Handle Me with Care (12 page)

The corners of her mouth moved upwards. ‘Okay, but before we do, I need to explain why I found the cancer so hard to deal with when you first told me.’

‘You really don’t need to explain, Maddie. We were playing an innocent, fun game, and I ruined that by asking what the worst thing was that had ever happened to you. When it got to my turn I hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that, I just did.’

‘Well, when it was my turn to tell you the worst thing that had happened to me, I said that a friend had died suddenly. But what I didn’t tell you was that he was my boyfriend.’

He kept hold of her hand until she eventually looked up at him. ‘Why didn’t you tell me that?’ he asked. Did it mean she wasn’t over this other guy?

‘I don’t tend to tell the new people I meet about Riley, because of the sympathy, the way they treat me.’

He nodded sagely. ‘I’ve been there.’

‘You have?’

‘When Dad died I hated being pitied, being one of those Quinn children who had lost their father.’ He hesitated. ‘Can I ask why you’re suddenly telling me about Riley?’

‘Because I feel that I should. Because I know that losing Riley made an impact on how I took your news about the cancer. I think it would have been a shock anyway, but I think I would’ve handled it a hell of a lot better than I did.’

‘You had every right to be shocked. I can’t imagine what it would be like to hear that on a first date.’

He felt a warm feeling settle in his stomach when she relaxed and smiled up at him, the tips of her fingers curling upwards into the palm of his hand. He would ask her more about Riley someday, but not yet. It felt too intrusive this early on in their relationship and too much had been carelessly blurted out already. He wanted Maddie to open up to him in her own time because he had the feeling there were many complex layers to this girl, and he wanted to peel back each one in turn and savour getting to know her.

‘Now,’ he teased, ‘you know the most intimate details about me, and I know some of your past, but I want to know more.’ He watched a slow blush creep up on to her cheeks. ‘Tell me what it was like to grow up in Sydney.’

‘What do you want to know?’

‘Everything,’ he said. 

They talked about her childhood spent frolicking on amazing beaches, her school days and his, her time at University and her family. When they began to debate the differences between her home city and his, he went into battle for Melbourne and she did her best to do the same for Sydney.

‘Well our beaches are pretty spectacular,’ Maddie declared.

‘Listen to you: “our beaches”,’ he mocked.

‘But … the harbour can be filthy. Have you ever looked down next to one of those ferries? There’s rubbish, the water’s murky. They don’t show that on the postcards, do they?’

‘Now that’s true. They’re both very different cities I think, each with their own merits.’

‘I couldn’t agree more.’

The more he got to know Maddie, the deeper he was falling. ‘So, can I ask how the cake business is going?’

‘It’s hardly a business.’

‘Don’t be so modest. I saw the graduation cake the other day, remember. And don’t forget the penis cake of course. You’re a talented girl.’

‘I got two more requests after the graduation party: one for a baby shower and another for a fiftieth.’

‘See, what did I tell you?’ He ran a hand through the air as though he were writing words on a sign. ‘Maddie Kershaw, cake extraordinaire.’

‘I was thinking I should get some business cards made up.’

‘That’s a great idea. Let me have some when they’re done and I can pass them out to my colleagues, perhaps you could even make an ad and I can have it included in the school’s community newsletter. I’m sure there are just as many mums looking to outsource the making of birthday cakes as there are mums who want to make them themselves.’

‘I may just take you up on that.’

They talked about Evan’s family, his mum’s trip overseas and they sifted through his memories of Jem over the years.

‘I can’t remember it, but there are enough pictures to prove it,’ he said. ‘Honestly, the woman was petrified that I’d drown in Albert Park Lake every time I fed the ducks, and she would grasp hold of whatever clothes I had on, even if I was a good ten feet from the water’s edge! I’m surprised I’m not too disturbed by childhood memories to go running past it so often.’

‘She sounds like a lot of fun.’

‘She was. She still is.’

‘I couldn’t believe it at the party when she told me she was a hundred years old,’ said Maddie.

‘It’s bizarre isn’t it? I think she’s got more energy than the rest of us put together. If you tell her that though, she’ll go on about how she didn’t have all this fancy technology in her day; they played in the park and fresh air until their parents called them inside for dinner. Or she’ll tell you that it’s because she never stresses about food, never says no to cake.’

The conversation turned to holidays they’d both taken – or wished they’d taken – and then on to television programs they loved or loathed, and favourite bands. The normality soothed Evan, and once the bill was paid and the hot chocolates lined their contented stomachs, he held out his hand.

‘Where are we going?’ She looked almost as scared as he had been on his way to today’s date.

His hand fell down to his side when he realised she wasn’t going to take it. He watched her twiddle a set of keys in her fingers.

‘What’s wrong?’ he asked.

‘Evan, before we go anywhere else, we really need to talk.’

Chapter Fifteen

‘Evan, I met someone else.’

They sat on a bench and both looked out over the water to the restaurants on the opposite side of the river.

‘I had a lot of champagne at a barbecue and I got talking to this guy. I was convinced you would never get in touch with me again and—’

‘So you moved on to the next? That didn’t take long.’

‘Now that’s not fair.’

He was hurt, she knew, and he didn’t speak for a while.

‘I met someone, and I went home with him,’ she continued.

‘I don’t need the details,’ he spat.

‘Evan, I’m trying to explain, please hear me out.’

His mouth sat in a hard line, and he refused to look at Maddie.

‘Nothing happened apart from a kiss. Please believe me when I say that I wouldn’t have got involved at all if I thought you and I were going to get together.’

Her words seemed to placate him, but when his silence became too much to bear, she said, ‘Please say something. I know it sounds as though I just moved on to someone else, but that wasn’t how it was, really it wasn’t. I’d had a lot to drink at the barbecue, and I guess I felt lonely. And Josh … well he was just there, he helped me to forget.’

‘Forget me, you mean?’

‘Kind of,’ she stammered and slumped back against the bench. ‘I’m not making a very good job of this, am I?’

‘No.’

She waited until a man walking his dog had passed them by. ‘When I lost Riley, I didn’t cope very well.’ Her head fell into her hands as she grappled with the words. ‘I fell apart, and since then I haven’t had a proper relationship.’

‘So you’re not over Riley?’

‘Riley died a long time ago.’ She wondered whether Evan would feel second best if she told him that Riley was the love of her life, how he would feel if he thought he was in any way a replacement for the part of her life she had lost, a replacement for the togetherness and closeness she had shared with Riley.

She bit down on her lip, her heart pounding hard. ‘Evan, there’s something else.’ She had to tell him. If they were going to start anything, if she was going to have a proper relationship again, she wanted him to know who she was. And if he didn’t like it, then she would just have to deal with that.

‘I’m listening.’

‘I fell hard after Riley, and I didn’t think of men in the same way.’ God this was harder than she thought. How could she tell him without making him think the worst of her?

‘I’m not sure I follow.’

‘I have met men since, but I was never interested in anything more than …’

‘Having a fling?’

She looked at him now, allowed those chocolate eyes to melt the stress away as he watched her. She couldn’t read his face. Was he surprised, jealous, disgusted?

‘I used to give out fake telephone numbers, avoid the guy like the plague if I saw him again.’

‘Sounds like you could give any man a run for his money. I’m sorry,’ he added when her face dropped.

‘I wanted the company more than the sex.’ She looked down at her bag on her lap. ‘It was never about the sex,’ she whispered.

Some said sex was the biggest bond you could have with another human being, but it was surprisingly easy to detach yourself and use the intimacy, the frisson of excitement as an escape, and that’s exactly what Maddie had done. All she had wanted was to feel loved and cared for, feel safe in a man’s arms, but the sex had become part of the escape.

Evan’s warm hand closed around her own. When he spoke, his voice was calmer. ‘Maddie, I’m not judging you.’

‘But sleeping around is hardly an appealing quality, especially for a woman.’ She hoped he wouldn’t ask her how many men she’d been involved with over the years.

‘You’re only human, and I could get all high and mighty and jealous – which I am, by the way – or I could admit that, until you came along, I went in for the no-strings-attached approach too. I can’t judge you when I’m no better.’

‘When I met you, Evan, it was different. You were different to any of the men I’ve met since Riley. Something about you just seemed to fit. I’d never had the urge to get into a meaningful relationship with anyone else, until you.’

Rationalising her behaviour out loud was strange. But even stranger than that was the fact that Evan was still beside her, his shoulder comfortably touching hers. He hadn’t run when she revealed her true self.

‘I’m glad you told me, Maddie. About the other guy, I mean, and about Riley and your history. I’m sorry I pushed you away in the first place by thinking I needed to be on my own to get my head sorted.’

He pulled her to standing, towering above her. His fingers rubbed lightly against the palm of her hand, and then he reached up and let his fingers run down the side of her face, past her lips. She longed for him to lean down and kiss her. She had imagined it a thousand times, dreamt about it too. But just when she thought she was about to find out, he said, ‘Come on, I know just the place to make this a perfect second date.’

‘Where are we going?’

‘You’ll see.’

Hand in hand they ran across the footbridge that linked Flinders Street to the opposite side of the river, and moments later they had boarded a small boat and were chugging their way over to Williamstown.

The temperature of late afternoon had dropped, and Evan took out the scarf stashed in the inner pocket of his coat. He looped it over Maddie’s neck, pulled her towards him and planted a firm kiss on her lips as they passed beneath the Bolte Bridge.

‘What was that for?’ she asked.

He leant closer and she felt his warm breath on her cheek, sweet smelling from the creamy hot chocolates. ‘No reason.’

She started to speak, but his finger rested against her lips to silence her. She felt warmer than she had done all night and her lips tingled from his touch.

They sat and let the breeze float across their faces, the occasional drop of water splashing them from the river as they approached Williamstown.

‘I’m looking forward to getting to know you, Maddie Kershaw.’ His hand rested on her thigh and sent a jolt of electricity through her. ‘These jeans are sexy. They suit you.’

‘Thanks.’ She giggled like a total girl. ‘I do have a bit of an obsession about jeans as it happens.’ His hand didn’t move an inch and it felt good, comforting. ‘According to my friend Ally, I buy jeans like other people buy postcards. When I went to New York, I came back with four pairs: True Religions, Dylan George, Diesel and Stitch’s. When I last went home to Sydney, I bought another two pairs, both Levi’s but different cuts.’

‘You’re addicted then, aren’t you?’

‘I’ll let you into another secret.’

‘What’s that?’ he asked as the boat docked and they stood to disembark.

‘I would never date a guy whose bum didn’t look good in a pair of jeans.’

He let out a loud laugh and turned to give her the opportunity to make her judgement. ‘So, do I pass?’

‘I’ll let you know.’

Still laughing, he steered them in the direction of a row of shops where the scent of vinegar filled the air and the warmth of steaming hot slices of potatoes drifted out on to the footpath from a fish and chip shop. They were lured inside to make their selections beneath the bright strip lights.

Wrapped parcels in hand, they headed back to the waterside where they found a bench overlooking the water. The steam from the chips and the crisply battered flake hit Maddie with an overwhelming force when she pulled off the paper wrapping.

‘I didn’t think you’d be hungry after those hot chocolates,’ Evan mocked as he unzipped his jacket, the warmth of the food taking away the need for extra layers.

‘I’m starving,’ she admitted, scraping a thick chip through the ketchup.

They looked out over the blackened water. Intermittent lights in the distance came from boats and buildings that were unidentifiable. A young couple eating ice creams walked by.

‘They must be freezing,’ whispered Maddie, still toasty from the warm food that lined her stomach. She licked her fingers as Evan gathered the rubbish and stuffed it into a bin nearby.

When he sat down next to her again he said, ‘So without getting all emotional, and without mentioning what’s going to happen to me in the next couple of weeks, do you think you’d like to go out on another date?’

‘I’d really like that.’

‘You’re shivering,’ he whispered into her hair. He lifted an arm and let it settle across her shoulders. The scent of salt and vinegar played tricks with her mind, and she was unable to distinguish who the smell was coming from, him or her.

When she turned towards him, the warmth of his lips didn’t take her by surprise. It felt right. His tongue gently pushed at her own as she reached up to his neck, pulling him towards her. His hands grabbed hold of her hair that hung loose, gripping it between his fingers and holding her head so he could kiss her more deeply.

He pulled her to her feet, wrapping her in the warmth of a hug. ‘That was amazing.’

She buried her face in his chest, unable to stop smiling. His heart pounded against her cheek, beating in the same crazy way as hers.

‘We’d better go or we’ll miss the boat.’ He combed the wavy strands of hair away from her face.

They hurried back to the boat, hugging each other tightly all the way along the Yarra as darkness fell and stars winked at them knowingly. And they stayed like that as the vessel retraced its route back towards the lights of the Crown Entertainment Complex.

When they disembarked Evan pulled her to him again, his head settled on top of hers. She felt him inhale the smell of her hair.

‘Can I walk you home?’ he asked.

Her breath caught in her throat as though it had lost its way out. This was unlike Josh, unlike any of the men before; this was real. Any guilt about what had gone before seemed to have dissolved, and the word
cancer
was as far from both of their minds as it could be.

*

At Maddie’s apartment the air filled with electricity, with longing. She felt a sudden flutter of anticipation as she watched Evan take off his coat and drape it across a stool in the kitchen. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion, but the second he looked over at her they hit the fast forward button.

He was there, his lips clamped on hers, his hands through her hair. His body pressed entirely against her own, every inch warming her in a way that felt familiar, secure. Their kiss evolved to greater depths with an urgency she didn’t recognise, and his hands moved from her neck down to her breasts and stroked them through the thin material of her top, the lace of her bra. A familiar longing flushed her entire body, and her hands froze for a moment on his upper arms as she relished the closeness.

His hands ran down past her waist, over her buttocks, and he watched her all the while. She pulled his top over his head, and when it dropped to the floor, she drew in a breath at the sight of him, at the feel of skin on skin, the definition of the toned chest covered with dark hair. She let out a soft moan.

‘Is this okay?’ He drew back, misreading the signals.

‘Don’t stop.’

He grinned, a thankful, voiceless gesture as he slid the ivory silk bra straps off of each shoulder and then traced the outline of the cups. She wondered how much more she could take, but this time she knew she wasn’t using sex as an escape; this time the sex was building on something that had foundations and a future. She wasn’t running from the past this time; she was being set free from it.

He reached around behind her as his eyes begged for more. He unclasped her bra, dropped it to the floor in one fluid movement. He lowered his mouth and trailed kisses from her neck to her collarbone, down to her breasts, taking each nipple in his mouth in turn, this time not pulling away when she gasped. Her head tipped back and his kisses made their way back up her neck to meet her lips again, and he fumbled with the buttons on her jeans. She tugged at his belt, and with some manoeuvring they were free of their clothes and he eased her down on to the sofa. 

‘You’re so beautiful.’ The muscles in his arms held him hovering above her.

She reached up to cup his face between her hands after he pulled on the condom. Her heart was working overtime, and when she felt his hardness against her, she wrapped her legs around his torso. They moved together. The heat in the room had reached boiling point, and when he stilled she knew he was holding back, for her. She guided his hand to touch her and his fingers worked their magic until waves of pleasure took over. She wrapped her legs even tighter around him, kissed him deeply. Her hand stilled on his buttocks; she daren’t reach any further for fear of touching the lump, scared of hurting him. But the ecstasy on his face told her he wasn’t even thinking about it, and she felt him come, hard. She listened to his gasps and the whisper of her name on his lips.

They lay there languidly, Evan on top of Maddie as she trailed fingernails lightly up his back. Goose pimples sprung up across his skin, and he gave a shiver of satiated pleasure. He kissed the soft curve of her neck all the way along to the tip of her shoulder, setting every nerve ending alight again.