Handle Me with Care (8 page)

‘When’s the operation?’

‘Don’t know yet. I’m standing by for the good news from the doctor. Should be any day now.’ Evan’s voice dripped with disdain. He glugged back his beer.

‘Are you sure you should be having a skinful if you’ve got an operation coming up?’

‘Probably not, but I’m about to lose one of my balls, Ben, so I’m thinking I should make the most of every remaining moment I have left as a man.’

‘Evan, this doesn’t make you any less of a man.’

‘Doesn’t it?’ When Ben frowned at him, Evan softened. ‘I guess you’re right. But if I don’t make jokes I may actually start thinking about how real this all is and the possibility that it really is cancer and I could die.’

Evan bought two more beers. It was quiet tonight with a handful of punters dispersed around the room, leaving them at one end of the bar in relative peace as Evan explained why the doctors wouldn’t perform a biopsy first.

‘Unfortunately, the only way to be a hundred per cent sure of what I’m dealing with, whether the lump is cancerous, is to do the orchidectomy,’ said Evan.

‘Brutal.’

‘Yeah, you could say that. Losing my ball is kind of a fait accompli.’

Telling the family was always going to be traumatic, but at least now he had another man to talk to. Since seeing Maddie on the beach yesterday afternoon, his head had been in even more of a spin than ever.

Evan pulled the snack menu away from Ben, who wasn’t even focusing on the task in hand, and headed to the bar to order a bowl of wedges.

When he returned he said, ‘Holly told me you’ve been trying for another baby.’

‘Don’t change the subject.’

‘I have to, or I’ll be a big girl and cry.’

‘Yeah, I’m not sure I want you crying on me.’

‘It wouldn’t be pretty.’

‘I’m sure it wouldn’t,’ said Ben, humouring him and changing the subject. ‘It happened so fast for us with Ava I suppose we assumed it would be that way again. Mind you, back then we were having a lot of sex – good sex. Sorry …’

Evan made a face. ‘Yes, thanks for that image of you both going at it like rabbits. I was hoping you’d had the Immaculate Conception with Ava.’

‘I won’t give you any more details, don’t worry,’ he chuckled. ‘I guess Holly and I have this vision of Ava with a brother or a sister – you know, building hide-outs, getting muddy in the back garden. I do all those things with her, but it’s not the same, is it?’

‘The problem is, Ben, that you both had pretty idyllic childhoods with fantastic siblings.’

‘Bollocks!’

Evan screwed his face up.

‘Sorry,’ Ben grimaced, ‘bad choice of words.’

‘My point is, it could still happen, especially if the medical professionals don’t see why it shouldn’t. And like you said, you have Ava.’

‘So we should be grateful?’

‘That’s not what I meant exactly. What I mean is that you have a child who’s happy and healthy, and if you don’t end up having any more then, yes, you’ll be gutted, but you only have to look at Ava to be reminded of what you do have.’ He took a gulp and let the amber liquid slide down his throat. ‘Who knows whether I’ll end up having a family? I always thought I would, but …’

‘So what’s the deal with this orchi-whatever?’

‘Orchidectomy,’ Evan corrected.

‘That was it, so how does that affect the likelihood of you being a father?’

Evan sank back into the maroon velour seat. ‘Apparently with one remaining healthy testicle, it shouldn’t be a problem.’

‘There you go, then.’

Evan almost added that Ben’s simplifying of the situation was easy to do when you were married with a child, but he knew the man was trying to put him at ease and not add to the worry that already swam around in his head with all the aggression of a piranha waiting for some flesh to sink its teeth into.

He pulled a hand through his unruly hair which, with everything going on, was starting to show its hidden curls in the absence of a haircut. ‘I want a family, Ben. I can’t believe how much I want it, how little I realised it until now.’

Ben shook his head, slumped back against the leather seat running along the wall of the pub as a bowl of steaming wedges was delivered to them. 

Evan lifted out the small pots of sour cream and sweet chilli sauce. ‘I have these images in my head of Holly and me as young kids, then teenagers, then adults.’

Ben nodded as he tentatively took a bite from the edge of a steaming hot wedge. ‘Now do you see where I’m coming from when I talk about a sibling for Ava?’

Evan nodded. ‘Mind you, Holly and I used to get into scrapes too. Did she ever tell you about the night we damaged Mum’s car?’

‘Holly? Do you mean my wife, Holly, who only last week was teasing me about reversing into a bollard outside work?’

‘Yep, that’s the one.’

‘What happened?’

‘Mum used to stress about us taking the car to the city full stop, thinking it would get damaged if we parked outside bars and the like. Anyway, we promised we would drive to the station in Huntley and park near all those posh houses and commute to the city. We missed the sodding train, and we didn’t want to miss out on the live band at the Kitten Club, so …’

‘You drove to the city,’ Ben concluded for him.

‘We figured what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. I can’t even remember whether it was my idea or Holly’s; I really want to say it was hers, but I suspect we both egged each other on. Anyway, we parked as close to the club as we could, and when we got back to the car someone had driven into the side of it – we were in the end space of a group of cars – and they’d driven off, no details left or anything. I still remember shoving Holly into Mum’s bedroom first and making her tell her. Holly was fuming at that.’ He laughed. ‘But I told her if she didn’t, then I’d tell Mum she hadn’t really stayed at her friend Amy’s the week before.’

‘Who was she with?’

Evan tapped the side of his nose. ‘I really can’t say.’

‘I bet there are a thousand stories I don’t know about you guys. I’ll be asking Holly later, don’t you worry.’

‘Hey, what goes on tour stays on tour … I can’t divulge everything or Holly would kill me.’ He finished the other half of the wedge he had bitten into. ‘I know that to you guys I’m just Holly’s younger brother who’s carefree, not tied down and never wants to be, but that’s not the case, not anymore.’

‘So now you’re Evan, the responsible primary school teacher who’s ready to settle down?’

‘That’s right.’

‘Shit!’ Ben dropped the wedge on to the table as it burnt the roof of his mouth. He took a sip of beer to take the edge off the discomfort. ‘Glad you think it’s funny.’

‘Sorry, mate, a bit of light relief from the conversation, I think,’ said Evan, still smiling.

Ben took another, this time a much smaller, cooler one. ‘So, as much as I want to talk about your nuts all night, let’s change the subject.’

‘I’d be happy to.’

‘What’s happening with this girl, Maddie?’

Every time he heard her name, his body froze, his mind hovered on the memory of the little time they had spent together.

‘Not much,’ Evan shrugged.

‘What does she make of the whole ball situation?’

‘Nicely put, Ben, nicely put.’

‘Does she know?’

‘Oh, yes, she knows all right.’

‘What does that mean?’

And then Evan blurted out the whole sorry story: the fantastic first date, the fact that he had never felt this strongly about a girl, how Maddie’s face fell the moment he told her.

‘She’s awesome, Ben.’

‘Bloody hell, you must’ve scared the crap out of her.’

‘Thanks.’

‘Have you called her, or texted her?’

‘No. But I did bump into her down the beach.’ He noticed Ben’s hopeful gaze. ‘I was out for a run, so was she.’

‘And …’

When Evan didn’t answer, Ben shook his head. ‘Why don’t you call her?’

‘How can I? How can I expect her to be with me when I’m having one of my balls chopped off and God knows what the test results will be? Firstly, she doesn’t deserve that, and secondly, I don’t want her to be with me because she feels sorry for me.’

Ben put both elbows on the table and scratched at his head with both hands. ‘You need to call her, mate. If she tells you to get lost then you’ll know she wasn’t worth it, and you’ll feel better. But if – and I suspect that this is more likely to happen – you talk to her, you might feel better when you realise she had a great time on your first date and doesn’t want this to be the end either.’

Evan shrugged.

‘Don’t shrug like that. You’re being defeated before you’ve even had the operation.’

‘And what happens when she finds out I’ve got a fake ball?’

Ben almost spluttered his mouthful of beer across the table.

‘I don’t like the idea of hanging too loose down there,’ Evan explained. ‘I considered going back at a later date to have a fake ball put in, but I don’t think I can go under the knife twice.’

Ben took a confident swig of beer now. ‘Who cares? Remember Ashley Torrington?’

Evan pulled a face, shuddered. ‘How can I forget? One shag and I couldn’t get rid of her.’

‘Yes, but do you
remember
Ashley Torrington?’ This time Ben upturned both hands and gestured out from his chest as though he had a weight in each palm.

‘Ah, you mean the enormous breasts?’

‘That’s right. And were they real? I think not. But it didn’t put you off, did it? In fact, when she burst through the door of that bar in the city that night you were gaga over her. She just turned out to be a bit of a psycho, that’s all, but you didn’t get rid of her because of any fake part of her anatomy.’ He sniggered into his beer.

‘You’re very funny.’

‘Oh come on, my point is that, fake or not fake, it didn’t stop her getting the men, and your fake ball won’t matter one iota to Maddie or any other girl you end up falling into bed with.’

The problem now was that he didn’t want to fall into bed with just any girl. He wanted it to be Maddie, and he wanted it to be right in every possible way. What was happening to him?

‘She’s a gorgeous looking girl,’ said Ben.

‘She is. She’s funny too, and I feel as though I can trust her – I must’ve thought that to tell her. And she has a certain confidence that I like, but not so much that I don’t want to pull her in tight and hold her.’

Ben pushed his fingers down his throat. ‘Get me a bucket! You got all that from one date?’

Evan dug his brother-in-law in the ribs.

‘It’s sod’s law, Ben. I really like this girl and now … well, now I don’t know what’s going on.’

‘You need to get in touch with her. What have you got to lose?’

*

Over the weekend Evan tapped out text messages to Maddie and subsequently deleted them. His fingers had hovered over the keys to call her, but by Monday morning he still hadn’t heeded his brother-in-law’s advice.

‘
Well done, Oliver, but what’s this one?’ His first task of the week was to introduce his year ones to pastels and the task of drawing their dream garden. He crouched down beside a red-headed boy.

‘That’s my spaceship,’ said Oliver.

Evan’s raised eyebrows prompted him to explain.

‘In my dream garden it would come down from the sky, land and take me off on adventures.’

How could you argue with that? ‘You’ve got a great imagination, Oliver. But could you try adding some greenery, some flowers, maybe even a super cool water feature.’

Facing your own mortality opened your eyes to what was around you already. Cancer, or the possibility of cancer, was life altering and it made Evan subconsciously reassess his life, his routine. He’d had plenty of girlfriends, but none of them lasted, and now, the one he wanted to be a keeper probably didn’t want to come anywhere near him.

Still, his personal life may be a shambles, but at least his professional life didn’t need changing. He knew too many friends who were dissatisfied with their jobs: Jack, a Financial Advisor, was at odds with his lazy manager; Simon was restless and demotivated as a lawyer; and Will never knew whether he had done the right thing by setting up a building company with his brother. Evan classed himself as one of the lucky few in a job where the only clock-watching he did was when he flew into a panic that he would run out of time for everything he wanted to teach.

Of course, there were the down sides of teaching too: constant colds when he first took up his post, to which he developed an immunity after a while; the time he got nits and Holly had kindly treated his hair with stinking shampoo and picked each of the little buggers out; the admin side of the job, which nobody could claim to love.

Evan rolled up his shirt sleeves and moved towards a table at the back.

‘Millie, this is great.’ They were studying bugs in the garden this week, and Evan marvelled at her creative streak. He looked down at the ginormous snail painted in brown with purple spots. ‘And who are they?’ he pointed to the two small people up against this dinosaur-like creature.