Gut Feeling (4 page)

‘I tried to find you but you’d changed your mobile number.’ Still she had nothing to say. ‘I love you, Ashleigh Lands. Please talk to me. We can work through this.’

Lee was worried. She normally had so much to say for herself but she just sat there, lifeless, eyes fixed on the wall in front of her. He wondered if she was ill. Eventually she turned her head to speak, looking directly at him with cool, calm composure.

‘Nearly two years ago my whole family emigrated to America, along with my only sister who I miss every day. I was meant to go with them, remember? I had a new life set out for me—a job, and a home. But I stayed for you. Decided it was time to stop clinging on to my sister, do what I want, make my own decisions and with that came my own mistakes, you being one of those mistakes.’

Ash’s eyes started to well up but she blinked back the tears not wanting to cry over him any more. When Ash was twenty-four her father took a job offer as a leading executive in a major New York-based oil business, and the whole family emigrated. Ash had planned to take a waitress job while she studied for the American dental nurse exams so she could work in America, but it was not to be: she chose to stay in England with Lee, hoping to become Mrs Preston. Looking back, Ash knew she had made the wrong decision not to leave with her family, but naivety and fear had clouded her judgment.

The first six months were exciting. Her father had paid up a year’s rent in advance for her on a flat in Victoria two roads away from where Rachel lived so she wouldn’t feel alone. Ash knew her mother and father felt guilty not being around to look after her; this was their way of caring from a distance. Ash didn’t need or want their money but she knew that to refuse would have been an insult to her father’s intentions.

The second half of the year in her new flat was somewhat different. Lee started coming over less and suddenly the client functions he went to became increasingly nerve-racking for Ash, as Lee noticeably flirted with most of the women guests. And he was developing an unhealthy relationship with his mobile phone. He stopped taking certain calls in front of her claiming them to be, ‘Just some client, babe, I keep telling him that he needs to get a grip and stop calling me all the time.’

Ash would often find herself questioning his whereabouts, causing Lee to fly off the handle accusing her of not trusting him. She tried to be strong and stand up to his manipulative behaviour but it was no good, he could outthink her next questions and create a plausible answer before she could even contemplate what she wanted to ask. After they argued he would make love to her in a way she had never experienced with anyone else; he made her believe she was unique and special to him, and then feel silly for not trusting him and she would then apologise for being jealous.

Lee smiled at her. ‘It’s OK, babe. I know you trust me deep down. You just have to ignore these silly thoughts you have. It’s you I love.’ The words flowed like polluted water from his mouth.

Ash took a quick deep breath. ‘I don’t regret staying in London, I loved you, still do in a way, but I trusted you. You broke that trust by sleeping with another woman.’

Lee fidgeted slightly, sensing she had found a new strength, but this didn’t faze him as he knew she couldn’t resist his charm and the lifestyle he offered. In his arrogance he truly believed that she would not find a more eligible bachelor than himself. Ignoring what she had just said, he declared, ‘It was the biggest mistake of my life losing you—one silly, silly mistake.’ He looked at the floor, trying to convey his regret.

‘
One
mistake it certainly wasn’t, Lee—more like the one I found out about.’

‘Ash, you know that’s not true.’

‘Do I? Most parties you took me to I always had a funny feeling that your ex girlfriends might not have been so ex.’

‘People like me, it’s not my fault. I have to mingle, and you just got jealous. It’s business, honey.’ He took a sip of coffee, sitting back in the sofa looking at her.

‘Like your client’s twenty-two-year-old Swedish niece was business, you mean.’

Ash stood up, walking over to the window. He followed behind, standing close as she stared out the window.

‘I’m so, so sorry,’ he whispered.

Ash didn’t move, steadying herself as she gripped the window ledge.

‘Ash, I wish I could go back and change the past, darling.’ He placed his hands on her shoulders.

Ash missed the feel of his strong hands on her body. It still felt nice to have him touch her in this gentle protective way. He bent to smell her perfume, sending shivers down her body; she felt his mouth close to her skin.

‘She meant nothing.’

His warm breath brushed against her neck. The words rang through her head like an air-raid siren in the blackouts, people running for shelter from the bombs about to drop, destroying life as they had known it. Only Ash had nowhere to run. He was in her house and she couldn’t run away from him, his words or her feelings for him.

‘Get out!’ She snapped turning to face him.

He stared at her for what felt like ages, then slowly he walked away without a word, not even a single glance back, slamming the front door. She fought back the tears, pushing away the pain, the unwanted desires she had just felt. The sound of her house phone brought her back to reality; she let it ring for a while then hurried to answer before they rang off.

It was Dave. A feeling of relief flooded her as she stood listening to his deep voice telling her of his trouble-free day without a care in the world. She didn’t feel the need to disclose her encounter with Lee to him as this time she knew things were going to be OK. She wasn’t going back. This time it was different: she had changed; she had managed without Lee in her life; she had moved on; life was fresh and it was a time for change.

* * *

It was nearing one o’clock after she put down the phone to Dave, realising she had to meet the others. She hurried round the flat getting ready and grabbing things before rushing off to the Harp, a pub in Victoria where her friends would often meet for lunch when their busy lives permitted them to.

Surprisingly she arrived at the Harp with a good five minutes to spare. She found a table and sat drinking a glass of chardonnay. The door to the pub opened and she heard Rachel’s loud voice as she walked over towards Ash with Jules and Leon behind.

‘Ash darling, hello.’ Rachel’s voice filled the pub as she bent down to kiss the air on either side of Ash’s face.

‘Hello Rachel, hi Leon… Jules. How are you?’

Ash gestured for Jules to sit down next to her while Leon rushed to get the drinks, leaving them to ponder over the lunch menu. Jules hadn’t changed much. She still looked a million dollars, dressed in the latest fashion, thick long blonde hair pushed back by Gucci sunglasses.

‘So…’ Ash said as Jules sat down in the chair next to her. ‘How was Milan then?’

‘Fun but glad to be home if I’m honest.’ Ash caught a hint of relief in her voice. ‘And after that party and the model OD’ing, I couldn’t have stayed another day longer.’

Rachel and Leon both perked up like meerkats as they had both forgotten.

‘Oh yeah, what happened?’ they said in unison.

‘It was just awful.’ Jules shook her head. ‘She was dancing like a banshee one minute and then just collapsed in a heap, nearly falling of the eight foot podium she was on. I ran over and her eyes were in the top of her head. It was well scary—all you could see was the whites of her eyes. Anyway, one of the security guards picked her up and just threw her over his shoulder and ran to his car.’

Ash was horrified. ‘Why didn’t you call for an ambulance?’

‘He said that they would take too long. I think he was the one who got her the stuff.’

‘What stuff?’

‘Oh Ash, sweetie, the drugs. Anyway, me and another model jumped in his car with them. Her head was on my lap and I swear to God I thought she was dead. They gave her some drug to reverse the effect of the cocaine and she seemed to be responding but then her heart stopped. Oh God, it was awful. We all got pushed out of the room but we could hear the heart machine screaming.’

‘She died then?’ Leon said as Jules had stopped talking and seemed to be in a trancelike state, remembering the events.

‘No, she pulled through, no thanks to the cocktail of drugs they found in her blood. She had taken everything but the kitchen sink. They put her in intensive care and I’m going to sack her the minute she’s back in London.’

‘Harsh.’

‘Nothing harsh about it, Leon. She was at work and took drugs.’

‘Well, affectively she was not at work. She was at a party and her boss was there.’

‘Don’t defend her, Leon, or me and you will fall out. She was at work and being paid to work, party or no party, and her job was to look pretty and not collapse on a goddamn podium in front of every major name in the magazine industry, not to mention my boss. The girl is getting fired.’

‘You’re right, Jules.’ Ash rubbed her shoulder and shot a sharp look at Leon.

‘How’s Lee?’ Jules asked, unaware of past events.

Rachel quickly jumped in, telling the whole story while Ash sat back and listened, slightly relieved that she didn’t have to do the explaining. Jules looked back and forth from Rachel to Leon as they delivered the full story, shocked that no one had told her before.

‘Why didn’t you say something? It’s not like we haven’t spoken,’ Jules addressed the whole group.

‘Sorry, it’s my fault,’ said Ash. ‘I didn’t want to bore you with my problems. You sounded so busy whenever we spoke and if I’m honest, it was nice to talk about something else. I should have told you sooner.’

‘You should have, yes, but anyway you’ve told me now.’

One by one they gave their orders to the waitress and carried on filling Jules in with the gossip.

‘It’s been five months since I left him but I’m OK now,’ Ash said, moving her drink out of the way so the waitress could put their cutlery down.

‘She’s met a new man though, haven’t you, Ash?’ Leon announced proudly.

‘Yeah, he’s lovely. I met him last week. He came to fix a window at work. He’s a window glazer, and then he asked me out.’ Ash smiled like the cat that had got the cream, thinking of the night before and continued. ‘He’s six foot two, dark brown hair and hazel eyes. Oh and lovely broad shoulders.’

She took a sip of her drink, still smiling. ‘He took me for dinner last night to a French place on the riverfront in Richmond. It was the perfect romantic first date, everything was the way it should have been.’ Ash paused. ‘Apart from the bit where I fell over, that is.’

‘Ash, you didn’t! How?’ Rachel cringed, putting her face in her hands.

‘Mmm, well after dinner we took a walk along the river. We had the most heartstopping kiss, but on the walk back, the heel on my shoe broke and I fell over, landed flat on my undermost.’

‘
Undermost?
’ repeated Leon.

‘Undermost, buttocks, arse, bum,’ reeled off Rachel, laughing.

Leon grinned at Rachel, then replied. ‘I know what she meant, Rachel. I just thought it was a strange way to say she dropped on her arse.’ He shook his head, laughing.

‘Funny guys, funny,’ Ash smiled.

‘Has he phoned you since?’ said Jules.

‘Yes, he bloody well has. I only tripped over. I didn’t fall down a flight of stairs and show off my knickers or something worse.’

‘So what did he do?’ Leon enquired, leaning towards Ash and smirking.

‘I don’t know if I want to tell you now.’

‘I would have laughed at you,’ Leon admitted.

“Oh my God. How did you walk with one heel missing?’ Jules gasped.

‘He offered to carry me.’

The whole table started to giggle.

‘No you lot, he didn’t carry me. I refused, I took my other shoes off and I walked, then we found a cab. It really wasn’t that bigger deal.’

Ash put her knife and fork down and took a sip of her wine. Everyone watched her.

‘Lee wants me back,’ she said as if talking about the weather.

‘What?’ Rachel said in a shocked voice, putting back the cigarette she had taken out of Ash’s silver cigarette case, maybe they would wait to hear this before going for a smoke. The atmosphere changed around the table.

‘He said Sam gave him my new address and he turned up at my door last week.’

Everyone was looking at Ash in anticipation.

‘If you go back to him you’re a mug and you know it,’ Leon said, looking away.

‘He came over with flowers today, wanted to talk, but as I listened it just made me so mad I just told him to get out. And he did.’

‘He just left without a fight?’ Rachel looked confused.

‘Yeah,’ Ash sighed.

‘You still love him, don’t you?’ said Jules.

‘Maybe.’

‘He is up to something—trust me, I know.’ Leon shook his head then clicked his fingers at the waitress.

Chapter 3

T
he next morning Ash woke late and she had to make a mad dash to get to work on time, jumping on the bus at Knightsbridge instead of walking through Hyde Park; she got off at Oxford Street, ran through Cavendish Square, then the whole length of Harley Street.

‘Excuse me.’ The quiet voice of an elderly, well-dressed lady stopped Ash as she opened the door. Ash swung round.

‘Is this the dental practice?’

‘Yes, please come in.’

Ash put her key in the door, trying not to pant out loud.
Thank God I made it,
she thought. She opened the door, showed the lady to the waiting room then rushed off to set up for the day, nearly knocking over the receptionist coming down the hallway as she went.

The dentist Ash worked for was Eliza McDonald, one of the best maxilla facial surgeons in England. Like Ash she was a brunette but slightly curvier, with pale skin and in her late thirties. The two had worked with each other for over four years and had become more than just work colleagues. Before Ash took the job two years ago at the Maxilla Facial Specialist she had worked alongside Eliza at the Eastman Dental Hospital in Kings Cross. Over time they had formed a friendship making work even more enjoyable. Ash loved her job and while regretful that she did not achieve more from her schooling, she was grateful that she had stumbled or been pushed into finding a career she excelled in.