Had to Be You: Bad Boys of Red Hook (26 page)

“If I work this deal out, I’ll make enough money to make sure Nicki won’t want for anything for the rest of her life. I’m doing this for her. I want to make sure she’s taken care of.”

“Shit, Slater. Haven’t you learned yet that money isn’t a replacement for love? Nicki needs her father.”

“I know, but I need to make sure that Nicki and Rocki will be better off with me than without me.”

“Damn. I thought your brothers would have knocked some sense into that thick head of yours.”

“I heard what you said; I heard what they said. But I couldn’t live with myself if I did anything to hurt Nicki or Rocki.”

“Don’t you think you’re hurting them now?”

“Give me a few months. Take care of Nicki and Rocki for me. I’ll work it out.”

“You’d better. Nicki and I will be here waiting for you, but I don’t know about Rocki.”

“Rocki said she loves me and she’ll wait.”

“You’d better hope to hell she does. Just know, she’s not going to wait forever.”

Pop took the file, unlocked the drawer to his desk, and put it back where it belonged. “What are you going to tell Nicki?”

“The truth. I’m going to take her for a bike ride and visit someone special. I’ll have her home after dinner.”

“Okay. When do you leave?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Does Rocki know?”

“I told her. We already said our good-byes.”

Pop got up and pocketed his keys. “I hope to God you know what you’re doing.”

“Yeah, me too.” Slater rubbed the back of his neck. Every nerve in his body told him that leaving was wrong, but he had to be sure.

•   •   •

Slater parked the car at the gate of Green-Wood Cemetery and took Nicki’s bike off the rack.

“What are we doing here? Isn’t this where they bury people?”

“Yes, it is, but it’s a really cool cemetery. There are a lot of great things to see. They even have parrots that live here all year-round.”

“Parrots? I thought they just lived in jungles.”

“Nope, there was a shipment of parrots that were flown into LaGuardia airport years ago. The crate broke; they flew away and settled here. They’ve been living in the cemetery ever since.”

“Do you think they know about all the dead people?” Nicki whispered.

Slater smiled and helped Nicki with her helmet. “Probably not.” He knocked on the lid after he snapped the chinstrap.

“So who do you want to meet?”

“My mom. She’s buried here. I wanted to stop by her grave and say hi. I thought maybe she’d like to see you.” He reached into the car and got the flowers he’d picked up that morning.

“That’s just weird, Slater.”

“She’s in heaven, but I think she’d like to know we cared enough to see her.”

“People in heaven can see down here?”

“I don’t know, but I’d like to think so.”

“So how’d she die?”

“She got shot.”

Nicki put her arms around him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“Thanks, squirt. I haven’t seen her in a long time. I was even younger than you when she died.”

“Do you know where she is?”

“Yeah, now I do. It’s down this way.” He walked through the parklike cemetery as Nicki rode around on her bike. About twenty minutes later, he found the spot. He hadn’t known what to expect. He hadn’t expected a beautiful headstone—that was for sure. He also hadn’t expected to find flowers. Someone had left them not too long ago. He took the old bouquet and replaced them with his.

Nicki stood next to him and reached for his hand. “Her name was Rachel?” She whispered like she was in church.

“Yeah, and she was a wonderful mom and she was pretty, just like you. I miss her.”

“I miss my mom too sometimes. I don’t think she was all that great though.” Nicki leaned against his side and stared at her grandmother’s grave.

Slater put his arm around her. “I’m going to have to leave for a while, Nicki, but I promise I’ll be back.”

“No, don’t leave. I’m sorry I went out on the ice, Slater. I promise not to ever do that again.” Her eyes filled up and she dug her foot into the snow-covered ground, breaking through the grass, digging into the dirt. “I don’t want you to go because of me. I’ll be good, I promise.”

Slater ignored the snow on the ground and got down on his knees so he was eye to eye with Nicki. “I’m not leaving because of anything you did. It’s just that I have a job to do—that’s the only reason I’m going. I have a contract to go to Bahrain and it’s not a place I can take you. Besides, you have school.”

“So I’m not the reason you want to leave?”

He pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head. “No, squirt. You’re the reason I want to stay. I just have to do this job and then I’ll come home. For good.” He wiped the tears off her face and looked into the eyes that were so much like his momma’s. Instead of it feeling weird, right now, it felt amazing, like everything was as it should be.

“You’ll come home and stay forever?”

“Yeah, when I come home, it’ll be forever. I might have to do some traveling, but I’ll always come home.”

“What about Rocki?”

“What about her?”

Nicki rolled her eyes. “I’m not a baby. I know Rocki loves you and you love her. Is she cool with y
ou going away?”

“Rocki understands.” He hoped to God she understood.

Nicki looked down at her feet again. She was getting her shoes muddy. “I don’t know, Slater. Rocki just doesn’t seem the type to wait around.”

“Where did you hear that?”

Nicki shrugged. “Ms. Patrice was talkin’ to Skye and Bree.”

He tipped her chin up so she had to look at him. “Eavesdropping is not nice.” He would really love to give those three a piece of his mind—but he figured after the last few days, he was lucky to have a mind at all. He probably couldn’t afford to lose any of it.

“I know. You sound just like Bree and Pop.” She rolled her eyes.

He was really beginning to dislike that eye-rolling thing.

“But how else am I supposed to find anything out?”

“Let me worry about Rocki.”

Nicki eyed the gravestone. “So are you gonna talk to your mom or somethin’?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never done this before. What do you think?”

“I think you could probably talk to her in your head, kinda like talkin’ to God when you don’t want anyone else to hear what you’re prayin’ for. Just close your eyes and picture her and let ’er rip.” She wrapped her bony arms around him and squeezed, resting her head on his shoulder. “Do you want me to stay with you? I can hold your hand if you’re scared. Sometimes that helps.”

Damn. If she didn’t stop, he was going to be crying. He hadn’t cried this much since he was in that hospital alone when he was five. “No, I’ll be okay, but thanks.”

She bit her lip and looked at him. He must have passed some kind of test, because she smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Okay, I’m going get my bike and ride around.”

“Stay where I can see you, and make sure you put your helmet back on.”

Nicki waved and ran to her bike. He watched her for a while. He cleared his throat. “Momma, that’s your granddaughter, Nicki. She looks so much like you, it’s amazing. She has your eyes and the first time I saw her, she reminded me of you. I think that’s how I remembered.” He ran his hand over his mother’s grave. “I remembered the love, Momma. I remembered everything, but I remembered you most. I miss you. I’m going away for a while, but I’ll come back.”

He thought he’d feel something . . . shit, maybe he did. There was a weight he’d been carrying around—that Hummer on his chest—that seemed to disappear, leaving only the throbbing pain in his heart. “I love you, Momma.” He blew out a breath and headed to where Nicki was riding.

Nicki stopped her bike on a dime. The kid was a definite daredevil. “How’d it go—talkin’ to your mom?”

“Okay, I guess. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.”

“That’s good, right? Maybe it’ll get easier once you get used to it. I don’t mind coming with you. I thought this place would be creepy, but it’s not. It’s kinda like a park—only with graves instead of swings and playgrounds.”

“I heard that when they designed Central Park, they copied Green-Wood.”

“Minus the graves, right?”

“Yeah, Nicki. Minus the graves.”

She pushed her bike along beside him. “So, where are those parrots you told me about?”

“Down at the main gate—that’s where they have their nests and there’s a big bird feeder down there too.” He patted his jacket pocket. “I brought some birdseed and bread; maybe we can feed them like pigeons.”

“Cool!”

He and Nicki watched the parrots for a while. They were like people, some of them were quarreling, some of them seemed like lovers. They were a big hit with Nicki, and the bread and birdseed made Nicki the most popular little girl on the planet, in their eyes at least.

Once the birdseed was gone, Slater took Nicki to the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens. Then they grabbed a quick lunch, and walked hand in hand through the Steinhardt Conservatory. He smiled to himself; it looked to him like Nicki was just as much into handholding as she claimed Bree was, but he didn’t mind, which surprised the hell out of him.

He gave her his phone and she took more pictures of flowers and plants than he ever imagined anyone could. He even stopped someone and asked if they would take a picture of the two of them—it was something he could take with him and also something to leave with Nicki. They hit every one of the gardens, but the desert was Nicki’s favorite.

Slater wished he liked the desert as much as she did—he was going to a part of the world surrounded by desert, and he was really not looking forward to it. Of course, his work would take place in the financial centers of the country. The last time Slater spoke to his contact, he mentioned a trip to Venezuela and possibly the world headquarters in Vienna, Austria.

Austria would be nice. Maybe he could take Rocki and even Nicki with him if school was out.

Mr. Seville said they wanted to see how the program would run in Bahrain first, and if it went as well as Slater knew it would, he’d have his system running in every major OPEC office in the world.

Slater and Nicki headed back to Red Hook and ended up at the Pound for Lobster Rolls; if he was leaving Brooklyn, he was going to binge before he left. They sat at one of the indoor picnic tables and pigged out on lobster rolls, corn on the cob, lobster mac and cheese, and even wolfed down a few whoopie pies for dessert. Nicki ate like a truck driver. Not only did she eat as if she’d never seen food before, but she had no problem making a mess. She was half asleep before they arrived home—maybe it was the overly full stomach. He helped her out of the car and when she tripped over her own feet, he picked her up and carried her to the apartment.

He was trying to fit the key into the lock when Pop opened the door.

Nicki’s head lulled on Slater’s shoulder.

“Looks like you wore her out. Go ahead and put her in bed. Just take her coat and shoes off.”

She woke up when Slater unzipped her coat. “Hey? How’d I get up here?”

“You fell asleep so I carried you.”

“I’m awake.” She let out a huge yawn and stretched. “I can get dressed by myself. I’m not a baby.”

He shrugged and hid his smile. She was real sensitive about the whole baby thing. “Okay.”

“But you’ll come and tuck me in, right?”

“Sure, Nicki. Don’t forget to brush your teeth.”

“Too tired for that, but I want to put my jams on. Can I skip brushing tonight?”

“Nope. You don’t want cavities. After cramming in those whoopie pies, you’d better brush.”

She rolled her eyes and let out a sigh. “That’s what I thought you’d say.”

He went out to the living room. “Pop, I took Nicki to see my mother’s grave today.”

“Oh, did you tell her?”

“No, I just told her it was my mother, and that she reminded me of her.”

Pop sat back in his chair and muted the TV. “There will be time to explain everything later.”

“There were flowers by her grave.”

“Yeah?” Pop looked at his hands folded in his lap.

“And she had a really nice headstone.”

“That’s good.” He still stared at his hands as if he’d never seen them before.

“Did you do that, Pop? The headstone and the flowers?”

He shrugged. “She’s your mother and she needed a decent headstone. I might have taken flowers to her every once in a while over the years. I owe her that much—after all, without her, I wouldn’t have you. Besides, I knew you’d want to see her taken care of. You always take care of the people you love. I just did it for you until you were old enough to take over the job yourself.” Pop got up from his chair. “I better go and tuck Nicki in.”

“Pop?”

“Yes, son.”

Slater pulled him into a hug. “Thanks. Thanks for everything—for taking care of Momma, for taking care of Nicki—”

“They’re mine, just like they’re yours. It’s what we do, son.”

Slater cleared his throat. “I’ll tuck Nicki in tonight. I was getting pretty good at it.”

“Yes, you were. You’re a natural. The only one who doesn’t see that is you.”

Rocki tapped on the piano keys, trying to make some changes to her newest piece but nothing was coming to her. All she could see was Slater’s face right before he kissed her good-bye.

He looked like hell. He was hung over, but it was more than that—he looked like she felt. Like he reached right into her chest and ripped her heart out to take with him. Still, what could she say? She’d promised to give him time; she just didn’t realize how awful it would feel.

Jax threw the paper down on the table. “Rocki, you’ve played that at least fifty times, it’s starting to get on my nerves.”

She’d spent a week living here with Slater and had had no problems, but less than twenty-four hours in the same apartment with Jax, and she wanted to kill him. “If you don’t like it, go home.”

“And leave all this?” He gestured to her studio apartment. “Not a chance. What time does Slater leave?”

“Soon, in about forty-five minutes.”

“Then what the hell are you doing here?”

She fiddled with a chord on the piano. “He didn’t want to upset Nicki—it sounds as if she’s been trying to talk Slater into staying.”

“And you didn’t?”

“Jax, he’s been through hell. He needs some space. That’s what you told me.”

“Right. I was thinking about that. I might have been wrong.”

“What?” Rocki looked at her brother and she couldn’t believe it; Jax was actually turning a bit red.

“I just realized that space never did either of us any good after our parents died. How’s it going to help him? What he needs is the same thing you needed then and still need now. Love.”

She tossed the music onto the top of her piano. She was wasting time trying to work now. “Slater loves me. He’s going to come back.”

“I know, but he doesn’t need to leave in the first place.”

“What the hell am I supposed to do about it? He has a job to do.”

“Job, schmob. He could find a job tomorrow. Hell, I could hire him. He’s running away and you’re letting him.”

“You’re the one who told me to give him space!”

“Yeah, well, since when do you listen to me? If you fought for him the way you fight for everything else you want, the man wouldn’t stand a chance. I think you’re afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“The same thing we’re all afraid of. You’re afraid of loving someone too much. You’re afraid that if you spent more time together and lost him, you wouldn’t be able to deal with it. But I have a news flash for you, you’re already there.”

“Thank you, Dr. Phil.”

“So, what are you going to do about it?”

“Nothing. Leaving is his decision. I can’t force him to stay.”

“Fine. I never thought I’d see the day when my little sister turned into a coward.”

“I’m not a coward. I’m being understanding, dammit.”

“No, you’re being stupid. If you want him, you have to at least try to change his mind.”

“Jax, there are some things people just have to realize on their own.”

He stuck his thumbs in his armpits and fluttered his arms. “Bock, bock, bock, bock, bock, begowwwwk.”

“Oh, that’s real mature.”

“Go ahead and get down there. You might just be able to catch him before he leaves. I dare you.”

“Shit, Jackson! That’s so not fair.”

“Oh, come on, I’m just giving you an excuse to do exactly what you want to do. Now go. Call me if you need me.”

Rocki grabbed her purse, slipped on her lucky shoes, and headed out the door at a run.

She ran down Canal Street until she found a cab. “I need to get to Red Hook. There’s a hundred bucks if you can do it in twenty minutes.”

“Sure, lady. Fasten your seat belt.”

They made it to Van Brunt Street faster than Rocki thought possible. “Let me out right in front of the Crow’s Nest, and thanks.” She tossed the driver the cash and was out of the cab and up the steps in no time. She knocked but the door was locked, so she grabbed her keys and let herself in.

Nicki stood next to the breakfast bar, her eyes red and swollen from crying, both hands behind her back. The sad expression on her face was quickly eclipsed by guilt.

“Nicki?”

“Slater left already.”

She stepped backward, heading toward her room.

“What’s behind your back, Nicki?”

“Nothing?”

Rocki stuck out her hand. “Come on, hand it over.”

“Fine, but I just opened it because the mail man said it’s real important. It must be. I had to sign a paper—in cursive—and promise to give it to Slater.” She handed it to Rocki and dug her sneaker into the carpet. “It says it’s positive. What’s it mean, Rocki? I don’t get it.”

Rocki didn’t need to look at it, but she did. It was the paternity test. “It means that we’re a family.”

“It’s for Slater, and he left. We have to get it to him.”

“Yeah, we do. Where’s Pete?”

Nicki dug her foot into the carpet again. “Everyone’s downstairs. I snuck up. I just wanted to be alone.”

“Get your coat. If we’re going to deliver this to Slater, we need to leave now. I wonder if Pete will let me borrow the car.”

Nicki pulled on her coat. “I thought you didn’t have your license.”

“Technically I don’t.” She grabbed Nicki’s hand. “But it’s probably not a good time to mention it.”

“Oh, okay.”

They ran down to the bar and it felt as if they were walking into a wake. Not good. Pete was nursing a scotch and Bree wasn’t even giving him a hard time about it.

“Pete, Nicki and I need to borrow your car.”

A slow smile spread over Pete’s face. “It’s about time you decided to go after him. Good idea taking Nicki, the boy doesn’t have a chance.” He handed her the keys. “You’d better hurry. He’s at JFK. British Airways on the 6:25 to Heathrow. Bring him back with you, honey.”

She gave Pete a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll try.” She grabbed Nicki’s hand. “Come on, baby. Let’s see if we can catch Slater. Get in the backseat and buckle up—it’s going to be a bumpy ride.”

“Yeah, I remember how you drive. Are you sure you don’t want Ms. Patrice to drive us? Or Mr. Francis—he might be able to use his red light and everything.”

“No, I’m a good driver. There’s nothing to worry about. Just . . . when we get into the airport, I may have to talk us through security.” She checked to make sure the road was clear and gunned it. “So whatever you do, don’t say anything.”

“How come?”

Rocki caught Nicki’s wide-eyed gaze in the rearview. “Because I might just be forced to tell a few white lies. If anyone asks, be sure to leave that part out of the conversation—this is an emergency. I don’t condone lying—”

“Unless it’s an emergency, right?”

“That’s right, but you didn’t hear that from me.”

•   •   •

Slater sat on his duffel and stared at the British Airways check-in counter. He’d checked in. He used to think it was cool that he could carry everything he cared about in a duffel bag. Now he realized he couldn’t. He had a hell of a lot more baggage than he’d ever known. And that wasn’t even counting Rocki and Nicki—his girls. They walked into his life and turned everything around. Suddenly the whole traveling-light-through-life thing had lost all appeal.

He checked his watch. He should get up and get his ass in the security line but all he could think of was the way Rocki and Nicki looked when he left.

Rocki held back the tears, barely, but Nicki didn’t. Pop had to peel her off his leg so he could leave.

If he had any part of his heart left, it was mutilated now. His chest ached. He’d almost told the cabbie to turn around a dozen times. He’d sat on his own hand to keep from pushing the door open.

Slater had left every place he’d ever been and he’d never had a problem. He never looked back. But now? Shit, now he couldn’t seem to look ahead.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and considered calling Mr. Seville to see if he could rework the contract. He still hadn’t signed it. At first, he didn’t want to sign it until he’d received the results of the paternity test. Now he didn’t need a piece of paper to prove Nicki was his baby girl. After remembering his mother, seeing her picture, there was no doubt in his mind. But if he called Mr. Seville, he could very well flush the whole deal down the toilet.

He ran his hands through his hair. He had a bad feeling that leaving was wrong. Like he needed to stay. He told himself he was crazy. Pop said he’d look after Nicki and Rocki, and he was sure his brothers would too. But all the time he spent telling himself they would be okay didn’t make that lump of fear go away, or even get smaller.

So, what if he did scuttle the deal? He could possibly lose millions. But then if he had a choice between money and Rocki—there was no contest. Rocki would end up on top every time.

“Shit.” He thought back to the last time he was here in this airport. The last thing he’d wanted to do was stay; it took him a whole day to get up the courage to go home. Now he couldn’t seem to leave.

It wasn’t as if he couldn’t get a job here. Sure, they wouldn’t be millionaires—okay, maybe they would if you took Rocki’s trust fund into account, but he really wanted no part of Rocki’s money. He almost wished she didn’t have it. There was a definite feeling of I-am-man-and-will-support-my-woman going on inside him—she sure as shit wouldn’t like it either. He almost looked forward to the fight; nothing turned him on more than Rocki with fire shooting out of her eyes.

“Slater!”

Damn, now he was hearing things. Maybe he should just cut bait and check himself into the nearest psych ward.

He heard the clickity-click of the sharp tattoo of heels racing across the tile floor and his heart matched the beat. Nobody ran like that—nobody but Rocki.

He shook his head and took a deep breath, praying he hadn’t completely lost his mind, and looked.

Nicki sprinted right for him. Damn, his girl was fast. She held something in her hand and waved it like a flag to get his attention, as if her screaming his name wouldn’t do it. God he loved the little squirt.

He stood, pocketed his phone, and caught her. She wrapped her arms and legs around him and he closed his eyes, willing his heartbeat to slow so he could hear her over the blood rushing through his ears.

Rocki was still running—the woman knew how to run in heels, and looked damn good doing it. She was creating quite a scene—even the cops wore the same look he’d probably worn since that first night he’d seen her. Rocki had rocked his world, and from the looks of them, she’d just rocked theirs too. Too bad for them she was his, and he’d be damned if he was ever going to let her go again.

He wondered if he looked as stupid as they did, but shit, he took a deep breath, the first deep breath he’d taken since he’d left her, and realized that if it were up to him, he’d wear that look for the rest of his life. He was just happy as hell to see Rocki and Nicki both. “What are you doing here, squirt?”

“Me and Rocki got something you have to see. It’s important.”

Rocki skidded to a halt. She was a hell of a runner, but wasn’t good at judging distance—not that he minded since she ran right into him. Thank God he’d had the forethought to move Nicki to his hip, leaving him one arm to catch Rocki.

She was winded from the run, and her tight T-shirt and all her deep breathing had his blood flowing south, which was ridiculous since he had Nicki with them.

Rocki didn’t loosen her hold on him; if anything she scooted closer. “Slater, what are you doing here? I thought for sure I’d have to talk my way past security to find you.”

“If anyone could, it would be you.”

Nicki jumped up and down. “Look, this came in the mail. It’s really important ’cause I had to sign for it, and I had to promise to give it to you.” She looked down at her shoes. “I opened it ’cause I didn’t know how to get it to you. It says it’s positive. That’s good right?”

His smile made his face feel stretched. He bent down until they were face-to-face. “Yeah, Nicki, that’s real good.”

She started digging her heel into the tile. “Rocki said it meant that we’re a family.” She said it in such a small, timid voice, his heart sank, but then when she looked up at him, he realized she was nervous—and that just about killed him.

He swallowed hard and prayed he didn’t screw this up. “Nicki, we’ve been a family ever since you showed up at Pop’s place. But this paper is special because it proves that I’m your dad, and you’re my little girl.”

She blinked a few times and looked at him, almost as if she didn’t hear him. “For real?”

“It says so right there.”

Nicki shook her head and sat on his duffel hard. “I didn’t know I had a daddy.” She hugged the paper to her chest, and damned if she didn’t start crying.

“I didn’t know I had a daughter.” He looked at Rocki—which was no help, because she was crying too. He picked Nicki up, took a seat on his duffel, and set her on his lap, holding his hand out for Rocki to join them.

“I always wanted a daddy of my very own.”

“That’s good, squirt, because I just realized I always wanted a little girl of my very own too. I’m so lucky you’re mine. I love you, Nicki.”

She looked at him through his mother’s eyes, her lashes thick enough to hold her tears and get all pointy. “Forever and always?”

He had to clear his throat. “Forever and always.” He kissed the top of her head and thanked God she was his.

“What about Rocki? Is she part of our family too?”

“I guess that depends on if she wants us.”

“She must, because she raced like an Indy driver just to get here and talk you into coming home.”

He looked from Nicki to Rocki. “You drove?”

“I’m a good driver.”

Nicki wrapped her arms around his neck to whisper in his ear. “She parked on the sidewalk. If we can’t talk you into coming home with us, I think we should call someone to pick us up. Rocki’s scary when she’s behind the wheel. And I’m not allowed to repeat the things she said.”

“Nicki!” Rocki’s affronted look made him laugh, and that horrible feeling in his chest burst like an overfilled water balloon, filling him with something so warm, so pure, so perfect.

He dragged his wallet from his pocket. “Nicki,” he said, pulling out a twenty, “do me a favor and run and buy us some water and a few candy bars, but stay where I can see you.”