Happily Ever All-Star: A Secret Baby Romance (71 page)

And then it was just the three of us.

Jasper, me, and what remained of my conscience.

I lunged for him, grasping him by the lapels of his douche-bag suit coat over a t-shirt. I slammed him against his car to silence his shouts. He struck the car hard enough to keep his attention fixed on me, but not hard enough to hurt.

No matter how much I wanted to break him.

“If you
ever
pull this shit again…” I held him firm. “If you
ever
make that baby cry…if you
ever
upset Piper again…we won’t be talking like civilized men.”

He acted tough even though his feet didn’t touch the ground. “You threatening me?”

“You bet your fucking ass I am.”

Jasper tried to twist from my grip. He didn’t have the strength to get away.

I might have hurt him. Split him in two with my bare hands or bashed him into a goddamned powder against the pavement.

But then I’d have a mess to clean up instead of a woman and baby to comfort.

“Get the fuck off of me.” Jasper spat on me.

Big mistake.

“Who do you think you are?” He yelled. “That’s
my
baby. I’ll do whatever the hell I want with her.”

Bigger mistake.

I flung him to the ground, preventing him from moving with a foot to his throat.

“Oh,
now
you want to play daddy?”

I wiped the spit from my cheek, staring at a man I might have killed with just the press of my boot.

“Where the hell were you when Piper needed money to buy that kid a decent crib? Where were you when she didn’t have the savings to stay in her apartment? Where the fuck where you when that little girl had an ear infection and needed a nighttime story and hug to feel better?”

Jasper reached for my foot. He wasn’t getting away. “I offered to
marry
Piper. It’s not my fault she didn’t want me.”

“Can’t imagine why.”

“I knocked her up, all right? What the hell do you want from me? We fucked up.”

Rose was a lot of things, but she wasn’t the result of a
fuck up
. I stepped into his throat. He choked.

“Do you want that baby or not?”

“What choice do I have? If I give up any custody, that kid will cost me an arm and a leg a month.”

“How much?”

“Like eight hundred dollars!”

The baby was worth
so
much more than money. If he couldn’t see that, he didn’t deserve her.

“I’ll write you a check for eight hundred a month—fuck it, I’ll send you the ten grand it’ll cost in child support for the year. You take it. You cash it. You send it to Piper.” I lowered my voice. “And you don’t tell her a
goddamned
thing about where the money came from, you get me?”

Jasper nodded, staring at me wide-eyed. “Fine. What do you want?”

“You. Out of the picture. Give up the rights. You’re done with Rose.”

“Yeah. Sure. Whatever.”

He didn’t even fight for his kid. I regretted ever touching such filth. I left him in the dust and stood.

“Get off my property before I decide I’ve been too damn compassionate.”

He didn’t waste time. Jasper crawled to his car, diving inside and locking the doors. He peeled out, leaving tire tracks on my pristine, white driveway.

Asshole.

I still fumed, still ached with adrenaline and a blitz of testosterone.

I should have hit him. I wanted to hit him.

But I was glad I didn’t have to waste time washing his blood from my hands.

I went inside and climbed the stairs. The baby wasn’t crying anymore. A relief. But Piper didn’t have her in the nursery. I stalked to the west wing, pushing open my door.

Piper cuddled with a freshly-bathed, exhausted, smiling toddler on my bed.

And nothing had ever looked so perfect.

I didn’t hesitate. I climbed onto the mattress, wrapping my arm over Piper and letting the kid settle between us. I didn’t even care that Rumpleass joined us on the pillows.

Piper rested her head on my shoulder. I kissed her temple.

Rose babbled, wiggling to her feet. She scaled the space between us, stumbled over me, and kicked me square between the legs. I grunted, but she landed on my chest and hugged me.

I saw stars, and I was glad I was laying down, but nothing on earth would have moved me from Piper’s side or Rose’s hug.

But even I knew that moment couldn’t last forever.

I
ended
the call with the Monarchs and checked the time.

8:55 PM.

Cole had three hours and five minutes remaining as an Atwood Monarch. He could either be traded, or he’d be cut.

I sighed, head in my hands. I couldn’t let him destroy his career.

I knew he’d hate it. He’d fight it, but I could handle him at his worst.

I didn’t control Cole Hawthorne. I
worked
with him. I understood him. I helped him. I wanted what was best for him.

That should have made it easier.

So why was my heart-breaking?

Cole was on baby-duty, watching Rose while I took the Monarch’s call. I heard her giggle from the hall, but my steps slowed as he laughed.

“
Up
!” Rose commanded. “
Up
!”

I peeked through the door. Bedtime was a slow progression tonight—in that it didn’t seem to be happening at all. Rose wasn’t near the crib. Hell, she wasn’t even changed into pajamas yet. She still wore her little Monarch dress, perfect for all the baby princesses who cheered their favorite team.

It looked ridiculous—a fluffy poof of sparkles and gold. But she loved it. She wiggled around Cole’s feet and reached for him, as high as her little fingers could go.

Cole plucked her from the ground and settled her along his hip.

Her smile killed me. She’d never looked at her father like that, not when Jasper came to pick her up and certainly not when the asshole dropped her off.

I hadn’t wanted to get involved with Cole, but I couldn’t deny how much he meant to me. It had been easier to keep my distance and protect my heart before Rose started looking at him so sweetly. She trusted him.

Maybe I could have ignored my feelings if he hadn’t looked at her in the same way.

“
Up
!” Rose tugged on his shirt. “Up!”

“You
are
up,” Cole said. “You can’t get anymore
up
.”

She wiggled her head and shoulders. “Up!”

“
Oh
.” Cole watched her wiggle and twisted the earbuds coiled around his neck. “You want to
dance
.”

Rose nodded, her little puff ball pigtails bouncing with her. “
Dance
!”

“All right. But don’t tell anyone. I got a reputation to maintain.”

Cole thumbed through his playlists. Most of the tracks were just static—the white noise he used to focus and stay calm. He scanned to a special playlist and flashed the image to her. She giggled and recognized the Disney songs.

I watched as that monster of a man shimmied and bounced a little girl to the beat—their own perfect waltz. She giggled as he dipped her, but she yawned the instant he pulled her back to his chest. Rose snuggled close as he rocked her.

Cole gave me a sheepish shrug, but I tapped my finger against my lips. Rose rested with her head against his shoulder and sighed.

I had no idea how this man could so easily put my toddler to bed, but I wished he’d teach me his secrets.

She conked out pretty quickly. Cole rubbed his hand over her back. The gold glitter from her dress flaked everywhere, but he didn’t seem to mind.

“Did you talk to the team?” His voice was low.

I nodded.

“What’d they say?”

I shook my head. He understood.

He said nothing else, but he danced with Rose until the song was over, holding the baby tight against him. He settled her in the crib before I could get the gold dress off of her. That was fine. She could sleep like a princess tonight. He made sure Mr. Bumpybottom was tucked next to her in the crib.

“Cole—”

He took my hand. “Not yet.”

“But we have to talk.”

He pulled me from the room, pausing only to let me turn off the light and pocket the baby monitor. I followed him to the kitchen. He sat at the counter, and I offered to get him a drink from the baby-proofed fridge.

“Water?” I asked.

“You tell me what I need, beautiful.”

I gave him a bottle of beer instead.

“That bad?”

“You know what we have to do, Cole.”

He didn’t answer.

“All you have to do is
agree
,” I said. “Agree, and at 12:01 you’ll become an Ironfield Rivet. Everything has been arranged—a place for you to stay and a rented car for the week. You’re still suspended for another two games, but they can give you the playbook. They’ll let you watch some films and start training.”

“If I don’t agree to the trade?”

He knew the answer to that. Why would he make me say it?

“Then you’ll be cut, and no other team will sign you from the waivers. You might get some interest next year, but getting released is a bad sign to the league. It’d prove to them that you are a liability and trouble and a risk to every organization. The trade is your best option.”

“No. It’s my
only
option.”

“Yes.”

“Then maybe I’m done.”

I knew he’d think it, fear it. I forced him to look at me,
really
look at me. In the eyes, in the soul, in the heart, exactly the way he’d refused in the past.

“Cole, you are an amazing athlete. You can’t give this up.”

“You know what Ironfield will want from me, how they’ll expect me to play.”

“But you’ll still be
playing
. And they can protect you from the league. No more bogus calls. No harsh scrutiny.”

Cole didn’t bother drinking his beer. He pushed it away and paced through the kitchen. “They’ll sign me only because they think I’m a monster. They’ll want me to hurt my opponents.”

“You don’t have to play that way.”

“I won’t have a choice.” His words rushed, still harsh, but a thread of helpless panic and rage wove within his voice. “They’ll expect it. They’ll
encourage
it. They’ll set their defense up around me, and then let me off the leash. And there’s a part of me that
wants
it. Piper, I’m so damn tired of watching my steps and trying to hold back. And if Ironfield
allows
me to follow my instincts…”

“You can control yourself, Cole. I know you can. I’ve seen it.”

“But if you knew how
hard
I’ve been fighting myself...” He collapsed at the counter. “You wouldn’t be sharing this house with me. You wouldn’t let me near your daughter.”

“Everyone has darkness in them. You aren’t alone. I’ve had those shameful thoughts, regretting the things I’ve done.”

I reached for his hand. He didn’t take it.

“I’ve had moments where I’ve regretted getting pregnant. Where I wondered how much easier and
better
my life would be if I hadn’t had to drop everything for Rose. I’ve thought…I should just marry Jasper. I should take the life he offered. Why fight for a job I didn’t want for a salary that barely covers the essentials to care for a baby I never planned on having. But you know what?”

Cole looked up.

“They’re just
doubts
. Just
thoughts
. Little twitchy moments that cloud your mind when you’re tired or hurt or awake at four AM trying to calm a teething baby.”

“It’s different for me.”

“You’ve changed. You might have ripped Jasper’s head off, but you stopped yourself. You’ve never had that strength before.”

“I had to stay calm.”

“Why?”

“For you.” He held my stare. “I hated seeing you so scared. And the baby was crying, and I just kept thinking…I could kill this man right now. But you needed
me
more than you needed my fists.”

And he had been right. Wise enough to know what I needed and strong enough to control his temper. I approached him, stroking his cheek and running my fingers through his long hair. He let me touch him, even kissed my hand as it caressed his lips.

But he took my palm and squeezed, as if testing to see that he could hold me without crushing my hand. He could, but his voice resonated with the wrong kind of confidence.

“It’s like there’s two of me,” he said. “Split down the middle. I can see it, and it’s because of you. You gave me a reason to change, so I could be calmer, gentler. But—”

“Don’t say it.”

“I can never be
healed
, Piper. I’m not a family man. I’m not good for you, and I’ll never be good enough for Rose.”

“That’s not true.”

“I shouldn’t have to
fight
with my instincts to be a good man. Maybe it’s the game that fucked me up, or maybe I really am a monster, but if I can’t trust myself, neither should you. If I take this trade, Ironfield won’t want this kinder, gentler Cole Hawthorne. They’ll expect
The Beast
. And I won’t be able to control it anymore.”

“Then I’ll help you. The season is only sixteen weeks long. Add in another six for training camp. That’s less than half of the year. I can…” My voice trembled. He was already giving up. “We can live here during the off-season, and I’ll fly out to be with you during—”

“No.”

“Cole—”

“I’ll sell the estate.”

“But…this is your family’s…”

“It’s not a home. It was my sanctuary—the only place I felt safe from myself. But I don’t need it anymore.”

“What do you need?”

“A cage.”

I tensed. I heard the pain in his voice, felt the coldness in his touch.

“We have to end this, Piper.”

I couldn’t breathe. I faked it and whispered through the tightness. “Why are you always pushing me away? All I want is to be
close
to you. I can help.”

“I can’t be a slave to both my rage and you, beautiful,” he said. “I’ll slip up. I’ll say the wrong thing, do something terrible. I can’t risk you or Rose. In ten years, I’ll probably be in jail or dead in an alley. You deserve a better future than springing my bail and washing blood out of my clothes.”

“Don’t tell me what I deserve, Cole. I’ll fight you on this.”

“And I’ll win.”

“Damn it.
Neither
of us are winning,” I said. “Especially you. You’re running.
Hiding
.”

“Damn right I am. You should be
grateful.
” His jaw tightened, and he nodded at me. “Call the Monarchs. Tell them I consent to the trade.”

This wasn’t happening. I couldn’t let it end this way and lose him to his own nightmares.

“You’re stronger than this, Cole.”

“Make the call.”

“No. Not if it means losing you.”

He shook his head. “I never should have gotten involved with you.”

“I’m not talking about our
relationship
. I’m talking about
you
—about the man I see, standing here, talking to me, dancing with my baby, sharing our lives. That’s the man I won’t lose. I won’t let him fade away.”

“Make. The. Call.”

No
.

“Cole, you know I love—”

“Don’t.” Now his voice sharpened. “Don’t you dare say it.”

“
Why
?”

“Isn’t it enough that you came into my life?” Cole stalked before me, towering in that predatory darkness that might have frightened anyone else. “Isn’t it enough that you forced yourself into my heart? That I kissed you and tasted you and fucked you, and I still can’t get enough of you? What more could you want from me?”

“I want you to say it.”

“
No
.”

“Tell me how you feel.”

“I won’t.”

“Say it now, Cole Hawthorne, or I will never forgive you for this.”

“
Good
.” His words coiled with the horrible, consuming rage which so terrified him. “Don’t forgive me. Forget about me. Leave me. Find a man who can take care of you and who can be a father to that baby. Find someone who is worthy of you.”

“I don’t want anyone else.”

“And I don’t want you,” he said. “Make the fucking call, Piper.”

Why did Cole fear his strength and temper when his words broke my heart and shredded my soul?

I redialed the last number on my phone. The Monarchs’ general manager answered on the first ring. I didn’t bother with the pleasantries.

“He consents,” I said. “Call Ironfield.”

Cole retreated first. For someone so big and strong, powerful and dangerous, I hardly expected him to be such a
coward
.

I stuffed the damn tears down until the secret misery pitted deep into my stomach.

It served me right for being so selfish.
This
was my punishment for putting my own desires first.

I’d do anything to shield my daughter from this sort of pain. Rejection.

Heartache
.

At least she was too young to understand what was happening. Too little to remember the time she spent giggling, dancing, and sleeping in Cole’s arms. But that memory was seared into my mind.

I’d forever regret loving Cole Hawthorne.