Her Secret (24 page)

He kissed that bite a few times, then said,
“To see you. To make love with you, if you would let me.”

“Did you think I would refuse?” I said,
turning and kissing the side of his neck. “I’ve wanted that since
the moment we parted.”

“Then why didn’t you come to me in Rio?” he
whispered sadly. “I asked you to many times.”

“Because I have responsibilities to more than
myself. There’s Theoron and Elle to consider, not to mention I’m
technically still married.”

“What do you mean by technically?” Devlin
asked, suddenly alert. “Theo is in Canada checking out the
Gathering arrangements, isn’t he? Are you breaking up? Danial said
nothing.”

“No, he wouldn’t have,” I said, irritated.
“Theo has another woman, one he loved when he was gone those two
years. She wrote him a letter out of the blue, and he’s left to see
her. I’m guessing a divorce is in the making when he returns.”

“I thought you were a little less morally
uptight,” Devlin said teasingly. “Here I thought it was just you
finally coming to your senses.”

Just like that, I was angry at him again.
He’d trashed my life, with what he’d done to me.
“If I’d come
to my senses, you’d be on your ass out there in the sun.”

Devlin took a sharp intake of breath, his
arms loosening. I knew I’d hurt him, but remembered how he’d lied
to me and didn’t apologize.

“Did you like my gifts?” he said hesitantly.
“Danial said he gave them to you.”

“Yes. I’m sorry I didn’t thank you for them.
I should have emailed you a thank you.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said softly. He got
up, and helped me to my feet. “I should go.”

“Don’t go,” I said, reaching out to him, and
caressing his cheek with my hand.

He took my hand off him angrily. “What do you
want of me, Sar, that you want me not to leave? Speak.”

“I want you not to go. Stay with me. I’m
alone until Friday night, until Danial returns and we all leave for
the meeting in Canada. I’d like to spend that time with you, if you
want to spend it with me.”

He turned away and began checking his clothes
to see if they were dry. “It’s not enough.”

“What do you want from me?” I said in
exasperation. “That day back in the fall, you seduced me just for
sex, or so you told me then. After, you told me you loved me and
that you were leaving and never coming back. Then you send me
presents and ask me to drop my whole life to come to you. You come
back to me months later with no warning, and initiate sex again. I
don’t understand what you’re really after. Would you tell me the
truth for once in your life?”

He turned to me then, the look in his eyes
hitting me like a physical blow. “I want you to be with me, to try
to have my child as you had Danial’s child, to give me your Oath,
to let me give you my love, to share my life.”

I gaped at him, my mouth open. If he was
telling the truth, I ached for him, because it wasn’t going to
happen. If he was lying, I hated him for saying that any of that
mattered to him when it didn’t.

“But it’s enough for me, right now, if you
just tell me you love me, Sar,” Devlin said, looking at me
defiantly. “Tell me you love me, and I’ll stay.”

“I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?” Devlin said, raising his
eyebrows.

“I’m not in love with you,” I said, reaching
for him.

He eluded me. “Why?” he said indignantly. “I
used all of my skill with you that day. I held back nothing of
myself, told you everything I was feeling when I was with you, made
your every wish a reality. It was likely the best sex of your life.
Why aren’t you in love with me?”

I thought about saying a lot of things, but
decided the truth was best.
That was the whole point here,
wasn’t it?
“Because I can’t trust you.”

“You trusted me earlier today,” he said,
coming closer to stand in front of me. “You came willingly without
a thought when you saw it was me.”

“I’ve desired nothing but you for months
now.” I reached for him again.

Again, Devlin stepped away. “You have an odd
way of showing it, Sarelle. Every attempt I made was met with
rejection. But the worst was your apathy. I wasn’t even worth a
moment of your time, much less a thank you.”

The use of my full name from him infuriated
me. “You want to know how I feel?” I shouted hatefully. “I’ll tell
you. I hate you for what you’ve done to me! Do you know how many
times I thought of you, wished you were with me? How many times I
wanted to call that number you gave me, just to hear your voice?
How much I wanted to put on the choker and go to you, even knowing
what it would do to everyone I love? I had to finally put it in
Danial’s safe, so I wouldn’t be tempted—”

Devlin’s eyes widened “He knows? He said
nothing—”

“No, he doesn’t know!” I shouted. “I knew
he’d destroy it, or that Theo would. I couldn’t leave it there,
either! I had to ask Terian for a box to hide it in finally—”

“Why not just burn it, like you burned the
book I gave you?” he said sarcastically, his eyes molten with
anger.

Danial must have told him. It didn’t even
dent my anger. “Because I couldn’t bear to destroy it, or to let
anyone else destroy it! I loved it! I hated that I couldn’t wear
it, that a time would never come when I could!”

“I wanted you to wear it,” he said sadly. “If
you had only come to me—”

“I drugged myself for another reason besides
being able to control myself around Danial, and other vampires. I
had to stop thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting you! I want
you more than I have ever wanted anyone in my life. Does that mean
anything to you, you son of a bitch?” I put my hands over my face,
crying.

Devlin came close and put his arms around me.
“Yes,” he said softly. “It means something to me, to have heard
those words from you, to hear in your voice you mean them. Please
don’t cry, Love.”

“Call me Sar,” I sniffled.

“Sar,” he said tenderly, then brushed his
lips gently down my neck. “Shh, Sar.”

I relaxed into him, running my fingers up
through his hair. It was shoulder length now, as Danial’s was
naturally.

“This is the length it always grows back to,”
he said, kissing the side of my neck. “And I’m not cutting it short
for you, so don’t ask.”

I gave him a grimace. “I never asked anyone
to cut their hair for me.” I pulled back to look at him, and the
words just fell out of my mouth. “I like you just as you are. I
just wish you wouldn’t lie to me, so I could love you.”

Devlin gaped at me, lips parted.

I went crimson. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t—”

“No, you’re right,” Devlin said, pulling me
against him. “There have been enough lies between us, even though
some of them were necessary. Ask me, and I’ll tell you the
truth.”

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

“Was it really your truck?”

“It is Lash’s truck. Yes, I have friends.
Sar, but I can count them on one hand, and that includes my brother
and Lash.”

“Who is he?”

“He is to me what Theo is to Danial, but I’ve
known him much, much longer.”

Lash. He was the one Brian was so afraid
of
. “Was he with you the night you came for me?”

“If he had been, I’d not have lost to Terian
and Theo,” Devlin said darkly. “He was with me the night I came to
save you from Alphonse. He led the main assault on the house,
diverting most of the guard’s attention so I could rescue you. He
is the one who entered the bedroom, who told us to hurry.”

“I remember.” Lash sounded a lot like Devlin,
capable of anything. No wonder they were good buddies. “Can you
trust him?”

“Yes,” Devlin said. “I trust him and Danial,
and that’s about it.”

“What did you mean when you said that Danial
enjoyed wielding power?” I asked next.

“He’s gotten more ruthless since coming to
power, and becoming a father a second time. Power is hard to resist
exercising, in and of itself. That is a good change I approve of.
Those under him need reminders that there are lines that are not to
be crossed.”

That sounded bad but true. “Why did you come
back when you told me you wouldn’t?”

“First of all, I never told you I wouldn’t
come back.”

“You said you loved me and that you weren’t
coming back in my lifetime.”

“And I meant it, until you said you loved my
eyes.” Devlin kissed me chastely, moving my head with his so our
eyes met. “I knew if you could love part of me, you could come to
love me in time. So I told you I’d return.”

“Was I in the same truck you were? You said
no such thing.”

“You said you knew poetry,” Devlin said. “You
don’t know ‘Love is like a Red, Red Rose’?”

I gave him a blank look. “No.”

“The end goes thus, Sar: Fare thee well, my
only love; Fare thee well awhile. For I will come again, my love,
though it be ten thousand miles.”

I’d been so worried about Theo finding out
about Devlin I’d not paid enough attention. “I know the poem. I
didn’t know that is what you were saying.”

“I perhaps should have said it more
blatantly,” Devlin said, nibbling my ear. “But in any case, I made
good on my word.”

“Why did you come back, really? Because Theo
isn’t here? For the Gathering?”

“Many reasons. To find out why you didn’t
come to me. To find out if you cared for me. To be with you again,
like we were today.” He paused. “But most of all to save you,
Sar.”

“Save me from what?” I said, alarmed.

“You were dying,” Devlin replied.

Chapter
Eleven

“
What the hell are
you talking about?” I said, incredulous.

“Danial told me only two days ago that you
weren’t getting warmer, you were getting colder. I would have come
sooner if I’d known, but he said nothing to me until then—”

“Known what?” I cried.

“That you hadn’t been turning at all; your
body had changed and if you didn’t get more of the vampire virus
into your system, you were going to die.”

I huddled against him. “That can’t be
true.”

Devlin picked me up, and carried me back into
the cellar, speaking softly. “That is why I had to come in the day.
I had to get to you in time. Waiting for nightfall might have been
too late for you.” He helped me under the covers and then got in
beside me.

“You’ve been tired lately,” he said sadly,
wrapping me in his arms. “Sleeping more, your body cooling down,
slowing down, getting ready to shut down. By now if you hadn’t been
on the drug, you’d have sought out another vampire, if not Danial.
Your body was giving you warning signs, but you weren’t hearing
them.”

Fear was coursing through me. I practically
tried to crawl inside his chest, wanting to be as close to him as
possible.

“Shh,” Devlin said, hugging me tightly.
“You’ll be fine now. Being with me has started your body repairing
itself. You should notice a difference by tomorrow.”

“Dr. Camlyn said that needing the extra sleep
was normal, that I just needed more time to get back to
normal.”

“Another few days and you would have gone to
sleep and not woken up,” Devlin said ominously. “You need regular
doses of the vampire virus now to live.”

I shivered against him. “Why didn’t you call
and warn me?”

“I should have come to you back in the fall,
that first night Danial called asking for advice,” Devlin said
bitterly. “He said you had both lost control, that you had wanted
one another. I thought that he had taken more of your blood and
given you some of his, and he was ashamed to say so. The symptoms
seemed right to me. Women who are turning act as you did. Then he
said after you had been together that it hadn’t worked, that you
had still been wild, and it was in his voice that he’d had your
blood again. When he said you were going to take a drug to stop the
wanting, I thought that was probably the only choice. I knew if I
came back and tried to be with you then that I might cause you to
turn. I didn’t want that. So I stayed away.”

Anger replaced fear. “Why didn’t you call and
tell Danial I needed more of the virus?”

“As I’m trying to tell you, I was worried I
might be wrong.” He took a breath. “I’m sorry I lied to you, and
told you that you were turning months ago. It was the best way to
get your permission then. As I told you then, I would not have had
another chance to be with you.” He kissed me lovingly. “Just as I’m
not going to miss this one.”

“Everything you’ve said makes sense,” I said
slowly. “But there is a good deal you’re leaving out.”

“Such as?”

“Such as camping doesn’t usually prepare you
to operate a wood stove; it shows you how to make an open
fire.”

“Starting a fire is the same wherever you do
it,” Devlin replied, annoyed. “The point I was making is that I
don’t spend all my time behind a desk or inside comfortable walls.
I know the outdoors, and how to handle the normal tools of life,
woodstoves included.”

“So you’re a regular country man in addition
to being a dashing singer and lover,” I said sarcastically. “I’d
never have guessed you were so multi-faceted.”

“That is because you’re short-sighted,”
Devlin said loftily.

“Actually, my view is almost always the long
term,” I retorted. “Which brings me to my next question: have you
regained the ability to make vampires?”

“I’m not what I was when we first met,”
Devlin said slowly. “I know you don’t want to be vampire, so I’m
not sure what you’re really asking, Sar.”

“Could you turn me accidentally?”

“No,” he assured me. “I’ll be able to taste
when you get close in your blood. I’ll stop sharing myself with you
if I sense you turning. It could not happen accidentally,
ever.”

“Why not?”

“I believe you are resistant to the virus.
I’m not sure you can be turned, without a massive infusion of my
blood. You’ve already had enough from me today to turn a normal
human woman of your size twice over, yet you taste as sweet as
ever.” He put his lips to my wrist and kissed it lightly.