Had to Be You: Bad Boys of Red Hook (22 page)

“You’ve spent your life alone, Jax; what’s your excuse?”

He stood up and shook his head. “Oh no, there’s no way I’m getting into this with you. I’m fine. It’s you I’m worried about. I’m going to crash at your place tonight. I think the family would appreciate some space, so head over to Pete’s when you’re done here. Everyone’s worried about you. Patrice left some clothes for you in my room. She said you’d have everything you need.”

Rocki stood and wrapped her arms around her big brother. “Thanks for coming down.”

“Call me if you need anything. I’m just going to check on Nicki before I leave. They say she’ll be released in a little while. She’s a lucky little girl.”

“No, we’re the lucky ones. God, if anything had happened to her—”

He shook his head. “Don’t do this to yourself. She’s fine. She’s as tough as her father is.”

Rocki just raised an eyebrow.

“Shit, Rocki. I knew the minute I saw her. She’s her daddy’s daughter—the resemblance is amazing. She’s got his nose, his smile, his hair, and his walk.”

“Slater didn’t know about Nicki until the day you came out of your coma.”

“I figured that out all on my own. Slater might be a lot of things, but he’s not a the kind of man who would shirk his responsibilities.”

“No, he’s not. He loves Nicki.”

“She’s a hard kid not to love. Bree asked me to bring her a rock. Why, I don’t know, but I wasn’t about to ask any questions.”

“Yeah, okay. Give her my love when you see her.”

“Call me if you need anything. No matter what time.”

“I will. I just need Slater to wake up.”

Jax kissed her and held her tighter. “Remember what I said. If he pushes you away, you need to give him space. If you love him, you’ll let him deal with his shit the way he needs to—even if it doesn’t include you. If you really love him, you’ll give him that.”

•   •   •

Slater rolled over and felt a tug on his arm. His eyes shot open. Where the hell was he?

“Slater, it’s me, Rocki. You’re okay, you’re in the hospital.”

Shit, everything was so blurry. He felt drugged—hung over. Something happened, something bad. “Nicki?”

“She’s fine, baby. You saved her. She wasn’t hurt, just cold and wet. They’re releasing her soon.”

Nicki was okay. Rocki was here. She called him baby in the sweetest voice. He smiled. Momma used to call him baby. He remembered her kissing him good night. “Don’t leave your room, baby. Just stay here. Momma’s gonna handle it.” God, he remembered and when the pain hit, it stole his breath.

“I’m here, Slater.”

He looked at her, but she was blurry, either from the drugs screwing with his vision or it could be the tears he was trying to look through. “Rocki?” He pulled her right up on the bed, wrapped his arms around her, and cried like a fuckin’ baby.

She cradled his head against her chest. “It’s okay. I have you.”

She smelled like Rocki, like heaven, like home. He’d never needed anyone so badly it scared him. He did his best to stifle his sobs. God, he was acting like a pussy.

“I’m okay.” He wiped his eyes on her shoulder so he could look at her.

“I’m not. I need to hold you.”

Shit, she was crying. What kind of guy cries all over the woman he loves and doesn’t even notice she’s bawling too? “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.”

“For what? For being a hero? Slater, you saved Nicki. You kept it all together until she was safe.”

“I’m no hero. It was my fault she was in danger in the first place. I almost lost her. She could have died.”

“Nothing is your fault and Nicki is just fine.”

He couldn’t look at her. “I remembered everything, Rocki.”

“I know. Pete told me. I’m so sorry, baby, so sorry.”

He blinked back more fucking tears. He had to get his shit together. “I’m okay now.” He wanted to hold her forever, but pulled away. “You’d better get off the bed before someone comes in.”

She held his face in her hands and looked into his eyes and by the look on her face, she’d seen it all. Questions, sympathy, love, and fear.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

She looked confused and adorable and hurt—God he’d rather kill himself than hurt her.

“I love you.”

For her sake, he wished she didn’t. She’d be better off without him. She should run as fast and as far away from him as she could get, but he didn’t have the balls to tell her that. He needed her. Right now, he’d take what he needed. Tomorrow . . . he wasn’t so sure. He couldn’t think straight. There was only one thing he was certain of, there was only one thing he could promise her—something she should know. “Rocki, I’ll love you for the rest of my life.”

Pete opened the door to Slater’s room and stuck his head in, holding Nicki back by her collar.

Rocki was on the bed and she and Slater were wrapped around each other.

“Rocki.” Slater’s voice was low and pained. “I’ll love you for the rest of my life.”

Shit. Pete knew that tone and it sent dread running through his veins thick and heavy and hot like lava burning everything it touched. He was losing his boy—they all were. There was no question, the only question he had was if Slater would ever come back.

Slater kissed Rocki with a desperation Pete had never seen. He let the door close without a sound.

Nicki tugged on his sleeve. “Pop, I wanna see Slater.”

Nicki looked up at him, her big brown eyes showed every emotion. She squeezed the teddy bear Jax had bought her to her chest, held her lucky rock in the same hand, and tugged on Pete’s with the other.

“Slater’s okay, just give him a minute with Rocki.”

Nicki leaned against the wall and groaned. “Are they kissing again?”

“Nicki—”

“Gosh, Pop. They could be doing that for hours. I just don’t get it. How come it’s okay for them to kiss each other but it’s not okay for me to kiss D.O.G. At least I keep my mouth closed. They don’t—I seen ’em. It’s kinda gross.”

“Nicki—”

“Okay, I’ll shut up now.”

“And whatever you do, don’t talk about the kiss. Okay?”

“Sheesh—even I know better than that. Slater’s in the hospital. I’ll just file it away in my arsenal for later.”

Pete laughed. “Do you even know what the word
arsenal
means?”

Nicki rolled her eyes. “It was a vocabulary word. Ms. Patrice helped me with it. She said she’s got an arsenal too—but hers is full of shoes and handbags and lipstick—she really loves lipstick. Ms. Patrice said those are female weapons.”

Pete groaned. What the hell was he going to do with Patrice? Then he laughed. It was Patrice—no one could do anything about that woman. He wasn’t sure if he pitied Francis or envied him.

He’d had about all he could handle of Nicki’s fascinating commentary, so he knocked on the door and slowly pushed it open, keeping Nicki behind him. “Can we come in?”

Nicki broke out of his hold and ran for the bed, jumping up and throwing her arms around Slater. “You okay, Slater? I didn’t mean to scare you so bad. I’m sorry.”

“I’m okay now that you’re here. But if you ever go out on the ice again without permission, I swear you’ll be grounded until you’re my age.”

“Like I’d ever do that again. I was so scared. But then you were there and I knew it would be okay. You fix everything—even when I mess up bad.”

“God, Nicki, what if I couldn’t get to you? You could have died. You took ten years off my life.”

“Huh?”

“You scared me to death, squirt.”

“I’m real sorry. D.O.G.’s sorry too. He didn’t know any better—he’s just a dog.”

“It’s okay. I’m not mad at D.O.G. either.”

Nicki settled her head on Slater’s chest and closed her eyes. “When are you coming home?” she asked in a little voice.

Pete rubbed his eyes. Damn, he knew that voice too—tears weren’t far behind.

“I don’t know, squirt. I just don’t know. But Pop’s gonna be there and Logan and Storm.”

“But I want you.”

Pete saw the plea in Slater’s eyes and the tears he held back. Pete cleared his throat. “Come on, Nicki. It’s time to get you home and tucked into bed. You heard the doctors.”

“Can’t I just stay here with Slater?”

Rocki rubbed her back. “No, baby. But I’ll stay with Slater and make sure he’s okay. You need to go home and rest.”

She turned her big brown eyes on Slater. “Please, Slater, tell them I can stay.”

Slater kissed her forehead. “It’s against the rules, squirt. You go home with Pop and behave. I don’t want to have to worry about you, okay? Can you do that for me?”

Tears rolled off Nicki’s cheek onto Slater, but she nodded. “You’ll come home soon, though, right?”

“As soon as I can, Nicki. Now give me a kiss and go wait out in the hall with Rocki. I need to ask Pop something.”

“Is it supersecret?” she whispered.

“Yeah, squirt, it’s supersecret.”

“You’ll tell me later, right?”

“Maybe.”

“All right. Here.” She handed him her rock. “You need this worse than I do. I can lend you my teddy bear too. Jax gave him to me for being brave, but you’re way braver than me. Besides, I have teddy bears at home.”

“Thanks, Nicki. I’ll keep the rock with me, but you’d better take your teddy bear. We wouldn’t want to hurt Jax’s feelings.”

“I guess not.”

“Now give me a kiss and go on out with Rocki so I can talk to Pop.”

Nicki gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek and then whispered something in his ear.

Pete watched Slater squeeze his eyes shut and blow out an unsteady breath.

“Me too, squirt, now go on, get out’a here.” He looked over at Rocki. “Take her outside, sweetheart. We won’t be long.”

Rocki shot Slater a questioning look, hit Pete with one too, then took Nicki by the hand and led her out.

Slater waited until the door clicked shut. “Pop, you gotta take Rocki home with you.”

“And how do you propose I do that?”

“I don’t know. But she can’t be here. Please, Pop. I can’t have her here.”

“Are you sure, son? Rocki’s not going to understand.”

“Maybe not, but at least she’ll be safe. I need to know Rocki and Nicki are safe.”

Pete pulled Slater into a hug. “You might not believe it son, but the safest place for Rocki right now is with you. I’ll take her home, but know this: You will never be a threat to that young lady. Take all the time you need to figure it out. Until then, the only threat you pose is to yourself.”

•   •   •

Rocki kept it together for as long as it took to get back to Pete’s. She slipped up the back steps, ran into the room and lost it royally. She sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. Once she finished, she called Jackson.

“Hello?”

The sobbing started all over again.

“Are you at Pete’s?”

“Yes.”

“Are you bleeding?”

“N-n-no”

“I’ll be right there.”

It took a half a box of tissues for him to get there.

Jax walked in, pulled her onto his lap, and held her like he used to when they were young. “He had Pete take you home, huh?”

“He didn’t even say good-bye.”

“Rocki, give the guy a break. How could he say good-bye to you without breaking down? Honey, he loves you. He’s afraid, he’s confused, he needs space, but he loves you.”

“I know but when he told me . . . He said he’d love me for the rest of his life—he didn’t say he’d spend the rest of his life loving me—there’s a difference. A big, big difference.”

“Give him time. He’s a smart guy; he’ll figure it out. Have some faith in him.”

“What if I lose him?”

“Why do you think I’m single? I’m not as brave as you are.” Jax hugged her close and rubbed her back.

She didn’t know when it happened, but she must have cried herself to sleep. She awoke with a big dog in her bed and a little girl standing next to her.

“Rocki, I got scared. Can me and D.O.G. sleep with you?”

“Sure, baby, crawl under the covers.” She held the blankets up for Nicki and pushed the dog down to the foot of the bed. “Did you have a bad dream?”

“I dreamed that Slater went away and I couldn’t find him. I kept calling for him and he never came. I got so scared.”

“I know, baby.” Nicki was a perceptive little girl—Rocki had the same feeling, so she didn’t want to tell her it wouldn’t happen. “Slater loves you. Even if he’s not here with us, he’ll always be in our hearts.”

“I don’t want him in my heart. I want him here.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Nicki snuggled up close. “Is he gonna leave because of me?”

“No, baby. Slater needs some time to deal with a grown-up problem. Men are different, when they have problems, they go into their caves to figure things out.”

“What do girls do?”

“We eat chocolate, talk to our best friends, and shop.” She thought she should leave out getting stinking drunk. Nicki was only ten after all.

“Where’s Slater’s cave?”

“I don’t know, but it’s not a real cave. It’s just a place where he can be alone to brood.”

“Yeah, Storm told me about that. Boys brood and girls cry.”

“You can cry if you want to, Nicki. I have tissues, and I know where Bree keeps her stash of chocolate.”

“You do?”

“I certainly do. We can have a little girly picnic. But D.O.G. can’t have any.”

“’Cause he’s a boy?”

“No, because he’s a dog. Chocolate makes dogs sick.”

“Okay.”

“And no smudges on the sheets.”

Nicki smiled. “That would just be a waste of good chocolate.”

“Exactly. Maybe tomorrow, you and I can go out for some retail therapy. Think of all the after Christmas sales.”

Nicki’s face screwed up into a complicated knot.

“What’s wrong?”

Nicki shrugged. “I don’t have any money. And really, everyone bought me so many presents and stuff, I don’t need anything and I don’t want to ask Pop for money. It doesn’t seem right.”

“That’s okay. Let me tell you a little secret.”

“Do you want me to pinkie swear not to say anything?”

“We can if you want. But I trust you, Nicki.”

“You do? Okay, what is it?”

“I have lots and lots of money, so we can go on a shopping spree on me.”

“You’re rich? Like Scrooge McDuck?”

“No, not that rich.”

“How come it’s a secret? Mr. Thomas is rich—he’s Scrooge McDuck rich, but instead of a helicopter he has one of Storm’s boats. A super-big boat—but he doesn’t try to keep his money secret.”

Rocki shrugged. “It sounds stupid, but I wanted to make sure everyone liked me for me, and not because I have money.”

Nicki leaned back against the pillows. “You’re right, it sounds stupid. No one here would do that. If you were mean or something, it wouldn’t matter how much money you had, they’d still not like you. Look at Logan’s old girlfriend, Payton. She’s rich and we couldn’t stand her. Logan said she was a good person, but I didn’t think so. I think she was a big meanie.”

Yeah, Nicki was a real smart little girl. Rocki slipped out of bed. “You stay here. I’ll get the chocolate. Do you want a glass of milk?”

“Yes, please. Oh and can you bring a cookie for D.O.G. so he doesn’t feel left out?”

“Sure thing, I’ll be right back.”

Rocki shook her head. Nicki was so much like Slater it hurt. If Slater left, it would be hard to be around Nicki. If Slater left, it would be even harder to lose Nicki. At least she’d have a little piece of Slater in her life. If Slater left, Rocki wouldn’t be the only casualty.

•   •   •

Jax stepped out of the shower and picked up the phone, his heart jackhammering like the guys ripping up the sidewalk two doors down. The last several calls he’d received had all been bad news and he had a feeling this one wouldn’t be good either. He answered while dripping all over Rocki’s bathroom. “Hello?”

“Jax, it’s Pete.”

Jax wrapped a towel around his waist.

“I need you to do me a favor.”

“What do you need?”

“Can you bring me Slater’s duffel bag and anything he left at Rocki’s. I think his computer is here.”

“It is. This doesn’t sound good, Pete.” Jax put the lid down and sat, holding his head in his hand. It sounded as if Slater was rabbiting.

“It’s not. But there’s nothing we can do. This is a road Slater has to walk, and for some reason, he thinks he needs to go it alone. He checked himself out of the hospital.”

“Shit.”

“He thinks he’s doing what’s best for Rocki and Nicki.”

“Rocki’s a mess.”

“I know. This is hard on everyone. I need to fill Storm and Logan in on what’s going on.”

“They don’t know?”

“I probably should have told them last night, but I just didn’t have the stomach for it. It would really help me out if you could take Rocki and Nicki to breakfast—get them out of the house for a few hours.”

“I’m happy to help. I’ll get dressed and head over after I get Slater’s things together.”

“Just bring them to the bar, son. I don’t want to upset the girls.”

“Okay, but one of us is going to have to tell Rocki.”

“I want to talk to Slater first and see how he’s doing.”

“Sure, just keep me in the loop. I’ll keep the girls occupied.”

“Thanks, Jax. It means a lot to me. Rocki means a lot to me too. She’s like another one of my kids. I hate to see her upset.”

“Let’s just hope Slater gets his head together and doesn’t do something stupid.”

“From your mouth to God’s ears.”

“I’ll be there in under an hour.”

He made the trip to the Crow’s Nest in no time. Packing for Slater was as easy as zipping the guy’s duffel. He obviously hadn’t made himself at home. He was definitely military—everything was neatly folded—probably regulation. The man traveled light, which was another bad sign.

He dro
pped the bag off with Pete, made it to the apartment, and found the girls curled up together asleep like kittens in a basket. D.O.G. opened one eye and then rolled over using Rocki’s feet as a pillow.

Jax remembered the way Rocki woke up every day after their parents died. She’d open her eyes, smile, and then she’d remember. He would see the black veil of pain cover her face. He didn’t know how to stop it. He couldn’t stand seeing it. He did the only thing he could do. He made her laugh. Shit, he hadn’t done this in years but it looked as if he was going to have to resurrect his stunning performance of The Blob. He just hoped it still worked.

He crouched at the foot of the bed and started the sound effects—the guttural beat of a heart. When Nicki opened her eyes, he made a funny face and oozed onto the bed. Rocki awoke, heard him and found Nicki grinning from ear to ear.

Rocki feigned a B-flick scream queen, but couldn’t stop her laughter. “Nicki. Help! It’s—”

“The Blob.” He strung out the word till he ran out of air, holding his hands in the air like a bad impression of Boris Karloff’s mummy. He felt dumb. He pushed D.O.G. off the bed and started his sideways roll over them.