Hawk's Way Grooms (21 page)

“Open the door, Jenny, and talk to me. I know something's been troubling you these past few days. I'd like to help.”

“Go away, Colt.”
Don't you understand? You're the problem!

“Are you upset about that marriage proposal?”

Jenny grabbed at the excuse he'd offered. “It's been on my mind.”

“Look, there's no need for you to decide about marriage right away. If you need money for the mortgage payment, I'll provide it, no matter what.”

She yanked the door open. “I thought we agreed I can't take your money, Colt.”

“It's no big deal, Jenny.”

“It is to me.”

He reached out and clasped her free hand in his. She felt the calluses on his fingertips, remembered what she'd been imagining his hands doing and jerked her hand out of his. “This isn't going to work!” she said desperately. “You can't keep coming here every day, Colt.”

“Why not?”

“It's indecent!”

“Indecent? What the hell are you talking about?”

“I'm practically a widow—”

“You and Huck were never married. And in case you've forgotten, he was my friend, too.”

Jenny stared at him, stricken. It wasn't Colt's fault she was attracted to him.
There's nothing wrong with him. I'm the one who's flawed.

“I'm sorry,” she said.

“If you really don't want me here, I'll stay away,” he offered.

“No. Come tomorrow.”

On Thursday, Jenny sent Colt out to repair a stall door in the barn while she stripped the beds, did the laundry and mopped the floors. She figured the distance would be good for both of them. If she wasn't forced to look at Colt all day, she was sure she wouldn't find herself thinking about him so much.

By noon she conceded that “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” She went hunting for Colt to tell him lunch was ready, because that was the best excuse she'd been able to come up with to go after him.

“Colt? Are you out here?”

“Up here,” Colt called down from the loft.

“Lunch is ready,” Jenny said.

“Come on up here a minute. There's something I want to show you.”

Jenny hesitated, then started up the ladder. When she reached the top, Colt grabbed her under the arms and lifted her the rest of the way up. She felt his touch all the way to her core. She was still standing where he'd left her when he turned and walked toward the corner of the loft.

“Over here,” he said, going down on one knee.

Jenny told her feet to move, and they obediently headed in Colt's direction. She knelt beside him to look at what had been hidden in a bed of straw in the corner, then turned to share a smile with him. “They're adorable.”

“Their eyes are still closed. They can't be more than a few days old.”

“Six of them,” Jenny said, counting the nursing kittens. “Jezebel, I didn't even know you'd been courting,” she chided the mother cat.

Jezebel purred under Jenny's stroking.

Jenny looked at Colt and realized he was staring at her hand. His eyes locked with hers, his gaze heavy-lidded, his lips full and rigid. She stopped stroking the cat and rose abruptly.

“That stew is going to burn—”

Colt rose and grabbed her arm to keep her from fleeing. “You feel it, too.”

She turned to him, her eyes wide with fright. “What are you talking about?”

“Don't bother pretending, Jenny. I've felt your eyes on me all week. I haven't been able to zip my damn jeans in the morning, thinking about you watching me.”

She didn't know what to say, so she didn't say anything. A trickle of sweat tickled its way down her back. A fly buzzed, and one of the kittens mewed.

Colt let go of her and shoved his hand through his hair. “I'm afraid I don't know the proper etiquette for this situation. I suppose I should have kept on pretending right along with you, Jenny. But that wouldn't be fair to either of us.”

“I can't help it,” Jenny said quietly. She searched his face, saw the flare of heat in his eyes and responded to it.

“Neither can I,” he replied in a hoarse voice.

“What are we going to do?”

“I could stay away.”

“That wouldn't change how I feel,” Jenny said. “I wonder if an experiment would help.”

“What kind of experiment?” Colt said warily.

“I think maybe you should kiss me.”

Colt stared at her. “What will that accomplish?”

She gave a shuddering sigh. “I'm not sure. Maybe nothing.”

Colt shook his head and grinned wryly. “I feel like a fifteen-year-old kid again. How do you want to do this?”

She cocked a brow. “You're the expert, as I recall.”

“All right. Come here.”

As he slipped his arm around her waist, her hands slid up his chest and around his neck. He pulled the rubber band out of her ponytail and threaded his hand into her hair, angling her head for his kiss. She rose a little on tiptoe as his head lowered toward hers. She closed her eyes as his mouth covered hers.

Jenny waited with bated breath as Colt's lips pressed against hers, soft and a little damp. A frisson chased up her spine as his tongue teased the seam of her lips. She opened her mouth eagerly, and his tongue slipped inside. Without any warning, without any urging, her hips rocked into the cradle of his thighs, and she rode the hard ridge that promised so much pleasure.

So much feeling. So much heat. So much more than she had ever felt with Huck.

Jenny sobbed against Colt's mouth.

He put his hands on her shoulders and shoved her away. “Jenny?”

She sobbed again, unable to admit the horrible discovery she'd made. Her eyes blurred with tears until she could no longer see the stark look in his eyes.

He pulled her close, pressing her face against his chest and rubbing her scalp. “I guess your experiment didn't work,” he said. “I'm sorry. What happens now?”

There were so many things Colt didn't know. So many things she couldn't tell him. A clock was ticking. She didn't have the luxury of waiting until the guilt was gone. They'd already lost so much time. She didn't want to lose any more. This physical thing between them wasn't love, but she was smart enough to know it was something very special. It didn't happen all the time. It hadn't happened between her and Huck.

Jenny didn't know how long they'd been standing in the loft before she became aware of Colt's heart thudding beneath her ear, of his hand stroking her hair, of his strength wrapped around her frailty. “I have—” She cleared the frog from her throat. “I have a favor to ask.”

“Name it,” Colt said.

She leaned back and laid her hand on his cheek. “Will you marry me?”

“Are you sure that's what you want?”

“It's the practical thing to do. Considering…everything.”

Colt pulled her back into his arms. “It's been awful damned tough on you, hasn't it? All right, we'll do the practical thing and get married.”

“In June,” she said. “When I would have married Huck.”

“Right. I'll just step up to the altar in place of my best friend and say ‘I do.' Do you suppose anyone will notice?”

“I will,” she said quietly.

“I'
M MOVING IN WITH
J
ENNY
W
RIGHT
tomorrow,” Colt announced to his family at supper that evening.

The astonished faces of his brothers and sisters, the gasp from his mother and the frown on his father's face all demanded an explanation. “We're getting married in June,” he said baldly, “on the day Jenny would have married Huck. I'm moving in so I'll be able to finish the repairs that need to be made at the Double D before my leave is over.”

“I knew you wanted her for yourself,” Jake said in disgust. “But Huck isn't even cold in his grave!”

Colt was out of his seat and reaching for his brother before the last words were out of his mouth. Their father intervened, catching Colt around the chest and holding him back, while Rabb and Avery did the same with Jake.

Colt's hands were fisted at his sides, and his face was flushed with rage. “Take it back, Jake.”

“It's the truth,” Jake said.

“Did Jenny agree to this?” his mother asked.

Colt tried to answer, but when he couldn't get words past the knot in his throat, just nodded.

“You can't marry Jenny!” Frannie exclaimed. “She's Huck's girl.”

Colt felt his stomach roll. They were only saying what everyone else in town would say when they heard what he and Jenny had decided. He'd hoped for more understanding from his family, but he didn't give a damn whether he got it or not. He was going to marry Jenny. “My mind is made up,” he said.

“What's the rush?” Avery asked.

“Jenny's going to lose the Double D unless she gets some quick financial help. Marriage is the best security I can offer her.”

“I knew she was having trouble making ends meet,” his father said. “Are you sure marriage is the best solution to the problem?”

Colt shook himself free. “Huck was my best friend. I owe Jenny whatever help I can give her.”

“Everybody sit down, please,” his mother said. “Let's discuss this calmly and rationally.”

Rabb and Avery let Jake go, and he sat down. Colt was too agitated to rejoin his family at the table. “Look,” he said. “There's really nothing to discuss. Jenny and I are getting married, and nothing anybody says is going to stop us.”

“We're not trying—”

Colt interrupted his father. “I'm sorry, Dad. I think it'll be more comfortable for everybody if I just move in with Jenny tonight.” He turned and headed for his bedroom to pack.

He heard a knock at the door a moment later. He should have known they wouldn't let him go without another lecture. When he opened the door, he found Jenny standing there.

“What are you doing here?”

“I needed to talk to you.”

He looked out into the hall, which was surprisingly empty of his parents and siblings, then dragged her inside and closed the door behind her. “What's going on?”

“You tell me,” she said. “I sneaked in through the patio door and heard a lot of yelling in the dining room.”

His lips flattened. “My family isn't exactly thrilled at my upcoming nuptials.”

“Neither is mine,” she said. “I called my brothers and told them what we'd decided, and they all came over to try to talk me out of it. Sam was furious. He accused me of carrying on with you all these years. I couldn't believe the things he said. I…” She took a shuddering breath. “It was horrible.”

He saw the anguish in her eyes and pulled her into his arms. “I know,” he said. “Jake accused me of jumping the gun, too.”

“We can't go through with this, Colt.”

His heart lurched. He couldn't give her up now. Wouldn't give her up. Even if he was only going to have her for a matter of weeks before he left to return to Egypt.

“Do these second thoughts have anything to do with what happened in the loft? Because—”

She covered his mouth with her hand to silence him. “It's not that. It's the opposition from both our families. I don't want to be at war with my brothers, and I know you love your family as much as I love mine. How can we do this to them?”

“What other choice do we have?”

“I can give up the ranch and move into town.”

“You don't want to do that.”

She sighed. “No, I don't.”

“Our families have been told, and we're both still walking and talking. I'd say the worst is over.”

“Is it?” she asked, looking up at him.

“In fifty years, I guarantee you nobody will remember how we ended up married.”

She managed a wobbly smile, and Colt felt his heart begin to thump a little harder. He was grateful he no longer had to hide his physical attraction to her, but a larger problem remained. Colt was
in love
with Jenny. It complicated everything; it didn't change anything. The only way to help her was to marry her. Unless she'd take money from him without the connection.

“If you really think marriage is a bad idea, let me make you a loan,” he said. “I can work for you at the Double D until my leave is up.”

She shook her head. “I couldn't borrow as much money from you as it would take to put the ranch back on sound footing. I'd never be able to pay it all back. And I'm going to need help on the Double D for a very long time. A lifetime.”

“Then marry me, Jenny. Huck wouldn't want you to lose the ranch. Huck would kill me if I let you lose the ranch.”

The attempt at humor brought a fleeting smile to her lips. She brushed her fingertips across the front of his shirt, pressing away a wrinkle and causing his body to tense beneath her hand. He held himself perfectly still, loving the touch, wanting it, yet aware of how precarious their relationship was precisely because of their fierce attraction to each other.

Her hand paused near his heart, and he wondered if she could feel it jumping in response to her touch. She looked deep into his eyes, searching, he supposed, for whatever reservations she might find there. There were none. At least none he was willing to let her see.

Finally she said, “All right, Colt. If you're willing to go through with this marriage despite the opposition from our families, I'll go along.”

“There is one thing,” he said.

“What?” she asked.

“I told my family I was moving in with you tonight.”

She shook her head in disbelief. “Colt—”

“I guess I can stay at a hotel in town.”

“You can sleep in one of my brothers' rooms.”

“Is Randy going to give you any trouble about this?”

“If he does, he can do his own cooking and laundry until he goes off to college.” She laid her head on his chest. “I hope we're doing the right thing.”

“As long as we're both convinced it's the right thing, then it is,” he said with a certainty he wasn't feeling inside. He had plenty of fears.

What if she never learns to love me? What if I can't make her happy?

There were bound to be problems, especially since he would be away in the Air Force. And there was going to be talk. But together they could weather the storm. And Jenny would be his at last.

He'd imagined making love to her a thousand times over the years he'd known her. But that was all he'd ever done. Imagine. He'd never thought his dreams would come true. Soon he'd have the right to hold her naked in his arms. To put himself inside her. He wanted to make love to her. More important, he wanted her love.

There isn't enough time,
a voice warned.
You've got less than sixty days before you have to report back for duty in Egypt. Sixty days isn't much time to woo a grieving woman.

He had to find a way. He had to find the time.

Colt smoothed his hand over Jenny's hair with a sense of wonder. He was going to be sleeping in a room nearby her tonight. In a little more than a month he'd have the right to lie beside her.

I'm sorry, Huck, but she needs me. I know you wouldn't want her to be alone. And I love her.

“How did you get here tonight?” he asked.

“I drove Old Nellie.”

Old Nellie was a rusted-out ‘56 Chevy pickup. “If you'll give me a minute to finish packing, I'll ride back with you,” Colt said.

The door opened without anyone knocking, and Colt found himself staring at his brother Jake over Jenny's head. His arms were around her—in comfort—just as her arms held tight to him.

Jake took one look, and his eyes narrowed. “I came here to apologize. Looks like I was right all along.”

Colt stared his brother down. He'd done nothing wrong. He'd loved Jenny for years, but he'd never by word or deed done anything to suggest to her how he felt. If Huck had come home and married her, he would have lived his life without her ever knowing he cared. He'd done nothing that required an apology. “Get out, Jake, and leave us alone.”

“If alone is what you want, little brother, alone is what you'll get!” Jake backed out, slamming the door behind him.

Colt heaved a gusty sigh. “Damn it all to hell.”

“Colt, if this marriage is going to cause problems—”

Colt laid his fingertips against Jenny's lips to silence her and felt himself quiver at that small touch. “Jake only sees things in black and white. He'll get over it—in fifty years or so.”

He saw her try to smile…and fail.

“Cheer up,” he said, tipping her chin up so he could look into her eyes. “The cavalry is riding to the rescue.”

She stepped back, away from his touch. “Thanks, Colt. The least I can do is help you pack. Where do you want to start?”

It didn't take long to pack his things. He hadn't brought much with him from Egypt. He grabbed the small bag and headed down the hall.

His mother was waiting for him there.

“Hello, Jenny,” she said, reaching out for Jenny's hand. “I'm very happy for you both.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Whitelaw,” Jenny replied.

The two women held hands for a moment before his mother turned to him. She didn't say anything, just stared, her heart back in her eyes.

“I'm sorry, Mom,” he said at last. “I can't stay here.”

She smiled bravely. “I know. I just wish…” She turned quickly back to Jenny and gave her a hug. “I wish you both the best.” Then she reached up to touch his cheek. “Take care of yourself, Colt. Don't be a stranger.”

She'd made no comment about whether they all planned to attend the wedding next month. He opened his mouth to ask and shut it again. It was better to let sleeping dogs lie.

Jenny slipped behind the wheel of the pickup as he threw his bag into the rusted-out truck bed. He settled onto the torn passenger seat, and she released the clutch and stepped on the gas.

The short drive from his home to hers had never seemed so long. He listened to the noisy rattle in the dash. The
clunk
as the carriage of the truck hit the frame when the worn-out shock absorbers failed. The sound of sand and gravel crunching under the bald tires. And, of course, every breath she took.

Colt searched for some safe subject to discuss. Everything seemed fraught with memories of Huck. Maybe that wasn't so bad. The three of them had been best friends. It was fitting that Huck should be here on this journey with them.

“I miss him already,” Colt said into the silence.

“I keep asking myself what he would think about what we're doing,” she said.

“He'd understand,” Colt said.

“Would he?” she asked, turning to look at him.

“He loved us both. He wouldn't want you to lose the ranch.”

Jenny shot him an agonized glance. “I can't believe we're even thinking about—”

“Huck is dead, Jenny. We have to go on living.”

“To marry you so soon…It seems…I feel like I'm betraying Huck. His memory, anyway. I'm attracted to you, Colt, but I don't love you. I loved Huck.”

“We both loved him, Jenny. That's why getting married is the right thing to do.”

“There's something wrong with the logic in that statement, but I'm too tired to figure it out right now.” She pulled up to the kitchen door and shut off the engine. It ran for another couple of seconds before it died. “It looks like Randy's still up.”

“Do you want me to talk to him?” Colt asked. “To explain?”

“Randy hasn't said a word against this marriage. I think he understands how bad things are.”

And maybe how alone you'd be with Huck never coming back,
Colt thought.

Jenny sighed, then pushed the truck door open and stepped down. “Come on in, and I'll show you where to sleep.”