Hay and Heartbreak (3 page)

Now he worked at a ranch where being gay wasn’t going to get him hurt. With that stability, he’d felt a shift in himself. Something in him was settled, or working on getting that way. Running around chasing tail no longer appealed like it used to. Maybe it was seeing the happy lovers like Salt and Andy, or the bosses, Carlos, Troy and Will, or Ramsey and Barney, Jody and Noel, Drake and Ian, Rocky and Jen. Of course, there was also Duke and Frankie.

Hector kind of didn’t stand a chance of wanting to remain unattached with all of them canoodling and looking so in love it made him ache. And Duke was right, not that Hector had wanted to let him know that. Things
had
changed, and Hector felt like he was too old to go out clubbing and hooking up with a stranger to get off. Plus, there weren’t any places to go and do that in Ashville, which was the closest town.

Even if there was, Hector doubted he’d want to visit it often, if at all. Scratching an itch was fine if it worked, but when it left him feeling like that itch had spiraled into a full-scale rash, well, Hector was smart enough to know things needed to change. It’d been months since he’d gone out looking to get laid, almost eight months, in fact, and he didn’t feel that tug of restlessness to go fuck someone yet.

Didn’t mean he wasn’t horny as all get-out more and more lately. He just felt like he was saving it all up for someone special—
it
being sex, time, patience, his attention and affection.

“God damn it. I
am
growing up,” he grumbled to himself. Hector wandered over to the corral and watched the filly in there snort and prance and put on a show for him. “Hey, Mercy,” Hector called to her.

Mercy’s black coat gleamed in the sunlight. There wasn’t a hint of white anywhere on her. “You’re just a dandy, aren’t you?” he said as she trotted over.

Mercy nickered and he knew what she was wanting from him. “I’ll bring you a carrot in a bit, girly.”

“Here.”

Hector only startled a little. He peeked behind him. “Frankie, are you trying to scare the shit out of me?”

Frankie waved the carrot at him. “Nope, I’m trying to hand you this.”

Hector took it. “Thanks.” He held the carrot out to Mercy. “It’s all yours.”

She took it and munched as she backed off a few steps.

“You’re spoiling her,” Frankie pointed out.

Hector glanced at him. “Says the man that brought the carrot over.”

Frankie grinned unabashedly. “Well, yeah. Mercy’s a sweetheart.”

“That she is. Reminds me of Vil when he was a colt,” Hector said, referring to his horse, Villain. “Except Vil was ornery, hence his name.”

“I think Mercy’s going to be a good girl. I’m hoping Carlos will let me work with her, unless you want to?” Frankie raised his eyebrows as if they’d emphasize his question.

Hector shook his head. “Nah, I’m not interested in working with her. I think she needs someone who’ll make her his focus, and I’ve gotten Vil. I’m sure Carlos will be reasonable if you talk to him.” Hector didn’t know if Frankie had a lot of experience training a horse. Not everyone on the ranch did. Some people could build a barn with their eyes closed but they didn’t want to do more with a horse than ride it.

“Yeah, I guess.” Frankie sighed and leaned against the corral fence. “You know me and Duke weren’t trying to be jerks about, well, anything, right? I realized we probably sounded like self-righteous assholes.”

Hector laughed. The things Frankie said sometimes surprised him. “Look, no. I was actually standing here watching Mercy, and thinking y’all were kind of right. I’m tired of chasing tail, you know? That was fine when I couldn’t be out on the job, but I can here, and sneaking around sure doesn’t have any appeal. I did a lot of that. I’m just… I dunno. Maybe willing to see what else there is to two people getting together besides getting off.”

And besides, Frankie, Jody, Noel, Barney—heck, they were all settled down and all younger than him, not that Hector was old. Just thirty. Not a one of them seemed to regret finding the person they loved. Hector didn’t expound on his newfound realizations, however, because Duke was striding toward them, a smile on his face that was so big it might have hurt.

“Hey, Frankie, Dan sent a picture, look.” Duke held up his phone. “I been askin’ him for
months
and he finally sent us one!”

Hector had to see this brother of Duke’s. He didn’t try to mask his curiosity when he turned with Frankie to see.

“Hey, it’s a miracle,” Frankie said, taking the phone from Duke. “He looks good. So is everything okay, then?”

Hector stared at the picture. How one little photo could cause such chaos in him, Hector didn’t know. And the thing was, he didn’t even get a good idea of what Dan looked like. The man had his head turned aside and tipped down, so yeah, there was his profile. He had the barest hint of a smile tugging up that one side of his mouth, or it could have been a shadow. Hector couldn’t see his eye color, but he did take in the straight line of Dan’s nose and the sharply etched cheekbone, the firm line of jaw, and the jut of his chin.

An ember of interest flickered to life as Hector studied that picture. There was something about it, maybe the mystery of the man himself, that really appealed to him. He’d just gotten to studying the angle of Dan’s brow when Frankie handed the phone back to Duke.

Hector blinked and for a second, feared that he’d been caught staring, but no. Frankie and Duke were still talking but not about Dan. Hector left them to it. They were all focused on each other and wouldn’t miss him any.

* * * *

Later that night, after he’d showered and was lying in bed, nude as the day he was born, Hector couldn’t put a name to the reason for his restlessness. Usually, he jacked off then slept like the dead, unless he was too tired to bother with the first.

Never one given to great periods of introspection, Hector couldn’t pinpoint what was the cause for the disquiet he felt. He rolled onto his side and huffed, telling himself he’d close his eyes and stay still and
force
himself to sleep.

That worked for about two minutes then he flopped onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. His room wasn’t pitch black, not with light coming under his door from the hallway. Most of the time, that didn’t bother Hector, but tonight,
everything
was bothering him.

He didn’t particularly feel horny, but desperation for some sleep and an escape from his rabbiting thoughts guided his hand down to his cock. Soft and warm, he stroked it for a few minutes until the pleasure began to spread throughout his groin as his dick grew hard.

Thank God!
Those flitting bits of thoughts scattered as Hector inhaled, his eyes almost slipping shut while he used his free hand to feel for the lube he kept on the nightstand. He found it and flipped the cap open with his thumb, then poured some of the liquid into his palm before closing the lube. Hector dropped the tube on the floor and rubbed his hands together, warming the viscous slick up.

He moaned quietly as he began stroking again, the wet, slippery feel of his grip almost perfect. Hector cupped his balls too, and soon he was bucking up, fucking his fist. He imagined that it was another man’s hands on him, someone else there with him, someone not a stranger, who knew what he liked, how to make him mindless with need.

Every twist of his hand, every caress of skin on skin, pushed Hector more and more out of his head, into an almost purely physical realm that he lost himself in.

If, for a second, there was a flash of images—razor-sharp cheekbone, straight nose, firm jaw—Hector didn’t dwell on it. He rode out his release, the orgasm twisting him up inside then spinning him out into the world, pleasure whirling around him as he jetted cum onto his belly and chest.

And if he saw the profile of a man, with lips a second away from turning up in a smile, Hector put it down to the sudden exhaustion that overwhelmed him as he drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Three

The Narc-Anon meeting let out, and Dan left as soon as he could without being rude. While he hadn’t been tempted to run out and try to score any drugs, he wasn’t going to give himself the chance to fall into that shit again. He didn’t think he would, but figured he’d do everything he could to be certain.

He also came to the meetings for companionship, if he got lonely enough, without too much obligation involved. For a little while, he could be around people who had screwed up like he had, then he could leave and have some privacy. Three months after being exonerated, Dan was still feeling lost.

Dan watched Owen, one of the regulars at the Narc-Anon meeting, chain smoke a few cigarettes while chatting with various people. When Clarence pulled up at the curb in his rusty Honda, Dan got in and buckled up.

“How’d the meeting go?”

“Same as all the other ones,” Dan replied, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. “Guess it helps, though.” He wasn’t going to point out that he hadn’t really wanted anything but to not be alone tonight.

“You’re doing great, Dan,” Clarence said. “And you’ll find a job soon, or Edward will get that settlement for you. What are you going to do with all that money?”

Dan secretly doubted he’d see much of the money if the settlement ever went through. He’d heard stories about exonerated prisoners getting nothing on those payouts, though, yes, there were cases where some did get millions. “No idea. Probably donate some of it back to the foundation. Maybe to the halfway house, too, if I can do that.”

“You can, and it’d be appreciated, but you don’t have to do anything.” Clarence glanced at him. “How’s the apartment?”

Dan shrugged. “It’s a place to live.” And huge, even though it was an efficiency. After a decade in prison, Dan felt like a six hundred square foot apartment was luxurious. It was already furnished, too, and while he knew it wasn’t ritzy, he was glad for what he had. “Don’t know how much longer the foundation will be able to fund it. I’ve got to find work.”

“The job market here sucks, but there’s got to be something,” Clarence said. “Or maybe you should take some classes?”

“Never even got my GED.” A genius IQ wasn’t one of Dan’s qualities. “I just wasn’t any good at school. I didn’t have much in the way of book smarts.”

Clarence tapped Dan’s leg. “You’re more intelligent than you think, and anyways, there’s all kinds of smarts, like the street kind and common sense. I don’t believe the best kind of brains comes from a textbook.”

Dan rolled his head and opened his eyes. He stared out of the passenger window. “Yeah, well. I’ve got enough sense to know I don’t want to go back to prison. And I don’t want to prove what that fuckin’ cop said to be true—that I was a waste of DNA.”

Clarence cursed softly. “Warren, you mean?”

“Yeah.” Dan clenched his jaw. “Back when I was a kid and he hounded me every chance he got, before I was arrested the last time. He always had it out for me.”

“I bet that did a number on you as a kid, having a cop bully you,” Clarence said.

Dan grunted. He didn’t want to go there right now. He just wanted to get back to his place and go to sleep.

“Have you talked to your brother or Frankie lately?” Obviously, Clarence wasn’t going to be quiet.

He also had a point, whether he knew it or not. “Nope. I need to call them. It’s been a few weeks.” Normally, Duke or Frankie would have called him before that much time passed, but maybe they’d gotten tired of being the ones to make the first move. Short of calling three months ago, he let them decide when to contact him.

Part of that was because he was still waiting for Duke to abandon him again. Dan sighed to himself and wondered when he’d get past having his family forget about him. It was stupid to hold a grudge, especially when Duke hadn’t been treated any better once he’d come out. And they’d both been kids…well, him more than Duke, but still. They’d each had their issues, and now it was time to get past them.

Except maybe Duke doesn’t want to talk to me anymore?
Dan’s heart pinched at the thought.

Then a worse one hit him.
Maybe something’s wrong, something bad happened
.

That thought chased off any desire to sleep. Dan was suddenly worried and angry at himself for being so selfish. “I’ll call ’em when I get home.”
Has it been three weeks? Or longer?
Dan tried to count back to the last call, then finally took the cheap prepaid cell phone from his shirt pocket and checked the call log. “Been a tad over three weeks.”

“What has?” Clarence turned into the parking lot of the apartments where Dan lived. “Oh, since you’ve talked to them? I thought y’all were getting closer?”

Dan rubbed his hands on his jeans. Guilt prickled his skin. He wasn’t going to explain that he was still struggling to have faith in his brother. It wasn’t Duke who kept the distance between them. “We’re working on it.”

“Maybe you should go see him,” Clarence urged. “Get out of Alabama. You can go anywhere you want now.”

“Are you trying to get rid of me?” Dan teased, although a little part of him wondered if it was true.

Clarence parked the car and propped an elbow on the door as he looked at Dan. “No, that’s not what I’m doing, but I do believe you need a better support network than you’re allowing yourself. At least when you were at the halfway house, you had to go to group therapies and meetings.”

“I stayed away from everyone as much as I could the rest of the time,” Dan reminded him. “But maybe all the rules did help. Made me feel, I don’t know, safer, I guess.”

“Living as a free man after so many years in prison is a difficult transition to make,” Clarence said.

Dan knew that was the truth. He didn’t feel like he belonged anywhere. He got out of the car. With one hand on the top of it, he bent and looked inside at Clarence. “You wanna come in?”

Clarence waved him off. “I’d better not. You know I can’t leave Mark in charge for too long. He gets all bossy and annoys everyone else.”

Dan didn’t care for Clarence’s assistant but saw no need to say so. “Okay. Thanks for the ride.”