Her Last Wish (19 page)

The asshole’s face went
red in anger. “You want me to leave? Fine!” He stormed off toward the parking
lot, screaming over his shoulder. “I could have anyone I wanted, and I chose
you! You want to throw away years of my time? You fucked up, Charlie!”

I sighed in relief. He
was retreating, and she was unharmed.

And then it all
changed. “Jackson, stop!” Charlie yelled. She seemed frantic, though I couldn’t
immediately see why.

“Fuck you, bitch!”
Jackson yelled back, stepping into the parking lot.

Before I could even
register what was going on, Charlie ran toward him and shoved him several feet
forward. As soon as I saw what had upset her, everything seemed to go in
slow-motion. Charlie spun toward me, looking absolutely helpless, just before a
car hit her. She flew forward and landed hard on the pavement.

Several students
gathered around her, but I tried to fight my way through them, while the
asshole stared at the scene in shock.

“Move!” I yelled
angrily.

I finally reached her
side. I dropped on the ground beside her and scooped her up into my arms. I
held her tightly against my body, praying that she would be okay.

“Come on, Charlie,” I
begged. “Come back to me. I need you to stay with me. Come on. I need you.”

My tears felt like fire
on my cheeks in the freezing cold air. I heard someone say something about
calling 9-1-1. That was all I could gather from the outside world. Charlie had
all my attention. I couldn’t lose her. I wouldn’t survive without her. I rocked
her gently in my arms until help arrived and pried her away from me.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Charlie

“Charlie,” an
unfamiliar female voice called. “It’s time for you to wake up, Charlie.”

When I awoke, I found
myself lying in a field full of wildflowers of all colors. I had never seen
anything so beautiful. I could hear a stream in the distance. “Where am I?” I
asked the voice.

“We’re not ready for
you here, Charlie. I protected you so you could go back to him. He needs you.
You need to take care of him.”

I turned my head to the
side to find a beautiful blonde woman with brilliantly blue eyes. They almost
seemed to glow. She wore a long, light pink dress that brushed the flowers at
her feet. In her arms, she carried a small infant. I found myself staring at
it.

“Don’t worry. This
little one will come with me. He will be safe.”

I looked down at my
stomach to find that it was completely flat. Was that the baby I’d carried for
8 months?

“Of course, he is,” the
woman stated with a smile. Could she read my thoughts? “He is safe, now. He was
never meant to see your world.”

“Who are you, and why
did you steal Connor’s baby?”

She smiled at me. “It’s
time for you to wake up. Go back to him. He is lost.”

When I came to, I
stared at a sterile white ceiling. I heard a faint beeping near my head. When I
turned to look, I found hospital equipment looming over me. I was in the
hospital? Why? I felt too groggy to remember, but I knew it was something big.
I felt as if I’d been run over by a train.

“Oh my god, Charlie!”
cracked a familiar voice from beside me. I felt someone take my hand.

I slowly turned my head
to find Connor watching over me. He looked as if he’d been crying. “What
happened?”

He shook his head. “How
are you feeling?”

“Terrible. Why am I in
the hospital?”

He stared at me. “You
don’t remember anything?”

I stared right back. I
didn’t know what to say.

“Charlie, you pushed
that ex of yours out of the way of a car.”

I did what? I couldn’t
remember doing that or why it would be necessary. “Is he okay?”

“He might have some
scrapes on his hands from hitting the pavement, but that’s the worst of it. I’m
more concerned about you. You were hit, instead.” I could hear the sadness in
his voice. I couldn’t tell if it was because I’d apparently saved Jackson from
something or if it was worse. “The driver had been texting and didn’t see you
until it was too late. You’ve got some pretty nasty bruises, a few scrapes, and
a few stitches. Nothing is broken. You were very lucky.”

“So … Why am I still in
the hospital, then?” And then I remembered the woman in my dream. I looked down
at my stomach, but I couldn’t tell anything. I was covered in several blankets.
I tried to use my free hand to move them, but even those few centimeters of
movement felt like torture. I quickly gave up. “Is the baby okay?”

I watched as several
emotions crossed his face. Then, he finally focused on me, as if everything
else were too painful. “He didn’t make it. The trauma put you in early labor,
and he never took his first breath.”

I felt as if I would
throw up. The baby I had nurtured and carried, the nudges and kicks that I’d
enjoyed … Connor’s promise to his wife. It was all gone. And it was my fault.

“Connor, I’m so sorry.
I swear, as soon as they’ll let me, we can go back to Dr. Schaffer and try
again, and this time–”

He gently squeezed my
hand and shook his head, cutting me off. “No. The next child that you carry
will be your own.”

“But Connor!”

He turned his face away
from me. “Charlie, I can’t put you through this again. You deserve to have kids
of your own. You’ve proven that you would make a great mother, just from how
you loved my son while you carried him, even though he wasn’t yours to carry. I
know it couldn’t have been easy on you carrying another woman’s baby.
Especially after things got … more complicated.”

“Connor, I did it for
you
!
I didn’t care that he wasn’t mine! I cared that he was
yours
! If having
a baby belonging to you and your wife would make you happy, then I would do it
again as many times as you ask me to! After things got more complicated, as you
say, that only made it more important!”

“Charlie, I love you.
More than anything else in this world. That’s why I can’t let you do this
again. It’s time … It’s time for me to accept that Elizabeth is gone. She isn’t
coming back. She isn’t here to enjoy the child that she wanted, even if you helped
me give it to her.”

I felt tears spill over
onto my cheeks. His heart-wrenching pain could be felt even through the
distance between us. “Connor.”

He gently wiped my
tears away. “You should rest. We can talk about this later, though my decision
will remain the same.” He squeezed my hand, and I knew that arguing wouldn’t
make any difference. In his voice, I could hear that the conversation would
probably never come.

I closed my eyes.
Despite the fact that I’d just woken up, I was still exhausted. I just hoped
that my sadness didn’t manifest into more nightmares. Especially if said
nightmares wanted to reveal more ugly truths that I didn’t want to see.

Chapter
Twenty-Seven

Connor

I snuck out of the
hospital shortly after she fell asleep. I couldn’t stand to leave her alone,
but Savannah happened to show up, so I left Charlie under her supervision. I
needed time to myself. I needed to calm down. I knew Savannah would take good
care of her, even without me.

It never really sunk in
how close Charlie had been to death until she went into labor. She wasn’t
conscious to remember any of it. However, as the baby’s father, the doctor
allowed me to stay in the room. Most dads would feel happiness at the news that
they would finally meet their son. I only felt fear for both of them. I knew
that the baby was close to term, but something felt wrong. Perhaps watching
them both get hit by a moving vehicle had something to do with it. When he was
delivered without taking a single breath, my worst fears had been confirmed.
And then my fears for Charlie’s wellbeing only grew from there.

Between that and seeing
her hooked up to all those machines, it was too much for me to process. I just
needed to leave. I needed to try to get my head on straight. So I went home.

From the second I
opened the door, I was on autopilot. I went straight to Charlie’s clothes. I
let their softness caress my skin. Although not nearly as perfect as holding
her, happy and healthy, would have been, it soothed me. I breathed in her
smell, as if it were the last time I would get the chance.

A rogue thought entered
my mind. What if it was? The doctors said that she was stable, but what if they
were wrong? What if she died from her injuries just as Elizabeth had? They
could have missed something. It happened all the time. Was everyone I loved
doomed to die horribly?

I didn’t have to think
too hard to know the answer. So far, that had been the case. Elizabeth went
first. Then our son died. They both died quickly, mercifully. But what about
Charlie? If she died from her injuries from that accident, those injuries would
have plenty of time to torture her first. The doctors had said she was lucky,
but was she really?

And even if she
survived with no lasting damage, how long would it be before fate tried to
steal her from me again? Would it be worse? How much would she have to suffer
then? I couldn’t bear even the thought. She had been so close to death, and I
knew I would never survive if I had to witness her death, too. Elizabeth’s had
been horrifying. Charlie’s …

The only reason she’d
ever been hurt was because I loved her. After all my reasoning, there could be
no other explanation. Everyone I truly loved was doomed to die. Elizabeth was
the first. Then our son. Charlie was alive, by some miracle, but she’d been far
too close. I had to back away before that “almost” became an “officially.”
Sure, I still wouldn’t have her. But she would be
alive
. She would be
able to move on. She would be able to find happiness. She deserved happiness
more than anyone. She’d already brought so much of it to me, even when
I
didn’t deserve it. Would I be happy without her? No way in hell. But my
happiness didn’t matter. Her life did.

I packed up her
belongings and set them by the front door. It was the hardest thing I’d ever
had to do, but I decided to do it like I’d rip off a bandaid. I had to be
quick. If I let myself think about it, I knew I’d change my mind. How could I
not? I was giving up perfection in human form. I was giving up a blissful life
with the one I loved.

Once I put her stuff
down, I slowly went to the one room that I knew would haunt me most. It was
time to face it. When I turned on the light, the nursery seemed to mourn the
loss of the boy who would never get to see it. The gray walls and the blue
accents, which had previously reminded me of a bright, beautiful, and peaceful
day, suddenly appeared stormy, like my mind and my heart.

I slowly walked over to
the crib and picked up the pale teddy bear that Charlie had bought for him
during our first Christmas together. I hadn’t told her how perfect it was. Its
soothing color matched Elizabeth’s hair and temperament. Its warm softness
reminded me of Charlie’s heart. Within that bear, my son would have had the
perfect tribute to both his biological mother and his surrogate mother.

I held it close to my chest
and dropped to my knees on the floor. I felt as if my breath had been stolen
from my body. I had officially lost everything that mattered to me. The baby
had been my last link to Elizabeth. He was innocent. He’d done nothing but be
conceived and born.

But he was born
sleeping. I never got to hear his cry. I never got to see his smile. I would
never hear his first words or teach him to ride his first bike. I would never
get the chance to raise him to be the man I hoped he’d be. I would never get to
teach him to play sports, like my dad did with me. He would never grow to be a
teenager to argue with me at every turn. I would never get to meet his first
girlfriend or help him with his tux at his first prom. I had been terrified of
the prospect of being a dad, unsure of where to even begin. But as his due date
neared, I found myself looking forward to everything that I would get to do as
a father.

And he was gone. Having
those opportunities snatched from me killed me inside, perhaps even more than
losing Elizabeth. He’d even looked just like her. He had a full head of her
beautiful blond hair. He had her dimpled chin. He would probably have grown to
have her smile, and maybe even her laugh. With the sole exception of her very
memory, everything of her that I had left that had ever meant anything to me
died with him. I only prayed that, if Heaven existed, he was welcomed into
Elizabeth’s loving arms in death.

For the next several hours,
I let my own sorrow wash over me. I had to accept that two of the three people I
loved died because of the cloud of misfortune that I somehow brought upon them.
The third I had to walk away from so she could escape it.