He Loves Me Not: Lily’s Story, Book 1 (8 page)

A
t the nearby
super store I walked up and down the aisles looking for just the right things. Though I knew this would be an expensive shopping trip, I was prepared to spend the money necessary to make my place a real home.

After finding a comforter and decorative pillows for my bed, I picked out a slip cover for the couch, then filled my grocery cart with food for my empty kitchen. The rows of kitchen implements reminded me that I needed to drive to Lovelock very soon to collect the dishes, pots, and other kitchen items that I’d stored there before moving to Reno.

With my trunk full, I headed home, excited to get things organized in my new place. As I neared my apartment, a car similar to Trevor’s passed me, forcing my thoughts to him. I’d been so busy getting my new place ready that I’d managed to keep him out of my head. But now, guilt at not telling him I'd moved stabbed at my heart, and I knew I would be telling him my whereabouts sooner than I'd planned.

By the time I’d finished my errands and gotten home, the sun had set, but I brought everything inside, then settled on the couch to catch my breath. I hadn’t wanted to talk to anyone—okay, maybe I just hadn’t wanted to talk to Trevor—so I’d left my cell phone off all day. But now, as I turned it on, I found several texts from Trevor.

For the briefest moment I considered calling him to tell him I'd moved, but then I decided to make him wait.

He probably doesn't even realize I'm gone. He wouldn't know unless Michelle or Nicole told him.

With lingering anger for the way he’d behaved, I read his texts. They were all the same—telling me he wanted to talk to me. I deleted them without replying, then I called Michelle and let her know I’d moved out. When she told me she’d found someone to take over my contract, I smiled, glad I had one less issue to deal with.

Needing something productive to do, I put my new comforter and decorative pillows on the bed, then stood back and admired the way my room was shaping up.

It didn't take long to unpack my clothing—I didn't have much—but when I was done I spread my toiletries around the bathroom, thrilled not to have to share space anymore. It seemed luxurious to have all the storage to myself.

Too tired to do any more that night, I got ready for bed, then read in bed for a while before finally turning off the light on the night stand and going to sleep.

T
he next day
, Friday, I only had one class and was able to spend the balance of the day making my apartment just right.

The slipcover went on the couch, and the desk was stocked with my school supplies. I took out my math book, prepared to begin working on my latest assignment, but before I’d even started on the first problem, my mind filled with thoughts of Trevor. My anger at him had seeped away, and I realized I wanted to share my joy in my new place with him. Even if his response to the picture I’d found in my dresser had upset me, I wasn't one to hold a grudge.

I called his phone, but got his voice mail. “It's Lily. I wanted to let you know that I moved to a new place. My own place. Give me a call if you want.” I ended the call, anxious now for him to call me back.

With no idea how long it would be until he called back, I set to work on my math assignment. When my cell phone rang, I was nearly done, and I dropped my pencil before grabbing my phone.

“Lily,” Trevor said, his voice intense. “I was worried sick. I went by your apartment last night and found out you'd moved. They didn't know where you'd gone and I was afraid you weren't going to tell me.”

Hearing the tension in his voice, I felt dreadful for not calling him sooner. If the situation had been reversed, I would have been beside myself if he’d moved and hadn’t told me where he’d gone. “I'm sorry, Trevor. I really am. Please forgive me.”

“Where are you? Can I come see you?”

“Of course you can.” I gave him my address and he promised he'd be there shortly.

Expecting him any minute, I hurried into the bathroom to make sure I looked presentable. The doorbell rang just as I was coming out of the bathroom.

With a wide smile on my face, I flung open the front door.

Trevor stormed inside, then turned to me with a frown. “How could you do that to me? I was so worried about you.”

My smile faded as I closed the door.

He stepped close to me, then dragged me against him. “I didn’t know what had happened to you. I haven’t even eaten since last night.” He pulled back, gazed into my eyes, and with a soft voice, said, “I love you. Don't you know that?”

The intensity of his emotions shocked me. “I'm sorry, Trevor. I guess I needed a little space. You know, time to myself.”

“That was selfish of you.”

Heat rushed to my face. “I’m really, really sorry. I didn’t think—”

“No, you didn’t,” he cut in. “That’s the problem. You only thought of yourself.”

Is that true? Was I only thinking of myself?

I looked away from him, my shoulders hunched.

He glanced around the room. “This place is pretty nice.” He paused. “Lily?”

I lifted my gaze to meet his.

His eyes narrowed. “How long were you thinking about moving?”

This was a question I could answer without feeling guilty. “Before Wednesday it had only been a vague wish.” I hesitated. “That's when I found that strange picture in my bedroom. The one you apparently know nothing about.” I paused to see how he would react, but he didn’t. “After that, and your refusal to tell me anything about it, I knew I needed to get out, to make a change. So here I am.”

“That's a pretty big change.”

Talking about the picture reminded me why I’d moved in the first place, and the shame I’d initially felt at his accusations of selfishness evaporated. With a tone of self-satisfaction, I said, “I can do whatever I want. I don't have to answer to anyone. Least of all to you.”

His nostrils flared. “You're right. You don't have to answer to me. And I don't have to answer to you either. But do you really want it that way? I thought we loved each other.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “At least, I love you.”

Embarrassed by my childish attitude, I wrapped my arms around his waist and lay my head against his shoulder. “I do love you, Trevor. I guess I just needed to assert my independence.”

He pulled away, lifted my chin, and after gazing into my eyes, he pressed his lips to mine.

Love for him surged through me, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. A moment later he broke our kiss and smiled at me, then took my hand and led me to the couch. With extreme gentleness, he pressed my shoulders so that I would sit, then he knelt in front of me, reached into his pocket, and pulled out a small velvet box.

Stunned, I watched his face as he opened the box and held it out to me.

“Lily, will you give me the great pleasure of becoming my wife?”

I
stared
at the gorgeous diamond ring nestled on the bed of black velvet, then looked into Trevor’s handsome face. Earnestness shone from his vivid blue eyes. I so wanted to make him happy, but his proposal was completely unexpected. He knelt in front of me, waiting for an answer, and I tried to form one. “Trevor,” I whispered. Then I spoke louder. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Say yes,” he said with a grin, then he lifted the ring from the box and slipped it onto my left ring finger. It fit perfectly.

I admired it for a moment before speaking. “I do love you. Very much. I'm just not sure that I'm ready to get married. I have to think about it.”

“At least that's not a 'no',” he said, still smiling. “Hang on to the ring while you're deciding.”

Relieved that he was accepting my answer so readily, I smiled. “Okay.”

He moved to sit beside me on the couch.

“Rob must be paying you pretty well for you to afford such a beautiful ring,” I said as I admired the ring some more.

Trevor didn't answer. Instead, he lifted my left hand and kissed my palm. “I’d do anything for you, Lily.”

Touched by his words, I didn't know what to say. “Tomorrow I need to drive to Lovelock to pick up some things from my dad’s house. Do you want to come?”

“I wish I could, but I promised Rob I’d work.”

Disappointed he couldn’t come, I said, “That's okay. It shouldn't take too long anyway.”

A while later we went out for dinner, and when we were done, Trevor brought me back to my place, but didn't stay.

Lying in my bed on the second night in my own apartment, I thought about Trevor’s proposal. Before I could even consider agreeing to marry him, I needed to learn so much more about him.

E
arly the next
morning I got ready for the day, anxious to drive to the small town where I’d grown up, and gather the things I needed for my apartment. Finished dressing, I opened my jewelry box and picked out a pair of earrings. The diamond engagement ring caught my attention. After a slight hesitation, I slipped it on my left ring finger and went to the front window.

Tilting the diamond this way and that, I admired the way the ring sparkled in the rays of sunlight that streamed in. A sudden bright glint made me squeeze my eyes closed, and in that brief moment I pondered what I was considering. My heart stuttered with an ominous feeling, but I shut it off and continued admiring the stunning ring.

I haven't committed to anything yet.

With a resolute tug, I slid the beautiful ring off of my finger and set it on the windowsill where it continued to reflect the sun's rays.

I just promised him I'd think about it.

And think about it I did—all the way to Lovelock. The drive took over an hour, but it was a lovely day and I enjoyed the trip.

Knowing the ring must have cost a small fortune, I’d decided to wear it, and every time it caught my eye, I smiled, despite my uncertainty that I would be keeping it.

I need to have a serious talk with Trevor to get the questions in my mind answered satisfactorily. But not yet. It can wait a few days.

Once I’d reached my destination, it felt strange to walk into the house where I’d spent most of my life. Dad’s presence seemed to be everywhere, making me miss him more than usual. I walked from room to room, enjoying the good memories. Finally, I went into the kitchen and unloaded all of the items I wanted to take to my new place, including my mother’s china. Once the table was covered with dinnerware and cooking implements, I went into the garage and found several cardboard boxes that were lying flat—left over from when I’d packed up before moving to Reno.

I dragged the broken-down boxes into the kitchen, unfolded them and used packing tape to hold them in the right shape, then packed up the items I’d placed on the table, carefully wrapping fragile items in newspaper. Two hours later I’d loaded everything into my car. On impulse, I went back into the house and pulled out two boxes that held our Christmas decorations. I had just enough room in my car to take them with me.

Even though I’d grown up in this town, with my father gone there was no one special to me there—the few girls I’d known in high school had mostly moved away. I headed toward Reno without a backward glance, and once home, I set right to work unpacking my kitchen and getting things just right.

When I finished, I fixed myself a mug of hot chocolate and curled up on my couch to catch up on some reading.

Finals weren’t very far away. Still, I had to get through Thanksgiving first. Thinking about the traditional Thanksgiving meal and making all the fixings for Trevor and myself excited me.

Maybe I'll even invite Alyssa.

But even as the notion entered my mind, I tossed it aside.

Alyssa would sit across from Trevor and judge him the whole time.

I shook my head.

No, I’ll just invite Trevor. We’ll have our own private dinner.

I smiled at the thought.

I have so much to be thankful for. I'm doing well this semester, I'm healthy, I have my own place, and I have Trevor. I never even considered falling in love, certainly not right after getting here.

With my recent flurry of activity, I realized I hadn’t told Alyssa I’d moved. Smiling to myself, I dialed her phone.

“I haven’t heard from you since Wednesday's class,” she said. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s great. In fact, that's why I'm calling.”

“Uh oh,” she said. “Does this involve Trevor?”

Slightly annoyed at her reaction to the possibility of good news involving Trevor, I sighed. “No, it doesn’t. I've moved. That's all.”

“What? Serious?”

Laughing, I said, “Yes. I moved on Thursday. My very own place. I love it!”

“Wow, that was kind of sudden. What brought it on?”

I explained about the door being unlocked and the picture I’d found in my dresser.

“Shouldn't you call the police?”

“What for? Nothing was taken, no threats were made. Just a strange picture.” I wondered if the police should get involved, but didn’t like the idea.

“Certainly Trevor thinks the police should be called.” Disapproval of the whole situation was evident in her voice.

I shook my head. “No, he never mentioned that.”

“What was his explanation?”

I didn’t answer as a flush crept up my cheeks.

“He
did
have one,” Alyssa said. “Didn't he?”

For some reason I felt the need to defend Trevor, but I didn’t want to dwell on my lack of information. “He doesn't know who it could be. Now let's talk about something else for a while. Like, how's Justin doing? I haven't heard from him in ages.”

“Lily, something about this whole thing is very weird. You must realize that.” When I didn't reply, she went on. “Fine. I'll drop it for now, but you'd better let me know if anything else like that happens. Will you promise me that at least?”

Rolling my eyes, I promised.

“And as far as Justin,” Alyssa said, “I wouldn't worry too much about him. I think he's found a new prospect.”

“Really?” I said. “Good for him.”

“It is good for him. I think he's given up on you.”

I didn’t want to talk about Justin anymore. “I'd better get going. All the time I spent moving in has really cut into my study time, and I was already behind.”

“Okay. I’ll see you in class.”

After hanging up the phone, I considered Justin and his ‘new prospect’. I was happy for him, but also a little disappointed he’d given up on me so easily.

Well, there was no point in him pursuing me. Not when I’m with Trevor now.

I spent the rest of the day trying to catch up on assignments due the following week. Trevor hadn't said he'd come by, but I hoped he would. I pushed thoughts of his proposal out of my mind, not ready to go there. It was such an important decision, and it was easier not to consider it at all.

Besides, I need to learn a whole lot more about Trevor before I make that kind of commitment. Like, does he want to have children? How many? Does he want his wife to be a stay-at-home mom or a working mom? Where does he want to live after graduation? What does he plan to do for a career?

Though I knew it might be awkward to pepper him with all of my questions, I also knew that if we were going to be married, I would need to have those questions answered. I knew I would have to improve my communication skills with him.

If he comes by tonight, we’ll sit down and talk about some of these things.

As the evening wore on, I began to wonder if he would show up. Deciding not to wait around, I drove to the grocery store to get the rest of the staples necessary to run a home.

Trevor never came by and I took a novel to bed with me, enjoying reading for pleasure instead of for an assignment.