He Loves Me Not: Lily’s Story, Book 1 (19 page)

“
I
'll bring
your car home tonight,” Trevor said the next morning as he sat at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal.

“Are you sure? I could have Alyssa drop me by to get it.” I stood poised in the kitchen doorway, my ever present backpack over one shoulder.

Trevor smiled in my direction. “Don't worry about it. I don't want you to have to make a special trip.”

I smiled in return, then walked over and kissed him.

“Are you sure you don't want me to drop you off at school before I go to work?” he asked.

“That's okay. It's nice out this morning and I could use some exercise.”

Trevor pushed his chair back and gathered me into his arms. “From where I stand you don't look like you need any exercise.” He nuzzled my neck, working his way up to my mouth.

I laughed as his unshaven whiskers tickled my neck. “Stop, Trevor. You're going to make me late.”

He let me go and I went out the front door, a joyful smile on my face. Things between the two of us had been good lately—it almost seemed too good to be true.

I shook my head, annoyed at myself for doubting our relationship.

It is possible to have a good marriage. A few incidents of anger aren't a cause for ending anything.

Then I began to argue with myself.

Don't you think it was a little more than anger?

It's not his fault. If I hadn't upset him, he never would have done those things.

Don't kid yourself, Lily. It wasn't your fault.

I tried to ignore the voice in my mind, not wanting to believe that anything was so far out of my control.

About half a mile from the school a car pulled up beside me.

“Do you need a lift?” Justin asked, a smile on his face.

My back was starting to ache from carrying my backpack and I longed to accept the ride. Half-expecting Trevor to be watching me, I glanced over my shoulder before approaching the passenger window of Justin's car.

Annoyance briefly flickered inside me when I thought about how such a simple and innocent decision like accepting a ride from a friend could be affected by my husband's disapproval. I reached for the door handle, trying to slow my racing heart, and pulled. The door swung open and Justin smiled.

“Thanks, Justin. I appreciate it.” I slid into the seat and dropped my backpack onto the floor. “So much better,” I said, resting my head against the headrest.

Justin pressed the gas and glanced in my direction. “Where's your car?”

I sat up straighter. “It's in the shop. I should get it back tonight.” I rubbed my aching shoulders.

“Why didn't your husband give you a ride?”

I heard the irritation in his voice and was touched by his concern. “He offered but I decided I'd rather walk.” I laughed. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.” I smiled in Justin's direction, trying to show that all was well in my marriage.

“Oh,” he said. “Okay then.”

He pulled into a parking space and turned off the engine, then he turned toward me, a questioning expression on his face. “Since we have a minute, I was hoping you'd explain to me what's going on with you.”

I felt trapped. There were no excuses for me to rush off, but I didn't feel comfortable talking to Justin about anything personal. Trying my best to look bewildered, I asked, “What are you talking about?”

Justin sighed. “You know exactly what I'm talking about. I thought we were becoming friends and then suddenly you say you don't want me to contact you at all.” He peered at me closely. “Does this have anything to do with your husband?”

A lump formed in my throat as Justin voiced the correct answer, yet I couldn't admit that Trevor was so tyrannical that he would keep me from choosing my friends. I searched for a suitable answer, but nothing came to mind. “Please, Justin. Don't do this.” Tears threatened as I reached for the door handle.

“Lily,” Justin said in a gentle voice. He reached out and touched my arm. “I don't understand what's happening with you.”

I decided to be as honest as I could without saying anything that would hurt Trevor. “Justin, it’s just that now that I’m married, things are different.”

He stared at me, apparently waiting for me to explain.

“I just think it would be better if we didn’t associate outside of class,” I said. “Okay?”

“Fine. Whatever.”

We got out of the car, and as we began walking toward campus, I had to force myself not to look around in a panic to make sure Trevor wasn’t lurking behind the parked cars, spying on me again.

Once we reached the building, I thanked Justin for the ride, then went into the ladies room and closed myself into an empty stall. He’d been accurate when he’d asked if Trevor was the reason behind our friendship coming to an abrupt end. Trevor had physically hurt me when Justin had called me on the phone. His reaction had terrified me.

And it wasn't the first time he hurt me
.

I nodded, admitting to myself for the first time that Trevor’s reaction had been unreasonable.

But what about me? Don't I have some responsibility in this as well?

I closed my eyes, confused about what to believe. Could I have done something different to prevent Trevor’s outbursts? I mentally catalogued the incidents that had occurred. If I hadn't locked him out of our bedroom he wouldn't have gotten so angry. And I shouldn't have let Justin come into our home when Trevor wasn't there.

What about the lie Trevor told his parents about you?

I wasn't sure how to respond to that one just yet, but I believed I had some responsibility in Trevor’s actions.

I unlocked the door, left the stall, then went to the sink and splashed cool water on my face. After patting my skin dry, I checked the time and gasped. I hated to be late for anything, but really hated to be late for class.

Hurrying out of the bathroom, I rushed to class, hoping I hadn't missed too much.

When I reached the classroom for my Humanities class, the only seat left was in the back—next to Justin. Trying to act natural, I slid into the seat, unzipped my backpack, and pulled out my notebook and pen. The professor was lecturing and I tried to concentrate on what he was saying.

I sensed Justin watching me but forced myself not to turn in his direction. It was pure torture sitting there with Justin beside me, knowing he was wondering what was wrong with me. Even so, I managed to partially concentrate on the lecture, and when it seemed the professor was wrapping things up, I put my books away—I wanted to be able to leave quickly once class finished.

“Don't forget there will be a quiz next time,” the professor announced. “Have a good day.”

At the professor’s words, I stood quickly, then left the room without speaking to Justin.

By the time my last class was over, I was dreading the walk home. My backpack was full and it didn't take long for the weight of it to feel oppressive.

Too bad Alyssa’s in class right now, or I’d ask her for a ride.

I sighed.

I can hardly wait to get my car back. It had better be ready tonight like Trevor promised.

Resigned to the long walk, I bought a soda from the cafeteria and began the walk home. Once home, I dropped my backpack on the floor and sat on the couch. My gaze drifted to a photo from my wedding day and I thought about my life since I’d met Trevor, wondering if it really had become more difficult since marrying him or if it was just my imagination.

I thought back over the last couple of months, remembering the times Trevor had gotten angry with me and physically hurt me. I thought about the fact that one of my very few friendships had to abruptly end because of Trevor’s insecurity. I considered the feeling that I was always walking on eggshells around Trevor because of his unpredictability. I thought about the fact that not only was Trevor working long hours, but that something seemed just a bit off about his employment.

Yes, things have definitely gotten more challenging in my life since I married Trevor. Was it a mistake?

I tried to be honest with myself.

Did I think about marrying him hard enough to know if it was the right thing to do? Or did I just want to be with him so badly that I didn't want to know whether he was a good match for me?

I didn't know the answer to that question. All I knew was that I'd made a commitment to Trevor to be his wife and that I would do everything in my power to fulfill that promise.

But where do you draw the line? At what point do you walk away?

I shook my head, too confused to consider that right now. I couldn't even contemplate such a drastic step.

We’ve only been married two months. How can I even consider ending it? It would break Trevor’s heart. I don’t know if I could do that to him.

What about your heart?

Squeezing my eyes closed and pushing that thought aside, I tried to think of other things before I drifted to sleep and had a dream.

Cars surrounded me. I called Trevor’s name but there was no reply. My head twisted left and right, searching in the fog for my husband. He was nowhere to be seen. Only cars, endless rows of cannibalized cars, their parts strewn about the ground.

Despair began to overcome me as my chin fell to my chest. A hand clamped on my shoulder and a faceless voice whispered in my ear, “You don't want to be here.”

My head whipped up and swung to the side to see who was speaking to me. No one was there—only a whisper of a breeze coming from the large doorway behind me.

A shiver of fear raced up my spine, and just as I turned to escape the creepy place, Trevor appeared.

At first he didn't notice me and I smiled to see him approach, but my joy was squelched when his eyes met mine and his face became a mask of rage.

“What are you doing here?” he demanded.

I began to tremble as a strong sense of foreboding engulfed me and my mind screamed a warning.

Get out now! Get out!

I woke in a cold sweat, a vague feeling of warning washing over me. Bits and pieces of the dream floated into my mind but I had trouble grasping them and putting them together to form a coherent whole.

Not liking the feeling of confusion that hovered over me, I pushed myself to a sitting position, then made my way to the bathroom where I splashed cold water onto my face. I patted my face dry then flopped onto my bed and called Alyssa.

“What's up?” she asked.

I fingered the comforter as I spoke. “I just want to get out of the house for a while.”

“Sure. Let’s go out and do something.”

I swung my legs over the side of the bed. “That sounds great. But you'll have to drive. My car’s in the shop.”

“Yeah, that's what Justin said.”

Reminded of the episode with Justin, I squeezed my eyes closed again. I didn’t like to think of Justin—it only made me feel bad. I opened my eyes and glanced at the clock. “When do you want to go? I don’t know when Trevor’s getting home so I’m ready to go whenever.”

“You don't think he'll mind coming home to an empty house?” Alyssa voice was tinged with sarcasm.

“Actually, he might. But it'll do him good. Make him appreciate me more.” I hoped that was true.

Or he might be furious and wonder where I am. I’ll just leave him a note.

“Okay. I'll be there in a few minutes. We can go get some dinner and do some shopping.”

After I hung up, I went to the desk and penned a note to Trevor telling him I'd gone out with Alyssa and didn't know when I’d be back.

A
s we pulled
out of the mall parking lot, I turned toward Alyssa. “Thanks for driving.”

“Anytime. I know it's hard to be without a car once you get used to having one.” She glanced at me. “When’s yours going to be back?”

“Hopefully tonight. Trevor was supposed to bring it home with him after work.” I stared out my window at the darkness before turning to Alyssa. “I have an idea. Let's stop by Rob's shop and see if the car's ready.” I glanced at the time on my phone as Alyssa turned at a stop light. “It's nearly six-thirty. It should be ready by now.”

When we pulled into the parking lot I didn't see my car anywhere.

“It looks like they're closed,” Alyssa said as we parked near the front door.

“Yeah, it does.” I got out of the car and tried the door, but it was locked. I peered through the glass but wasn't able to see anything, so I climbed back into Alyssa's car and snapped my seatbelt on. “Hopefully that means Trevor already brought it home.”

“I don't see Trevor’s car either,” Alyssa said.

“That's strange.” I twisted in my seat but couldn't see Trevor’s blue Camaro anywhere. “I guess I'll just go on home then.”

Alyssa put the car in gear and headed toward my apartment. A few minutes later we parked behind my Honda, although I didn’t see Trevor’s car.

I smiled in relief. “I guess Trevor got it done on time.”

“Great,” she said. “Thanks for going shopping with me.”

I opened my door and stepped out before leaning down to speak through the open door. “It was fun. And Alyssa?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for being my friend.” I was so grateful to have her in my life. I didn't know what I would do without her.

She smiled back. “You keep life interesting. I'm glad we're friends too.”

I shut the door and waved as she drove off, then went inside where I found a note from Trevor.

Lily, Rob took me back to the shop. I'll see you later tonight. Love, Trevor.

I frowned.

That's strange. If he's at the shop, why wasn't his car there when Alyssa and I stopped by?

Deciding to check out his story for myself, I grabbed a warm jacket and headed out to my car. The engine started up right away and I smiled as I thought about Trevor and his ability to repair my car.

Maybe I should leave well-enough alone.

Guilt swept over me for not believing Trevor, but something just didn't seem right. I turned on my headlights and pulled away from the curb.

A short time later I found myself in the parking lot of
Rob's Auto Body
. I turned off the engine and walked toward the front of the shop, which still looked deserted. Feeling a little spooked by the dark and silent night, I looked around, trying to see if Trevor had parked somewhere out of sight.

Not seeing his car anywhere, I decided to wait a while.

Maybe they went to get a bite to eat.

I turned up the heat against the cold night air, but half an hour later I decided I was wasting too much gas running the engine and just waiting. I decided to head home.

Half expecting to see Trevor’s blue Camaro parked at the curb in front of our house, I was half-disappointed and half-relieved that he wasn’t there—half-relieved because I didn't think he would be happy to know I’d been staking out his workplace.

After waiting up a while longer, I finally went to bed, tossing and turning for an hour before falling asleep.

When I woke the next morning I was relieved to find Trevor sleeping on his side of the bed. I got ready for school, then sat on the bed next to him and lightly kissed his cheek.

His eyes cracked open and he smiled, then he reached up and pulled my face down to his. “Hey, beautiful.”

I smiled at him and tried to push away my feelings of concern. “Thank you for taking care of my car.”

He propped himself up on one elbow. “I'd do anything for you.”

“I missed you last night. Will you be home tonight?”

“I hope so, but no promises.”

I took a deep breath. “What time did you get home last night? I waited up quite a while.”

He looked away. “I don't know. I didn't really pay attention.” He gazed at me with his piercing blue eyes. “I'll try to be home tonight. I promise.”

Feeling unsatisfied with his answer, but knowing I wasn’t going to get a better answer, I stood. “Okay. I'll see you later then.” I gave him a quick kiss before grabbing my backpack and heading out to my car.