Heart's Desire (24 page)

“I have no doubt,” he muttered, trying to figure out how he was going to convince Jessie of the truth. “Where's Jess?”

Bailey handed him a bottle of water and two aspirin, twisting her lips to the side of her mouth and biting the corner of her mouth. “She told me to tell you to leave tonight and not to come back.”

N
ATHAN
'
S PLANE TOUCHED
down, a day earlier than he'd planned, and he rubbed his eyes as exhaustion sapped what little strength he had left from his limbs. He had barely made his way to the luggage carousel and grabbed his bag, when he turned to see a limo driver holding a sign with his name. Gratitude flooded him as he climbed into the luxury vehicle and poured himself a scotch, downing it in one gulp, praying it would dull the ache settling in his chest.

He rubbed at it with the heel of his hand before scrubbing his hands over his two-day beard growth. He must look like a mess with his rumpled suit, crooked tie, and unshaven face. Not at all the man who'd left New York only a week ago. But his haggard appearance didn't hold a candle to the way he felt inside.

Jess had disappeared, not even allowing him an opportunity to defend himself. Justin, his once best friend, had immediately assumed he was trying to con them, and there was still the matter of Jessie's financial woes. He wasn't stupid enough to believe that one meeting with Brendon and his father would be enough to remedy her situation. Stopping the mysterious payments had only been a Band-Aid on a gaping wound.

The car pulled up to his hotel. He waved off the porter, carrying his own bag and pulling out his key as the elevator doors opened. Looking around, he found himself struck by the ostentatiousness of the building. Everything from the mirrored walls to the gold filigree trim screamed of money and wealth, yet there was a stench surrounding it now. Maybe it was simply the lack of fresh air, he reasoned. Purified air enveloped him, but he missed the scent of pine and dust and horses. And the sweet citrus vanilla scent of Jessie's soap that clung to her, in spite of working outdoors.

Nathan shook his head, trying to rid his mind of the visions that plagued him since he'd come to on the kitchen floor. He made his way through the hotel suite and dropped his bag on the bed before heading to the liquor cabinet. It was practically calling his name from the tray on the bar. He filled a glass with scotch, adding another two fingers for good measure. He let his body fold onto the couch, staring out at the city skyline through the wall of windows.

It didn't matter that it was barely four in the afternoon. He wanted to get drunk enough to forget it all—the ranch, the fury and betrayal in Justin's face, the pain he saw in Jessie's eyes.

He wasn't sure how she could believe the lies Brendon spewed, especially after the night they'd just shared. He'd just told her how much he cared, that he'd never felt this way for anyone.

But not the complete truth.

He hadn't told her about his family's criminal history or how he was helping the federal government indict his father for hiding campaign money in offshore accounts. He didn't tell her about his father's threats in the past to destroy her family's reputation, about the risk being there put them in.

Or that you loved her.

He tossed back the rest of the glass. Love. His mother
loved
his father; his parents claimed to
love
him and his sister; his father
loved
his job. What did it even mean? After years of hearing it tossed casually from the lips of shallow, vindictive people, it should mean nothing.

Except he'd wanted to say it to Jessie.

He'd found himself with
I love you
ready to tumble from his lips several times over the past two days, but he'd stopped himself with the excuse that it wasn't real, that they were playing in a fantasy. That soon, one of them would wake up. But he knew that wasn't true either. He'd spent the last eight years chasing the memory of her, trying to find a way to fill the void that had been left in his life after losing her the first time. How long would it take this time?

Nathan got up and refilled his glass. He knew he was well on his way to getting drunk, prayed he could just pass out and wake tomorrow with a new perspective. Maybe he only felt this way because he'd been in such close proximity to her for the last week, working together almost twenty-four hours a day. Maybe coming back to New York was the best thing for them both, giving them the distance they needed to put this relationship in perspective. Maybe he'd be fine in a couple days and find that it was nothing more than a mutual attraction based on lust.

If that were the case, why did his chest ache? Why did he feel so empty? Why couldn't he stop thinking about the way those blue eyes had looked up at him with complete trust last night? Knowing Jessie believed he'd failed her was going to haunt him. He needed to drown his pain in this bottle tonight because he knew the answer to each of his questions—he'd just lost the only part of his life worth living for.

J
ESSIE STOOD IN
the barn, staring at the stalls around her. She needed to work Jet, but she wasn't in any frame of mind to give him the attention and focus he needed. What she should do was saddle one of the mares she was training and take her to the river, someplace where she could think without Justin's voice in her ear. She headed toward the tack room and grabbed the bucket of brushes, but instead of haltering the mare, she leaned back against the wall and slid to the floor, burying her face in her hands and fighting the tears that burned her eyes.

What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she do anything right? Was she just doomed to tear their entire family apart? How in the world had she fallen for his lies again? When was this pain going to stop?

So far Julia and Bailey had both jumped to Nathan's defense, citing jealousy as Brendon's motivation for disparaging him. Justin, however, was just as certain that Brendon was right. Confessing their relationship years ago hadn't swayed Justin. In fact, it had done the opposite, as he claimed it proved Nathan had always been a liar. The arguments had gone back and forth for hours after Nathan had left, with no one backing down.

Jessie, on the other hand, wasn't sure what to think. She found it difficult to justify the man who'd made love to her with the con artist Brendon and Justin claimed him to be. But that only made her distrust her own judgment that much more. A con artist wouldn't have advertised he was using her. Not being able to tell he was faking would have been the point. She ran her fingers through her hair, her chin sagging forward, while the sharp ache in her chest stabbed like knives, clawing into her, tearing at her psyche, ripping her confidence to shreds. She was an idiot.

“Jess?” She looked up to see her sister wander into the barn, her latest dog in training, a massive longhaired German shepherd, at her leg. “Are you all right?”

“I'm fine.” The words didn't connect with her tone. Even as she started to push herself to standing, she found she didn't have the strength to move. The dog moved toward her and buried his furry head under her chin.

“Somehow I don't believe you, and neither does Moose.”

Julia sat on the ground beside her, letting the dog lay between them, his head resting on Jessie's leg as she stroked the top of his head. “I think this one's a winner, Julia,” she murmured, smiling down at the golden brown eyes that looked up at her sadly. “He's a sweetie.”

Her sister ran a hand over the shepherd's back. “He's pretty intuitive. He whined until I followed him out here and found you.”

“Why would he do it, Julia? What would he hope to gain? A failing ranch? He has money. He doesn't need this place to help his father unless it's just for good PR like Justin said.” Jessie shook her head. “But even that just doesn't make sense.”

“Which is what Bailey and I have been saying all along.” She sighed. “I know Justin is upset, but I think once he stops and listens, really looks at the evidence, he's going to see that Nathan wasn't trying to betray him. The man was—
is—
in love with you.”

“Okay, then why would Brendon lie?”

“He didn't.” Jessie's eyes snapped up to meet hers. “Not really. Everything he said about Nathan's father was true. He just let Justin make assumptions from there.” Julia shook her head. “You know Brendon. He was a sneaky, conniving kid, and he's always been so cocky that you'd eventually get together with him, like he has you in his back pocket. He can't stand you falling for someone other than him.” She shook her head and Moose rolled his soft brown eyes to look up at Julia's face before turning them back to Jessie. “I don't trust him, and neither do the dogs. I don't always trust my instincts anymore, but I sure trust theirs.”

Julia's voice was sadly reminiscent, reminding Jessie of Julia's own tumultuous past relationships. Jessie reached for her hand, trying to comfort her sister. “And Justin—”

“Is being a fool,” Julia cut her off. “He's upset, Jess. Ever since Mom and Dad died, he wants to take care of us. He's trying to watch out for us.” She shook her head and scratched behind the dog's ear. “But we're grown women. We don't need him to protect us. Look, I don't remember much about that summer Nathan was here but, I do remember how happy you were. When he left, something in you died. You changed. This past week, I've seen that spark in you again. The one we only see when you're with the horses. I understand you're afraid to believe in him after the way he left the last time, but you've changed. Why can't you believe that he has, too?”

Jessie sighed. If Julia was right, Jessie might have just let the only man she'd ever loved slip away again because she'd been too afraid to let go of this belief that she was destined to fail her family again, too afraid to trust her instincts. Instead, she'd run away and failed Nathan, the man who still held her heart.

N
ATHAN FORCED A
broad smile to his lips and clapped the CEO on the back. In truth, he should be the happiest man in the room. He'd just finished conducting a merger between two Internet tycoons and had earned three times his usual substantial fee. But, as he stepped into the elevator, begging off celebratory drinks, the success felt shallow. As the doors closed, he sighed and loosened his silk tie, aching to get back to his penthouse to pack. He'd already called and moved his flight up, wanting nothing more than to get back to his office in Los Angeles to pick up where he'd left off. Well, there was one thing he wanted more, but Jessie still hadn't called him.

He wanted to give in and call her, but wasn't sure it would do any good. She'd told him to leave, hadn't even given him a chance to explain, so he doubted she'd have taken his calls anyway. Instead, he was going to use this time to prove to her he hadn't been lying. The first step was to figure out who was officially the CFO of Heart Fire Industries. Then he wanted to find out why and where all of the money taken from Heart Fire Ranch had gone. It had only been three days since he'd left the ranch, but in a quick cursory check, he'd seen that since the halt of the weekly payments, the mysterious account had been depleted by several daily withdrawals. He had to find out who had made them and why.

Nathan pulled out his cell phone and dialed his secretary. “Cassandra, I need a flight scheduled to Sacramento Airport tomorrow. And this time, I need a hotel and a rental car.”

“You're leaving again, already? You haven't even gotten back to your office yet,” his secretary complained. “I have a ton of phone calls for you to return, and you probably forgot about your appointment with the investors you told me to schedule last week.”

He had. He'd called her after Jessie told him her dream for the ranch. If he could talk them into investing in her idea, a rescue for abused horses and a retreat for at-risk youth, her money problems would be solved. Nathan ran a hand through his hair and rubbed his temple, trying to massage away the migraine forming behind his eyes.

“Okay, make the flight for Friday; then clear my weekend and the week after.” She sighed into the phone, her exasperation with him evident. She'd been working with him since the beginning of his career, and he knew she was indispensable. “Just do it. After today, I think a raise is in your future.”

“Are you trying to bribe me, Mr. Kerrington?” Cassandra laughed quietly at him and hung up the phone.

Nathan went cold. He knew she was joking, but bribery, extortion, conspiracy, tax fraud . . . white-collar crime seemed to run in his genes. Justin's accusations weren't too far off the truth, but Nathan refused to become like his father. He would never stand for what he'd done, what he continued to do. Nathan wasn't going to tarnish the rest of his future because of his family or their threats.

He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirrored reflection of the elevator. In his high-power Armani, Rolex, and two-hundred-dollar tie, he was the picture of high finance and wealth. He looked just like his father.

He jerked the tie loose and ripped it from his neck, unbuttoning the shirt at his throat. He was finished with this lifestyle. He'd earned enough money over the past few years that he could support Heart Fire Ranch single-handedly if Jessie would let him. Nathan couldn't wait to turn his back on everything he'd worked for—the success, the fame, the recognition—and work with her, side by side in the middle of nowhere in those uncomfortable jeans and dusty boots.

Guilt and regret knifed through him, slicing him to the core. She'd trusted him and he'd let her down. Let her believe the worst. Let her believe that he didn't love her more than everything else.

God, how he loved her.

He couldn't deny it any longer. The past three days—hoping his phone would ring, praying every caller was Jessie—had been hell on earth. He needed her the way he needed blood in his veins. The way he felt for her had only grown stronger being away from her. She hadn't just made him
feel
more alive, she'd been the air he needed to breathe. And he was slowly suffocating here without her. Jessie wasn't like the other women. She didn't make him try to be better; she made him a completely different man.