He Loves Me Not: Lily’s Story, Book 1 (4 page)

T
hat evening
he took me to a local Mexican restaurant. We chatted about inconsequential things for a while, then he asked me about my family.

“It’s just me now,” I said, trying to keep the sadness at my father’s passing at bay.

“Really? What happened to your parents?”

I explained how my mother had died when I was young and how my father had gotten sick and I'd cared for him until he’d passed away recently.

“Wow. And you don’t have any siblings or aunts and uncles or anything?”

When he put it that way, loneliness swept over me, and I had to swallow hard to push the lump down my throat. “No.”

“I really admire you, Lily. Being completely on your own and getting your education.” He paused. “That must be tough. I’m surprised you’re not working though. I mean, school’s not cheap.”

Feeling proud at his acknowledgment of my independence, I opened up a bit more. “I was fortunate that my father had a life insurance policy so I’m able to use that to pay for everything.”

“Well, that’s great. I’m sure that helps a lot.”

“It does. I couldn’t get by without it.”

He nodded. “I hope the food comes soon. I’m starved.”

“Me too.”

While we waited for our food to arrive, Trevor had the waiter bring him some wine. After it was poured and the waiter left, Trevor looked at me and said, “I know you’re not twenty-one yet, but do you want some of my wine?”

“No thanks.”

“Not a wine drinker, huh?”

“You know how I told you my mom died when I was young?”

He nodded.

“Well, she was killed by a drunk driver. Because of that, my dad completely stopped drinking and I guess I just adopted his attitude toward alcohol.”

He looked kind of shocked. “So you don’t drink at all?”

“Yeah.”

“How do you feel about other people drinking?”

I hesitated. “I haven’t thought about it much before, but I suppose it doesn’t bother me if other people drink in moderation. I do have a problem with people drinking to excess. And I especially get upset if someone drinks and drives.”

Once our food arrived, we talked some more and I noticed he barely touched his wine. He told me he worked at an auto-body shop, helping out from time to time, but that wasn’t what he wanted to do for the rest of his life.

When he took me home, we walked to my front door, but I didn’t invite him in.

“I had a good time, Lily. I hope we can do this again sometime.”

“Thank you. I had fun too.” I wasn’t sure what the protocol was at this point in the date, so I just stood there, waiting for him to take the lead. When he stepped closer to me, my breath caught. His blue eyes seemed to look right into my soul and I leaned toward him. His hand slid to the back of my neck, then he gently pulled me to him. When our lips met, feelings exploded inside me—warmth, longing, desire. I'd never experienced those feelings in my life, and after too little time he pulled away, his hand still on my neck, my gaze locked with his.

He smiled, then released me. “I’d guess I’d better go.”

I didn’t want him to go.

“I’ll see you later,” he said.

“Bye, Trevor.”

I watched him walk to his car, then I went into the apartment. I touched my mouth and felt his hand at the back of my neck, pulling me close. I peeked through the blinds and watched his older model blue Camaro pull away from the curb.

My attraction to him worried me because I feared he was just a player. Even so, I knew I was falling for him.

I didn’t see or hear from Trevor the next day and we didn’t have class together. I wondered if he was at work. I didn’t know exactly where he worked, just that he worked with cars.

When he didn’t contact me over the weekend, I doubted the vibe I'd gotten from him—that he liked me. Even though I tried to push him out of my mind, I found it hard to not think about him. When I was able to turn my thoughts away from him, I worked on my assignments and read my romance novels.

The next time we had class, I got there after Trevor did, and as I walked into the room, Amanda, the auburn-haired girl, slipped into the desk next to his. Even though I knew I had no claims on Trevor, possessiveness rushed through me, nearly choking me. Turning away from them, I found a seat in the back row. As I pulled out my notebook, I looked their way. Trevor turned in my direction and gave a subtle shrug of his shoulders, which I hoped meant he’d been saving the seat for me but Amanda had gotten there first.

Feeling marginally better, I listened to the lecture, although my eyes kept straying to Trevor and Amanda and noticing every single time Trevor gave her the slightest bit of attention. As I looked at her radiant smile, I could almost feel myself shrinking into invisibility.

The professor droned on and my mind began to wander. I imagined Trevor and Amanda spending the weekend together, hand in hand, laughing. As it seemed more hopeless that Trevor would be my Prince Charming, my head pounded.

Once class was mercifully over, I quickly gathered my things and left before I had to face him.

A
lyssa called that evening
.

“How are you?” I asked as I sat on the couch.

“Good. Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to meet me on the quad for lunch tomorrow.”

I agreed, and after chatting for a few minutes, we hung up. We’d eaten lunch together several times and were becoming good friends.

With my roommates out it was quiet and I was glad I’d be able to concentrate as I worked on homework. To make sure I wouldn’t be interrupted, I set my phone to mute before placing it on the coffee table, then picked up my Econ textbook and began reading.

I was nearly finished reading the chapter when there was a knock on the apartment door.

“Hey, Lily,” Trevor said with a smile when I answered the door.

Before I had a chance to think, I asked, “What are you doing here?”

His smile vanished. “I thought you’d be happy to see me.”

Briefly closing my eyes and shaking my head, I sighed. “You confuse me.”

“What do you mean?”

I was hesitant to share my feelings.

Am I supposed to be coy and pretend like I haven’t noticed him flirting with Amanda, or is it okay for me to tell him how I really feel—that I'd sensed a connection when he kissed me and I thought he’d felt the same way? Then again, I’ve only been on one date with him. Why do I think he owes me an explanation?

“Nothing,” I said. “Never mind.”

His smile was back. “Okay then. Have you done your homework for class yet?”

“Actually, no. I was going to do it tomorrow.”

“Do you want to work on it together?”

Maybe I should enjoy his company as a friend, if that’s all we’ll ever be.

“Sure,” I said. “Come on in.”

He sat on the couch and unloaded his study materials from his backpack.

“I need to grab my notes,” I said. “I’ll be right back.”

“Okay.”

I went into my bedroom and pulled out my notebook, then grabbed some paper and a pencil. I heard Trevor’s voice in the other room—it sounded like he’d answered his phone. Jealousy flared inside me as I imagined Amanda calling him and asking him to come over. Shaking my head and frowning, I rebuked myself for thinking I had any claim on him. Then, taking a deep breath, I went into the living room.

Expecting to see him chatting on his phone, I was surprised to find him reviewing the questions we needed to answer. The thought that he’d told Amanda he was busy boosted my mood.

We focused on the assignment and had it done within an hour. A moment later his phone chimed a text. He read the message and frowned, then put his phone in his pocket. “I’m sorry. I’ve gotta go. I need to go into work for a while.”

I tried to hide my disappointment. “Okay. I understand.”

He seemed preoccupied as he stood to leave, and to my dismay, he didn’t even try to kiss me. I knew we weren’t on a date or anything, but I'd still been hoping that we could recreate the moment we’d had when he’d kissed me goodnight after our date.

I walked him to the door and he said goodbye with hardly a backward glance. I closed the door and went to the couch, then picked up my Econ book to finish reading, trying to regain the concentration I’d had before Trevor had shown up.

“
J
ustin is really
interested in you, Lily,” Alyssa said as we sat on the grass. “I've never seen him like a girl so much.”

“What are you talking about? I hardly ever see him. And he’s never called me.”

Alyssa sipped her drink, then shook her head. “He told me he tried to call you last night but some guy answered so he thought he had the wrong number.”

“What?” I set my sandwich down.

“I gave him your number. I’m sorry.”

“No, that’s okay, but I wonder if he dialed wrong.”

“I don’t think so. He called me back after he tried calling you and made sure he had the right number.”

I thought about Trevor taking a call the night before when I'd been getting my notes.

Could he have answered my phone?

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and looked at the call history, but didn’t see any numbers I didn’t recognize. “What’s Justin’s number?” Alyssa told me and I verified that it wasn’t in my call log. “That’s really weird. It doesn’t look like he tried to call me.”

“Well anyway, I know he thinks you’re cute and wants to ask you out.” She paused to take a bite of her lunch, then asked, “So what’s going on with this Trevor guy?”

“I kind of like him, but mostly we just do homework together.”

“So nothing serious there?”

A smile curved the corners of my mouth.

“What?” she asked.

Trying to wipe the smile from my face, I shook my head. “Nothing. I actually think he likes this girl in our Sociology class.”

Alyssa took a drink, then set her cup on the grass. “Hmm. Well, you certainly seem to have feelings for him. What do you know about him?”

“We haven’t spent a lot of time together, but I know he has a part-time job working with cars, and he’s majoring in business.”

“Where’s he from?”

“His family’s in Las Vegas.”

“Okay. Anything else?”

As I considered what I knew about Trevor, I realized I didn't know very much about him—he never seemed to share much about himself. All I knew was that I was very attracted to him.

I plucked at the blades of grass near my feet. “I can’t explain it, Alyssa. There’s just something about him that draws me in.”

Sipping her drink, she just raised her eyebrows.

A few minutes later Justin appeared and plopped down next to us, a little closer to me than to Alyssa.

“Hey, Justin,” I said.

He smiled in my direction. “How’s it going, Lily?”

“Good. Keeping busy with homework. You know how it is.”

He smiled. “Yeah.” He paused, then said, “I was, uh, wondering if you'd like to go out with me sometime.”

Pleased by his invitation, I said, “Sure.”

“You don't think Trevor will mind?”

“He’s not my boyfriend, Justin.”
Unfortunately.

“Oh.” He paused. “How about this Friday night then?”

“That sounds good.”

He stood. “I'll see you ladies later.” He smiled at me one last time before walking away.

“Whoa!” Alyssa said, apparently finding her voice at last. “I told you he really likes you.”

“So he asked me out. That doesn't mean he's in love with me.”

“He's a really great guy. You could do much worse.” She arched an eyebrow.

“Are you trying to imply something about Trevor?”

“I'm just saying.”

Irritation sparked inside me, and I began gathering my things. “You don't even know Trevor. He's a great guy, too.”

“Whatever you say. But I know Justin and I know he's a great guy.” Alyssa reached out and touched my arm. “Look. I care about you and I don't want you to make any mistakes you might regret, that's all.”

Her sincerity soothed my annoyance, and I smiled warmly. “I know and I do appreciate your concern. But I don’t think Trevor’s all that interested in me anyway.”

O
n Thursday afternoon
I was in my room with my door shut, doing math homework, when I heard a knock at the front door. Focused on a difficult problem, I didn't want to stop just then, so I ignored the loud knocking. People were always stopping by for my roommates, Michelle and Nicole, so I assumed it was for one of them.

The knocking stopped and I turned my attention back to my assignment. But then a knock sounded on my bedroom door. I knew I was the only one home and I thought the front door had been locked. A shiver of fear raised goose bumps on my arms.

“Who is it?” I called out with a shaky voice.

“It's me, Trevor. Are you okay?”

Excitement, relief, and irritation surged through me as I opened my door. “What are you doing here? How did you get in?”

He smiled. “I’m sorry if I scared you. I saw your car parked outside, and when you didn’t answer the door, I got worried.”

Flustered by his unexpected appearance, I said, “How did you get in? Wasn't the front door locked?”

He looked toward my desk. “No.” Then he met my gaze. “What are you working on?”

Wanting to believe him, I went to the desk and looked at my assignment. “It's math.” I turned toward him and frowned. “I'm having trouble with this problem.”

“Sit down and I'll see if I can help you for once. I'm pretty good at math.”

I slid into my chair and showed him what I'd done so far. He stood behind me, and as he leaned over me, I tried to concentrate on the paper in front of me.

He pointed to one of my calculations. “Here's the problem. You skipped a step right here.”

Trying to breathe normally despite his proximity, I erased my error and corrected it. He stayed where he was, his warm breath tickling my neck.

“I really like you, Lily,” he said in a husky voice as he leaned closer.

Shocked, yet thrilled, to hear him say what I'd been dreaming of, my pulse skyrocketed as his lips brushed against the side of my neck. Then his lips moved to the curve of my cheek. Everything felt surreal and it seemed as if things were moving too fast. “Trevor,” I said, turning toward him, but it only came out as a whisper.

Dazzling blue eyes bore into mine as longing surged through me. His face came closer, and our lips met for a lingering kiss. I closed my eyes, my heart racing. When our lips parted, he knelt next to my chair, putting him on the same level as me. Placing one hand behind my neck and the other around my waist, he gently pulled me toward him. As his lips neared mine, I gazed into his blue eyes, and when our lips met, his eyelids fluttered closed. Somehow that was more intoxicating then when they were open—it was as if I could see how much he enjoyed kissing me. His tongue probed my mouth and waves of desire washed over me as I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back.

He pulled me out of the chair and it seemed as if I had no control over my body’s movement. We stood together, our mouths entangled, but after a moment his mouth released mine. I gazed into his eyes, captivated by his smile. Taking my hand in his, he led me to my bed, then he sat on my comforter and pulled me onto his lap.

As he gently stroked my face, panic flooded me as I realized what he was expecting. I stood abruptly, shaking my head from side to side. He stood next to me and tried to pull me into his arms, but I pushed him away and ran into the living room. I stood in the middle of the floor, waiting to see what would happen next.

Trevor was by my side in seconds. “What’s wrong, Lily?” After a moment, he led me to the couch.

I sat on the cushions as he sat beside me and took my hand. I didn't meet his eyes, staring at my lap instead. Finally I looked up and met his gaze. “I’m sorry, Trevor.”

“For what? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I just can’t do what you want me to do.”

He stared at me for a moment, apparently at a loss for words. “That’s okay. We don’t have to right now. I can wait until you’re ready.”

Trying to gather the courage to tell him what was on my mind, I bit my lip. This was completely new territory for me and I was scared that what I was about to say would push him out of my life forever. “That’s just it, though. I’m not going to be ready any time soon.”

Confusion played across his face.

“I know it’s no big deal for most people to sleep around,” I said. “But a long time ago I made the decision that I was going to wait until my wedding night to . . . you know.” This was harder than I thought and I held my breath, waiting for him to walk out of my life.

“Oh.” He stood up.

My breath came out in a rush as I accepted that my choice was going to be the cause of me losing him. He walked toward the door, but to my surprise, he turned around and walked across the room. I realized he wasn’t going to leave, but that he was pacing as he gathered his thoughts. Giddy with relief, I smiled.

He stopped walking and sat next to me again, taking my hand in his. I watched his face, worried about what he was thinking.

“Lily, even though I don’t completely understand, I respect your decision.” He brushed a stray hair away from my face. “I’m sorry I put you in that position. If I’d known how you felt, I never would have done that. Let me make it up to you. Let me take you out tomorrow night.”

Exhilarated by his reaction, I immediately agreed.

A smile lit his face. “Great.”

Still unnerved by what had happened, I said, “Maybe it's best if you leave now.”

“Sure, I understand. I’ll pick you up tomorrow at five.”

I nodded and walked him to the door. This time I made sure the door was locked before going back into my room. I pulled up the calendar app on my phone so I could post the information about my date with Trevor.

As if I'd forget.

A moment later I was horrified to see I already had a date that night. With Justin. “Oh no,” I moaned.

Now what am I going to do? Friday's tomorrow. I need to decide right away.

I tried calling Alyssa but just got her voice mail.

I agreed to the date with Justin first, but I really want to go out with Trevor.

My stomach churned as I tried to decide what to do—no matter what, someone would be unhappy. After a few minutes I came to a decision and made the call. When I got voicemail, I left a message.

“I’m so sorry,” I said. “I’m going to have to cancel our date for tomorrow night. Please, let’s do it another time.” I ended the call and fervently hoped that he would ask me out again.