Her Restless Heart (24 page)

Jacob exchanged a greeting with Matthew Bontrager and Chris Matlock as he went to get his buggy.

"How's planting going?" Matthew asked.

"
Gut.
Yours?"

"
Gut.
God had a wonderful plan when he put a brother-in-law on the farm next to me. Chris has been helping me."

"And Matthew's been helping me," Chris responded.

Jacob had known Matthew all his life since they had grown up here together. But Chris had been
Englisch,
like Matthew's wife, Jenny, and studied to join the Amish church when he married Matthew's sister, Hannah.

Amish life was so different from what the
Englisch
thought that Jacob knew some were surprised at how well Jenny and then Chris had acclimated.

"Can I hitch up your buggy for you, Jacob?"

He smiled at Joshua, Matthew's son and Jenny's stepson who'd grown up to be a horse-loving preteen who'd live in a barn if he could.

"
Schur,"
he said. "
Danki."

Jacob chatted about the weather—a favorite topic of farmers—until Joshua led his horse and buggy to him.

"Are you going for a picnic, Jacob?" Joshua jerked his head at the picnic basket in the back of the buggy.

Surprised, Jacob stepped forward to look. He'd never seen it before.

"Jacob!"

He spun around. "Mary Katherine!
Guder mariye."

The others faded away as he stepped toward her. "It's so
gut
to see you."

"You, too." She stood there, watching him with her hands clasped in front of her.

If he didn't know her so well, he wouldn't have seen how she did that with her hands to still their nervous movements. She was nervous. Not angry. Maybe he had a chance . . .

She looked past him and her eyebrows went up in surprise. "What's my grandmother's picnic basket doing in your buggy?"

"I don't know, Little Red Riding Hood. Did you put it there?"

Laughing, she shook her head. "
Nee."

"Well, I think we should put it to good use, don't you?"

Glancing back, she saw her grandmother, Anna, and Naomi standing on the porch, looking expectantly toward them.

"
Ya,
we shouldn't disappoint them."

They hadn't gone a block when Mary Katherine shook her head and waved her hands. "Stop! Stop!"

Jacob pulled over, off the road. "What's the matter? Are you feeling sick?"

She stared out her window. "I'm sorry. I can't do this."

"Do—what?"

"I can't go on some picnic with you and have you say 'I'm sorry' and everything's okay!"

He blinked. "Wow."

"Yeah, wow," she muttered.

She jerked back when he took her hands, and tried to pull them away. But he wouldn't let her.

"I tried to apologize—"

"I trusted you to not hurt me!" She looked down at their joined hands and felt him jerk when a tear dripped down her cheek and plopped on them.

"I was so caught up in my own pain I didn't think what it would do to you," he admitted, rubbing the fragile, sensitive skin on her wrists. "I thought I'd lost you to Daniel."

"I've had enough years of living with a man who never thought of my feelings. I can't do that again. I won't do that again. It's not good for either of us."

"I know. I know." He leaned his forehead against hers. "I'm sorry. I can't explain about jealousy."

"It's misplaced. I've never given you reason to think he meant anything to me."

"Jealousy isn't reasonable. Or logical."

"I know." She laughed self-deprecatingly. "Well, I didn't before today. Then my grandmother pointed out to me that she'd seen you go outside and Becky Raber follow you."

He stared at her with dawning understanding. "You were jealous?"

"Cautious," she said, lifting her chin. "Not willing to let someone else move in—"

"Jealous!" he accused, grinning.

She hesitated, and then she nodded, smiling reluctantly.

His laugh was delighted. "So you can understand about jealousy?"

"Don't you dare try to make this the same as what you did!"

His grin faded. "No, you're right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he said again. "I'll say it again and again until you believe me. Until it's enough."

"You've said it enough for this time. But what about next time?"

"Next time? There's not going to be a next time."

"You can't promise you won't hurt me again."

A car horn honked, startling Jacob's horse. He spent the next few moments getting him under control.

He turned to her. "Let's go to that little park down the road."

She nodded.

He took them to a small park that bordered a pond. After a long, cold winter, it was a pleasure to spread out a quilt and sit on it. The sun felt warm on her face. Daffodils danced as a gentle breeze drifted through them.

Mary Katherine smiled as she watched a mother duck lead her little ducklings to the water.

Jacob reached over and ran a fingertip across her lips, his eyes dark with desire. "I've missed that smile. I've missed you."

"Me, too." His touch was sending shivers through her. Her cheeks heated, and she found her breath started coming faster.

His hand moved to cup her cheek and he moved closer, bending to kiss her.

An
Englisch
couple walked past and looked at them curiously.

"We could go someplace where we can be more private."

"Is that a good idea?" she asked, licking her suddenly dry lips.

"No. You're right."

"I don't want to be right." Disappointed, she opened the top lid of the picnic basket, then shut it again.

He sighed heavily. "I just planted my fields."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "Well, I'm sorry, but I don't really care about that right now." She could hear the slight note of petulance in her voice, but she didn't care.

"You hate farming that much?"

"No," she said at last. "I'll love it because I love you." She blushed when she realized what she'd blurted out.

"
Danki.
For saying it first. I didn't think I'd hear those words." He took a deep breath. "I didn't think I deserved them."

Turning back, she studied him. "Why wouldn't you deserve them?"

"I'm not smooth talking like Daniel. Or as wealthy."

"Oh, so now I'm shallow and acquisitive." She glared at him.

"No. According to my sister, Rebecca, I didn't think I had anything to offer you."

"You have yourself, Jacob Miller. What more would I want?"

"And we just planted," he said again, his voice heavy with regret.

"There are those fields again. You're obsessed—"

He leaned forward and kissed her, hard. "There's something you're forgetting."

She touched her fingers to her tingling lips. "I'll never forget that."

"We can't get married until the fall harvest."

"Oh," she said.

He laughed. "Yeah. Oh."

His humor faded. He took her hand, and his clasp was so warm, so reassuring. "I'm sorry I let my feelings about hearing you'd been with Daniel ruin your news about joining the church that day."

"It's okay."

"It's not okay."

"No," she said. "But as long as it doesn't happen again." She looked him in the eye. "I won't be my mother. I won't become a quiet little mouse about things."

"From what I saw today, I don't think that'll happen."

"And I won't let you be like my father."

"That's
never
going to happen," he said firmly.

She took a deep breath. "I'm scared."

"Scared? Of what?"

"You," she said, and watched the expression of shock spread across his handsome face.

She was afraid of him?

Jacob felt numb. He loved her. How could she think he'd hurt her? He'd never do that.

Then a horrible thought struck him.

"Mary Katherine, did your father hurt you?"

"Oh, my, not the way you're thinking!" she cried. "You can't think that of him!"

"He never beat you?"

She shook her head violently.

"Or . . . touched you?"

Her face turned white. "No!"

"Then tell me," he said. "Help me understand."

"You don't have to do the things you mentioned to hurt someone," she said slowly. "Sometimes words are enough."

He let out the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. "I know." He sighed. "I can't promise never to hurt you with words—"

"I know—"

"Let me finish." He took her hands in his and was relieved when she let him touch her. "I'm a man who sometimes opens his mouth without thinking. My sisters and
Mamm
will tell you that. I've been working on that. But I promise that I'll work even harder to think before I talk, and I promise that there'll be so many more words of love that you'll hear."

"Words of love?"

"
Ya."
He saw he had her attention. "Like, 'I love you,' " he said, moving closer again. "Like, 'Be my beloved
fraa.'
" He bent his head until their lips were a breath apart. "Like, 'I hope we have many
kinner
and live to dangle many grandchildren on our knees.' And like, 'A hundred years with you won't be enough.' " Tears welled up in her eyes and ran down her cheeks. He pulled a snowy handkerchief from his pocket and wiped them away.

"And you thought some other man could speak better words than you?" she whispered. "Be my love, Jacob. Be my
mann,
and I won't fear any words from you."

She leaned forward to kiss him, and he met her lips with passion. Her head spun with dreams of this with him for years to come.

And then a thought intruded, and laughter bubbled up inside her, like a fountain of joy.

"What's so funny?" he demanded as she drew back from him.

She pressed her fingers against her mouth and her eyes danced. "I've watched too many movies with Jamie. I was thinking that you'll only hurt me if I ask you to make love to me one night and you say, 'Not tonight, dear.' "

Laughing, he shook his head and gathered her closer. "I promise you, those words are never going to leave my lips."

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

¼ cup butter or margarine (reserve 1 tablespoon)

¼ cup flour

1 cup milk

8 ounces (½ pound) Velveeta cut in small cubes

2 cups cooked elbow macaroni (or any shape macaroni)

½ cup shredded cheddar cheese (any kind—sharp, mild, etc.)

Optional: 6 buttery crackers (Ritz), crushed

Melt 3 tablespoons butter in a pan on low heat, add flour, stir, cook for about two minutes. Add milk, stir, bring to a boil without burning. Gradually add the Velveeta, stir until melted. Add macaroni. Pour into baking dish that has been sprayed with cooking spray or greased with some butter or margarine. Sprinkle with the cheddar. Mix remaining tablespoon butter or margarine with crumbled crackers, then sprinkle over the casserole.

Set timer for 20 minutes (this is very important). Bake casserole until heated through and top cracker crust is browned.