Hawaiian Holiday: Destination Desire, Book 2 (18 page)

After tearing her mouth from his, she whispered, “Don’t leave yet. Stay a little longer.”

He nodded, recapturing her lips.

Julie couldn’t stop the tears from falling. She cried for him and what he’d survived, and for herself. She kissed him harder, wanting to absorb him into her skin. Nothing had ever felt so right or hurt so much. There was no changing his mind, no talking a man who’d been shackled to a madwoman into giving love another chance. In his place, she couldn’t say that she wouldn’t have made the same choice he had. But that didn’t make her soul ache any less.

All she had left was tonight, and she was going to wring every last sensation she could out of it. His arms held her almost too tight. But he eased the pressure of his mouth on hers. His lips played over hers—a soft, gentle caress in direct contrast to his ironclad embrace. Somehow that made it all the more erotic and her insides melted. Her nipples beaded, thrusting into his chest.

He tumbled her back on the carpet, and she snapped her legs around his flanks, unwilling to allow even the slightest space to come between them. The nubby fabric of his towel stimulated her flesh. “Inside me. Please, I want you inside me.”

“I need a condom.” He looked around, then reached out to grab his discarded pants. He pushed himself up to kneel between her spread thighs. Ripping open the square foil packet, he let the towel drop.

She drank in the sight of him, rough satin skin over steely musculature. He was so strong on so many levels—stronger than even he realized, she thought. It made her love him all the more, even though it shattered her heart. She held her arms open for him after he slid the condom on, and he came down on her, pressing his dick deep into her sex. She was still damp and soft from their last round of lovemaking, and he slid within her easily.

Propping himself on his elbows above her, he locked his gaze with hers, and she watched the conflicting emotions flash across his face. She saw the passion and the pain and a hundred other things she couldn’t identify. Their bodies moved together as if they’d been made to fit each other, arch and twist, thrust and grind, every breath, every touch in complete sync.

He shifted his weight to the left, and drifted his right hand up her ribs until he could cup her breast. His fingers plucked at the tip, sending tingles radiating through her.

“I love your hands on me.” She tried to smile at him, but the attempt crumpled before it could form. Her vision grew blurry, and she blinked the moisture away so she could see him, so she didn’t miss anything.

His hips undulated and he changed angle. The head of his cock hit just the right spot within her, which took her from slow burn to flash fire in seconds. Orgasm caught her by surprise, slamming into her. A cry ripped from her throat and she clutched him closer, holding onto him like a lifeline. Tears slid unchecked down her cheeks, and she rocked her body against his, wanting to draw this out. One, two, three more thrusts and he groaned, shuddering against her as he reached his own climax.

He crashed down on top of her and she hugged him. His weight on her was so sweet, something she’d never feel again. It was too soon, far too soon, when he sighed and shifted backward, sliding free of her body and leaving her utterly empty.

“I’ll be back.” He went to the bathroom and, after a minute, she heard the toilet flush. When he came out, he sat on the edge of the mattress.

He looked at her and she looked at him. Neither of them said a word. What was left to be said? Nothing would change his mind, and nothing changed the fact that they were fourteen hours away from getting on different airplanes.

She pushed herself up and maneuvered until she sat beside him, her head pressed to his shoulder. Holding on to him felt like trying to tighten her grip on sand. He just slipped through her fingers faster. Her heart thudded painfully in her chest, and she realized if this was the end, she had one thing left she had to say to him, or she’d regret it forever.

“I love you, Lukas.”

“
Julie
.” Her name was almost a sob on his lips. “Please…don’t. You’re killing me.”

She nodded, pressing her trembling lips together. “I’m sorry. I just had to tell you while I still had the chance.”

His big body shook, his hands clenching into fists. “I can’t be in a relationship with you.”

“Too late.” She kissed his cheek, then whispered in his ear, “You’re already in one. You just can’t admit it, and I love you anyway.” The hairs at the nape of his neck ruffled as her breath rushed out in a hitching little laugh. He leaned into her as if he craved her touch, but he didn’t reach for her, didn’t try to hold her. He was letting her go, and there was nothing she could do about it. If her love wasn’t enough, nothing would be. It sucked so fucking bad. “Goodbye, Lukas. I’m sorry for what you’ve been through, but I can’t regret the amazing, wonderful man you are. I hope someday you find someone who makes you toss that no-relationship rule out the window. I just wish it could have been me.”

With that, she rose and walked into the bathroom. She heard the hotel room door open and close, and knew he was gone. She pressed her back to the wall and slid down in a heap on the cool tile floor. Drawing her legs up, she sobbed against her knees, letting all the pain and hurt out.

That was it. Done. Over.

She’d loved every minute she’d spent with him. Even with the mudslide down the volcano, the popped tire and the bad traffic. Shit happened, but nothing had put a damper on this vacation. She’d come looking for peace, for closure, and she’d found that, but she’d found so much more. Love. Not fleeting, vacation infatuation either, but the real kind that she thought could last. Maybe a lifetime.

But the problem with love was that if it wasn’t reciprocated, it wasn’t worth much. Just a boatload of heartache. She’d lost so much already, she wasn’t sure how she was going to survive this. Not that she had a choice. That was the thing about losing people you loved—it just happened, no matter what you wanted or how you might fight against it.

They were just gone.

Chapter Eleven

Julie had thought losing her Auntie Eloise had been bad, but it was
nothing
to losing Lukas. Eloise had been taken by death, but Lukas was still alive and well and less than an hour away. But she still couldn’t have him in her life. She’d been home for two weeks and she’d just been going through the motions. It was easier to be at Purl Moon than it had been before she’d left—the time away had given her the perspective she needed to get a handle on her grief. Mission accomplished, but she still felt like crap. Her heart
ached
in her chest, just for an entirely different reason this time.

The weather had turned cold and rainy, reflecting her mood perfectly. But the bad weather meant business in her shop was slow and no one was around to distract her. The morning was spent reviewing inventory, which wasn’t the most thrilling part of the job, but it needed to be done and the familiarity of it helped her settle. Lunchtime rolled around, but she didn’t feel like eating. She’d had a craving for Hong Kong buns and pineapple floats since she’d been back, and nothing else seemed to satisfy her.

When Anne’s ring tone blared out of her phone, she leaped for it gratefully. Her friends knew what was going on, if only because Meg had taken one look at Julie when she’d gotten off the plane and it was all over. Meg knew something was wrong. Without a word, she’d opened her arms for a hug and Julie had started crying all over again.

Julie stabbed the button to accept the call. “Hey, Anne. What’s up?”

“Hey, doll,” her friend returned. “Do you want company or want to be left alone?”

Damn, if even Anne was being courteous and not barging into her shop to drag her out, she must have seemed worse than she thought. She took a sip of the chamomile tea sitting at her elbow. “I’d take some company. Just the girls though.”

The idea of being hauled back to Anne’s chaotic house for a visit was daunting. Two of her three younger sisters were home from college for winter intersession. Julie might be at loose ends, but no one was that desperate for company.

“Don’t worry. I won’t bring my sisters.” A beat passed. “Or my mother, of course.”

Julie almost spit out her tea. “I’d take your sisters over your mother any day.”

“Who wouldn’t?” Julie could all but see Anne roll her eyes. “Mom’s going into Victorian decline because Cami’s break is ending and she’s going back to the dorms.”

“Oh Jesus.” Anything the drama mama could find to wig out about, she would. It wasn’t like she’d done the raising of her daughters anyway. Anne had brought up the younger ones.

“Tell me about it,” Anne groaned. “I need to get out of the house for a while.”

“How’s Karen handling the Victorian decline?”

Anne was quiet for a long moment. “She went apartment hunting this morning. She’s moving back to Half Moon Bay.”

The announcement made Julie blink. Seriously? She’d broken up with Tate maybe sixteen
days
ago. “She didn’t tell us she was house hunting.”

Anne’s sigh crackled the phone line. “She didn’t tell anyone until she was on her way out the door. But you know how Karen is when she makes up her mind.”

“Stubborn as a terrier. I’m just surprised she’s moving so fast. I kind of expected them to try to work it out, maybe get some counseling.” Then again, she wasn’t sure if Tate had actually accepted that Karen had a legitimate beef with his workaholic tendencies.

And thinking about Karen’s divorce made her think of Lukas and his ex-wife, and all the former spousal issues that kept people from moving on with their lives. She hoped Karen managed to get over Tate faster than Lukas had his ex. She knew that wasn’t really fair, but it
hurt
to know you’d found Mr. Right and couldn’t have him because of the former Mrs. Wrong. A tiny part of her kind of wanted to knock Lukas’s and Tate’s skulls together.

“He’s an idiot for letting her go.” Emotion choked those words, and Julie knew she’d taken Karen’s news a little too personally.

Anne would have noticed too, but she didn’t say a word. It might be the first time in her life that she’d managed to be circumspect about anything. “So, Karen wanted to meet for lunch at the Moonside Café. Meg said she could make it, and it looks like you can too.”

“I might be more into coffee than food, but I’ll be there.”

“Do I need to nag you about eating right post-breakup?” Anne’s tone turned threatening, and Julie’s lips curled in a reluctant grin.

“When are we meeting?” She glanced at the clock. It was almost one.

“In thirty minutes.”

Meg, Anne, and Julie sat at the Moonside Café half an hour later, waiting for Karen to finish up at an apartment tour. The waitress brought them a round of coffee without being asked. There was a sign that they’d been here once or twice. A week. For years. The familiarity of it felt nice, but it also felt…odd. Like trying on an old sweater. The fit was good, but Julie had changed so much since the last time she’d worn it. She’d have to readjust.

“You’re not eating right, and I’m betting you’re not sleeping well.” Anne gave her a frank look. “Want me to hunt him down and kill him?”

Straggling out a laugh, Julie shook her head. “It’s a tempting offer, but no. I understand why he didn’t want to take our affair beyond Hawaii. I think…he had deeper feelings for me than he was comfortable with, and that made him even more reluctant to pursue anything with me. It scared him.”

“Maybe he’ll come around. I did.” Meg’s grin was sheepish. She’d put Finn through hell before she’d finally agreed to go out with him.

Julie shrugged, refusing to let herself give in to that kind of thinking. That would drive her batty. “Maybe, but I can’t spend my life hoping, you know?”

Her friends exchanged a glance. Anne finally asked, “Do you love him?”

“Yeah.” The word emerged as a sigh.

She’d been in love before, but nothing had ever felt so intense, so deep, so necessary. Yet it was…comfortable. Many of her other relationships had made her feel as if she had to alter some part of herself in order for it to fit. The time she’d spent with Lukas had been effortless. Even when things were going wrong, they’d worked together to fix the issue and managed to laugh along the way. What woman wouldn’t want to hang on to a guy like that? Not counting his ex, of course, but she’d been mentally ill, so that had to be factored in.

Getting over Lukas was going to take a long, long while.

But she’d survive. It would hurt, but she’d get through this the way she’d gotten through everything else. One minute at a time, and every day would get a bit easier. She was strong enough to deal with this. She’d cry and be sad and get mad and vent to her friends, but life would go on. It always did.

The bell over the door jangled as Karen pushed through. She brushed her blonde hair out of her eyes, and managed a weak smile when she saw them. Man, Julie hoped she didn’t look as bad as her friend. It was an uncharitable thought, but Karen looked like hell. Dark circles under her eyes, pinched features, pale cheeks.

“Hey.” Julie held out her arms, and Karen came over to collapse in the chair next to her, leaning in for a hug.

A sudden little sob shook Karen’s frame. “Men suck.”

“They really, really do,” Anne agreed.

Julie whispered, “I’m sorry he hurt you.”