Heights of Desire (19 page)

Chapter 24

“H
oly Shit, Great!” Sarah says as she jumps up from the couch when I walk in the house. “I couldn’t stop him.”

“Neither could I. I think he’s beating the shit out of Jaylee as we speak.”

“Umm, I think Jaylee could probably take Robert on a bad day.”

“Not if he refuses to hit him back. He can’t risk his bail.”

“Crap! What are we gonna do?”

“Self-destruct. Fuck. I don’t know.”

“I’ll make drinks.”

Sarah makes us gin martinis with olives but pours them into lowball glasses. She’s wearing her jacket inside as if she were ready to run out at a moments notice. The kids are asleep already. Carmen’s left for the day.

“Thanks,” I say accepting the glass and cocktail napkin from her. “Did you buy gin?”

“Well, I sent Carmen out to get it. I’ve only got one day left, Great, I’m trying to live it up. So booze it is, since you refuse to let a girl take advantage of your connections. I gotta say though, all this drama in your life is more action than I’ve seen in a long time. Maybe even more than our college days.”

“Ugh. Tell me about it. I had the concierge call security. I can’t risk my bail either. I’ve got to be here for the girls. Hopefully security translates into no broken bones. I wonder how Robert’s going to explain trashing my parents house to them.”

We settle back and discuss how my parents would absolutely disapprove of everything Jaylee. My mother would cry if she knew. How he encompasses all of their worst nightmares wrapped into a single person. How they would probably scurry across the street into oncoming traffic if they had to share the sidewalk with him.

“What about the fifteen minutes in heaven with him?’ Was it at least worth the trouble?”

“Sublime. He’s a drug to me, Sar. I get a little taste and all I can think about is getting more.”

“Well, I have to say, Great, he
is
fucking hot.

“So hot,” I say. “And now Robert’s bruising his beautiful face.”

“That body, those eyes, and oh my god,
that smile
. The smile is ridiculous, irresistible, and sooo fucking naughty,” Sarah says. “I like that he’s so warm too. His personality is playful, like he really enjoys being him. I felt like hugging the kid and I don’t even know him.”

I lean over and hug Sarah. I’m so glad she’s here.

“I love you, Sar. I don’t know what I’d do without you. You make me feel normal.”

“You are normal, you dirty, little whore,” Sarah says kissing my forehead and then giving me a noogie.

“Ouch!” I yell pulling my head up and rubbing the spot.

“Sorry, sorry,” Sarah says lifting her hands into the air. “I’m the product of a houseful of boys . . . aaaand there’s a cop car outside your house.”

“What?” I shriek and grab both of our glasses running to the kitchen to pour them down the sink. I don’t know what my problem is, we’re not doing anything wrong. It’s all evidence of my guilty conscience.

Sarah has her face pressed up against the window behind the couch, her butt in the air, her hands acting as visor to her eyes. I lick my lips and bite them nervously.

“What do you see?” I can’t bring myself to look. Maybe it’s just a coincidence. Maybe it was the only available parking spot. Oh, God, what if I got Robert arrested? All we need is more trouble with the law.

“Nothing, Great. Looks like two officers in front. It’s too dark to see in the back.”

“I think I’m going to be sick.”

“Chill! This. Is. Awesome. Your life is like a movie. I thought I was coming for girl’s night and instead I get, like, live action Nancy Drew, but with hot sex and drugs.”

“Ha, ha, Sarah. I’m seriously terrified right now.”

“Oh, wait, you’re too old to be Nancy Drew. You’re Miss Marple! With hot sex and drugs.” Sarah starts laughing. “Oh, God. That’s gross!” She laughs so hard she snorts at her own joke.

“Wait, Kate, someone’s getting out. He’s standing up. I think it’s Robert. He seems fine. Someone else is getting out. Holy shit!”

“What, Sarah, what?” She turns around and looks at me. I can read her eyes. “Jaylee?” I whisper. She nods, her eyes wide. “Are the cops coming?”

Sarah turns back around. “Doesn’t look like it.”

“They’re
both
coming in here?”

“Walking up the path. Jaylee looks kind of messed up. What the fuck is this? There’s something fishy going on between those two. I don’t like it.”

“Me neither. I really am going to be sick.”

“Go puke! I’ll hold off Thing one and Thing two.”

I run to the bathroom under the stairs and lean over the toilet. The gin comes up easily and since I haven’t eaten since breakfast, it’s just gin and olives. It burns even worse on the way out.

“Oh my God!”

“What? Sarah, you’re killing me!” I yell from the bathroom.

“This is like
Twilight
, Robert is Robert Pattinson, obviously, and Jaylee is the younger one, the brown one. The wolf with the abs.”

“What are they doing? The
real people
, for Christ’s sake, Sarah!”

“Standing on the porch. They both want you – so you’re Bella. But you actually put out. You’re a slutty Bella.”

“I can’t believe you read
Twilight
!” I say between dry heaves.

“Read it, loved it, and I’d read it again. Ain’t no shame in my game, Great. Stand back. They’re coming in.”

“Both of them?”

“Mmmhmm.”

I hear the front door open and then close heavily. There are some footsteps but no one’s speaking. I feel like I might pass out so I lower the lid and sit on the toilet.

“The one you seek isn’t here. She’s gone to the dark side,” Sarah says in a low voice.

“Please.” Robert says

“Please you, Bobby! What the hell are you two up to? She’s in the bathroom puking her guts out. But, listen, if you fuck with my best friend I’m kicking the both of you out. Jaylee, you want some ice for that?”

“Hey, Sarah. Yeah. That’d be nice.”

“Want any gin with your ice? I do!”

“Can’t. Could use it though.”

“They got you on transdermal? You can surf with those on, you know?”

I hear Sarah and Jaylee’s voices fade as they pass the bathroom on their way to the kitchen. Robert opens the bathroom door and looks down at me with his hands on his hips.

“You okay?”

“No!”

Robert sighs, looking tired. I notice the grey in his hair and the stress lines around his eyes. I’m acting like a child and it’s exhausting to him. I don’t care. I’m so angry at him and I’m not even sure why.

“How come I can’t just have an affair like a normal person. How come you have to be best friends with my lover and bring him over to the house. Are we going to have a threesome? It’s fucking crazy, Robert and it’s weird and creepy. You’re a creep! You’re trying to control everything again!”

“We’re certainly not friends, Kate. Jaylee agreed not to press charges, which was necessary considering the legal conundrum that we’re all involved in – thanks to you, I might add. Oh, and thank you for calling security, a nice touch on your part.”

“You were smashing his face in and he’s defenseless!”

“Poor, defenseless, Jaylee. Exactly. Because he’s the victim in all of this, isn’t he? The officers agreed to drive us back to the
same
neighborhood, because that is where we live, my dear. And on the way over, your boyfriend brokered a deal with me.”

I stand up and glare at Robert. I have the urge to punch him in his smug face. He always thinks he’s better than me. He’s always talking down to me. I feel like punching Jaylee too.

“You two can’t broker deals about me. This is my life and I’m a fucking independent entity.
I
decide what I’m going to do – not you two! You can’t negotiate deals about a person, Robert. I’m not property! You’re not litigating! Go away and leave me alone!”

“Who said our deal had anything to do with you?” Robert turns on a dime, loosening his tie and I hear his dress shoes click above me up the wooden stairs. I turn around to the toilet and empty my stomach of what now looks like bile into the bowl. I wash my face with cold water and brush my teeth. I don’t feel like facing Jaylee. The few moments I had with him were so perfect, maybe we should just leave it at that. I don’t even want to know what their stupid deal was. I hate men.

I push through the swinging door into the kitchen to find Sarah seated at the eat-in table, another martini clasped in her hand.

“Where’s Jaylee?” I ask quickly surveying the kitchen.

“Left out the back door, Great. In a hurry.”

“I didn’t even get to see him.”

“Yeah, he didn’t look so good.”

I notice an empty shot glass sitting next to Sarah’s bottle of gin.

“Tell me you didn’t give him a shot.”

“I did, the guy needed it,” she says shrugging.

“A two-hundred and fifty thousand dollar shot, Sarah!” I scream.

“Relax, Pollyanna! Think I don’t know how to work a transdermal SCRAM? I fucking married a pro surfer. They monitor twice an hour through alcohol vapors. You just stick a gel band-aid on the seal and rip it off within a half hour of drinking.”

“Oh, and you just happen to carry around gel band-aids?”

“No, but Jaylee had some on his hip. Booyah!” Sarah says discharging an imaginary gun at me. “And I loved every second of peeling it off that gorgeous hip.”

“I’m going to kill you, Sarah, as soon as I’m done killing Robert and Jaylee. What’d he say to you?”

“He said, and I quote, ‘Tell my girl I love her,’
yes he said
love
,
Great
, ‘and I’ll see her tomorrow.’ End quote.”

I stand there and a stupid grin kidnaps my face. It spreads until it hurts. Sarah grins back at me and raises her glass in the air.

“Cheers! I told you your life was awesome. I can’t wait to see what happens tomorrow.”

I turn around slowly, my face still captive to a euphoric smile.

“I’m going to go upstairs now to take my goddamned shower. Keep the covers turned down for me, cause I think I’ll be sleeping with you tonight.”

Sarah and I lay awake in bed and compose a plan for tomorrow that includes sightseeing with the kids and lunching out at Sarabeth’s in an attempt to reestablish some normalcy. Despite Sarah enjoying the excitement, I’m ready to implode from the stress of it all, and I don’t want my girls to bear any of the burden from my emotional turmoil. I also want them to enjoy their last day with Aunt Sarah and Joshua.

Robert, Sarah, and I have coffee in the kitchen in the morning and Robert acts as if nothing out of the ordinary happened last night. The only hint that he’s angry with me is that the majority of his banter is directed at Sarah. He’s so determined to keep up the facade that his performance is making me feel like I’ve lost my mind. He runs his fingers through my hair and kisses me goodbye on the lips without ever alluding to last night’s freak show. As usual not a hair is out of place and his suit and tie look impeccable. Sarah, on the other hand looks like her eyes will pop out of her head as she watches the sham and I’m careful not to make eye contact with her directly because I’m afraid I’ll lose it. The second Robert’s out the door Sarah has a mouthful of opinions about his behavior.

“What the fuck was that, Great? That was straight-up psycho!”

“I don’t know. I think maybe Robert can’t deal with this and his defense mechanism is denial. I can’t tell what’s going on with him. You know what’s really scary?”

“What?’

“Today’s Sunday, Sarah. He doesn’t have to work. I have no idea what he’s up to.”

“Holy shit, you’re right! What do you think he’s doing?”

“Maybe he’s going to lawyer up for a divorce?”

“More likely to meet Jaylee. Those two are gonna elope, I swear.”

“The therapist said Robert might insert himself into the relationship – the affair – in order to maintain some relevance.”

“More likely, he’ll insert his dick into someone else for some relevance.”

“Sarah, you may very well be the most crass person on the planet.”

“I almost said snatch, but I’m keeping it classy just for you, princess.”

“Thanks,” I say dryly.

“I’m gonna go smoke. You want one?”

“Gross. I’m going to get the girls ready. Is Joshua up yet?”

I’m helping the girls get dressed when Sarah walks into Pearl’s room and passes me an envelope. She must have found it on the front porch when she went outside. There is no address or stamp, just my first name written across the front. I quickly fold it in half and stuff it into my back pocket. Sarah raises an eyebrow at me and says nothing. I don’t have to open it to know who it’s from. Sarah takes Ada downstairs to help her get her shoes and jacket on while I braid Pearl’s hair.

When we’re out of earshot of the kids, riding the Staten Island Ferry so that Joshua can get a look at the Statue of Liberty, Sarah prods me about the letter. It’s been weighing a thousand emotional tons sitting in my back pocket. I don’t have to read it to know what it says.

“Did you even look at it?’

“No.”

“Are you going to?”

“Not today.”

“Do you think it’s bad news?”

“No, I think it’s goodbye. And I can’t read it now because I want to enjoy my last day with you. If I read it I’ll fall apart. I’ll be out of commission for God only knows how long.”

“What if it’s not goodbye? What if it’s roses and I love yous and slam poetry about your butt?”

I smile in spite of the suffocating sadness the unread letter is threatening.

“It’s goodbye, Sarah, and I don’t have the heart to take it right now.”

“Okay, suit yourself. I don’t know how you have the self control.”

We pack in Chinatown, Little Italy, and finally head uptown to do a run-through of the Met. Joshua’s bought ten ‘I heart NY’ t-shirts with plans to silkscreen surf logos onto them when he gets back home.

“Unless your father’s run the surf shop into the ground while we were away. I don’t doubt it. Teddy’s spent too many years in direct sunlight.”

“Mom, I’m sure Dad is fine without you. He’s got the sitter there to help him,” Joshua says.