Heart's Desire (14 page)

She cried out as the waves broke over her, releasing emotions she hadn't wanted to admit she was holding back. Nathan followed her, whispering her name against her neck, like a prayer, as he poured himself into her. She trembled against him as he continued to embrace her, unwilling let her move out of his arms. She felt wetness on her cheeks and assumed it was water until she tasted saltiness.

She was crying? She tucked her face into his neck and inhaled the sweet scent of the soap he'd used for his shower.

Please, don't let him realize I cried.

D
EAR
G
OD
,
HELP
me, I've been to heaven
.

Nathan felt himself grow hard again, still buried within her. He'd never responded to a woman as fiercely or been as reckless as he had with Jessie. He inhaled the sweet scent of her hair as she tucked her face against his neck and the water pounded against his back. Worries suddenly beat against his brain. He hadn't used any protection and had no idea if she was on the pill. It hadn't even crossed his mind when he saw her walk into the room. It was as if his brain took a vacation when she came in and had only just returned. They would need to talk about it, eventually. Protection was the least of his worries. There were far more pressing matters to discuss, including how much he'd hurt her.

He had seen her tears, seen the fear and pleasure in her eyes, mixing her emotions like a painful cocktail. For all her talk about them having
fun
, their lovemaking had dredged up emotions Jessie hadn't been prepared for. If there was anything he knew about Jess, she was a woman who didn't like to be blindsided, especially by something she perceived as weakness. She wanted to be in control,
had
to be in control, to feel safe. He'd just shattered that fantasy.

Feeling as if he was ripping a part of his soul away, he slid himself from within her, settling her back onto her feet and twisting behind him to reach for a container of body soap on a corner shelf. Without saying a word, he cupped one hand at the back of her neck and pressed a gentle kiss to her swollen lips, feeling guilty for being so rough as to injure her soft flesh. The tip of his tongue brushed over her lower lip, caressing it tenderly. He drew away and reached for her shoulders, turning her away from him. Gathering her thick, dark waves to one side, he pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder and felt her shiver.

“What are you doing?” she whispered. Her voice was husky, but he wasn't sure if it was from their previous lovemaking or desire reawakening.

He poured some of the soap into his hand and set the container aside. “I promised you a shower.”

He stepped up behind her, letting his hands fall on her shoulders and trail over her arms. From there, his hands moved over her back, his thumbs massaging either side of her back before cupping her butt. Nathan circled his hands around her waist and slid up her ribcage slowly. She leaned back against him, sighing contentedly. His lips found the hollow behind her ear, and she dropped her head to the side, giving him better access.

His erection throbbed painfully, and it was all he could do to keep from burying himself into her again, in search of the sweet oblivion she brought. Nathan had known years ago, making love to Jessie had been incredible, but making love to Jess now was like nothing he'd ever known before. He wasn't sure he'd ever be the same. He had never felt as alive and free as he felt with her in his arms. Nathan didn't think he could explain it if he tried; this woman had marked him as hers eight years ago, but he'd been too stupid to realize it. He wouldn't make that mistake twice.

He had to make her understand why he'd done it, that he never would have let her go if he hadn't thought it was the best option for everyone at the time. Or how wrong he'd been.

His hand cupped her jaw and she tried to turn her face away from him. He knew she was trying to hide from him, but he wouldn't let her regret even one second of their time together.

One hand, slippery with soap, moved to cup her breast, massaging the flesh as the other moved over her lower stomach, holding her against him, and pulling her backward so her body molded against his chest.

“Feel what you do to me?” He gently bit her earlobe, and his hand strayed to the wet folds of her sex. “You make me want to completely lose myself in you.”

Nathan wanted her to know the power she held over him when she lost control. Her head fell back onto his shoulder as he leisurely caressed her body, memorizing every curve and valley, learning what teased her, what made her quiver in his arms, and what made her beg for release. He turned her so she faced him, letting the water wash the soap from her body and tipped her face up to look him in the eye.

“What do you want, Jess?” He could see the dizzy yearning in her blue eyes but there was something else there, fear she couldn't quite hide, and she tried to turn away from him again. “Don't run from me. I need you.”

He saw a flash of understanding in her eyes and a slight smile curved those gorgeous lips, as if she suddenly realized she wasn't the only one weak with desire. She slid her hand over the length of him gently and he groaned deep in his chest, closing his eyes against the explosion of raw need that burst in him.

N
ATHAN SAT ON
the porch of his cabin, trying to pretend that he wasn't watching every move Jessie made in the barn as he thought about where he'd gone wrong with her last night. After their shower, they'd moved back to the bed. He couldn't keep his hands off her, and he didn't particularly want to, even if his body was spent. He'd missed out on caressing her body for eight years, and he wanted to make up for it. When she finally collapsed on top of him, both of them were completely exhausted, emotionally and physically. It was only then that he saw her slip into a brief moment of weakness, giving in to her satiation and curling against his chest like a purring kitten.

Nathan heard her breathing relax and thought she'd fallen asleep, but when he brushed his fingers through the waves of her hair, she'd immediately rolled away from him, reaching for her clothing as she bolted for the door, claiming she needed to feed the horses.

She tripped over Nathan's clothing, folded neatly outside the door and realized someone must have heard them together in her room. “Oh my God,” she whispered, her face instantly turned bright red.

Nathan tried to catch her, but she'd already made it down the hall. Chasing her in a towel with two teens in the house didn't seem like the best idea. He let her go, praying he wasn't making an even bigger mistake.

It was nothing more than an excuse to escape. Jessie was trying to withdraw, to hide in order to process the array of emotions he'd seen in her face. And he'd seen them all. Everything from ecstasy to fear, from breathless anticipation to tight-laced control. She'd shifted from one extreme to another.

As he watched her in the barn, it wasn't hard to tell she was trying to avoid him. Her eyes flicked away to focus on the mare, shifted to him, then away just as quickly when he caught her gaze. She'd dropped the halter several times, promptly turning her back to him while she brushed the animal. Not to mention she'd taken the long way to and from the house, probably to avoid walking past him at all. He wasn't going to let her get away that easily.

Nathan shuffled through the papers in the file folder again, trying to focus on the job he was here to accomplish. He still hadn't been able to find anything that would clue him in as to what Heart Fire Industries might be or where it was located. He couldn't even find any contact information, which should have been public record. Every time he thought he found a new trail, it led to another dead end. He was back where he started with nothing but a mysterious bank account with weekly transfers of around a thousand dollars each.

“Earth to Wall Street.” Julia ducked her head into his line of vision. “Didn't you hear me calling you?”

His eyes flicked to hers, and he set the file down. “Sorry. I guess I was lost in thought.”

Julia looked toward her sister in the barn. “Yeah, thinking.”

“Can I ask you a question?” He hadn't spent much time with Julia, since she was usually training dogs on her portion of the ranch, but he felt like he needed a fresh perspective. The decisions he recommended for the dude ranch were going to affect her bottom line as well.

“Sure,” she answered, sitting in the chair beside him. “What's up?”

“Have you guys considered incorporating your businesses? There are more benefits to doing it than to leaving things the way they are. In fact, I'm surprised your parents didn't do it.” He frowned. “Did they ever mention it?”

Julia shrugged. “They might have talked about it with Justin. Dad and Justin usually handled most of the business decisions with Brendon and Uncle Trevor.”

“Bailey's dad?”

She shook her head. “No, Uncle Trevor is . . . was a friend of theirs who is also their attorney. Brendon, our accountant, is his son. Mom, Jess, and I let Dad and Justin deal with most of the financial side of things. I mean, Mom did the books and the payroll because she was good with numbers, but she did it all on the computer unless she was delivering receipts to Brendon with Dad.” Julia pursed her lips, twisting them to the side. “I got the feeling she didn't really like dealing with Brendon.”

“Why?” This was the first he was hearing about any trouble with their accountant. His brows sagged. “What makes you say that?”

“I don't know. Nothing specific, really.” She shrugged. “It was little things. Like one night, Brendon was supposed to meet with Justin and Dad for dinner, but Mom tried to find a reason to get the paperwork to him instead so he didn't have a reason to come to the ranch. She didn't seem that fond of him as a kid either.”

“You grew up together?”

She nodded. “He's the same age as Justin. Mom used to cringe when he was over because he and Justin were always causing some sort of trouble. She tolerated him because of Uncle Trevor, but she thought he was sneaky.”

“What about you and Jess?”

“We ignored them most of the time. Older boys don't really like little sisters following them around. So, other than feeling like we had another bossy older brother, we pretty much stayed away and did our own thing.” A slight smile spread over her lips. “Well, except for the date he took Jess on.”

“Date?” Nathan was sure he sounded like a jealous boyfriend, but he wondered why no one had mentioned the fact to him. Didn't anyone consider that the fact might have some bearing on Jessie's situation? “She dated him?”

“Just once.” Julia laughed quietly and stood. “Don't worry. You don't have any competition. She barely made it through dinner with him. She said he couldn't talk about anything but the ranch. Speaking of dinner, come on. It's ready.”

She cut the conversation shorter than he'd have liked, especially considering she'd just dropped the bomb that she recognized his desire for Jess. Julia headed toward the corral to let Jessie know. Nathan gathered the folders as Julia disappeared inside the house. He stood up as Jess walked by, irked when she barely glanced his way.

“I'll be right there,” he said deliberately, wanting to see if she would offer him any sort of encouragement.

Nathan took a deep breath, trying to control his frustration when she shrugged. He wasn't sure why he'd even bothered to say anything. She tried to act like she didn't care one way or the other, but he wasn't buying her act. Jessie frustrated him. Talking to Bailey or Julia was easy. They were both open, friendly and easy to read. Even Justin said exactly what he felt. But Jessie . . . whenever he came around, she built this impervious wall around herself, like she was just waiting for him to hurt her again. After making love to her, instead of tearing it down, she'd just make it thicker and wider.

He wasn't about to let her ignore what had happened between them. He couldn't. Even now, his body reacted at the mere sight of her, at the thought of her wet and slick with him in the shower. Jessie whispering his name as she rode him to the heights of pleasure.

Enough
, he warned himself.

He wanted to breach that wall, to smash it and find out why she was trying so hard to hide behind it. Somehow he had to figure out how to gain her trust again, and how he could eradicate the fear that seemed to dog her judgment.

“I
NCORPORATE THE RANCH
?” Justin shook his head. “It's just a family business. Why would we bother?” Nathan could hear the derisive tone in his voice.

“You incorporated your clinic. Why wouldn't you do the same with the ranch?” Nathan didn't need to hear Justin's answer. His tone said it all. He thought the ranch was insignificant compared to his veterinary practice. He hoped Jessie didn't pick up on the same lack of regard.

“We're running things the same way Mom and Dad did. It worked just fine for them.”

“Until there's any sort of an accident. I can't believe your parents were able to run this place as long as they did without your lawyer recommending they incorporate.” Nathan passed the plate to Jessie, who looked slightly awestruck at Justin's disdain. It wasn't like him to be so openly condescending. “Look, Justin, this isn't a matter of wanting to at this point. You don't really have a choice. Otherwise, you're putting everything at risk. One accident and all of you could lose everything.”

“That's a little melodramatic, don't you think?” Justin rolled his eyes and glanced at Bailey. She arched a brow but didn't give him her characteristic smart-aleck grin.

“What are you saying, Nathan?” Julia sounded worried, and Nathan saw the concern crease her brow. Was she the only one with common sense? Someone needed to convince the rest of them to see the logic in his suggestion. He looked over at Jessie, who continued to avoid his gaze. He'd seen her take her brother on already, but he couldn't figure out why she was keeping quiet now. It wasn't like her and it worried him.

“I'm saying that with these kids on the ranch, if anyone were to get hurt, and their parents were to sue, they could come after all of your assets.” He pointed his fork at Justin. “And, right now, that would include everything but the clinic.”

“If that's true, then Dad would have done this a long time ago,” Jessie argued. “Trust me, he wouldn't have put the ranch at risk.” She picked up her plate and rose. “Dad cared too much for this place to take a chance losing it. Nothing came before the ranch.”