Hannah's Journey (9 page)

L
evi watched her incredible blue eyes grow large with shock. “You?”

He nodded.

“But your grandparents—your siblings…”

“They were all happy with the life they had. Three of them were too young to truly miss our parents. My eldest sister was being courted by a boy she’d met in Iowa. I had never really taken to life on the farm even when my parents were alive. But Matthew was a natural. He followed our grandfather around like a puppy, soaking up every facet of the farm life.”

“How old were you when you left and what did your grandparents say when they found out where you’d gone and didn’t anyone try and find you or bring you home?”

The questions poured out of her and he knew that in place of him she was seeing her own son. Instead of comforting her, he had only added to her worries. “It’s not the same, Hannah. My situation and Caleb’s are completely different.”

“I don’t see how. You were what—twelve?”

“Fourteen—old enough to begin to think of being out on my own. Old enough that others expected me to take an interest in the farm that I would one day inherit.”

“Even so,” she conceded reluctantly, “it was circus life that drew your interest and made you decide to leave.”

He really couldn’t argue that point, but he had to try. “Look, there’s more to the story than just a boy out for an adventure. Just take my word for it. My circumstances were nothing like Caleb’s.”

“I don’t see so much difference. Caleb’s father is dead and…”

“But he has you and he has Gunther.”

“And you had your grandparents,” she pointed out.

“Not the same,” he said, and gazed out the open door of the payroll car. “Ah, here’s Jake.” Relieved to have a buffer that would prevent Hannah from questioning him further, Levi did not even think of wondering where his friend had disappeared to, or what might lie behind the scowl he wore in place of his usual hearty smile.

“I was just going through the routine with Hannah,” Levi explained. “I think we’re going to have to keep her busy with filing and correspondence, Jake. I found her cleaning the place when I got back.”

“Oh, that won’t do, Mrs. Goodloe,” Jake said. “Miss Benson is quite dedicated to the cause of making sure women hold what she likes to refer to as ‘their rightful place in the world.’ And that means if you have been given the post of secretary, you have not—at least in Ida’s world—been handed the position of cleaning lady along with it.”

“But…”

Levi held up one professorial finger to Jake, interrupting her. “I’m afraid we may have to remind Ida that in Mrs. Goodloe’s world, the role of women first and foremost is that of making a home for others.”

“Ida will try and change your mind on that one,” Jake told Hannah. “Trust me, she thinks the world would be a good sight better run if women handled business and politics and men were relegated to cleaning and cooking.”

Levi saw that Hannah was becoming alarmed at this discussion, but he was also relieved that it had at least taken her mind off her son. “Don’t pay too much attention to what my friend here says. He does tend to embellish the situation.”

Jake grinned. “You meet Ida,” he instructed Hannah, “and then decide if every word I just spoke isn’t the truth.” He walked the length of the car and settled into his desk chair as he pulled a stack of papers toward him.

“That reminds me,” Hannah said. She picked up the top paper from the basket on Chester’s desk and showed it to Jake. “When I was dusting I saw this. It’s a duplicate of the one you had me file earlier and I was just wondering…”

Levi watched as Jake snatched the invoice from Hannah’s outstretched hand and studied it. “No, I paid this,” he muttered as he rifled through the pages of an oversized ledger. “Yep, here it is right here.” He pounded the notation several times with his forefinger, then glanced up at Levi.

“I’m sure you did,” Levi said. “Chester might just like to keep his own copies of each invoice. I think he told me once that it helps when he’s negotiating with a
new vendor to be able to show what price we’ve gotten from others.”

Jake seemed unconvinced. “I guess. Anyway it’s paid—says so right here.” He tapped the ledger page again and then closed the book and smiled up at them. “Well, getting close to matinee time. You should come see the show, Hannah. I mean if you’re going to work here, shouldn’t you know how the folks we’re paying earn their money?”

Hannah smiled. “It is not…”

“…Your way,” Jake finished for her. “Got it.”

Levi frowned. He didn’t like Jake making light of Hannah’s lifestyle. And although she seemed unperturbed by the comment, Levi felt keenly protective toward her, wanting to be sure that she was not offended. “What Jake means is…”

“It’s all right,” she assured both men. And then with a twinkle in her eye added, “It is our way to have very thick skins when dealing with the outside world.”

Jake exploded into laughter and nearly tipped his chair over backward. “She’s a winner, this one, Levi. Can we keep her and get rid of Ida? I think she’s going to be like a ray of sunshine around here.”

Levi saw that Hannah was about to protest such an idea. “He’s kidding,” he told her. “Better get used to it. Jake is a great kidder, especially with anyone prone to taking his outrageous comments seriously.”

“Does Miss Benson take you seriously?” Hannah asked.

“Extremely,” Jake assured her.

“Well, if someone who is seemingly so well-educated can be fooled by your humor, I can see that I will have to watch myself.”

“Wise move,” Levi said.

“But no fun at all,” Jake added as he pushed himself away from the desk and headed for the exit. “Show-time,” he said. “You kids have a good evening now.” And he was gone.

“He makes you smile,” Hannah noted.

And it was true. Levi’s usually somber mood could always be relieved by an encounter with Jake. “He’s my best friend—almost like a brother to me.”

“You’ve known each other for some time, then?”

Levi smiled. “We were stowaways together on the circus train.”

“Jake ran away as well?”

“There I was thinking I was so smart, hiding out in one of the baggage cars when all of a sudden a voice grumbles, ‘This is my hiding place, kid. Find your own.’”

“You must have been frightened,” Hannah guessed.

Levi chuckled. “I was. I mean, the voice was deep like a grown man’s would be but my choice was to stay put or jump from a moving train. So I decided to stay put and before I knew it, I fell asleep.”

“What happened?”

“When I woke up, Jake was sitting next to me chewing on a piece of jerky. It wasn’t until he offered me a piece and muttered something about how he expected to be paid for the food that I put it together. That deep voice from the night before belonged to this skinny little kid who had to be at least a couple of years younger than I was.”

“And the two of you became the best of friends,” Hannah said, her smile radiant. “That’s lovely, Levi.”

“Friends and coworkers.”

“So when you bought the circus…”

“Actually, I inherited it from the former owner. By that time Jake had gone his own way again—staying in Chicago for a time. The first thing I did once I took over was get in touch with him and ask him to come work with me.”

“And neither of you ever married?” She blushed after asking the question. “I apologize. That is really none of my business.”

“Jake came close. Me? I never even got close.”

“I imagine it’s difficult to maintain a relationship if one travels so much of the time,” she said.

I could make it work with the right woman,
he thought as he looked down at her. She was standing near the desk she would occupy and suddenly busied herself with rearranging the pens and other supplies Ida had left there.

“Hannah,” he murmured more to test the feel of her name on his lips than to say anything.

She glanced up.

He reached over and twisted one string of her prayer cap around his forefinger. She did not waver from meeting his gaze. He leaned forward slightly and she remained as still as a flower on a windless day.

“Hannah,” he whispered and her eyes drifted closed.

Levi was going to kiss her, Hannah thought and realized the greater surprise was that she was going to permit him to do so.
What’s happening to me?

“Hannah,” he said softly. “Open your eyes and look at me.”

She did as he asked and almost had to look away
when she saw that the indecision she felt was mirrored in his gaze. “This is impossible, you know.”

“Yes,” she whispered and bowed her head.

He placed his forefinger under her chin and gently lifted her face to meet his. “You are so very beautiful,” he said, his voice husky and completely lacking in the self-assurance she had come to expect from him.

Her heartbeat quickened and she prayed for forgiveness that his compliment had meant so much to her, had made her think of ways that a kiss shared with him might not be impossible after all.

With determination she took a step back so that his finger slipped free of contact with her skin. “It is not our way to speak of such things,” she said.

“Ah, but it is your way to speak the truth and that was all that I was doing.” He picked up his hat and moved past her to the doorway. “Did Jake show you how to lock up?”

Confused by the abrupt shift in his demeanor, she nodded and showed him the keys that Jake had given her. The music coming from the big top told her that the matinee was already half over. During dinner the night before, he had told them that he liked to be at the back entrance to the big top when the show ended so that every performer passed by him as they exited the tent.

“Was there anything you wanted me to do yet this afternoon?” she asked, forcing her voice to reflect his professional business tone.

“No. Just take your time getting to know the files and procedures we went over. If Jake isn’t back by the time you finish, be sure to lock up. I’ll see you at dinner.”

“Yes,” she murmured, but he was already gone. She watched as he strode quickly across the large circus lot and it wasn’t until he had disappeared around the side of the ticket wagon that she realized that all the while she had been gently stroking the place where he had touched her chin.

Levi could not believe that he had almost allowed himself to surrender to the feelings for Hannah Goodloe that he now realized had been planted that first day she’d come to his home in Sarasota. What was he thinking? Any real relationship between them was impossible.

He watched as Lily mesmerized the crowd with her acrobatics on the swing high above them. He and Lily had had a brief romance a few years earlier when he’d first hired her, but both had admitted that they were not well-matched for anything long lasting. They had ended the romance amicably and remained good friends. It was obvious to Levi that Lily’s heart belonged to Jake. Too bad his friend was too much of a ladies’ man to realize what he was missing.

All around him, performers and exotic animals lined up for the grand finale where they would enter the tent one last time and parade around the perimeter of the ring to thunderous applause, whistles and stamping feet. It was a moment that never grew old for Levi and whenever he was traveling with the company, it was a moment he tried not to miss.

But you would gladly have missed it today and every day from now on if Hannah had not stepped away.

The truth of that thought struck him like a thunderbolt. Behind him, elephants trumpeted their impatience
to get moving while lions roared in agreement. But Levi barely heard them as he considered the idea of what he might be willing to sacrifice to win Hannah’s affections.

“Hey, boss man!”

Levi turned to see Fred Stone waddling toward him. Fred was the lead clown for the company and at the moment he was in full costume—baggy pants and oversized clown shoes that slapped the ground with each step. His red hair had been frizzed into a halo and he was wearing his whiteface makeup with the exaggerated red lips turned down. Fred was one of the most cheerful people Levi knew, but his act was that of the sad clown and it won the hearts and cheers of audience members every performance.

“Heard the Amish kid turned up in Baraboo,” Fred continued. “Good news for the pretty little widow I’d say.”

“She’s very relieved,” Levi agreed.

“So, you gonna have Ida ship the kid back down to meet us on the route or what?”

“His mother is going with us to Baraboo,” Levi replied.

Fred nodded slowly. “Makes sense but I’d think she’d want the fastest way possible to get the boy back in the fold.”

“I’m sure she does, but we have commitments along the way and her father-in-law is against her traveling alone so this seemed the best option under the circumstances. Ida’s watching over the boy.”

“Did she take him out to the farm?”

Only four people in the company were aware that Levi stayed in close touch with his younger brother.
Fred, Hans, Ida and Jake. Matthew had inherited their grandfather’s farm and lived there with his wife and five children. “The door’s always open,” he had told Levi more than once. “As Ma used to say, ‘you can always come home.’”

“Levi?” Fred was looking at him curiously.

“Yeah. The boy’s with Matt,” Levi said. “Better get in there,” he added with a nod toward the parade that had begun to move into the tent for the finale.

“Going,” Fred said as he slap-footed his way to the rear of the line. “She’s a nice lady,” he called. “The Amish widow. Lily and the girls say she’s top drawer.”

Too good for the likes of me,
Levi thought and mentally vowed to keep his association with Hannah on a strictly business level now that she was technically working for him.

But later, after he was delayed by a vendor insisting that he had not been paid for the goods delivered earlier that day, Levi arrived at the dinner table to see that the only available seat was next to Hannah.

“Ah, Levi, Hans had suggested we start without you,” Gunther said. “We were just about to say grace.”

Gunther was holding Pleasant’s hand who in turn was holding Hannah’s. In order to complete the circle he needed to take Gunther’s free hand as well as Hannah’s. He grasped Gunther’s calloused hand but then hesitated.