Head Over Heels for the Boss (Donovan Brothers) (18 page)

It was a risk. Once he told her he needed his freedom, the stars of possibility would fall from her expectations. She’d see their relationship for what it was: temporary—which might be the end of anything personal between them.

No.

He could keep her. He knew he could keep her.

He just had to make her see his way was for the best. Because he’d been bound by responsibility for so long he couldn’t have the kind of relationship she wanted, and he couldn’t bear to lose her.

I
nside her tiny living room, Isabelle couldn’t even cry. Seriously. Devon had never been anything but honest with her. She was the doofus who’d created a whole ridiculous scenario around a bunch of stuff she’d interpreted the wrong way.

She put her hands on the sides of her head. Holy crap, she was stupid. And mortified.

The sound of feet pounding up her apartment steps filled the small space. Then a knock at her door. “Isabelle? I know you’re here. Your car’s here.”

She wanted the earth to open up and swallow her. She wanted to walk into the ocean and hope a big fish gobbled her up in one bite. She wanted never to step out of this apartment again.

“Go away.”

“Sweetie—”

She angrily spun to face the door.
Sweetie?

“I know all that back at the wedding probably seemed hard to take, but you know we’re trying to keep our affair a secret.”

Sweetie?

She couldn’t handle the pet name from a man who never used them, and stormed to the door. Whipping it open, she said, “Sweetie?”

“You
are
mad.”

“No. I think tonight I just came to my senses.”

“And I think we need to talk.” He stepped inside her small living room and slid his arms around her waist, but she shrugged out of them.

He sighed. “Isabelle. You can’t be mad at me for doing what we agreed to.”

With him standing so close, her anger abated. But it didn’t become happiness. It shifted into sadness. And disappointment. He was right. She couldn’t be angry with him for what they’d agreed to. But she could be angry that he didn’t see what had been happening between them.

“You like me.”

“Actually I do. Very much.”

“Then why the secrecy? Why am I not worth a little of your time?”

“You’re worth
all
of my time. We spend virtually every minute of every day together.”

“Except not in the future, if you don’t see us lasting.”

“I do see us lasting. That’s the point. We’re good together. Good enough that I think what we have could last a long, long time.”

“So you could go on forever not acknowledging me?”

“You’re misunderstanding what I’m saying.”

“I don’t think so. I think you loved being free tonight. Not having to be with me.”

He took a breath. “Maybe a little, yes. But not the way you think. Or for the reasons you think.”

“Then why don’t you tell me the way it is?”

After another quick breath of air, he said, “It all has to do with always being my family’s protector, seeing my father be a fake, being exhausted over pretending everything was fine while caring for everyone around me and just wanting to be left alone.”

“You want me to leave you alone?”

He shook his head. “No. What I’m saying is I don’t have the mental energy for what you want, and I don’t want to be a fake.”

“You’re faking what you feel for me?”

“Absolutely not. I have feelings for you like I’ve never had for anyone. I tried to think of the words on the way over, so I could help you understand, and I just can’t find a good way to say it. I can’t explain what’s going on inside me to myself, so how could I explain it to you?”

For the first time in hours, she laughed. “Oh, Devon.” She walked over and slid her arms around his neck. “That thing you can’t explain is falling in love. And it’s not bad. It’s good. Why don’t you just let yourself fall?”

He took her hands off his neck. “Now, I think we’re getting into a discussion that’s going to hurt you if we don’t back off.”

She tilted her head to study him. “You really don’t see it?”

He stepped back. “See that what we have is becoming love? After two months?”

“Love doesn’t have a timetable.”

“It doesn’t have to. Because I refuse to fall in love. I don’t want to fall in love. I don’t trust it. It’s not going to sneak up on me one day and take me by surprise. I’m careful.” He met her gaze. “But for good reason. I didn’t just see what love did to my parents and my family. I saw what it did to me. My commitments made me a prisoner of a sort. Not that I didn’t want to help my family, but I never felt I had a life…until now. Now I feel that I have the freedom to be myself. And I don’t want to go back to having somebody depend on me.” He pulled in another breath. “Not even for kisses.” He kept his eyes on hers. “That’s why I’m careful.”

“Oh.” And for Isabelle the humiliation came rolling back, full force, but with it came a terrible understanding. Just as her parents had put a lot on her the past few weeks, Devon’s family had crushed him with responsibilities. It was no wonder he liked to play in bed. No wonder he began taking every afternoon to swim. He was changing, but not because of her. Because with his two brothers and even his mom now married, he was free. And he didn’t want to be tied down again. Not even to her. She took a step back from him, increasing the distance between them.

She worked to hold on to her pride, not quite able to let him go yet. She knew he loved her. She absolutely knew it. But he didn’t love her enough.

Still, she held her head high. “So we’re back to your terms or no terms?”

“You make it sound terrible, when it’s really not.”

“But you’ll never love me.”

“Probably not.” His voice softened. “But isn’t what we have worth something?”

“I’d be a mistress.”

“A well-cared-for lover.”

That one shredded her heart. Shredded it. Left it bleeding. Because she’d be exactly what the town gossips said she’d be. A gold digger and nothing more. Ever.

He was incredibly calm for someone who was ripping another person’s heart in half. Incredibly cool. Incredibly detached. A far cry from the guy whose eyes had filled with tears when looking at a baby girl, who’d made love to her so sweetly, and who basically hadn’t spent more than six hours apart from her since she returned from San Diego.

She was such a damned fool.

“You better go.”

“Promise me you’ll think this through and we’ll talk tomorrow.”

“So we can go back to what we had?” Her chest hurt. Her heart felt like it had been through a wringer. And her pride? It was in shreds at her feet.

“You’re a businesswoman, Isabelle. A woman who is going to be traveling. You’re not a woman who’s going to settle down, have kids, and decorate a house. Having affairs is going to be part of your life.”

She’d thought the same thing herself, but hearing him say it so coolly, it rang hollow in her ears. Especially after seeing Ellie and Finn’s baby, seeing the gleam in LuAnn’s eyes when she married Bob, watching Cade and Piper so happily sharing their lives. She might not have ever said the words aloud, but that was what she wanted—all of it. Babies. Marriage. A shared life. Her version of happily ever after. Not an affair with a man who wouldn’t ever have real feelings for her.

“I don’t think so.” She walked to the door and opened it for him. “Go.”

He sucked in a breath, for a second looking like he might argue. Like he might say something more. Like he didn’t want to lose her. Old Isabelle might have taken that expression as hopeful. He didn’t want to give her up. New Isabelle would never be that simple again.

“Go. Now.”

He strode out of her dinky apartment and down the rickety stairs.

She closed the door behind him, then slid to the floor and let herself cry.

Not because she’d been humiliated, embarrassed, or even hurt, but because, like his mom, she’d thought she was good for Devon. Helping him to be happy. Maybe even helping him to become whole.

But she hadn’t. He was still the same lonely man he’d been when she came into his life.

Except now he didn’t see it.

Maybe she was sadder for him than she was for herself.

Chapter Seventeen

D
evon walked down the steps to Isabelle’s apartment and strode to his car. His chest ached from the knowledge that he’d hurt her, but he’d tried to fix things and she’d refused. His attempt at explaining why he didn’t want to get close, to fall in love, to even have a real relationship had gone all wrong. So he’d stopped himself before he’d made an even worse mess of things than he’d already made.

And now they had to work together. The very worst reason for getting involved with a co-worker was the aftermath of the breakup. His perfect, happy, sunny world was crumbling.

He woke Sunday morning to his too-quiet house and forced himself back to the office. With his mom and Bob on their way to Hawaii, he knew for certain he and Isabelle would have the whole place to themselves for two weeks, and he wasn’t sure how that was going to work. He’d spent his entire life pretending he didn’t feel things that cut him to the core. So he could probably ignore their personal troubles. But he wasn’t so sure about Isabelle, and part of him understood. He had been clear with her right at the start, but the lines had blurred the more they got to know each other. He shouldn’t have taken her.

His chest ached so much for the pain he’d inflicted that he promised himself he
would
fix this. If nothing else, he would make sure she had the best job in the world.

Around noon, Cade walked into the house, yelling his name. “Devon? Devon?”

He called, “In the office,” and was surprised when Cade appeared at his door holding little Richie.

“The girls are having some sort of pow wow at my house.”

“The girls?”

“Piper, Ellie, and Barbara Beth.”

“Barbara Beth?”

“Yeah. Like I said. It’s a pow wow.”

He pointed at the chair in front of his desk. “Have a seat.”

“You’re working on Sunday?”

He shrugged. “Why not?”

“Because there are other, fun things to do?” Cade said. “I’ve told you it’s time to slow down. I thought Isabelle was taking enough of your work that you could relax a bit.”

He almost choked, worried that Cade had noticed something, but decided to just keep the conversation rolling as if his brother thought of Isabelle as his protégée. “She is. She’s taking real work from me. I expect to be able to slow down eventually. Just not now. She still needs some training.”

Cade’s brow wrinkled. “What are you talking about?”

“Isabelle. You remember…the little redhead who works for us?”

“Not anymore. She’s moving to Myrtle Beach. That’s what the pow wow is about.”

Devon’s heart stopped. “What?”

“She called Piper this morning. They had a long conversation. All I heard was something about her not having a seat at the wedding even though she’d been the wedding planner. Her parents found a flower shop they wanted to buy. And maybe the job of working for us was too much.” Cade frowned at him. “She didn’t tell you?”

His heart beat slow and heavy. She couldn’t have quit. They hadn’t really talked this out. Her coming to the office on Monday might have been awkward, but he’d wanted the chance to discuss this. “No. She didn’t say anything.” Even as he answered Cade, he realized Isabelle had never signed her employment agreement. She
could
quit.
“That’s weird. Piper didn’t seem in the slightest confused when Isabelle called. Though she did call Ellie and Barbara Beth right after.” He displayed little Richie. “And now we’re here instead of there, where they’re talking so fast little Richie will never be able to sleep through the noise.”

She
had
quit. “Oh.”

Cade stared at him. “How could you not know?”

He sucked in a breath, told himself to get a grip. He’d known she was angry the night before. He also knew he’d hurt her. But if she hadn’t been one of the people his mom had frantically scribbled place cards for on Friday night, maybe this didn’t have as much to do with their relationship as it did with how hard it was to work for a family of people who had taken advantage of her. He might not be able to fix their romance, but he could fix this.

“I didn’t know. But I
should
have known.” He rose from his seat. “Mom popped into the office for help from Isabelle any time of the day she wanted.” He winced. “Not that she shouldn’t have, but I should have seen what was going on. Isabelle was working for me and the flower shop while planning Mom’s wedding. She probably burned out. I should have monitored her workload better.” He headed for the door. “You and little Richie amuse yourselves. I’m going to go talk to Isabelle, make things right over the name card slight, promise her set hours, no more flower shop duties, and no more requests from the family.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

He jumped into his sports car and put the top down, enjoying the wind whipping around him, glad Cade had come over with the story about the name card if only to take a little bit of the pressure off himself for hurting her. This he could correct. And if he could talk her into staying, he would be smarter about her job, her time, about everything.

He parked his car in front of Buzz Hanwell’s garage and ran up the rickety stairs. When he saw the door was open a bit, probably for ventilation on this hot, hot day, he pushed on it. It gave easily and he walked inside.

“Isabelle.”

His voice echoed hollowly around him. Sheesh. Would he ever get away from that sound?

He strode into the empty galley kitchen, which was sparkling clean and smelled like bleach. Her apartment keys sat on the counter with a check.

His chest muscles bunched into a million knots. Her last month’s rent?

“Isabelle?”

Heading for the bedroom, he passed a bathroom that wasn’t just clean; it was empty. No toothbrush in the toothbrush holder. No shower curtain.

He picked up the pace. “Isabelle!”

But the bedroom was empty, too. The bed had been stripped. Closet doors were open, revealing rods. No clothes. No shoes.

He stumbled to a stop.

She was gone.

Really gone.

This wasn’t a result of his mother forgetting to write a name card. She’d protected him by not telling Piper she was leaving because
he’d
hurt her. But he knew the truth.

Their conversation the night before had crushed her. She wanted one thing. He wanted another. And she was done with him.

He backed out of her empty bedroom.

She really was gone. He couldn’t give her what she wanted, so she’d left.

And maybe he didn’t blame her. If she needed more and he couldn’t give it to her, why would she stick around?

He took another step back.

It might be too late to do the right thing, but he was going to do it anyway. He was going to let her go.