Heartfire (22 page)

Tessa smoothed her skirt over her knees.  The dress she'd worn to the school dance had seemed appropriate.  Because of the flared skirt she wouldn't have to worry about too much leg showing.  Not particularly nervous about the interview, she
was
nervous about Max sitting in the audience watching.  Ever since they'd returned from New York, his regard had been penetrating, his silences disturbing.  Even as she'd blown out her candles on the birthday cake Ryan and Flo had baked for her, his gaze hadn't missed a pucker of her lips or the tears that had collected in her eyes as the familial feeling of belonging overwhelmed her.

One of the cameramen gave her the signal they'd be "on" in ten seconds.  She took a deep breath.

Smiling, Mark introduced Tessa then led her through a brief résumé of her career, from her first job in New York to the break when a fellow correspondent had gotten the flu and Tessa had been offered the assignment to travel overseas to cover a government coup in his place.  Using her wits and daring, she'd discovered where the deposed leader had been hiding and obtained an exclusive interview.  Her freelance career had been launched and her articles demanded attention.

As the station broke for a commercial, Tessa's gaze met Max's.  His frown cut deep into his cheeks.  Because of his attitude about her lifestyle, she'd never told him much about her career.  She supposed he was hearing a lot of this for the first time.  Evidently, he didn't approve.  A deep sadness filled Tessa's heart.  If Max couldn't accept who she'd been, who she was now, they'd never have a chance at a—

Readjusting his microphone, on cue Mark Thompson looked into the main camera and reintroduced Tessa and the segment.  But this time instead of proceeding to the subject of the Summit as Tessa expected, he took an entirely different tack.

Facing her more squarely, he asked, "So what do you see yourself doing ten years from now?"

She kept from glancing toward Max.  "I don't plan that far ahead."

Thompson smiled again disarmingly.  "Give it a shot."

With a small shrug, she said, "I love my work.  I wouldn't have taken the chances I have or traveled so much if I didn't.  Even when I'm sixty, I hope I'll still be involved in this business somehow."

The host shifted in his chair, obviously not expecting her to be so vague.  "I imagine your career makes a personal life difficult."

"It does."  She didn't elaborate.

"Have you managed close relationships?  Exciting affairs?  Cross-country romances?"

Tessa thought about Ryan sitting in the audience and could have slugged Thompson gladly.  But that would only increase his ratings.  "People outside of my profession like to glamorize it.  I do my job.  Whatever happens along the way, happens."  Tessa was aware of Max in the audience.  His scowl.  His tense posture.  Was he perturbed with her or Thompson?

"But, Ms. Kahill, I'm sure the viewers want to know exactly how your profession affects your personal life."

Hoping to throw him off-guard, she retorted, "Inquiring minds want to know?"

He accepted the jibe and grinned.  "Of course, they do.  Tell us about at least one of your experiences.  It would be something for a young journalist to think about if he or she were considering doing what you do."

She'd give Thompson what he wanted and hopefully he'd move on.  "Once I met another journalist in a foreign country under siege.  We turned to each other when the going got dangerous.  I thought I'd found someone who could share the excitement and the travel.  He thought..."  She sighed.  It didn't hurt any more but reminded her how naive she'd been.  "He didn't care about sharing his life, just the six weeks while he was there."

"So...are you saying to have a career like yours, a woman would have to put her personal life on hold?"

She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.  "That's for each individual to decide.  My career is important to me.  To have a relationship, I'd need someone special in my life who could understand that and give me the freedom I need."

Her serious, honest answers stopped Thompson from probing any further.  He went to commercial.

***

Max didn't say much as he and Tessa and Ryan toured the television station.  Tessa didn't like silence between them, the uncertainty it caused.  But she also knew from experience that Max would tell her what was on his mind when he was ready.

They stopped at a family diner for lunch where Ryan chattered about everything he'd seen at the station.  When they returned to the house, Tessa was halfway up the steps with the intention of changing her clothes when her cell phone beeped.  She stopped mid-step to reach into her purse for it.

From the foyer Max said, "You could wait till you get to the top."

She scrunched her nose at him and answered it.

"Tessa, it's Linc.  I know you said you're tied up.  I know you're..."  He hesitated,  "...involved.  But I didn't know if you'd want to pass up this opportunity, too.  Unfortunately, brushfires in California are out of control.  I'd like you to cover what's happening for at least a few days.  I have people lined up for interviews."

Slowly she descended the steps.  "I need to think about it."

"You realize I need someone on this ASAP.  I can give you an hour."

Linc was the consummate businessman and she knew he was doing her a favor by allowing her that amount of time to make her decision.  "I'll get back to you in an hour," she promised him.

Ryan had run out to the kitchen but Max was watching her.  He said, "You'll let who know what in an hour?"

"It was Linc Granger."  She explained to Max what he'd wanted.

"I think you should go."

Tessa couldn't have been more surprised.  "What?"

Max stuffed his hands in the pockets of his khaki slacks.  "You want to go, I know you do.  You missed that last opportunity.  You've given me and Ryan five weeks.  We can't expect you to put your life or your career on hold."

He was saying all the right words, but something about them didn't ring true.  "What about Ryan?"

A glittering hardness entered Max's eyes that allowed no glimpse into his emotions.  "You'll be leaving in two weeks, anyway.  He might as well deal with it now."

She dragged her hand across her forehead.  "I don't know, Max."

"It's best for everyone if you go.  All our lives have to get back to normal."

If Max didn't want her here, if he thought this would be best for Ryan...  She could use some time away to consider what
she
wanted, too.  Before she had the opportunity to think about it longer, Max decided, "I'll go tell Ryan.  You call Granger back."

"Maybe I should tell Ryan."

Max pulled his hands from his pockets and strode to the kitchen without even looking over his shoulder.  "If you have time, you can talk to him, too.  But I imagine you'll have to get to the airport."  And with that he disappeared from sight.

What was wrong with Max?  What had she said that had made him so...distant?  Or had he finally realized she had a career and she'd never be the type of woman he wanted, the type of woman Leslie had been?

Chapter Fourteen

Tessa's suitcase stood ready by the door.  A weight much heavier than that travel bag lay on Max's chest.  Brushfires.  Why the hell had he encouraged her to go?

Because she'd wanted to go.  He'd seen it in her eyes.  Tessa's wanderlust couldn't be cured by him or anyone else.  Her TV interview had made that abundantly clear.  She wanted freedom.  What kind of relationship could two people have if one of them was always traipsing off to God knew where?  Let alone raise a child, or children.  Watching Ryan now with his wide, questioning brown eyes, Max suspected his son was as unsettled by this trip of Tessa's as he was.  But they both had to get used to the idea that nothing about Tessa was permanent.

Tessa came down the stairs looking uncertain, her trench coat hung over her arm.  Ryan sat on the sofa next to Max, quietly fidgeting with his fingers.  Even when he heard Tessa, he didn't move.

She crossed to the sofa and knelt down beside him, kissing his forehead.  "I'll only be gone a few days.  A little longer than when I went to New York."

He looked up at her with quiet, sad eyes and didn't say anything.

Tessa rose to her feet.

Max pushed himself up.  "I'll walk you to the car."

As soon as they stepped outside, she laid her hand on his arm.  "Max, maybe I shouldn't go."

Her hand on his arm felt too good, too right.  "What good will that do?  You'll be leaving for the Summit.  Eventually he has to accept the fact that you're not staying."

"But maybe we didn't prepare him enough.  Maybe this was too quick after New York—"

The front door pushed open, and Ryan came tumbling out.  "Tessa, Tessa.  What did I do wrong?  Please don't go away again."  Tears ran down his cheeks unchecked.

Max's heart twisted and he lifted Ryan into his arms.  "You didn't do
anything
wrong.  Why would you think that?"  When Ryan ducked his head and wouldn't answer, Max looked at Tessa.  All the color had drained from her face.  Holding Ryan in one arm, Max cupped her elbow.  "Tessa?"

Tessa tried to absorb the full impact of Ryan's question.  California was much farther away than New York City.  Just as when she'd gone to New York, she'd shown the state to him on an online map, hoping it would be a another learning experience.  But this time, she wasn't exactly sure when she'd be back.  She hadn't been able to mark the day on the calendar for him as she had when she went to New York.  Bits of conversation she'd had with him fell into place.  Her own unresolved hurts from childhood flooded in and she suddenly understood exactly what was bothering Ryan, what had been bothering him for a long time.

She dragged up her voice.  "Let's go inside."

"But you'll miss your plane..." Max began.

"Let's go inside," she repeated.

Once in the house, she sank down on the second step of the stairway and held out her arms to Ryan.  "Come here, honey."

Max lowered him to the floor, and Ryan didn't hesitate to come to her.  She patted the step next to her and he sat.  Curving her arm around his shoulders, she asked, "Do you know why your mom died?"

Max's brows arched and he looked as if he was going to protest when Ryan said, "She got sick and went to the hospital and never came back.  When I get sick and go to the doctor's, I come back home!"

Tessa's arm tightened around his shoulders.  "Your mom got a kind of sickness that doesn't get better.  She wanted to come home, honey, honest she did."  Tessa's voice caught.  "Because she loved you so much.  But the sickness made her weak and tired and it took her away.  Her dying had nothing to do with you.  If she could have come home and been your mom forever, she would have."

Ryan focused on one point.  "She still loved me?  Even after she went away?" he asked, his gaze and voice hopeful.

"Yes, she did.  And she still loves you now.  Mommies love their children forever, even if they have to go away."  Tessa squeezed his shoulder.  "You did nothing wrong.  Her getting sick, her not coming home, had nothing to do with you.  It was just an
awful
thing that happened."