Her Cowboy Protector (14 page)

Unfortunately, her deep slumber wasn't meant to last. Cruz came awake suddenly to the sound of someone shouting in a foreign language. Her heart leapt into her throat. A ball of air arrested in her lungs. She clutched the sheet to her chest and listened.

There it was again, shouted words followed by a horrific scream. Something heavy crashed onto the floor. She dismissed her first thought that someone had broken into the home. No, this was Niall in the grips of a nightmare again. She recognized a few words of what he shouted as Pashto. Carlos used to have similar outbursts in the native Afghan language.

Cruz carefully slid out of bed and put her ear to the door. Choking and snarling and shouting penetrated the wood. She cautiously opened the door a crack and felt along the outside wall for the light switch. She flipped it on and waited to see if he would charge the door. When she felt relatively safe, Cruz stepped inside the living area. Her eyes adjusted to the bright light and skipped to the couch in the center of the room.

Niall was still asleep but kicking and punching the air. He'd taken off his shirt and bottoms before bed. Only a pair of boxer briefs kept him decent. With all that thrashing and kicking, the crocheted throw he'd covered up with had twisted around his lower body. The sight and sounds of his nightmare broke her heart.

Cruz moved to the end of the couch and grabbed his ankle. She gave it a shake and spoke his name clearly and calmly. "Niall."

He stiffened and tried to kick at her so she took a step back, turning her body to shield the baby from a wayward foot. She grasped his ankle again and shook. "Niall."

This time his eyes popped open and he bolted upright. For a split-second, she thought he was going to leap onto her like some prowling jungle cat but then he went slack and fell back onto the bed. He draped an arm across his eyes and panted hard. Certain he was fully awake, Cruz fixed the coffee table and picked up the hunting and fishing magazines that had spilled onto the floor. She walked into the kitchen, filled a plastic tumbler with cold water and soaked a clean dish cloth.

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Niall sit up on the edge of the couch. His limbs shook wildly from the adrenaline surge of such a nasty dream. She slid onto the cushion beside him, her hip touching his, and wiped his sweaty face with the cool cloth. His eyelids closed as she worked her magic with the damp fabric. "It's a weird thing," she whispered, "but it helps. I think it's the sensation of washing away the fear."

Niall nodded. "Thank you."

His scratchy voice made her remember the glass of water. She pressed it into his hands. "Drink some water, Niall."

He gulped a few mouthfuls of the refreshing liquid. She wiped the wash cloth over his neck and down his chest to clear away the traces of sweat clinging to his skin. Even in the craziness of that moment, she couldn't help but smile at the farmer's tan he sported.

"Are you all right?" She took the almost empty glass from him and set it on the coffee table. She dropped the wash cloth next to it. "It always takes me a few minutes to come out of my nightmares."

"I'm fine now." He jaw flexed. "You shouldn't have come in here, Cruz. I could have hurt you."

"But you didn't," she pointed out and stroked his arm. "You were scared and alone in here. I couldn't leave you like that. You needed me."

Niall relaxed and shook his head. "You're something else, Cruz. Most women would have heard that ruckus and climbed out the window in the bedroom."

She brushed her fingertips over his jaw. "I'm not most women."

He gave her a long, hard stare. "Ain't that the truth." His shaking hand patted her leg. "You can go back to your room now. I'm okay."

"No," she said, her mouth running miles ahead of her brain. "I'll stay. You're still shaking."

"You need to rest. You're running yourself ragged."

"So are you, Niall." She reached for his hand. "You can't protect me if you're exhausted." Rather bravely, she asked, "Will you come to bed with me? I think it will help you. The body contact, I mean."

Niall's dry lips parted and she expected him to send her on her way with some snarled words. She was sure he was going to tell her he didn't need anyone and he could manage just fine. Instead, he stunned her by admitting his need. "I'd like that."

Still holding his hand, she led him into the bedroom. He flicked off the light in the living room and shadowed her to the bed. She climbed in first and scooted over a few inches to make room for him. "Get in."

He slipped in beside her and kept tight to his edge of the bed. She turned onto her left side and stared into the darkness. She tingled with the awareness of him. She felt his gaze boring into her face. Uncertain of what he needed to feel better, Cruz reached for him.

As if he'd been waiting for her to make the first move, Niall melted into her embrace and slid even closer. She rolled onto her back and curled her arms around his broad, muscular shoulders. His cheek rested against her breast and his hand clasped her hip. She soothingly petted the back of his head, hoping she could help him relax and fall asleep again.

Felix kicked both feet, the sudden and unexpected movement startling Niall. He tried to pull away but she held tight. "It's all right. He's just moving around and trying to get comfortable."

"Are you sure I didn't hurt him?" Worry laced his voice.

Cruz hurried to reassure him. "Yes, I'm sure. He likes to move around when I'm resting."

Niall's hand tentatively slid toward her bump but stopped a few inches short. Cruz smiled into the blackness of night. She grasped his hand and moved it over the spot where the baby was stretching and flutter kicking. She rubbed Niall's bare back encouragingly. "See? He's just scooting around and looking for a snuggly spot."

"Wow." He spoke so softly she barely heard him. His hand followed the baby's movements. "He's strong."

Cruz chuckled. "Tell me about it. Sometimes he whacks my ribs so hard, it takes my breath away."

"I can't imagine how strange that must be to have a baby growing inside you."

"It's different," she agreed. "And nice too. I'm never alone now."

Niall hummed as he spread his fingers over her taut belly. She continued to caress his back. Hugging this big, strong man and providing him emotional comfort struck her as one of the oddest things she'd ever done. Usually it was the other way around and she was the one clinging to him for security.

"I had this girlfriend once."

Cruz stilled as his strange remark broke the silence. She wondered where he was going with this. "Okay?"

"Before my last deployment, I met Marlene. She was a nice woman. Well," he grumbled, "that's what I thought at the time. She turned out to be not so nice after all."

She remained silent and continued rubbing his back, encouraging him to get whatever this was off his chest.

"I'd been thinking about leaving the service. I'd been in for a hell of a long time, and I'd seen more than my fair share of war and bloodshed. I just didn't have a good reason to get out."

"Until Marlene," she guessed. Cruz's chest tightened with an emotion suspiciously like jealousy as she imagined this woman Niall had loved. It was an alien sensation and totally inappropriate. She had no right to feel envious of another woman who had obviously meant a lot to him.

"Yeah," he agreed. "Before I left for Afghanistan, she told me she was pregnant. I was stunned at first. We were always careful but I convinced myself that condoms had a failure rate even with perfect use."

"Statistically that's…" Cruz trailed off as she imagined Niall's frown. "Never mind."

His chuckle drifted up to her ears. "It's all right. I'm learning to expect weird math tangents from you."

"It's a bad habit."

"It's a quirk, but it's kind of cute."

Cute, huh? A trill of excitement rippled through her belly. It was a nice compliment, especially from Niall.

"I had to ship out so she promised to contact me as soon as possible with official results from the doctor's office." Niall's hand followed Felix's movements. The sensation of his big, warm hand sliding over her belly had a relaxing effect on Cruz. "I had a lot of time to think on the flight over to the sandbox. At first, I was scared shitless. I didn't know the first thing about being a dad. My old man was a mean son of a bitch who drank too much and thought beating on me or my mom was some kind of hobby."

"Oh, Niall," Cruz whispered, her heart aching for him. "I had no idea you had an abusive childhood."

"It's not exactly the kind of topic that comes up in the early days of a friendship. And, no, my mother wasn't much better. She was addicted to about five different kinds of prescription medication and had sticky fingers. She was always in scrapes with the law."

"That's awful."

"I didn't know the first thing about being a good parent. Carlos told me I'd figure it out, that no man is born knowing how to be a father. He told me how terrified he was when you showed up on his doorstep. He had to take a crash course in being a father figure." Niall laughed. "Apparently you didn't make it easy for him."

Cruz blushed at the memories of how terrible she'd been. "No, I wasn't very cooperative. I got suspended twice that first year. I was so mouthy and rude to everyone. Somehow Carlos kept it together and never lost his patience with me. I don't know how he did it though. I would have driven Mother Teresa to tears."

"No! You?" Niall's sarcasm made her smile. "I knew it wouldn't be easy but I was determined to figure it out. I let myself start to dream and hope for the future. I thought about coming back to Eldorado and buying a small ranch like the ones I'd worked on in high school. I wanted more for my child than charity cast-offs and boxes of groceries from the church pantry."

"Yeah, I know how that goes. Not the charity," she quickly clarified. "Our parents were both hard workers and we had a fairly comfortable childhood. No, I mean the dreaming about Felix's future and wanting so much for him."

"Yeah, well, I should have listened to my gut when it came to Marlene. It told me something was off about the whole situation but I let my emotions get the best of me."

Cruz waited silently for him to reveal the climax to what she was sure would be a heartbreaking story.

"The first time she asked for money, I was only too happy to send it. She didn't have insurance and I figured prenatal care was expensive. Then her car broke down and I didn't want to worry about my pregnant girlfriend in an unreliable car. By the time she started asking for money to cover her monthly living expenses, I started to catch on." He tensed in her arms. "I'm embarrassed it took me seven months to figure out it was all a big lie."

"A lie?"

"There was no baby. It was just a nasty game she was playing to milk me of cash. And I was just damned stupid enough to fall for it."

"Niall Campbell, you are not stupid. You are the sweetest, kindest man I've met and that ugly, horrible woman took advantage of that. She knew you were too good and honest to shirk your responsibilities."

He didn't say anything. His shoulders slumped and Cruz could tell it still hurt him all these many years later.

"You really wanted that baby." It wasn't a guess. She recognized in Niall the same hurt she'd experienced when she'd thought of aborting the baby she now carried.

Niall's face lifted. She wished there was enough light to allow her to see his face. The anguish in his voice constricted her chest in a vice-like grip. "I wanted that baby so badly, Cruz. The thought of coming home to this tiny life I'd created was the only thing that kept me going. I used to stare at those ultrasound pictures and dream of all the things we'd do someday. Football games, his first slide into home plate…" Niall's voice drifted off to nothing. "I found out later she'd stolen the pictures from a friend's baby album."

"Oh, Niall." His callused fingers wound their way around hers. Gripping tightly, they held onto one another for a long moment. "For what it's worth, Niall, I think you're going to be a fabulous father someday."

"We'll see." He seemed unconvinced. Well, she knew better. Niall Campbell was father material. Someday, he'd have the family he deserved.

His gut-wrenching tale of betrayal only increased her empathy and sympathy toward him. How did he cope all alone when these nightmares hit? She imagined his unanswered cries for help. Did he wake up and crave the comfort of another person as she had when her nightmares had been at their worst? She'd been lucky to have Carlos and then her dear friend Sarah to help but Niall had no one. Sadness welled up inside her and threatened to spill over. She squeezed Niall a little tighter in her arms. "I think we should try to find you another counselor."

His suddenly rigid body warned she'd overstepped her bounds. "It doesn't work."

"That's not true, Niall," she gently disagreed. "I know I haven't seen nearly the amount of horrors you have but therapy has helped me so much. I was very reluctant at first but my friends and Carlos wouldn't let me avoid the appointments. They were right to push me. I'm nowhere near cured—and I don't think I'll ever be—but I've learned to function and I'm healing, slowly but surely."

"I'm a hopeless case, Cruz. I've been to two different counselors."

"So try a third or a fourth," she urged. Her fingertips brushed his cheek. "You and me, we're works in progress, Niall. We can get better."

He slowly lifted his head from her breasts. Although it was pitch black around them, she sensed he was staring into her eyes. His knuckles grazed her jaw and then his nose nuzzled hers. "When you talk like that, Cruz, you make me believe I can be a whole man again." His warm breath buffeted her lips. "You give me hope, and I haven't had that in a long, long time."

Cruz closed her eyes as Niall's mouth teased across hers. A flutter of panic invaded her belly but she consciously pushed it away and concentrated on the man right here, right now, not the evil phantom who had taught her to fear the warmth and closeness of a lover. Niall's lips lingered before breaking away to touch the tip of her nose and then the corner of her mouth. When he returned for a second kiss, he grew a bit bolder, pulling her lower lip between his teeth and giving it a teasing nibble. Cruz gasped at the wild sensations he evoked. Niall misread her response and yanked back. "I'm sorry, Cruz. I don't know what I was—"