Heart's Desire (17 page)

“Jess,” he whispered, brushing her tear-stained cheeks with his lips. “It's okay. It's okay.”

The tenderness in his voice and the gentleness of his touch, coupled with the slow burning desire, pushed her over the edge of sanity. She slid down the hard length of him and heard him groan against her throat. Every part of her burst at once, and she buried her face against his neck, unable to look into his eyes, afraid to see the judgment she was sure would be there. Her tears soaked his shoulder as he thrust into her.

“I need you,” she whispered against his skin, praying he didn't hear her as they both cried out in climax.

J
ESS LAY CURLED
against his chest, deliberately avoiding looking at him, and he let her—for now. Nathan ran his hands over her hair, trailing his fingers through the soft tresses, giving her as much time as she needed to gather her emotions, preparing for her to disappear behind her armor again. It had been difficult for her to let go. He'd seen the battle waging within her, every step of the way. A part of him wondered why he was pushing her. Jess didn't owe him anything, certainly not the trust he'd cast away when he'd never called. But for the first time in his life, Nathan regretted his success. He regretted the mistake he'd made.

And leaving Jessie had been a mistake, he saw that now.

He didn't care what his father threatened. Or that the tabloids and high-power circles he ran in would never understand or approve of their relationship. Nothing else mattered. This wasn't about having a woman on his arm who would make him look good, or finding someone to further his career. He wanted a woman who made him
feel
good. Justin was probably going to kill him when he found out, but as much as he loved Justin like a brother, this wasn't about Justin's happiness either. This was about Nathan feeling like an emptiness in him had finally been filled. He wanted Jess, every part of her. He wanted to go back and repair the past, to right the wrongs and correct his mistakes.

If Jess had been just like every other woman, he'd never have come back. But she was different. Everything about her was passionate, from her temper to her loving. She was an emotional roller coaster, but it was a ride he didn't want to get off. He had no idea how to make up for his mistake or how long she might want him, but he was going to find out or die trying.

Now that he'd broken down some of her walls, he wasn't letting her rebuild them.

He looked down at her and was met with her deep blue eyes, filled with pain and regret.

“Don't say it, Jess. Just stop thinking and enjoy being present in this moment a little longer.” He pressed his lips to her forehead, letting his fingers trail down the valley of her back. She shivered against him and desire slid over him like a sheet, making him grow hard again.

“Don't say what?” she whispered as her fingers traced patterns on his chest.

“Don't tell me you wish it didn't happen. Or that you're sorry it did.”

She looked away and sighed, her breath heating his skin. The lashes fanning her cheeks were still wet with her tears. “I won't and I'm not, but you don't understand.”

“Then explain it to me.”

She shook her head. “I can't do this. Not with you, not again.”

His chest constricted as her words cut painfully. He knew he deserved every bit of regret she wanted to cast his way, any guilt she served him, but it didn't stop the painful ache. He prayed she wouldn't fall back into her blasé, tough girl attitude. He wasn't sure he had the strength to remove the armor again tonight. “And what is
this
?”

“I can't lose myself in you again. I have too many responsibilities now, too many people depending on me not to screw up.”

“You didn't screw up, Jess. That was me.”

She rose up on an elbow and looked down at him. “Yes, I did.”

“When did you screw up?” She bit her lip again, fighting tears, and he fought the desire nipping at him again. “You mean the ranch?”

“I've screwed up a lot, Nathan. I'm beginning to wonder if it's all I know how to do.”

“The trouble with the ranch isn't your fault.” He moved back a few inches to look at her face. “I promised I'd help you, and I'm going to fix it, Jess.”

“It isn't just the money troubles and the ranch. I don't think I can do this alone.”

Nathan heard the catch in her voice and any desire he felt was set aside at the pain he could hear in her admission. Fresh tears burned his skin.

He hadn't meant to make her cry again. She wasn't the type of woman to want anyone see her weakness and, in her mind, tears were a weakness. But he wondered if these weren't cathartic. The mere fact that she wasn't trying to hide from him spoke volumes about the trust he was instilling in her. He rolled over so that he could look down into her face.

“Jess, you are the most stubborn woman I've ever met. Why do you feel like you have to shoulder everything?” He leaned on his elbow, letting his hand caress her neck, unable to keep himself from touching her, but trying to comfort her any way he could. “You are doing everything you can.”

She shook her head, denying his declaration. “If only I hadn't convinced them to take the trip. Dad didn't even want to. I guilt-tripped him into taking Mom.”

He could see the anguish written in her eyes. More than either of her siblings, she had spent her entire life working side-by-side with both of her parents daily, living in the same house. Now, on top of the condemnation she'd already heaped on herself, she was faced with their ranch going under on her watch. No wonder she worried about responsibilities. It was her nature to heal, to help, to save. Yet she was unable to save the one thing that meant most to her.

He'd already seen how she poured her heart and soul into working with the horses or the teens on the ranch. He didn't doubt she'd be the same way when the guests came tomorrow. But none of it mattered when she couldn't rescue the two people who meant the most to her, or the ranch they'd poured their lifeblood into.

“Tell me what you remember most about them.” If he couldn't convince her she wasn't to blame for the financial troubles, or her own feelings of self-doubt, maybe he could help her see the flaws in her logic.

“Who? My parents?”

He nodded. “I know you got your temper from your mom.”

She laughed and wiped her cheek. “Only because you were dumb enough to track mud into her kitchen right after she mopped.” She ran a fingernail over his shoulder, staring at his throat. “Everyone liked Dad, thought he was friendly and fun, but I remember how tough he was. How nothing seemed to get him worked up.”

Nathan didn't miss the flat tone of her voice, but he didn't want to ask anything she might not be prepared to say aloud. He could tell there was plenty she wasn't saying about her father, but she didn't seem ready to dive into that pool of confusing regrets just yet. “Did he teach you to train horses?”

“When I was younger,” she said, meeting his eyes. He felt a measure of relief as the tears disappeared, at least for the moment. “But once Dad realized what I could do, he turned that part of the ranch over to me to take care of.”

“How old were you?”

“Twelve.”

Nathan wondered about Colton Hart. He remembered him, had liked the man and appreciated his hospitality, but what sort of man would expect a child to shoulder that sort of responsibility? Jessie was painting a different picture of the man he remembered. He was beginning to realize that Jessie's armor had been constructed far before his arrival that summer, or his abandonment after. It had been the first man in her life who'd taught her to make it strong.

“What was it he thought you could do?” His hands slid over her body, tracing each curve and crevice, reveling as she shifted into his touch.

“Dad called it ‘whispering,' but it's really just understanding the horse's language.” Her eyes flicked to meet his. “Like how you read people.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you.” She ran her fingertip over his jaw and smiled. “I've watched you do it. I don't think you even realize when you do. It's pretty annoying when you do it to me.” He caught her hand and pressed a kiss to her wrist, eliciting a quiet gasp of surprised delight.

Nathan laughed. “Trust me, woman,” he said, biting the edge of her hand playfully. “You are not easy to figure out.”

“Good.” She pulled her hand away from him, but he could read the trace of humor remaining in her eyes. This was the woman he knew had been caged inside, waiting to be set free.

“Some horses are easier to read,” she said, returning to their conversation. “Take Jet, that black horse who almost killed you. He's tougher than most, but he's also one of my favorites.”

She smiled broadly, and her eyes lit up with excitement as she talked about the various horses she'd worked with recently. It didn't take a genius to see this was her passion in life, her reason for getting up in the morning. “I love the challenge.”

Nathan couldn't help but laugh at the sentiment. His hand cupped her breast, his thumb teasing the peak. “So do I, Jess.” Her eyes grew dark, slumberous with desire, yet sparkling with excitement, but he could also see the hint of fear in them. “And you challenge me.”

A knock on the door of the cabin interrupted anything she might have said. She glanced at the clock on the bedside table. “Shit!” She rolled out from under him, and he flopped onto his back, watching her quickly scan the room for her clothing.

“Your clothes are all over the cabin,” he reminded her. “Your shirt is in the kitchen, your jeans are in by the couch, and I might just keep these.” He held up her lace underwear on his finger.

Jess snatched them from him. “I'm glad this amuses you. Can you at least go get my clothes?”

Nathan climbed out of the bed and pulled on a pair of jeans. “I guess. But I should probably see who that is first.”

She reached for him, her hands grazing his waist as she tried to pull him backward. “Don't you dare answer that door until you get my clothes for me.”

“Fine.” He gave her an exaggerated sigh, leaning down to sneak a quick kiss. “But this just means you'll have to buy my silence.” He headed toward the living room. “Just a second,” he called as he retrieved her clothes and took them back to the bedroom.

He walked in as she was hooking the clasp of her bra, her hair pulled to one side. Nathan felt the hungry desire gnawing at him as he watched her. She had no idea how incredibly sexy she was. He slid his arms around her waist, pressing against her back and letting his lips trail from her ear to her shoulder. She sighed, melting back into him, her hands reaching back to grip his thighs. If she left it up to him, he'd have ignored the door altogether and spent the rest of the night making love to her. His hand inched over her abdomen when the knock at the door sounded again, more insistent this time.

“Wall Street, have you seen Jess? She's not in the barn.”

Damn it, Bailey.

Nathan vowed to extract a worthy revenge on her for this however he could and began to plot his retaliation as Jessie squirmed out of his arms and hurried for the door. She turned back to him as she reached it and gave him a warning look. He read it loud and clear—he was supposed to keep what happened between them a secret.

“Hey, Bailey.” She opened the door and the surprise in Bailey's expression would have made him laugh if he didn't think Jess would find something to throw at him. “Looking for me?”

“Justin sent me to find you. He wanted me to see if you were okay and if he could apolo—” She stepped inside, looking from Jess to Nathan and back again. Contrary to Jessie's glared warning, he didn't have to tell anyone where she'd been or what they'd been doing. Her mussed hair, kiss-swollen lips, and agitation told the entire story without him saying a word.

The grin that spread over the younger woman's face made it perfectly clear she had her suspicions about the two of them. Nathan slowly shook his head and motioned with his hand at his throat for her to keep quiet, hoping Jess wouldn't see him signaling Bailey to keep quiet.

“Um, apologize,” she finished awkwardly. “He also wanted to ask if you'd rather settle this with a paintball gun or water balloons.”

Jessie's shoulders tensed at the mention of her brother and the reminder of how he'd hurt her tonight with his accusations. “Neither. I don't want to see or talk to him right now. Just tell him to schedule the appointment with Brendon tomorrow. Will that be soon enough?”

She turned toward Nathan, and he saw that the wall had already been resurrected. She could rebuild a wall faster than anyone he'd ever known. He had to figure out a way to tear it down, permanently this time.

N
ATHAN STARED DOWN
at the files spread across the kitchen table. Jessie had successfully avoided him since leaving the cabin with Bailey last night. He'd hoped he could convince her to stay, but she'd followed her cousin back to the house and never emerged again. Nathan knew because he'd been watching for even a quick a glimpse of her, and so far, she'd managed to elude him, even sending Aleta out to feed the horses.

He had to focus. It wasn't going to do any good to meet with the attorney and accountant this afternoon if he didn't have everything in order. He wanted to push them to start incorporation proceedings immediately. Once that ball was rolling, he could tackle the next hurdle—getting the ranch declared a nonprofit organization. Nathan wanted to help her make the move to becoming a rescue facility rather than a dude ranch.

When she mentioned wanting to work with horses and foster kids, he'd begun wracking his brain on how best to set it up. He could see her taking it to the next step and turning Heart Fire Ranch into a place of retreat, not only for the horses, but also where families at risk, especially foster kids, could find a place to heal. He could get her accounts in order more easily if she was a nonprofit, not to mention the investors, especially local ones, would beg to be a part of funding a project like this.

Nathan wanted to give her this, to help it become a reality. Not only to save the ranch, but to see that light in her eyes again, that passion that sparked to life when she talked about the horses and how it felt to work with them. He wanted to see that glowing pride in her eyes that accomplishment would bring. And maybe to rub her brother's nose in it a little after how he'd acted yesterday.