He Loves Me Not: Lily’s Story, Book 1 (16 page)

A
s the weeks
went by there were many ups and downs in our marriage, but there weren't any more incidents, as I liked to think of them. There had been arguments over silly things, like leaving all the lights on or making a mess in the kitchen and not cleaning up, but mostly just small bumps we needed to get past.

Overall things had been wonderful and I felt happy. I was grateful I hadn't received any more anonymous e-mail messages, and my classes were going okay, although my programming class was a struggle. I even began to question if I should go into the Information Systems field.

“At least my Humanities class is going well,” I said to Alyssa as we ate lunch one afternoon.

“That's the one you have with Justin, isn't it?”

“Yes, why?” I set my soda on the table.

“Have you noticed anything different about him lately?”

I shook my head. He’d seemed okay to me. Of course, I'd been pretty wrapped up in my own world lately. “Have you?”

Alyssa sighed. “Yeah, I have. I think he and Pamela are having problems.” She shook her head. “I don't know.”

“You guys are good friends.” I rested my arms on the table as I spoke. “Why don't you ask him?”

“That's the thing,” she said. “I have asked but he says everything's fine.”

I leaned back in my chair. “Then maybe it is. Have you ever considered that?”

Alyssa raised her eyebrows. “My philosophy is, you never really know what’s going on behind someone else’s closed doors.”

A sharp pang sliced through me at the truthfulness of her words—she had no idea what kinds of things had gone on in my home. It's true that things had been good lately, but I was learning that I couldn't predict what would set Trevor off, and sometimes I felt like I was walking on eggshells.

Alyssa stared at me intently. “I have something I need to tell you, Lily.”

“What?” An abrupt feeling of foreboding washed over me as I looked at her face.

“Do you promise you won't get too upset?”

“I . . . I guess. You're scaring me.”

Alyssa leaned forward and took a deep breath. “This has been bothering me for a while now. Ever since your wedding.”

Somehow I knew I wasn't going to like whatever she had to say. “Go on.”

“Okay. When I was at your reception I overheard Trevor’s mother talking. It seems she’s under the impression that you have a drinking problem.”

“What?!” This was nothing like what I'd expected. “I don't understand.”

“Apparently Trevor gave her the idea that you’re hiding a drinking problem.”

I was uncertain what to believe. “You must've misunderstood. That just doesn’t make any sense.” I shook my head and adjusted the napkin in my lap.

Alyssa frowned. “I wish I had, but I know what I heard. Marcy Caldwell clearly stated that she was concerned that your problem would get in the way of your being a good mother to her grandchildren.”

“Where exactly did you hear this and what exactly did she say?”

“It was during the reception. I was in the bathroom, in a stall, when I heard some women come in. I guess they didn’t realize I was in there and they started talking about you. One woman said that you were hiding your problem really well. And then another woman, who I thought sounded like Marcy, said she was surprised when Trevor told her you were struggling with a drinking problem. She said she’d been shocked when you’d stolen from their liquor cabinet, but when she’d asked Trevor about it, he’d paid her for the liquor and asked her not to say anything.”

Stunned at what Alyssa was telling me, I stared at her. Desperate to find a reasonable explanation, I said “Maybe it wasn’t Marcy. Maybe it was someone else and they were talking about someone else.”

Alyssa shook her head. “That’s what I thought too, at first. Then the first woman said, and I quote, ‘Marcy, what about when she has children?’ Then Marcy said, ‘I don’t know. I’m actually really worried about what kind of mother she would be to my grandchildren if she has a drinking problem.’ Lily, I about died when I heard that. I know how you feel about drinking, you know, since your mom was killed by a drunk driver. I didn’t know what to do. I’m so sorry.”

My stomach churned. “But why would Trevor tell her that?” The feeling of betrayal was so strong I thought I might vomit.

“I don’t know, Lily.”

Then like a bolt of lightning, it hit me. “Oh my gosh. I think I know what happened. When Trevor and I were on our honeymoon there was a bottle of vodka in my suitcase. When I asked him where it came from he said it was a gift from his parents. He must have taken it, and when they found out, he must have blamed it on me.” Dizzy at Trevor’s treachery, all I could do was whisper, “Thank you for telling me.”

Trevor’s parents think I have a drinking problem. And that I
stole
from them.

Mortified, I stared at the tabletop.

Alyssa reached across the table and squeezed my arm. “I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner. I wanted to tell you before, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.”

I lifted my gaze, then shook my head. “No, it's not your fault. But I . . . I'm glad you're telling me now.”

Drawing her hand back across the table, she asked, “What are you going to do?”

I smiled wanly. “What can I do?”

“You could talk to Trevor about it. He obviously was afraid to tell his parents the truth about his own mistakes, so he projected them onto you.”

“Yeah, I guess he did.” I gathered my things, my appetite gone. “I'd better get going. I have a lot of homework to do.”

Alyssa nodded. “All right.”

I slung my backpack over my shoulder and left.

O
nce home
, I contemplated how I should handle the information Alyssa had given me.

Maybe I should just forget it. It's in the past. I know the truth and that's what's really important.

But my self-respect wouldn't let me get away with that.

I thought about John and Marcy Caldwell.

Even though they believed I had a drinking problem they showed me nothing but love and kindness. I am so lucky to have them as my in-laws. But they deserve to know the truth.

Somehow the idea of calling my in-laws sounded easier than talking to my husband.

I'll call the Caldwell's
and
then
talk to Trevor
.

The phone rang on the Caldwell's end, and when I heard Marcy’s voice, I almost hung up without speaking, but I took a deep breath and pressed on. “Hi, Marcy. It's Lily.”

“Oh, hello, dear. How are you?”

I'd spoken to my mother-in-law a few times since Trevor and I'd married, but this was the first time I'd initiated the call.

“Is everything all right?” she asked.

A fine bead of sweat broke out on my forehead as I gathered the courage to tell her the truth. “Actually, I believe there's been a misunderstanding about something and I felt the need to clear it up.”

“Oh?”

My throat went dry and I had to swallow several times to moisten it. “Yes. It's about . . . uh.” I didn't know how to go on.

“Yes, dear? About what?” Marcy's voice sounded concerned now.

“Well, about something Trevor told you about me.”

“Oh.” She sounded like she knew what was coming.

“It's not true!” I said, a pleading tone in my voice.

“I don't think I understand. Would you mind explaining it to me?”

I took a deep breath, then slowly released it. “Trevor told you I have a drinking problem and that I stole that vodka from you and it's just not true!”

There was a brief silence. “I thought that's what you were referring to and I understand that you're overcoming your problem, Lily. But it does no good to deny it. Admitting you have a problem is the first step toward healing.”

She doesn't get it. I'm going to have to explain it more clearly.

Horrified at the realization, I said, “Marcy, I don't have a drinking problem now nor have I ever had one. I don’t even drink. Do you understand what I'm saying to you?”

This time the silence was longer. “I'm not sure that I do.”

I knew I would have to be very specific, and I dreaded it. “Trevor told you a lie about me, Marcy.”

“But why? Why would he do such a thing?”

Closing my eyes, I went on. “Because
he
is the one who took the vodka. He was afraid to admit it to you, that's all.” When Marcy continued to be silent, I went on in a rush. “I know he’s trying to cut back on his drinking and he’s doing really well.”

Marcy's voice went cold. “I think that's just about enough, Lily. I won't listen to any more lies about my boy. I know my son and that just doesn’t sound like him. Good-bye.”

I held the phone in my hand, stunned by Marcy's inability to see the truth about her beloved youngest child. Gently setting the phone down, I realized that telling Marcy Caldwell about Trevor had been a grave mistake.

I glanced around the room—the room that had started off as such a sanctuary but was now becoming a frightening place for me to be. My gaze landed on the flowers that Justin had given me.

It’s almost time to throw them out
.

I pictured his friendly face.

I'll bet it would never occur to him to tell such a horrid lie about Pamela. He has too much integrity.

Heat rushed to my face.

What are you saying? What are you implying about your husband?

I mentally scolded myself for comparing Trevor to Justin

He is who he is and I know that my love can mold him into who he has the potential to be.

I tried to push from my mind all negative thoughts about my husband.

He loves me and I love him. He's a good person.

He's not a nice man.
The message from the e-mail came to my mind unbidden.

Yes he is! He's just an imperfect man as I'm an imperfect woman. I know the first year of marriage is never easy—I’ve read it in magazines. But we'll get through it and then we'll be happier than we could ever have imagined.

When Trevor came home that night my stomach churned. I knew I needed to talk to him about what he’d told his parents, but I had no idea how he would react. Would he deny it? Would he be angry? My stomach roiled in anticipation of the conversation.

“I'm going to take a shower,” he said as he headed toward the bathroom.

“Okay,” I said softly.

Maybe I can put it off for a while.

The shower turned on and I relaxed. Then Trevor’s phone rang. I rushed to read the Caller ID.

Marcy Caldwell.

I realized there would be no procrastinating talking to Trevor.

If I don’t speak to him about it right away, his mother will. And there’s no telling how her displeasure with me will impact Trevor.

I sat on the couch and twisted my hands in my lap as I waited for Trevor to emerge from our bedroom.

“
I
thought
I heard my phone,” Trevor said as he came out of the bedroom, toweling his hair dry.

My fingers trembled slightly. “Yes, it was ringing.”

“Oh.” He stepped into the bedroom and tossed the towel onto the bed, then came back out, pulling a clean shirt over his head. He picked up his phone and looked at the screen. “It looks like it was my mom. I wonder what she wanted.”

“I don't know,” I lied.

He dropped his phone into his pocket and walked over to me, pulling me up to face him. “How was your day?”

I gazed into his blue eyes and felt his good mood.

Maybe I should tell him now.

I tilted my face up for a kiss and he pressed his lips to mine. “It was good. What about yours?”

“Great.” He pulled me against him and held me tight. “Mmm. You smell so good. Much better than that shop.”

I pulled back and laughed. “I should hope so.”

Yes, this is the right time
.

I held his hand as I moved to sit on the couch, and he followed my lead. “Trevor, I need to talk to you about something.”

“What is it?” His blue eyes sparkled as he watched me.

I glanced at our intertwined hands then back to his face. “I found something out today that really upset me.”

His eyebrows drew together and he watched me intently. “Yeah?”

My mouth had gone dry. “I found out that your parents think I have a drinking problem.”

He slowly smiled. “Oh, is that all?”

I was confused. He didn't seem to understand the severity of the problem. “What do you mean, 'is that all'?”

He shook his head and stroked my back. “No, that's not what I meant. I thought it was something really serious is all.”

Dumbfounded by his attitude, I said, “But this is serious. It's serious to me.”

“Don't go all crazy on me, Lily,” he said with a smile.

I took several deep breaths to calm myself. “How do you think your parents got this ridiculous idea?” Even though I knew he was the source of the information, I wanted to see if he would admit what he’d done.

He stood and began pacing in front of the coffee table. “I have no idea. How should I know?”

I closed my eyes in frustration. “Trevor, don't you think it's odd that the very thing that you've been struggling with has been placed upon me? I mean, I really don't think your parents would have come up with that all on their own.”

He stopped his pacing and faced me. “What are you saying, Lily? Are you calling me a liar?”

His good humor seemed to be evaporating. “No. I would never call you that. I'm just wondering how your parents would get the idea that I drink. Especially when you know how strongly I feel about not drinking.”

He shook his head. “I don't know, and quite frankly, I don't care.”

I stared at my hands, my frustration mounting. Trevor came to my side a moment later.

“Don't you see?” he said, then his voice dropped. “It doesn't matter what lies other people believe. As long as we know the truth.” He paused. “I know you're a good person and that's really all that matters.”

I didn't look up, just listened in disbelief to his deluded view of the world. Finally I gazed at his face, and in a soft voice, I said, “But it matters to me. These are your parents, Trevor. I want them to like me. Why can't you tell them the truth?”

“Tell me this. If someone told you horrible things about me, would you believe them?”

The messages I’d received flooded my mind.

Do I believe them? Words from a complete stranger? No, of course not
.

“No, Trevor, I wouldn't.”

He smiled in triumph. “There, you see? It only matters what we think about each other. We know each other better than anyone else knows us.”

I looked at him with pleading in my eyes. “Won't you please do me this one favor? Please tell your mother that I don't have a drinking problem. Will you promise me?”

He lifted my hand and kissed my palm. “Yes, m'lady. I promise.”

I smiled in relief.

Trevor went into the bedroom and shut the door. I stared after him, worried about what he was going to tell Marcy. The fact that he wasn't going to have the conversation in front of me made me suspicious, so I tiptoed to the door and pressed my ear against it. He was speaking rather quietly and I could only hear snippets of conversation.

“No. . . fine. . . truth . . . yes. . . pretend . . . promise.”

When it sounded like the discussion had ended, I hurried back to the couch and picked up a book, pretending to be immersed in it. I looked up when Trevor came out of the bedroom with a smile on his face.

“Well?” I asked.

He slipped his phone back in his pocket and walked toward me. “Well, what?”

I let out a sigh. “Well, what did they say?”

“Not much.” He avoided my eyes as he walked around the coffee table to sit beside me. “Mom felt bad about the misunderstanding. She might be calling you later.”

I briefly closed my eyes, relieved that things had been cleared up. “Thank you, Trevor. It really means a lot to me.”

“Sure. Hey, what do you have planned for dinner?”

After the turmoil of the afternoon I hadn't even though about it. “I could cook up some pork chops that we have in the fridge. Does that sound okay?”

“Yeah, that works for me.” He looked at me steadily. “After dinner Rob needs me to go back over to the shop for a while.”

“What for?”

Trevor stood and walked to the TV, then picked up the remote. “He just has some work he needs me to do. I shouldn't be home too late.”

I stared at my husband's back, disappointed he would have to leave for the evening. “All right. Do you want me to wait up?”

He spun around. “No, no. That's okay. I might be late.”

I watched his face.

He walked over and smiled down at me. “I wouldn't want you to be too tired for your classes.” He pulled me into a warm embrace, pressing his face into my hair. “I'm sorry, Lily. I'd much rather stay here with you.”

“You would?” I asked, pulling back.

“Of course. I didn't marry you to take off all the time. I want to be with you whenever I can.”

His words comforted me. “Me too, Trevor.”

After he left for work, my cell phone rang. “Hello?”

“Hello, Lily. It's Marcy.” Her voice was warm, although subdued.

I smiled. “I'm so glad you called.”

“Yes, well, I felt I should. Trevor explained things to me and I just . . . uh . . . I want to apologize.”

Pleased that Marcy was making the gesture, warmth toward her rushed through me. “That's all right. It was just a misunderstanding. No harm done.”

Marcy hesitated. “Yes, that's what Trevor said. Anyway, let's just pretend it never happened.”

Though curious to know exactly what Trevor had said, I was too shy to come right out and ask. “That's fine with me, Marcy.”

“Well, have a nice evening, dear.”

I hung up the phone feeling much better about things.

Trevor cleared things up with his mother and she called to apologize. Yes, I feel much better now.