Her Rebel Heart (18 page)
Authors: Shannon Farrington
She gave Julia a hug and then they sat down on the bed.
Julia drew up her knees and smoothed out her wrinkled day dress. "Oh, Sally, it's just terrible."
"Were you able to sleep?"
"No."
"Emily came to the prayer meeting today. She said that her father spoke with Sam this morning."
"Yes, but the soldiers won't release him."
"Oh, my."
"I went with Father to the house this morning. He was bundling up shirts. We sent him his Bible and one of his schoolbooks. I baked him a loaf of bread."
Sally smiled comfortingly. "I am certain he appreciated that."
"Oh, Sally, I have been so foolish! I should have listened to you when you said I was making a mistake. I should have gone back to Samuel right at that very moment and told him that I was sorry. Now I am afraid that it's too late."
Julia strangled the handkerchief in her hands. "I called him a coward. A
coward!
"
"Julia, if I know Sam, he has long since forgiven you."
"Do you think he could?"
"He loves you. You know he does."
Julia nodded her head yes. If there was one thing she was certain of now, it was that Samuel Ward loved her; though she could not for the life of herself understand why.
"It is worse than that," she said.
"What is?"
"I know why he has sided with the abolitionists."
"You do?"
"Yes." She drew in a quick breath. "I read that book."
Sally squinted. "What book?"
Julia pointed to the nondescript volume lying at the foot of her bed. "That one. It belongs to Samuel."
"Is it about slavery?"
"Yes."
Curiosity caused her to pick it up. Sally leafed through the pages though not really settling on any particular one. She then looked back at Julia. "Is this the man from up north? The one that set him thinking about abolition?"
"Yes. He was a slave on a plantation in Talbot County some years before."
"Truly?"
"Yes. Oh, Sally, he wrote all sorts of horrible things! I thought slavery was just about working in the fields, like farm hands but this man wrote of what life is really like for a slave. Things that I never imagined."
"Like what?"
"Like how they chain their hands, their feet, even their necks! How slaves are separated from their families and sold to different owners." She lowered her voice to a whisper. Her cheeks grew warm with embarrassment. "The women are bred like horses."
Sally blinked. "What do you mean?"
Julia found Frederick Douglass's own words and showed Sally the page.
Her jaw dropped and her face turned as red as Julia's. "The slave masters father the children and then they turn around and sell them? Do they do this everywhere?"
"I don't know," Julia said, "but it must be common enough if this man chose to write about it."
"That is absolutely disgraceful!"
Julia nodded. "Samuel kept saying that he could not support a Confederacy that allowed slavery. I am beginning to understand why."
"Then you should tell him that."
"Where would I even begin? It's so awful."
"Tell him what you have told me. Tell him that you read his book. You don't need to say anything more. He will understand."
Julia's shoulders rose and fell with a quick shallow breath. "Do you really think he will?"
"Of course."
Both of them grew quiet, contemplative. Sally picked up the book again and scanned its pages. Julia's breathing eventually settled to a more normal pace.
A half hour went by. Sally put down the book.
"I don't want to read anymore. I have read enough."
Their minds were full. Their hearts were heavy. With eyes opened to such evil, their consciences demanded a choice. They could not remain ambivalent as they had been and they both knew it.
"What do we do now?" Sally asked. "Where do we go from here?"
"I wish I knew. For the first time I understand the pressure, the confusion Samuel must be feeling. Slavery is wrong. I am convinced of that now but I don't like what the Federal Army is doing either."
Sally shook her head in disbelief. "I can't believe that they arrested your father. That they kept Sam."
Julia shuddered just thinking of it. "I don't know when or if they will let him come home."
"Just keep praying," Sally urged.
She tried to have faith. She tried to be brave but her thoughts immediately went to her brother. "What am I going to tell Edward?" Julia asked.
"What am I going to tell Stephen? I never knew slaves were treated like that."
They both wiped away tears. Sally then stretched out across the bottom of the bed and stared at the ceiling.
"There aren't any answers written up there," Julia said. "Believe me, I have looked."
Sally rolled onto her side. "Why did God allow it to get this far?" she asked. "Why did He let it come to war?"
"Perhaps He was speaking all along," Julia said. "Perhaps we just weren't listening."
The unspoken consequences of such actions blanketed the room in heavy silence.
"What will happen to our brothers?" Sally dared ask. "To our other friends? Not everyone in the Confederate Army agrees with slavery."
Julia thought of what Samuel had said about praying for Edward's safety. His words had angered her. Now she appreciated them more then she could ever have imagined.
"Like you said, we just have to keep praying."
"We should pray for them right now. We should pray for ourselves, as well."
Julia agreed. Sally pulled herself into a sitting position and they clasped hands. They pleaded for God's intervention in the lives of their brothers and for all of those they knew. They did not stop until His peace permeated the room.
"
Sally returned home just before supper. After the light meal, the doorbell rang. Dr. Stanton had gone upstairs, so Julia went to answer the door. She first checked the window for any sign of Federal soldiers.
On the porch stood Charles Moffit.
Oh, dear,
she thought.
Taking a moment to gather her composure, she then opened the door.
"Miss Stanton," he said, quickly removing his topper and placing it over his heart. "I came as soon as I heard the news. The arrest of your father? Why, it is appalling! Those Yankees'"
"He is home now," Julia said, "and the matter has been concluded."
He breathed a sigh of relief. "I am pleased to hear that. I shall be returning to Annapolis today but if your family should have need of any assistance'¦"
Any assistance she may be in need of, Charles Moffit could not supply. She knew that now. "I thank you Mr. Moffit but that won't be necessary."
"I see."
Julia knew she had to speak plainly. "And as for our future correspondence, I am afraid I must decline."
His face fell. "I see," he said once again. "Does this have anything to do with your former fiancé?"
She was taken aback by his inquisitiveness. "It has to do with a great many things," Julia said. "Most of which would be improper to discuss."
"Of course," he said. "Forgive me. I understand." As credit to his social standing, he knew when it was time to leave. "I suppose then this is farewell."
"I am afraid so."
This time he did not kiss her hand. Julia smiled politely nonetheless.
"I do wish you happiness for your future," he said.
"Thank you, Mr. Moffit, and I you, as well. May God grant you safe passage home."
He turned for the front gate. She shut the door, thankful to have closed at least one chapter in her life.
"Was that who I think it was?"
She turned to find her father standing on the staircase. "Yes. I said that I did not wish to correspond with him."
"And why is that?" he asked, as he joined her.
Julia knew full well that her father wasn't asking because he thought she had made a mistake.
"I read that book'¦or at least, part of it."
His left eyebrow arched with intrigue. "Frederick Douglass?"
"Yes."
"I was hoping you would."
Images of women being whipped as young children were ripped from their arms made her shiver. She lowered her chin, feeling ashamed that for years she had thought nothing on the matter.
"I could not finish it," she confessed. "It was too disturbing."
"It is, indeed."
"I understand now why you helped that young woman."
"You do?"
"Yes."
His mustache rose with just the hint of a compassionate smile. He extended his arm. Together they walked to the study.
"Your mother and I came to the decision that slavery should be outlawed only a short time ago," he explained. "It was only as we became aware of how horrible the institution was that our opinions'or, rather, lack thereof'changed."
"How?" Julia asked.
"Partly because of Sam, the experiences he spoke of, the people he had met while he was away. We never had any real experiences with slavery. None of our close
friends own slaves and the few that I have seen here in Baltimore appear to be well treated by their owners."
He continued. "But that perspective was limited. Sam knew people who had seen much more and the things that he told disturbed me greatly."
Julia mentioned only a little of what she had read in Samuel's book, the beatings, the separation of families. "Are those things common?"
"According to Sam they are and according to the various abolitionist literature that I have since read."
She sighed heavily. Her mind drifted back to that day in Fell's Point when she had stood arguing with Samuel and her father concerning their activities. How selfish and immature she had acted. She hoped the young woman upstairs had not heard.
"Father, what happened to Rose? Did she suffer such things?"
He nodded sadly. "She was a slave from a house on Hanover Street. Sam said that her mother lived on a plantation in Talbot County and her father had been sent to one on the Severn River."
Julia winced as though a bayonet had been run through her chest. She wondered if the plantation on the Severn could possibly be the Moffit's large acreage outside of Annapolis.
"I must admit, I was hesitant about helping," he said. "I was concerned about the potential consequences of doing so."
"What changed your mind?"
"The look in her eyes the moment I saw her. There was no way I could deny her care. My conscience would not allow it. She had been beaten more times than a man could count."
Julia shuddered and once more thought of Frederick
Douglass's description of masters and their methods for increasing the slave population. She was compelled to ask, "The baby she is carrying'¦the child doesn't belong to her husband, does it?"
"She doesn't have a husband."
Julia's heart broke for Rose and all the other young women like her.
And what of Elisha and Elijah? Who is their father? Could it be the dry goods merchant himself or someone even more cruel?
Tears filled her eyes.
Dear Lord, how could I have been so foolish? How could I be so focused on my own pleasures that I failed to notice what was happening all around me?
She looked at her father. "I understand now why Samuel felt that he could not support Edward."
"I see," he said slowly, "and where does that leave you?"
"I am not certain."
He smiled. "Well, I am confident that the Lord will show you and that in turn you will do what is right."
I hope so,
she thought.
She loved Samuel Ward but did she have the courage to walk beside him? Could she travel his path without worrying about the opinions of her brother, her fellow citizens and the consequences of state and federal law?
T
he following morning dawned clear and bright. As the sunlight from the small window streamed into the room, the political prisoners yawned and stretched before beginning a new day. Sam put his feet on the floor. He had passed another restless night. This time it wasn't so much the mattress that kept him tossing and turning. It was dreaming about things he could not control.
He saw Edward on the battlefield, his tailored Maryland Guard uniform now tattered and covered in mud. He and his men were taking on fire. Trees were splintering. Julia's brother fell in a pool of blood.
The nightmare then shifted to her. She stood vigil over Edward's casket. She was dressed in black with a veil covering her face. Sam could barely see her through the heavy draping.
"I am so sorry," he'd said.
She turned her back to him. "Go away," she'd whispered, so as not to make a scene in front of the other mourners. "You are not welcome here."
He'd touched her on the sleeve. "Julia, don't do this."
Bitterness laced her words. "This is all your fault, Samuel. I wish that I had never met you."
Trying to shake off the haunting images, Sam dressed and combed his hair, mentally preparing for another day of confinement.
I don't understand why all of this has happened, Lord. But I choose to believe it is part of Your plan. I choose to believe this is for our ultimate good'¦Julia's and mine.
"
Julia finished her morning chores then traded her cotton work dress and corded petticoat for her hoop and silk. As she made herself ready for the noon prayer meeting her thoughts were churning.
She still feared the soldiers. She still hated the Federal occupation of her city. But she loved Samuel. She wanted to support him and his work. How exactly, she was not sure. Her legs were shaky, her steps uncertain, yet she knew she was finally on solid ground.
I will continue with what we have begun at the prayer meeting. God will give me further instructions when I need them.
She brushed out her hair then twisted it up into place, leaving just a few curls about her ears. Samuel had often told her that he liked her hair that way. She then opened the top drawer of her dressing table. She took out her engagement ring. She slid it on her finger, the action solidifying her resolve.
Whatever happens will be in God's hands.
She rode to church in the back of her father's carriage. Julia stared at the houses as they passed by. Not a symbol of seccession remained in Baltimore. The flags and bunting which had covered the streets of Mount Vernon before the occupation had all been taken down for fear of Federal imprisonment.
An ache moved through her heart. She wondered where Samuel was at that exact moment. Had the sol
diers given him any sort of breakfast? Had they moved him to a confinement cell?
She had it in her mind that she was going to write him a long letter as soon as she got home from church, that she would tell him about reading his book and how she had come to see life from a different perspective. She wanted to tell him that she was sorry for the things she had said and that she now believed his decision not to join the Confederate Army was the right one.
But her fears nagged her.
What if the soldiers censor the mail? What if they confiscate it altogether?
There wasn't anything illegal about expressing antislavery sentiments but there also wasn't anything illegal about treating wounded citizens on Pratt Street.
And yet the soldiers came for my father.
Uneasiness made her squirm in her seat and her chin began to quiver.
What if I do or say something that will get Samuel into further trouble?
Clutching her Bible tightly in her lap, she bowed her head and prayed silently for him once more.
Lord, I don't know what to do or what to say. All I know is that I must do something. I can't let him think that I don't love him.
The carriage rocked side to side. She opened her eyes just as her father turned onto Charles Street. The church building came into view. Its large, white steeple punctured the hazy, late-morning sky. Dr. Stanton rolled to a stop and the three of them climbed out.
Sally's father had served as chaperone in Samuel's absence. He and his daughter were already at the table.
"Shall I stay with you?" Julia's mother asked, knowing she was anxious about resuming her duties.
"Thank you, but I will be all right." Julia said the words with more courage than she actually felt. She hoped there would be no blue uniforms in the vicinity today.
Esther squeezed her hand. "I will say a prayer for you."
"Thank you."
Her parents entered the church building and Julia joined Sally.
"I am so pleased to see you," Sally said, hugging her. "Your presence was greatly missed."
Julia smiled. Sally always knew how to make a person feel welcome.
"I missed you, as well, but I am certain that you managed just fine without me."
"Several people have asked about you," Sally said. "They all hoped you would return."
"Truly?"
"Yes."
Tears filled Julia's eyes but she blinked them back. Could it be she'd had the slightest impact for good, despite all of her mistakes?
Oh, Lord, You are so merciful,
she thought.
So merciful.
The noon bells chimed the hour and the congregants began arriving. Among them was a new face, Rebekah Van der Geld. She approached the table. The drab black bonnet still crowned her head yet Rebekah's face was far from judgmental. Kindness and compassion shone in her eyes.
"I wanted to tell you that I heard about Samuel," she said. "I am so sorry."
Julia touched the ring on her finger, thinking of that day at the sewing circle when she had been ashamed to
tell her friends what Samuel's wartime position was. How foolish she had been.
"Thank you," Julia said. "That is very kind of you."
"I will pray that they release him soon."
"Thank you. I appreciate that." Julia moved to give her a hug, grateful for Rebekah's compassionate words. Perhaps the two of them could once again find common ground.
When Rebekah left the table to join her family in the church, Sally said,
"The spirit of God is moving."
"Indeed," Julia said.
Prayers were being answered. Hearts were softening. People were coming to Christ.
If only Samuel could see this. If only I could tell him about it face-to-face.
She and Sally handed out milk rolls and lemon tea cakes while Mr. Hastings served water to those on the street. The hour passed for Julia with a mixture of fear and joy. She kept a watchful eye, praying Elijah and Elisha would come.
At ten till one, she saw them, torn trousers and a sack of grain. Julia drew in a deep breath. Despite being warned otherwise, she started across the street.
Elijah and Elisha set down the sack. They grinned and tipped their caps.
"Miss Julia! We'z glad to see you!"
With tears brimming in her eyes, she immediately hugged them both. They smelled like stale hay. She could feel their ribs through their coarse, rag shirts.
"It is I who am pleased to see both of you," she said. "Tell me, are you well?"
"Yes'um," Elijah said. "We'z right as rain. We'z seen God!"
Julia blinked. "I beg your pardon?"
"We'z seen God! He came to our lean-to early one mornin' "fore sunrise."
The boys were adamant. Julia had no idea what they were talking about but whatever they had experienced left them happy and excited.
Perhaps Samuel's conversations about Jesus have caused them to dream about Him.
She then realized the problem with that explanation.
But both of them having the same dream?
She looked at Elisha. He nodded seriously, eyes wide as his brother continued. "He answered our prayer."
"He did?" Julia asked. "How did you see the Lord, exactly?"
"Master Wallace said we weren't gonna git no bread that day but we'z hungry, so we prayed for somethin' to eat. And God brought us milk rolls for breakfast! He slipped it in our lean-to and then quick as a wink, He was gone!"
Julia glanced again at Elisha. He was still nodding.
"And that's not the best part," Elijah said. "He gave us stockins, too! Brand new! They fit just right!"
They pulled up their trousers for proof. Julia hadn't even noticed until now the burlap tied around their feet which served as makeshift shoes. On their ankles were gray knitted stockings, the ones she had given Samuel.
Tears filled her eyes and her heart swelled with love and admiration.
He found a way! Lord, bless Samuel for his kindness, his perseverance.
"What did your visitor look like?" She asked.
"He have white hair and a beard and a big fancy stovepipe hat."
She realized the man they were describing was Dr. Carter. Samuel must have passed the items on to him
before his arrest. "That wasn't the Lord," she corrected gently, "but it was surely one of his servants, one of Mr. Sam's friends."
"Oh'¦," Elijah said slowly, not the least bit disappointed. "Miss Julia?"
"Yes?"
"Where is Mr. Sam?"
She did not want them to worry so she chose her words carefully.
"He had to go away for a while," she said.
"Is he a comin' back?"
Her body trembled at the thought of anything otherwise but Julia stood firm on faith. If God could change her heart, could he not also change those men at Fort McHenry?
"Oh, yes," she said. "He will return. Will you promise me something, though?"
They lifted their chins. "Yes'um."
"Will you pray for him until he does?"
They nodded, taking the request as a solemn honor. "Yes'um. We be happy to."
"Thank you, gentlemen." She handed them each a tea cake and a roll of candy. Her heart ached at what the rest of their day may hold. Though she wished to, she knew she could not keep them any longer.
Lord, thank You for answering their prayer. Thank You for answering mine. Please continue to watch over them.
"You had better go now," she said. "I don't want you to be late. Will I see you tomorrow?"
They flashed their milk-white smiles. "Oh, yes'um."
She helped them hoist the grain sack onto their shoulders then watched as they headed up the street. Not a
soldier or a passerby had harmed them and the joy she felt at serving far outweighed her fears.
It gave her courage.
I must go to him,
she thought.
I must go to Fort McHenry and tell Samuel that I love him.
A peace washed over her that was beyond comprehension. She knew what she was about to do was right. She waited until the service had ended and their carriage was well on its way before she spoke of Fort McHenry. She knew her parents would not be comfortable with the idea of her visiting the fort but she prayed they would at least consider her request.
The summer sun gleamed bright and heat rose in rippled waves from the street. Julia opened her fan. Her heart was pounding.
"Father?" she asked.
"Yes, child?"
"Will you take me to Fort McHenry so that I may see Samuel?"
He kept his eyes on the road in front of him. A wagon loaded with lumber was crossing the street. He slowed to let it pass.
She wondered if he had heard her request. "Father?"
"I am not certain that is a wise idea," he said finally without taking his eyes from the road.
Julia bit back her disappointment, knowing beforehand this would probably be the response. Still, she pressed her position respectfully.
"Please? It is very important that I speak with him. I was going to write him but I was afraid that the soldiers would'"
"I noticed the ring," he said. "Does this mean you have changed your mind?"
She shuddered to think of all the hurtful things she
had said and done to him. "I was a fool to ever think otherwise," she said.
Her mother looked back at her and smiled. The feathers on her new bonnet swayed slightly. "We are all fools at some point, dear. The important thing is having the courage to change."
She appreciated her mother's encouragement. She leaned forward in her seat. She could tell by her father's wrinkled brow that he was at least considering the idea.
Oh, Lord, please'¦please let me set things right.
Her father drove the final blocks to home without saying a word. Julia sat on the edge of her seat the entire time, breathless. When they pulled in front of the house Dr. Stanton set the brake but did not climb from the carriage.
Holding on to that measure of hope, Julia did not move. Her mother sat still, as well.
"Thomas," she said slowly.
Dr. Stanton looked at his wife and then at Julia. He sighed. "I want you to wear your most understated dress and bonnet. Nothing too fancy. I don't want you to speak a word to anyone until you see Sam. Is that understood?"
Joy welled up inside her. She threw her arms around his neck. "Oh, thank you! Thank you!"
His face softened to a laugh. "If it were any man other than Samuel Ward I wouldn't even think of letting you do this." He patted her arm. "Go on now. Go inside before I change my mind."
"
It was by far the most humid day that Sam had experienced during his stay at the fort. Summertime in Baltimore could be sweltering and by afternoon the second story room of confinement felt like a furnace. He and his
companions sought the shade and slightly cooler temperatures of the portico.
The men were far from talkative except for the occasional wish for a glass of water or lemonade. John and William tried to pass the time by playing checkers. Richard was pitching cards at an empty water bucket. Sam watched Fort McHenry's daily life unfold with its usual routine.
