Her Last Wish (18 page)

Without removing her
eyes from my body, she said, “I want to.” She paled slightly. “Will that even
fit? I know it’s supposed to, but it doesn’t look like it will.”

I did my best to hide
my laughter, but I’m sure it snuck through as a half-smile. Of all the things
she could be worried about, that was her concern? And it seemed such a silly
concern when I could take one look at her belly and know that she would be
pushing something much larger
out
in a few months. But I didn’t want to
scare her any further. “I assure you, it will fit. But the real question is
whether you are serious about wanting to try.”

She directed her eyes
back up to mine. “I do. I want this.” She crossed the small distance and
straddled my lap. She caught me in a more demanding kiss. I smiled against her
mouth as she awkwardly tried to move against me.

I pushed her just far
enough away to free my lips for talking. “Okay. I will ‘teach’ you in this
subject, as you asked. However, I have a couple conditions of my own.”

“What conditions?” Her
fear grew, and I could almost see her brain working in overdrive to figure out
what I could possibly ask of her. I instantly felt bad. I didn’t want to scare
her in any way.

“You have to promise me
that this is absolutely what you want, no lingering questions about readiness.
You also have to promise me that you will have no regrets in the morning. And
if you decide at any time that this is not what you want, you will tell me
immediately, and I will stop. If you can’t promise me
all
of these, then
we will wait until you can.”

“Would you not be mad?”

“I could never be mad
at you for being honest with me. I want you to be happy. I want you to feel
safe and comfortable. And I want you to realize that I care about you more than
anyone else in this world. If taking this step is part of what would make you
feel that way, then I will give you everything I have.” After it had left my
mouth, I knew it sounded like something some asshole would tell her just to get
her in bed so he could walk away from her later. I might have even done that,
myself, at another point in my life. But I was surprised to find how much I
actually meant every single word to her.

Her expression
softened, as if she’d reached some sort of enlightenment. “Yes. I want this,”
she said in a firmer voice. Her lips quickly claimed mine, and I felt her
unrestrained need flow through them. She tempted me, pleaded with me … She
caught me in her spell, and she knew that I was hers.

I carefully rolled her
over onto my pillows. I moved my lips down her jaw, her neck, and then her
collarbone. I planted kisses every few inches down her body, slowly removing
what small amount of clothing she had left as I went, until she gasped with
pleasure when I hit just the right spot with my tongue. I smiled in the
knowledge that she was mine, and I was the only man who had ever had her. And
if I had my way, I would be the only one who ever would.

Chapter
Twenty-Four

Charlie

It was the first
morning that I’d found myself in Connor’s bed. Even in his sleep, he held me so
tightly, as if I’d suddenly disappear. I wasn’t sure if his fear of my walking
off in the middle of the night was an accomplishment or a failure on my part. I
chose not to think too much about it. I knew I wasn’t going anywhere.

I contemplated getting
up, but I really didn’t want to. Instead, I snuggled closer and enjoyed the
feel of him. Skin to skin, I felt closer to him than I’d ever felt to anyone. I
had given him all of me. I supposed I should have worried about where we would
go from there or if we would go anywhere at all. But deep down, I knew that he
was mine. And I was his. More than anything, I knew that the previous night was
only the first of many.

As far as my first time
went, Connor gave me everything that I had ever wanted. He was gentle and
patient, but I could tell he only reigned in his passion to keep from hurting
me more than necessary. I knew there was plenty of time for us to get
completely lost in each other later. I actually looked forward to it. He
managed to keep my fears from ever resurfacing. And more importantly, he made
me feel cherished. I felt wanted. I’d even felt needed. I supposed that deep
down I’d thought I would save my innocence for marriage, but I had no regrets
about giving it to him at a time when marriage wasn’t even in our thought
processes. I didn’t know if it was perfect. I had nothing to compare it to. But
if it wasn’t perfection, it was as close as anything could possibly be. It was
perfect to
me
.

Above all, he met the
one condition that kept me from ever giving in to Jackson. Although I hadn’t
had the courage to tell him so, I had somehow fallen in love with him. It
happened so fast that I couldn’t even pinpoint when. I had always thought that
actual love would take a long time to find in a relationship. I thought it had
to mature and develop. After all, I had been with Jackson for years, and I
could never say that I was in love. I loved him as a person, but it wasn’t the
same as being head over heels in love. And then there was Connor. Despite my
intentions of keeping some distance, I fell quickly, and I fell hard. Losing
Jackson had been bad, but losing Connor would destroy me.

***

Connor

I never thought that I
could have gone further into protector mode where Charlie was concerned. I was
clearly mistaken. She was mine, and I would take care of her to the best of my
ability. I couldn’t lose her like I had Elizabeth. Especially since I knew what
I stood to lose.

I hadn’t expected
intimacy to change much in our relationship. The majority of my experience had
told me it wouldn’t change anything. I’d been with many women who meant nothing
to me before and meant even less to me after. With Elizabeth, it had brought us
closer, but it hadn’t really changed anything else. However, when I woke up to
Charlie in my arms after our first encounter together (and her first sexual
encounter
ever
), it was as if the dynamics of our relationship had
changed. While we were pretty close before, we were completely bound together
in every way possible after. Everything finally felt right.

I hated to admit it,
but I questioned how I could have been so sure of Elizabeth being my one and
only. I wondered what would have happened if I’d met Charlie while I was
married to Elizabeth. Of course, I loved Elizabeth. I would never stop loving
her, and I would forever resent the fact that she was taken from me so soon.
But Charlie was different. Charlie was
more
. I started to think that
Elizabeth was put in my life to straighten me up so that I would be less of a
rebel when Charlie came into the picture. It was a shame that Charlie had started
out with a broken mess of a man, instead. I couldn’t even decide which was
worse.

But Charlie’s patience
was unmatched and her kindness knew no bounds. I couldn’t think of anyone who
would do what she had for Elizabeth and me. Why would a stranger carry a child
for a clearly heartbroken man and his deceased wife? She was the only one I
could think of that would even consider it. Even the agencies had turned me
down. While she started out as a favored student, she had quickly progressed to
a treasured friend. I could tell her anything and know that I could trust her
with absolutely all of my secrets. I had never expected her to become a lover,
with whom I would fully entrust with my heart. It wasn’t a perfect heart, and I
wasn’t even convinced I could call it a good one. But she seemed to treasure
it, all the same. She pieced it back together and brought it back to life.
Whether I wanted it or not, my heart was hers. I knew it was in the best hands.

I was still afraid to
throw terms like “soul mate” around, but she was the closest to one that I had
ever known. I could see no other explanation for the way she made me feel both
about her and about myself. I wanted to be a better man for her. I wanted to
love her and protect her with everything I had. I had made it my new mission. I
was not about to fail.

Chapter
Twenty-Five

Charlie

I probably should say
that I missed Connor’s classes. But I would be lying. Professor Clary was a
wonderful teacher, and the lack of complications made it that much more
enjoyable. Not many people knew that Connor and I had officially (or
unofficially for that matter) been together for three months, but they hadn’t
had too much opportunity to see us together, either. I was pretty grateful for
that. I doubted that I could look at him like just another teacher, even for
the sake of others. He’d become too important to me, and it showed in
everything I did.

In order to keep
everything low-key, I’d started meeting him at his car. It was far less obvious
than waiting outside his classroom or office, or having him meet me outside my
class or the coffee bar. Overall, it worked out for the best. I knew he wasn’t
my
teacher anymore, but I was pretty sure he could get in trouble, all the same. I
couldn’t wait until after graduation when it wouldn’t matter, anymore. I was
ready for that threat to lift away forever so we could finally move past it.

One cold, February
afternoon, I stepped outside the main building after Professor Clary’s class to
wait by Connor’s car. Despite the icy air, it was bright and sunny. The sky was
bluer than I’d seen it in months. I’d walked out in a great mood, but that
would change within seconds.

“Why haven’t you been
home?” a voice boomed from my right side, where there were picnic tables and
benches. My blood froze in my veins. “I’ve been looking for you for months!”

I turned to find one
extremely irate Jackson. I tried to not let him know that I felt some level of
fear toward him. And how could I not? He hadn’t just been looking for me. He’d
been trying to
stalk
me for months. “I’ve been away.”

He met me toe to toe
within seconds. “Off to your
new
boyfriend’s house? What’s it like
sleeping around for better grades?”

“That’s not–”

He laughed loudly,
though I could tell he was livid. I probably shouldn’t have avoided him this
whole time. Or I probably should have walked off right when he yelled at me
from the tables. But I couldn’t walk away anymore. It was too late. “I see you
won’t deny it!”

“You’re not giving me a
chance to deny anything!”

“I wanted to work
everything out, but I can see that you’re too busy throwing what we had away on
that asshole.” He pointed behind me toward the doors I’d just walked through.
Sure enough, Connor had just walked outside. At Jackson’s call to attention, he
looked somewhat like a deer in the headlights, though he tried to pretend
nothing was wrong.

***

Connor

I was on my way out of
my classroom when I heard screaming outside the building. I quickly grabbed
what I needed for the night and headed out. I didn’t want Charlie to get caught
up in some sort of fight on her way out. It was about time to meet her, after
all. I knew she’d be out there.

Sure enough, I walked
out to find exactly what I hadn’t wanted to see. But instead of her simply
getting caught up in it, she was
part
of it. From the looks of her, she
wasn’t a willing participant, either. My basic instinct to protect her warred
with my knowledge that my job (and freedom) would be at stake if I simply
walked up and punched the bastard out. Not that he didn’t deserve it and not
that it wouldn’t be worth it.

It only took a few
seconds for me to figure out that they were fighting about Charlie blowing him
off since November. But then I found myself dragged right in, as well. I
probably should have worried about my career, at that point. Instead, I worried
about how the students hanging around outside the building would see Charlie. I
worried what it would mean for the rest of her academic career to have the
stigma of dating a professor hanging over her head. I knew that she hadn’t been
in my class after we’d started dating, but they didn’t.

Above all, I worried
about what that psycho stalker would do to my Charlie. It was obvious he was
trying to guilt her into coming back. And maybe he could. But what if he
couldn’t? What would he do then? And which would be worse?

Fortunately, she seemed
to hold her ground pretty well, and he kept a small distance from her, though I
couldn’t tell how long that would last.

“There’s nothing to
work out, Jackson!” she yelled. “I went over there and saw
more
than
enough! There’s nothing for you to explain to me! There’s nothing to fix! I
don’t care how long it went on! I don’t care what your excuse! That once was more
than enough!”

I could hear the pain
in her voice, though I wasn’t sure what it was all about. She hadn’t told me
what happened that day, and, for the most part, I didn’t care. I just knew that
her pain killed me, even back then.

When that ex of hers stayed
quiet, she went on. “Just leave me alone and go back to whatever it is you’re
doing these days that doesn’t involve me! Stop showing up at my apartment! Stop
calling my house and filling up my answering machine! Just leave me in peace!”