Heart in the Field (32 page)

           
Nick didn’t like to see his parents
having to react to this reality of being old. It was sad when he remembered how
active they’d been when they were young. But it was reality. And reality was
what he was into facing these days. Because behind everything he did over the
next few hours he was thinking ahead until the weekend he would be spending
with Serena.

•

           
Serena stayed at his apartment on
Friday night. She had the Jeep with her and he was driving it to her house. He
was having a hard time believing that Nick the adventurer was looking forward
with so much relish to a weekend at home. Home had always been, for him, some
place to be avoided.

           
He drove with the window wound down.
The countryside smelled crisp and fruity, the fields at rest awaiting winter
snows.

           
“Not too windy for you, is it?” he
asked Serena

           
“No. It’s fine. It’s warm for
November.”

           
“It’s great for November.” He was
collecting memories of Serena now. Serena the night he’d met her.
Serena at work in Studio Three.
Serena in
the hotel room at Niagara-on-the-Lake.
Serena in his
parents’ apartment.

           
“What are you thinking about?” she
asked.

           
“I was thinking we’re getting
serious.”

           
“We’re not supposed to be. This is
going to end in the spring. So we’re taking what we can get.
Great
Sex.
Isn’t that what it’s all about?” She shrugged.
“And
a gardener.”

           
He laughed. “You’ve got your heart
set on that?”

           
“Darn right. It’s this weekend or
never. It could snow by next weekend.”

           
“Ah, you’re right about that. Snow
is as inevitable in Canada
as sand in the desert.”

           
“Do you miss the desert?”

           
“No. I don’t. I’m not missing
anything. You’re keeping me quite well occupied.”

           
She turned sideways and slid her
hand on to his knee. She massaged his thigh with her fingers. “Then I’m as
exciting as the field?”

           
He grasped hold of her hand and held
her fingers with his on the steering wheel. “You’re the most exciting thing
that has ever happened to me in my life.”

           
“What a line.”

           
He grinned at her. “It’s the truth.
You’ve helped me in lots of ways. I’m seeing flaws and problems in my
personality that needed attention. I’m actually getting along with my parents
and I’m enjoying being home.”

           
“Until the monster
restless bug hits.”

           
“I
await
with bated breath.”

           
“You think it will hit?”

           
“I don’t know.” And he didn’t know.
He might wake up one morning and be over her spell, with the sudden urge to
take off in a plane somewhere. He knew what he was really like, at times.

•

           
Serena couldn’t believe that Pascal
stood in the middle of the kitchen, hissing at Nick.

           
“Come on, baby. You know Nick.”

           
Nick removed his jacket and hung it
over the back of one of the kitchen chairs. “He liked me at first.”

           
“Just ignore him. He’ll come
around.” Serena laughed and ushered Nick out of the kitchen and down the hall
to her bedroom. She made him put his bag in there. “That’s what cats are like.
He’s protecting me. He thinks you’re going to hurt me.”

           
“And I will. And I am. And he’s
right.”

           
Nick’s words cut like a knife
through all parts of her body. “Don’t. Please. Let’s enjoy this weekend.”

           
He swiped his hand across his face
in a frustrated gesture. “Okay. But I feel terrible about how this could end
for you.”

           
“Look at me.” She pointed to her
eyes. “They’re wide open. I know what can happen. I’m prepared for it.”

           
“But you shouldn’t have to be
prepared for it.”

           
“That’s up to you.” She felt
irritable with him and left him in the bedroom.

           
She put on coffee. After a moment
she sensed Nick in the room with her.

           
“I’m sorry.”

           
She turned around and leaned against
the counter-top, and it reminded her of the other times she’d been with him in
this kitchen. The first time he’d kissed her, the night of Don’s soirée, had
been her undoing.

           
That night she’d seen his jaw turn
into his stubborn, little-boy look. She’d seen that look quite often since. It
was becoming part of him. He looked like that now. She opened up her arms to
him and he came for a hug.

           
I
love you,
she said in her mind.

           
Serena took gardening seriously. She
wore old jeans, a baggy sweater and rubber boots to divide her perennials. She
made Nick follow her to toss compost on all her work. The day had drawn to a
dusky, chilly conclusion. Smoke curled through the air from another gardener’s
leaf bin.

           
“You should have a fantastic garden
next year,” he said.

           
Serena peeled off her grimy gloves.
“I hope so. There was quite a bit when I came here, but I’ve added many types
of different shrubs and flowers.” She screwed up her nose. “But if it doesn’t
grow next year, I don’t bother fussing. What comes up comes up.”

           
“That’s quite a philosophy.”

           
“It’s all I have time for. Let’s
pack up. Do you want to go to the West Vale Inn for dinner?”

           
“Sure.
Why not?”

           
He’s
being very amenable,
Serena thought as she
did her hair in her mirror while Nick took a shower. He probably regretted his
first outburst about their relationship not being permanent. Either that or it
was a reminder to her to keep her focus. Well, she was focused. She loved him.
But hell, she’d be able to give him up when the time came. Sure she would.

           
Nick had made a last minute
reservation for the Inn. It was crowded, being
Saturday night. The leaves that had been such a glow of color at Thanksgiving
were now pretty well
gone,
and the gorge was dark and
forbidding beyond the atrium windows. Serena wasn’t certain how she felt
tonight. Gardening this afternoon had been kind of fun.
A
sort of, show-him-how-she-lived, type of activity.
They had showered and
changed in her bathroom and bedroom. That had been sort of like a man and wife
activity, prior to an evening out. Nick had fondled her a little when she was
still in her lace camisole and panties, but it hadn’t led to anything. Now they
were on that evening out, Nick in a black suit, her in sky-blue wool pants and
jacket.

           
Nick sipped some of the red wine
they’d ordered. “Are you okay?”

           
“Yep.
Fine.”

           
“You’re not. Why?”

           
“I don’t know why. I feel off-key.”

           
“Maybe you’re hungry.”

           
“Maybe I am.”

           
But, even after they’d enjoyed a
delicious seafood meal, and were driving home in her Jeep in the dark, she
still didn’t feel right. She closed down the house and they went to her
bedroom. Pascal had taken to sleeping in the sunroom while Nick was here, so
she didn’t have to kick him off the bed.

           
“I’m off-key because this is my
house,” she said.

           
He took off his tie and unbuttoned
his jacket. “That’s your problem. I feel fine.”

           
“I know.”

           
Nick walked over to her and he
placed his palms on either side of face and lifted her mouth to meet his.
Serena closed her eyes and let herself be transported into the spell he always
wound around her.

           
He removed his mouth from hers.
“It’s what I said earlier, isn’t it?”

           
“Possibly.
I’ve just felt out of step today.”

           
“Maybe we’re not meant to be domestic.”

           
“That could be. You’re not exactly
the daddy type.”

           
He grinned. “Neither
are
you Ms. Mom. We’re professional business people. We have
to deal with that and all the misconceptions and expectations people have. You
bought this house because you needed something you hadn’t had in your
childhood.
A foundation.
I bought my apartment for the
same reason. Even though I was thousands of miles from home I had an anchor.
But neither
purchases
need to reflect a desire to go
further.”

           
“Are you saying that by inviting you
here this weekend, I’m trying to force us into something we’re not?”

           
“Could be that subconsciously you
had that in mind.”

           
She poked his stomach. “You know, I
think you’re right. I’m having an affair, that’s all. I’m not prepping you for
marriage.” She couldn’t believe she had mentioned the word, marriage. He’d run
a mile if he knew her longings.

           
“Do you ultimately want marriage?”

           
Yes. But she wouldn’t admit it. “I
don’t know.”

           
“Then let’s not get so heavy. Let’s
just do what we do best tonight and enjoy ourselves.”

           
He began to unbutton her jacket and
bent his head to bury his mouth in the slope of her breasts. Serena touched his
thick hair and she felt her fingertips respond to the crispness with a sharp
twinge of desire. What she thought she might have lost this evening returned
with deep, tremulous feelings that spread to all parts of her body.

           
When they were naked and clasped
together, she said, “I want it to be like it was in that hotel room the first
time.”

           
“It will be.”

           
Serena then knew her problem. She
had to forget what might happen and concentrate on what was happening. She had
to close her eyes and take herself to that place where Nick was never going to
leave her.

Chapter Eighteen

A homeless
woman died in a city alleyway on the first night of heavy frost, and that
became the focus of their next Thursday show. The subject tied in with the rest
of their content so far. Nick was pleased with the way the show was picking up
on social issues.
Reeva’s
interviews hadn’t been
junk, and this story was heavy. Angela’s interview was set for Saturday.

           
Nick walked into the studio on
Saturday morning and saw Serena. Wearing loose black trousers and a fitted
jacket, she leaned against the wall with her arms folded as she talked to Cam. Nick’s first instinct, as always, was to go and
nuzzle her neck and give her a kiss. But of course he couldn’t, with company,
so he went over and said, “’Morning all.”

           
“Hi, Nick,” Cam
said. “We’re just discussing the presentation for this program.”

           
“Let’s get the interview first, and
see if she has a good story.”

           
“I think she’s going to have a hell
of a good story,” Serena told him. “I had to talk to her for about an hour on
the phone last night to re-persuade her to even give the interview. I almost
lost the show again.”

           
Nick was amused at the way Serena
was beginning to understand that she had opened a can of worms and now she had
to keep the worms from wriggling away. Her fingers kneaded the material of her
jacket.

           
As the clock ticked away toward the
time when Angela was due, Nick began to feel her restlessness enter his own
body. Then a call came from the reception desk to tell them that Angela had
arrived.

           
“I’ve changed my mind,” she told
Serena and Nick as she was prepped for the interview. “I want to be seen as
myself. No disguise.”

           
This is what Nick wanted. He glanced
at Serena and saw an answering glitter in her expression. She wanted it too,
but she was playing Angela very cautiously.

           
“Are you really sure?” Serena asked.

           
Angela nodded.
“Very
sure.
Does it mean I need makeup?”

•

           
“Tell me what he was like when you
first saw him?” Serena asked.

           
Angela’s eyes took on a distant
expression. “Even in prison garb, he was gorgeous. His hair was a sort of white
blond but it was shaved down and stood up in little spikes. This seemed to show
off his brilliant blue eyes that sort of shone out of his face. I found out his
name was Wayne.”

           
“Did you know what crime he had
committed?”

           
“Oh, yes. He was in for manslaughter
of his best friend on a hunting trip.
Although he was
appealing the charge.
He had witnesses to say it was an accidental
death. There was a big thing going on in the papers about him.”

           
“Were the papers proclaiming his
innocence?”

           
“Yes. And I also believed he was
innocent. I wrote a letter to him.” Angela smiled. “I told him I’d seen him
when I visited someone else in the prison, and that I thought he was a hunk.”

           
“Did he reply?”

           
“Yes. He wrote back right away. He
was pleased to be a hunk. He’d like to see me. So I sent him my picture and he
wrote and said he’d put it on his wall and looked at it all the time. He loved
women with black hair.”

           
“What else did he write about?”

           
“His
loneliness,
and how terrible it was for him in jail, because he was innocent. He railed on
about the injustice of the authorities and the system.”

           
“Did you think he was sane?”

           
“Definitely.
He was very smart, very intelligent.”

           
“When did you know you were in love
with him?”

           
“I think from the beginning. I know
I supported his appeal. And I told him so. We began to discuss what we would do
when he got out. I’d had to quit university and I had a job in a store. I
worked long evening hours, but I had enough days off that I could visit Wayne. For years, my life
revolved around my job at the store and my visits to the prison.
As well as a campaign with his friends for his release.
I
lived for the future. I didn’t realize I was fooling around with my present and
that I’d never be able to recapture that present when it was past. If you know
what I mean.”

           
“Then he got out?” Serena asked.

           
“About two years ago. He was dazed
by the outside. He didn’t quite know how to act. In prison, I’d thought him
smooth and sophisticated. Out of prison, he was disoriented. But I hoped it
wouldn’t take him long to get used to the outside. He had me, after all. I’d
make sure he’d do well.”

           
“Did you live with him?”

           
“He had nowhere to go that I knew
of, so I took him to my apartment.”

           
“Did he love you?”

           
“I don’t know. I think he did. I
know I loved him. But nothing happened.”

           
“What do you mean?”

           
“Well.” Angela touched her face with
her fingers. “We didn’t go to bed right away.”

           
“He didn’t want to make love with
you?”

           
“I don’t know what he wanted in
those first few weeks. He just stayed around my place watching TV. Then one
evening, when I came home, he kind of jumped on me, and that was that. I
understood because he’d had nothing for years. He didn’t know.”

           
“Did he say he loved you then?”

           
Angela shook her head. “No.”

           
“After you had consummated your
relationship, what happened?”

           
“He took me to meet his parents, who
lived in a house in the country. I didn’t even know he had living parents. I
was really surprised to meet them, because they were very small old people.
They seemed very frightened of their son. They called him by a different name.”

           
“Did you feel something might be
wrong?”

           
“Yes.”

           
“So what happened after this visit?”

           
“We went back to my apartment. Life
stayed about the same. I went out to work. Wayne stayed at home. Then after a few weeks
I would come home and he wouldn’t be there. Then he told me he’d been offered a
job, but he’d have to move to the country.”

           
“Did you want to move?”

           
“If it would help
him.
But he didn’t invite me along. He was going to leave me. At least I
thought he was. It seemed that way.”

           
“What did you do then?”

           
“I didn’t have to do anything. I
guess the plan to move out to the country came up because his father got ill.
His father died a few weeks later and his mother moved from the house. Wayne wanted to move into
their house, but he insisted we get married first.”

           
“Then he must have told you he loved
you.”

           
“He did. It was sort of a big switch
all of a sudden. He seemed more human, more able to cope in the world. We
didn’t have a big wedding. He got a minister friend of his mother’s to come to
the house and do it. His mother was there. He told me he didn’t want to live in
the house he grew up in without marriage. I liked that about him. Anyway, he
got that job, and began to supply money to live on. It was quite a bit of money
sometimes, but he said he was doing some truck hauls and that he made a lot
that way. It was something he’d done when he was younger, before prison.”

           
Angela sipped from her glass of
water. “I’d had to quit my job when I moved to the country, but I managed to
get something in a local variety store. I still had my car, so I was mobile
enough. I needed to be. Wayne
wasn’t home very often. He blamed his absence on the truck hauls. I felt he was
still trying to adjust to being out of prison. He needed to learn more about
pleasing a woman. So I tried to teach him things that would be more pleasurable
to me and make him less rough.”

           
“How was he rough?” Serena asked
her.

           
“He just wanted it all for himself.
He didn’t care about my needs. I know that sounds like a hackneyed cliché, but
it’s true. He was the roll on, grunt and get off type.” Angela grinned.

           
Serena also smiled. “Did he learn?”

           
Angela shrugged her shoulders. “He
doesn’t like people telling him that he’s inadequate in any way. He gets very
angry. So I stopped doing that.”

           
They took a brief break at that
point. Angela drank strong black coffee. Serena’s makeup was freshened. She
felt as if she were participating in a race. Her heart beat fast, her
respiration rate was high. Her blood roiled through her veins. It was like
making love with Nick. It was exciting. She was in the midst of an unfolding
story.

           
Serena sat down with Angela again.
Nothing Angela had said so far was surprising, but it was Angela’s tone, the
high-pitched fear behind her words that made Serena feel as if they were
climbing a mountain together, and at the top they would tumble over the edge.

           
“Did you have any social life with
other people?”

           
Angela touched a dark wave of hair
that fell over her cheek. “He had some friends, but I didn’t like them. They
were boisterous and they drank too much. The thing that shocked me the most was
that Wayne
fitted in. These were his friends, his people. These were the guys he worked
with, he told me, but I wasn’t so sure that what they did was real honest work.
The money coming in was mostly in cash, and in huge amounts.”

           
“Was this the first time you were
suspicious?”

           
“It was the first time since his
parents had called him by a different name. It was also strange that I was
always the only woman. Wayne
would yell at me to get the beer when these guys were around. And he began to
be like that when they weren’t around. I felt myself begin to crumble. Things
weren’t the same anymore.”

           
“Did he assault you?”

           
“No. He didn’t hit women. That was
one of his good points. Thank goodness.”

           
“What did you do?”

           
“I quit my job. I couldn’t handle
the nights with all his friends at the house and my work. I couldn’t handle
being with the nice people at the store when there weren’t any nice people in
my life. My only escape was to get in my car and drive into Toronto to see by brother.”

           
“He didn’t mind you going?”

           
“He never knew. I’d go in the times
when he was away and always be home by the time he got home.”

           
“But he must have known you used
your car?”

           
“He never said anything so I didn’t
worry too much. One evening all Wayne’s
friends were there and they had a haul of drugs. Suddenly I knew how Wayne was making his
money. And one of his friends got me in the bedroom and told me to shut my
mouth and my eyes and be a good wife to Wayne.
I was really scared by now. Wayne
had a rifle that he said used to belong to his father. He’d clean it a lot. I
wasn’t sure if it was loaded, but he used to aim it at me making shooting
noises and laugh. I’d get hysterical and run.”

           
“One night he ran after me and we
played a game like cat and mouse throughout the house, and he began yelling
about when he used to go hunting, and how he’d stalked down his friend this
way, and I wasn’t safe. There was nowhere I could go that he couldn’t get to
me.”

           
“Why didn’t you just leave then?”

           
“I did still love him.”

           
“But he killed that man, didn’t he?
He admitted it to you?”

           
Angela nodded. “Yes. He admitted it.
And I told him, ‘You shouldn’t be free.’ And he just grinned. He was guilty of
murder. And I was living with him. And all his friends were criminals. Now that
he knew I knew everything, he told me he would kill me if I didn’t keep my
mouth shut. Next time his friends came over, Wayne locked me in the bedroom.”