asked.

“That's a good question.” Gray looked down at her watch, wondering where Gunz could be.

 

Gunz checked his watch. He was over two hours late to Gray's party. He was sure steam was rising from her skin, but pressing business always came before pleasure. Gunz looked into the face of the person who was before him. Tears seeped from his eyes, but Gunz couldn't allow himself to feel anything for him. This was a part of the business, and showing sympathy was a sign of weakness, so Gunz bottled his feelings deep within his heart and prayed that one day God would forgive him.

No matter how much the man screamed and squirmed, no one was going to come to his rescue. There was a rope tied around his neck and hands to secure his death. The only thing keeping him alive was a rickety wooden table that teeter-tottered under his feet. Gunz wanted to feel sorry for him, but this was a part of the business. Fortune knew the consequences of his actions when he betrayed Gunz's trust. He'd allowed greed to overshadow common sense. He should have known when he stared into Gunz's eyes that he was not the man to be crossed.

 

Gray crossed the room with anger in her eyes. All night she'd been bombarded with questions of, “Where is Gunz?” Her friends tried being supportive, but she could tell by the look in their eyes that they'd had it with Gunz letting her down. Gray felt like an absolute idiot. As she made her way over to the door, she was stopped by Truth.

“Yo, you all right?” he asked.

“Mm-hmm,” she lied.

“You don't have to lie to me, Gray. I know you're pissed off. I would be too if the person I was with stood me up on one of the most important nights of my life.”

“Thanks for making me feel better, Truth.” Gray rolled her eyes.

“No, I ain't sayin' it like that. All I'm tryin' to say is I'm here. Despite everything that's going on, I put my feelings aside to be here for you. I just wish ol' boy could've shown you the same respect.”

“I'll be right back.” Gray walked away before he could say another word.

She understood that Truth was only trying to be nice, but at that moment, she didn't want to hear anything he or anybody else had to say. The only person she wanted to hear from was Gunz.

Outside the restaurant, she dialed his cell phone number. A brisk October wind caused goose bumps to rise on her arms, but the weather was the least of Gray's worries.

If Gunz didn't answer the phone soon, she was sure to lose her mind. He knew how much she needed him by her side. All she'd thought about was sharing her big night with him. This was not how things were supposed to be. He was supposed to be there with her. Shivering and unable to breathe, she held the phone up to her ear and prayed with each ring that he'd pick up.

 

Gunz picked up a RIDGID ten-inch angle grinder. It was covered in Fortune's blood. Gunz had taken a sick and sadistic pleasure in pressing the metal grinder up against the skin of Fortune's face as a bloodcurdling scream roared from his throat.

Gunz's cell phone vibrated against his thigh. He took a glance at the screen and saw Gray's name. Instead of answering, he sent her call to voicemail.

Gunz stepped toward Fortune and looked him square in the eye. Sweat mixed with blood dripped down his face. He was barely even twenty-four years old. The baby boy who lay in his crib at home would never see his father again. It was a sad situation, but it had to be done.

“You should have never stole from me,” Gunz whispered to him before taking the grinder to his nose and cutting it off.

Fortune's body shook violently from the pain. Once he calmed down some, Gunz could tell that he had something to say. Gunz roughly ripped the duct tape from his mouth.

“Gunz, please. I'm sorry! Don't do this! Please,” Fortune sobbed.

“I can't do it. You stole twenty-eight ki's of coke from me. Now I gotta do you in like I did your man Rich.”

Tired of talking, Gunz kicked over the table. Fortune twisted and squirmed around to no avail. It was inevitable; death was approaching. The air in his lungs tightened while the veins in his neck expanded and bulged like straws. If only his hands could break loose, but they couldn't. The light in the room began to fade. Fortune unwillingly closed his eyes. This was it, the moment in life every person dreads. He should've listened to Truth and laid low, but the money was too good not to splurge a bit. Splurging got him caught. Now he was about to meet his maker. As he took his last breath, he prayed that he'd repented for all his sins.

 

It was 12:30
AM
and Gray lay in wait again. Gray prayed to God that Gunz had a valid reason for standing her up. Ever since her coworker Ra'Shawn dropped her off at home, she'd done nothing but sit by the phone. Each time she tried calling Gunz, his voicemail clicked on. Stupidity munched away at her pride. Here she was thinking they'd gotten past all the games and lies, but once more Gunz was proving her wrong.

The shrill sound of the phone ringing caused Gray to jump. It just had to be Gunz. With her arms crossed over her chest, she studied the caller I.D. It was Heidi. Instead of answering, Gray let the phone ring. She couldn't risk the chance of her friend hearing the disappointment in her voice. This was not how her night was supposed to go.

She shouldn't be sitting by the phone in misery. Her lungs should be able to release a breath of air without constant struggle. Salty tears shouldn't sting the brims of her eyes. Gunz was supposed to be there whispering sweet nothings into the lips of her pussy, while moans of gratification fled from her throat.

“I can't believe this nigga. He don't give a fuck about me,” she whispered out loud as the heel of her stiletto tapped against the wooden floor.

Why couldn't he just call? Didn't he know that the longer he went without communication, the more crazed Gray felt? Once again he'd made her look like a fool. Didn't Gunz know that she could have any man she wanted? She didn't have to put up with his shit.

Gray attempted not to believe that he was with another woman, but that's all her gut could go back to. The mere thought made her sick. This wasn't the first time he'd stood her up. Another woman had to be the cause. Yep, that's what it was. Gray could see him running his fingers through her hair. At that very moment, while she sat in anguish, he was probably entering the wet slit of the other woman's pussy. The pit of her stomach couldn't take it anymore.

Gray was just about to try to call him again when there was a buzz at her door. She knew it was Gunz. Heated, she hopped up from the couch and buzzed him up.

“Before you start, my bad,” Gunz declared, walking past her visibly aggravated.

This pissed Gray off even more. How dare he come to her house with an attitude like she'd done something wrong? Gray's mouth hung wide open in shock as she closed the door behind him.

“I know we had plans and all, but I had some shit that I needed to take care of, and it couldn't wait.”

“So you couldn't pick up the phone and call? You had me lookin' like a fuckin' fool in front of my friends, my coworkers, and my boss.”

“I was in the middle of some stuff and I got here as soon as I could. I didn't have time to be on the phone arguing wit' you about why I wasn't gonna be there.”

“What the fuck were you doing that was so important that you couldn't call me? I'm not stupid, Gunz. I know you was with another chick.”

“Why is that always your first line of defense? I tell you I was busy and you start stressin' about some other chick that don't even fuckin' exist. What the fuck is that shit about?”

“What you mean, what is that about? You stood me up! What the fuck about that don't you get?”

“And I'm standing here.” Gunz rushed toward her face. “I'm tryin' to apologize, but you just don't get it. It's like you think I like to see you hurt.”

“Evidently you do, 'cause you keep on doing shit to hurt me.”

“You know what? I'm out.” He stepped past her and reached for the doorknob.

“So you mean to tell me you about to leave?” Gray stared at him with a look of shock on her face.

“What am I supposed to do? I'm not gettin' ready to stand here and listen to a whole bunch of nonsense. I told you what the deal was, but you don't believe me, so I'm done tryin' to explain myself. You can go through this drama all by yourself, 'cause I ain't got time for it. I got enough shit on my plate.”

“Well, fuck it then. If that's how you feel, bye,” Gray shot, opening the door for him.

“That's what's up.” Gunz chuckled, pissed.

Gray simply rolled her eyes and shot him a look that said she could give a fuck. Gunz got the hint and walked out. She slammed the door behind him.

 

The Delmar Lounge was crazy packed with people. A cloud of cigarette smoke hovered over the crowd. Charlie Chan spun N.E.R.D's “Everyone Nose.” Every chick in the spot took to the floor. Gunz leaned up against the wooden bar with his fourth cup of Grand Marnier and pineapple juice in hand. Being in a fun environment was a welcome invitation after the day he'd had. Nobody, including Gray, understood his life and all of the demands that came along with being him.

He'd warned her from the beginning that fuckin' with him wasn't a good idea. Hell, Gunz even tried warning himself that committing to one woman wasn't the way to go. But neither he nor Gray listened to their consciences. Now the both of them were suffering because of poor decision making. But Gunz couldn't sweat that. It was how it was. If Gray forgave him, she forgave him. If she didn't, oh well. The way Gunz was feeling, he couldn't care less.

Gunz turned around and signaled the bartender. “Ay, let me get another one.” He held up his glass.

While Gunz waited, he felt someone embracing him from behind.

“I miss you, daddy.” the woman purred as she licked and bit his earlobe.

Gunz didn't even have to turn around. He knew the sound of that seductive voice from anywhere.

“Is that right?” He turned around so that he and Devin were face to face.

Nothing had changed about her since the last time he saw her, except now she rocked a short hairdo. All the things he liked about her were still there. Devin's honeycomb skin felt like the finest silk underneath his fingertips. Her auburn eyes still drew him in as if she'd cast a spell. They were never good for one another, but visions of the way her ass would jiggle as he hit it from the back clouded his drunken mind. One more time wouldn't hurt. And yes, how Gray would feel if she found out entered his head, but she'd already accused him of cheating. Why not do it?

“Why haven't I heard from you?” Devin held him tight.

“You tell me.”

“If I knew, I wouldn't be askin',” she countered back.

A slight grin crossed Gunz's face. He always did like that she was quick on her feet.

“Normally you call me at least once a week. Shit, I haven't talk to you since I don't know when. I hope it's not because of that one chick.”

The mention of Gray brought Gunz back to reality, but resentment loaded his pride.

“What you doing after you leave here?” He changed the subject.

Devin licked her lips in a suggestive manner and said, “I'm coming home wit' you.”

The sound of rain tapped against Gray's window pane as she lay on her side, curled up underneath the sheets. Blankly she stared out the window. It was ironic how the weather seemed to match her mood. Everything was dreary. Clouds filled the sunless sky. Even the trees appeared to be lifeless and unhappy. All night Gray had tossed and turned.

Sleep was impossible. Any position she lay in was uncomfortable without Gunz there by her side. Each second that passed and he didn't reach out, Gray second-guessed herself. Had she overreacted? Maybe she should have heard him out. What if he was telling the truth? Was the picture she'd painted in her mind wrong? To fade away would be great.

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