Haven from the Storm (Storms of Life #1) (2 page)

Living in Oklahoma, I’d been taught over and over what to do when a tornado hit. If only I had paid better attention instead of daydreaming about Dean.  My mind started to wander to Dean, Easton, even my mom.  Were they safe?  What if the tornado got them?

I woke to a sharp pain on the side of my head. I reached to touch it and realized there was a huge gash. It went from my forehead to just below my ear. I could feel blood pouring down the side of my neck, pooling in my already soaked tank top. 

I was alive and that’s what mattered. 

I couldn’t see any lights, not even the moon and stars.  I knew I was still in the ditch because I could feel the thick weeds digging into my skin.  I started yelling for my brother, but there was no response so I continued to yell until I started to feel nauseous and weak.  I didn’t know how badly my head was hurt, but I knew I needed help. 

It felt like I waited hours before I finally heard a vehicle approaching me on the muddy road. I heard a female voice screaming my name and knew it had to be my mom and Easton.  I tried to stand, but immediately collapsed.  I could hear someone sobbing and I was afraid it might be me.  I finally saw a small figure in the stream of lights coming from a car. Large hands picked me up and carried me to a truck.  I could hear voices, reassuring me everything would be okay, but all I could do was weep.  I knew they had found me.  My brother had finally found me and with him was where I felt safe. 

Saturday, December 12, 2009

It had been four months since my world stopped turning, since everyone I loved and everyone I depended on was ripped away.  I no longer had my brother, the one person I depended on for everything.  He was my heart and without him I was nothing.  I didn’t even have my mom. With all her faults and negligence, she had still been there for me when I really needed her.  She had loved me, even if she was too selfish to let her own children interfere with her lifelong pursuit of pleasing my father. 

My father was always absent from my life.  His time was spent at the bar, or he’d be too drunk to even know he was at home with his family.  But now, since my mom was no longer here to take care of him, he had become a mean and abusive drunk.  I had no one to shield me from his daily torment. 

My mom and brother were found in the master bedroom.  There was so much debris that we didn’t know what had happened to them for days.  When neighbors rescued me from the ditch that night, I thought it was my brother. I thought I was safe.

 I’d never be safe again.

The town of Kolby was nearly destroyed that day.  There was so much destruction and the town never fully recovered.  We had to wait almost two weeks to hold funeral services for my mom and Easton because the funeral home was overrun with victims of the tornado.  There was no one at the funeral to help me. 

Dean was there.  He missed part of his first week of college to come, or so his Grandma Violet told me, but he didn’t talk to me. He stood on the other side of the cemetery and then he just left.  With Easton gone, Dean apparently had no reason to come near me again.  Every memory from my childhood included Easton and Dean and now there would be no new memories with either of them.

I was fourteen years old and I was alone.  All I had was a miserable, abusive father who would rather work his way to the bottom of a whiskey bottle than love or protect me.  I was completely alone with no one to depend on, so I had to learn to depend on myself.  I knew I’d never lose anyone again because I’d never allow anyone that close again. 

I could protect myself. I had no other choice.

4 years later.

The day I pulled my head out of my ass marked a new life for me.

I was beginning a new chapter, four years in the making. I was leaving the safety of my college apartment and moving back to the town where memories haunted me.

I couldn’t pinpoint the moment that made me want to face my demons in Kolby. Maybe it was a result of four years worth of guilt, self-pity, and having spent those years trying to escape my past and all those I left behind. I knew I hadn’t earned closure or forgiveness, but I hoped to find a way to earn their trust back.

College had been a time of forgetting my past by involving myself in any activity that would numb my memories. Alcohol, partying, chicks...those were the best way to remove myself from my emotions. I knew that it was a well tested and totally cliché behavior that was constantly overused by all males with the emotional capacity of a toddler. But that was me and I was willing to admit it, no matter how much I wished it wasn’t true. Losing the people that you loved the most had a way of emotionally scarring a man beyond recognition.

It wasn’t until I stopped listening to the inner voice that haunted me and focused on what my heart truly wanted that it became clear those activities weren’t the only way to heal. My new path was leading me to the place where all my painful memories lived and I knew I had to face them in order to accept my role in creating them. I had to stop blaming the circumstances and start accepting the blame on myself, but I didn’t know if I was capable of doing that.

My Grandma Violet was the only person I had left and she had been trying to convince me to come home since the day I went away. Until now, I wasn’t ready to face them. Until now, my fears outweighed my desires.

Lily Grace…

I longed to see her face again since the day I walked out of her life. During the darkest hours it was only my memories of her that kept me alive. The role I played in causing her pain had also been one of the hardest for me to accept. I wouldn’t have survived those years of college - without Easton by my side - if Lily wasn’t in my every thought.

Driving into Kolby, I was shocked by how destroyed the town appeared. I hadn’t been back since the day of my best friend’s funeral. Most college students come home for holidays and breaks, but after saying goodbye to Easton all I had wanted to do was escape any ties I had to this town and the horrible events that occurred here. Staying true to my family nature, I ran and tried my damndest not to look back at those I’d abandoned.

Kolby didn’t even look like the same town and the rose colored glasses of my youth weren’t to blame. Every building was run down and most were completely empty with old newspapers covering the windows. If there hadn’t been people walking down the street it would have looked like a ghost town. Even the snow covering the ground on that January day was dirty.

It was no winter wonderland.

I spent the next hour driving the streets of Kolby, amazed at the level of destruction that still lingered. Kolby was merely a shell of what it once was.

I turned the corner that lead to Grandma Violet’s house and saw her black 1967 Chevrolet Impala pulling into the grocery store parking lot. Only those familiar with Kolby would know it was a grocery store, there was no sign distinguishing it from the empty buildings and it looked just as run down as the worst of them. I stayed at the stop sign and watched as Grandma Violet and Lily got out of the car and walked into the store. This was the first time I’d seen Lily outside of my dreams in four years and she looked exactly like I’d imagined she would after all this time.

Now seemed like as good a time as any to make my appearance; my grandmother’s presence made that decision a little easier. But how do you approach someone after four years, when they’ve been building a life without you, and ask for their forgiveness? I hadn’t figured it out yet, but that’s what I was going to do.

As I entered the small grocery store, I noticed the shelves were mostly bare and it was obvious that only the essentials were available. There was no way they had a problem keeping the meat cold - it felt colder inside the store than outside. I was greeted by a clerk behind the counter with a big smile and a friendly wave. She was wearing a huge pink coat with matching gloves and ear muffs.

I walked down the main aisle and found Lily looking at a candy display. She was dressed in a long black coat, trendy ripped jeans, black boots, and a black hat covering her ears. She was holding a package of peanut M&M’s and a Heath bar and she seemed to be trying to decide which one to buy. A memory rushed over me of Easton buying Lily chocolate at the convenience store near the school almost every afternoon. Apparently this was a habit she hadn’t been able to break. I was anxious to discover all the other ways that she was still the same girl I knew.

The closer I got to her, the sweatier my hands felt and I knew I had to be leaving a wet trail behind me. My heart felt like it was trying to jump from my chest to reach her faster than my nervous legs could carry me. She turned her head as I neared. We made eye contact for a brief second, but she seemed to look right through me and her attention went back to her M&M’s almost immediately.

I stopped dead in my tracks. She had to see me, right? Did she not see me? Does she not recognize me? Should I just leave?
No, no, no
. The doubting voices in my head had to shut up. I wouldn’t run this time. It was time for me to be a man and make amends for my past.

I approached her before I lost my courage and hightailed it back to the misery from which I’d come. I was only two feet away, standing on her left side, as she continued to battle over which chocolate she craved more at this moment. I closed my eyes and dug deep for that strength that had helped bring me back to her.

“Dean! There you are! I’ve been waiting for you, love.” My eyes snapped open as Lily turned, eye to eye with me. My Grandma Violet’s comment had distracted her from the inner chocolate battle.

I smiled at Lily and stepped back so I could see both women as I leaned to hug my grandmother briefly. “Hello, Grandma Violet. I saw your car outside and came in to find you.” I looked back to Lily, but I couldn’t decipher the expression on her face. Shock was very apparent, but I couldn’t decide if she was happy to see me or if she wanted to punch me. The look in her eyes made my stomach turn; she looked exactly like I had anticipated, except for her eyes. They were stormy, like they’d seen more miles of heartache than anyone her age should possibly witness.

“Well, dear, it’s about time you got here. We’ve been waiting for you. Right, Lily?” She gave Lily the biggest smile I’d ever seen.

Lily looked quickly at me and then back at Grandma Violet. “Um, I...uh, we…what?” she stuttered.

“Oh, sweetheart, didn’t I tell you Dean would be arriving today?” Lily shook her head. “Well I can’t be expected to remember everything. I
am
older than dirt.” She waved her hand in the air, effectively dismissing her apparent forgetfulness.

Lily shot daggers at Grandma Violet with her eyes. “No, Violet, you didn’t. Actually, I can’t remember the last time you even mentioned Dean’s name. I’m pretty sure I would remember it since I’ve spent so much time and energy trying to avoid anything even
remotely
related to him.” She turned to walk away.

My heart dropped. My mouth went dry and I didn’t know what to say. “Sunflower?” was the only word I could force out of my mouth.

She immediately stopped and looked right into my eyes.

“No. You
don’t
get to call me that,” was all she said as she pointed her finger at me, then continued to walk away. After about four steps, she stopped and looked at the two packages of candy in her hand. As she passed the clerk she turned and said, “Violet will be paying for these,
both
of them.” She looked back at us with a grunt and stormed out of the store.