Hearsay (23 page)

It was the first private conversation they'd had since walking into the Grand Ballroom. His family had welcomed Derrick with open arms and kept the conversation going until it was time for the evening's entertainment to start.

Roman was glad they could finally talk.

He leaned in closer and said, "I was thinking it's been a few days since I felt like I was drowning in my half-empty glass."

More specifically, his head space had started shifting the second he invited Derrick back to work on the Coleman case. That was the first time he'd dared to believe that maybe there was still a chance for them. But now, after listening to Derrick's words the previous night and their mutual declarations of love in the corridor not even three hours ago, Roman's chest was bursting with hope.

"You'll be fine…" Derrick looked at him and flashed one of those sweet smiles of his that never failed to melt Roman's heart. "We'll keep each other afloat."

Roman's smile grew wider, but he refrained from asking Derrick if that was a promise. Instead, he gripped Derrick's knee under the table and closed in for a brief kiss. "I love you," he whispered against soft, full lips. "I love you so fucking much," he repeated, just because he finally could.

Derrick frowned. "Then why do you look so sad right now?" He covered Roman's hand with his own and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Can't you stop thinking about what's worrying you for a while and enjoy the moment?"

"There's something I have to say first."

"Okay…"

"This is the best night of my life," Roman said softly, not wanting to ruin the mood. "I heard you tell me you love me, I kissed you until I felt drunk, I saw you getting along wonderfully with my family… those are things I'll treasure for as long as I live." He swallowed hard and gave Derrick a tremulous smile. "It's more than I thought I could ever have with you, and I'll always be grateful for it even if you decide to walk away."

Derrick exhaled loudly and narrowed his eyes, "Are we back to this?"

"We're talking when we get to your place," Roman carried on. "What I have to say may change your mind about being with me. If that's the case, you don't have to say a thing. I don't need explanations for why you don't want to be with me, and, frankly, I don't want to hear recriminations from you, because there's nothing I can do to change my situation. Just show me the door, and I promise you I'll walk out of your life, no hard feelings, no questions asked."

"You make it sound like you won't care if I showed you the door," Derrick grumbled. "Do you really think you can walk away that easily from me?"

Actually, Roman thought he'd probably bleed out from the fatal wound to his heart on his way to his car, but he kept his mouth shut. He didn't want Derrick feeling guilty or even slightly pressured to stay with Roman after they had talked.

"The Moulin Rouge theme was a fantastic choice for this gala," Roman said cheerfully, taking a sip from his red velvet martini and looking around the room.

Everything was decorated in red.

The tables were round and covered with silky red tablecloths, adorned with centerpieces made with feathers and rose bulbs. Red curtains were hanging from the thirty foot high ceiling at either side of the balconies. There was a windmill on one side of the ballroom, and Cancan dancers were currently strutting their stuff all over the stage. Snake charmers and burlesque balloon dancers had already had their turn.

On the floor, waiters dressed as ringleaders and ladies sporting saloon waitress costumes took care of the drinks and the five-course meal, managing to make the black-tie affair a fun event.

"Oh, are we enjoying the moment now?" Derrick mocked. "Am I supposed to forget what you just said?"

"I thought you'd like that."

Plus, that was the idea.

Roman felt like a death row prisoner in his last day on Earth. He'd made his confessions earlier, and now he was enjoying a special meal. The drive to Derrick's place would probably feel to Roman like he was walking the last mile to the electric chair. He was praying Derrick would not kill their new relationship at the end of the night, but he wanted to enjoy himself for the time being. Now that he'd told Derrick how to proceed if he did end up pulling the plug, Roman could enjoy the rest of their evening as much as possible.
 

"I resent your bringing this up right before dessert." Derrick elbowed him in the stomach and waited until Roman looked at him before adding, "But I understand why you did." He took a deep breath and touched the tablecloth with his fingertips.
 

"My sister and the organizing committee did a hell of a job with this place," Roman said, letting the other subject go and lifting his drink. "Don't you think?"

"You know I do," Derrick said with a devilish smile. "I told Jo I might hire her when you and I decide to tie the knot."

Roman choked on his martini.

Derrick handed him a napkin and kept talking, "Although, I think I want a destination wedding," he mused, gaze glued on the Cancan dancers. "Hawaii would be great, but visiting Paris is my dream, and I know you love the City of Lights." He looked at Roman and raised his brows. "What do you think?"

That you're crazy for mentioning this right after I warned you, yet again, there's a really dark sky about to crack open over our heads.
 

Roman wasn't surprised to hear Derrick mention the 'M' word so soon after getting together. He'd always said he would marry the man he loved, and he'd made no secret he loved Roman enough to risk his job by pursuing him. Besides, Roman knew Derrick had marriage and babies in his head, so in a way it was natural he wouldn't want to wait.

But there was more to it.

Derrick liked to escape the world when he felt threatened or upset. Roman's warnings and Derrick's possible involvement in the Coleman case were a pretty good reason to go into hiding. Roman understood that's how Derrick's mind worked, and he'd do anything he could to help his… man? Boyfriend?

Damn it. What are we?

They'd declared their love but hadn't labeled their relationship. Then again, who needed a label when you were so obviously in love… or when you might not be together for too long?

Deep down, though, he thought of Derrick as his boyfriend.
 

"I think…" Roman wiped his mouth and set the napkin on the table. "It'll depend on Raymond's health." He took another sip from his drink. "I know there's no way you'll want to get married in Paris if your dad can't make the long trip. That's something to keep in mind."

Derrick threw his arms around Roman's neck. "I just fell in love with you all over again," he said. Then, as quickly as he'd moved to hug Roman, he looked around them and settled into his chair. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I forget the rich tend to frown on public displays of affection."

"Oh, who gives a crap about what the rich think?" his sister Dana asked from across the table, as if she wasn't rich herself. "In this family, we hug and kiss whenever we feel like it. Whoever has a problem with it can go to hell."

A quick look around the table told Roman he and Derrick were the center of attention. They were all looking at them with varying expressions on their faces. Happiness, acceptance, relief… they all knew this was a huge deal for Roman, and they were thrilled to be part of it.

"Dana's right," Jo said. "It's dumb to repress ourselves. That's what I used to tell Will all the time," she added, patting her husband's face. "He was practically a robot when we met."

"That is true," Roman's dad said. "He only cared about college and getting good grades."

Will gaped playfully at his father-in-law. "Now, Larry, I thought you liked my dedication and drive."

"I like your dedication to my daughter, that's for sure."

"We like spontaneous people," Bob said, smiling fondly at Dana, his wife.

"You have nothing to worry about," Roman's mom said, squeezing Derrick's shoulder. "You fit right in with us."

"Thank you for saying so, Ruth." Derrick covered her hand with his and smiled. "I didn't know what to expect on my way here. Black-tie galas usually mean checks with at least three zeros have changed hands, which is completely out of my realm. But all of you have made me feel so welcome, I feel like I do belong."

That was because he
did,
Roman thought, happy to see his family's acceptance of Derrick.

On the way to their table, Roman had introduced Derrick to a former governor and his wife, a senator, a TV producer, a news personality, a major league baseball star, plus a few members of Hollywood royalty. Derrick hadn't batted an eye. He had, however, about lost his mind when he came face-to-face with Roman's mom.

James had never made an attempt to get along with Ruth Bradford. He was all about being seen with the right people and making sure no one was more important than him in Roman's life. Derrick, on the other hand, had ignored the entire room in favor of getting to know, what Roman would like to believe, were his future in-laws.

Damn straight, he belonged.

And, hopefully, he'll choose to stay.

True to his word, Roman locked his fear and apprehension away and enjoyed the rest of the night. He talked, joked, and laughed with his family and boyfriend. He let himself believe this wouldn't be the last time. His mother must've read his mind, because, right before midnight, she announced that the old people were ready to go home, and asked him and Derrick to walk them outside.

"Does he know?" Mom asked him quietly when Derrick was engaged in a discussion about health reform with his dad.

Roman shook his head once. "I'm telling him tonight," he rasped.

His mom hugged him tightly and squeezed his shoulder before letting go and reaching for Derrick's arm.

"It was so nice to finally meet you, dear," she told Derrick with a charming smile while they waited for the valet to bring their car around. "Will you accompany Roman to our wedding anniversary dinner in two weeks? Last year we had a party, but Larry and I decided we wanted something smaller this time."

"We're getting too old to socialize," Roman's dad joked. "At sixty-eight, the time has come for me to hang up my party animal hat."
 

 
Roman had to laugh at that. His dad wouldn't know a party animal if it bit him in the ass.

"Thank you so much for inviting me," Derrick said softly. "I'd love to see you again."

"Don't say it like I'm doing you a favor," his mom told Derrick with a dismissive gesture of her hand. "I like having the entire family under the same roof at the same time."

Derrick nodded at the same time he bit his lower lip. Roman moved closer to him and rubbed small circles in Derrick's lower back, knowing he'd be mortified if he couldn't control the urge to cry.

"This will be your forty-sixth anniversary, right?" Derrick finally asked with a trembling voice. "Care to share your secret for a successful marriage?"

"There's no secret, dear. It always comes down to real commitment and love," his mom said gently, patting Derrick's hand. "There's one quote by Lao Tzu I really like. It has seen Larry and I through some difficult times." She wrapped Derrick's hand around Roman's, then took them both between her own. "
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
" She kissed both their hands. "I want the two of you to remember that."

Roman squeezed his eyes shut, trying to decide if he was upset with his mother for her not-so-subtle attempt to give him an advantage or deeply grateful to her.

"We will." He heard Derrick say in a tone so firm, it left no room for doubt.

Please, lord, please!
Roman prayed.
Let him mean that.
 

Roman opened his eyes when a strong hand landed on his shoulder.

His father's eyes, so similar to Roman's in shape and color, shone with love, encouragement, and support. He'd given Roman the exact look when Roman came out to him at twenty-two. And just like he'd done back then, Roman turned around and walked into his dad's arms.

"I can tell he's a good man," his dad said under his breath. "Have faith in him."

Roman bit the inside of his cheek and hugged his father tighter. "I do."

His father let go of him with another pat on the back, then gave Derrick the same kind of hug he'd just given Roman.

His dad had always stayed at least five feet away from James.

"Our car is here," his mom announced. After another round of kisses and hugs, she said, "Call me tomorrow, okay?"

Roman nodded and helped her get into the car. He waved goodbye and stood at the curb, watching the car's tail lights disappear into the night, so lost in his thoughts he almost jumped three feet in the air when Derrick hugged him from behind.

"I'm ready to go home, too," Derrick said in a guttural voice.

Roman grabbed his hand and walked over to the valet in complete silence. They remained quiet as they drove to Derrick's apartment.

Other than the clock ticking in Roman's mind, there wasn't a sound in the car. The air, however, felt so charged with their individual thoughts it was almost palpable.

Roman kept his attention on the road for the duration of the trip.

Derrick looked out his window and bit his thumb.

They held hands the entire time.

Finding a parking spot on the street was easier than Roman thought it would be, and, all too soon, he found himself following Derrick upstairs to apartment 3C.

There was a shivering buzz of anticipation running through his veins. It started the moment Derrick declared they were talking tonight, and intensified with every step Roman took, mostly because he truly didn't know what to expect. He'd always paid close attention to people and was pretty good at analyzing their motives and anticipating their end game. But Derrick could be so unpredictable, Roman truly had no idea what he might say.

A yellow cat greeted them at the door.

"Is this Lumière?" Roman asked, leaning down to pat its head when Derrick turned on the lamp. "He's bigger than I thought." The cat meowed loudly when Roman retrieved his hand.