Here Comes the Light (Cambrooke #1) (7 page)

“But isn’t there a saying
it is better to love and lose than never love at all or something like that?” I don’t know why him fiddling with my iPod is making me nervous but it is.

“Oh I will love the girl God has for me.” He says still scrolling his thumb across the screen.
“Let’s see, choices are, Taylor Swift, Kelly Clarkson, Justin Bieber…” he chuckles at that.

“Hey, the
Biebs used to be cool.” I defend myself. “I had Justin Bieber sheets.” I say softly with a smirk.

He tilts his
head back and laughs before he swipes his hand across the screen. Why did he pick that song? “This must be your and Hudson’s song.” he says with a chuckle in his voice. Oh he so did not go there.

I don’t have a chance to respond when he belts out the lyrics to Never Getting Back Together. I am not offended by this because his voice is loud and so
off- key as he sings along it makes me laugh instead. I can’t believe he sings the whole song to me.

He laughs when the song is over. “That was exhausting.”

“I wonder what your mom thought about me.” I say out of the blue.

“Sure she thought you were cool.” He laughs.

“Well you are like this goody Christian boy who asks his mommy if he can ride in my car.”

This makes him belly laugh, “I do not call her mommy.”

“I just feel…I don’t know. I really like hanging out with you, but I don’t feel ‘good’ enough to be your friend.”

“Miley, I am no
t better than you.”

He hasn’t picked another song and the car grows silent
I as process this. “Most Christians I know look down on me.” I finally speak.

“They aren’t really Christians in their hearts.” He states before the car is silent again. He scr
olls through my iPod again still no music I just wish he would pick something already. “So what did you need a friend for?” he finally says still studying the iPod.

I shrug, “I just had a bad day.”

I don’t know him well and I am worried he is going to press the issue, but he doesn’t instead he says. “I’m hungry…starving, really. Can we go get some food?”

Chapter 5

“I
’m not hungry.” I lie as I sit across from Declan in the greasy spoon of a diner he talked me into coming to. My stomach growls a little but I hope he can’t hear over the loud country songs blaring from the jukebox.

“Oh, come on, Miley, you have to try the monster burger.” He smirks as he eyes me. “You need some meat on those bones.”

I let out a sarcastic laugh, “I think you are a little distorted on that. I could lose a few more pounds.” I cross my arms against my chest as I lean back the plastic faded blue booth makes a squeaking sound beneath me

“You are a little too thin in my opinion.” He raises his eyebrows and smiles, this coming from the class bean pole.

“Well your opinion is wrong.” I say flatly my arms still crossed in front of me.

“Alright, what can I get for you tonight?” a waitress dressed in jeans and a white tee shirt asks her brunette hair is pull up in a po
nytail out of her face a white apron with straws and pens sticking out of the pocket is wrapped around her hips.

“I need two monster burgers and a large
basket of chili cheese fries, oh and a large Root Beer float.” Declan says. My eyes have to be the size of golf balls as he looks at me. “What do you want to drink?”

“Uh lemon water would be alright.” I look at the waitress. She scribbles this down and takes our menus leaving us alone again.

“You are going to help me eat all of that.” The corners of his mouth turn upwards. The blue shirt he is wearing makes his eyes an even deeper blue.

“I am not a big eater.” I re
ply nonchalantly. I already hear about my lack of eating from my dad and Hudson I don’t need Declan to get on me about it as well. The waitress sits our drinks in front of us. I tap the straw on the table and slide the paper off of it before pushing it into my drink. I try to avoid what I am sure is coming next by taking a drink of water.

“I am big eater.” He says. I don’t respond. I just take another drink from my water. “What? I am a growing teenage boy.
” I look up at him just as the water is sliding down my throat he flares his nostrils and crosses his eye.  This makes me laugh causing the water to spray out of my nose.

“Oh
my gosh.” I gush as I cover my mouth with my hand.  I entertain the idea of sliding under the table and hiding from him. Declan tilts his head back and his laughter booms through the diner. This makes me relax a little I thought he was going to think I was disgusting. He pulls some napkins out of the silver napkin holder and wipes away the mess I made while continuing to laugh.

I pull out a couple of napkins and help as I finally break down and laugh.  When the table is clean we sit our crumpled
napkins on the edge. I look out the window beside me at the bustle of cars whirling past. “I never have this much fun.” I blurt out. Hudson would have probably been grossed out when I shot water out my nose let alone clean it up.

“Really?” he tilts his head.  “Well you need to hang out with me more often, laughter is like medicine.”

“Hudson is always so serious.”  I tap my long nails on the chipped up table. I don’t know why this leaves my mouth. I don’t make a habit of talking about my boyfriend to other guys.

“Are you happy with him?” he asks.

“Most of the time.” I twist the big class ring on my pointer finger, a black stone in a silver band. Just like Hudson to get our school colors. A football is engraved on one side on the other his jersey number, 13. His name is engraved right above his jersey number, reminding me who I belong to. I sigh, “I don’t know. It just seems right.” My voice is barely above a whisper now and I cannot believe I just admitted to him that I am not exactly all that happy.

“Two monster burgers and chili cheese fries.”I hear the waitress right before she sits a monster burger in front of me. The thing is as big as my head.

“Eat up.” Declan laughs before picking the ginormous burger up and shoving it in his mouth. Grease, lettuce and ketchup ooze from it.

I tilt my head as I push the p
latter around in a circle. “How am I supposed to pick this thing up anyway?” I just stare at him.

“What?” he asks after he swallows and wipes some grease from his
chin. “I know it doesn’t look like it, but it is the best burger ever.” I shake my head my head. “Just take a bite for me, please.” He pokes out his lip like he is pouting. I can’t help but giggle at him. He looks like a little kid.

“I guess.” I roll my eyes and try to hold back at smile. I can barely fit
my hands around it as I lift the burger up to my mouth. Even opening up as wide as I can I still cannot fit the whole thing in my mouth. I skim my teeth along the side getting a just a tiny bite. 

“W
ow, it is good.” I raise my eyebrows in disbelief.

“See I told
ya.” He smirks.

“I wonder how many calories are in it.”

“You do not have to worry about calories, Miley Davis.” He tilts his head at me as he rests his elbows on the table. I lose my reserve and eat almost half of the monster burger. The chili cheese fries were just a little too spicy for me so that did save me some calories. I hope this burger didn’t just put me back in my size sixes.

“Miley” Jess huffs on the other end of the phone.

“Jess,” I reply as I sit down on my bed and run my hair brush through my damp hair with my free hand.

“Did you have sex with Declan?” she asks bluntly.

“What?” I gasp. “Why would you think that?”

“It’s just going around school. Be honest, what happened after you left the prom party?” Jess voice is awfully calm about this.

“I just ended up at the curb when I ran away…and Declan did pick me up. He just happened to
be driving by.” I say slowly. “But, he took me home.”

“And that is all that happened?” Jess speaks accusingly.

“Well, we did go to the lake and we talked.” I whisper.

“You what?”
Hudson’s voice booms over the line. My heart sinks. Jess tricked me.

“See Hudson, I told you she wouldn’t cheat on you.” Jess says with a pleasure
coming from her voice.

“Jess?
”  Why would she do this? “Hudson?”

“We are done now
, for good.” Hudson shouts.

“Why would you ruin something as good as you and Hudson?” Jess asks.

“Why would you do this to me Jess?” I whine.

“Jess didn’t do anything wrong, Miley. You are the one that lied to me.” Hudson snaps.

“Ask her how much she lies to Ethan.” I reply quickly.

“Miley,” she snaps, “I don’t lie to Ethan.” My head spins as I try to make this better. Jess always pushes me towards Hudson. Wh
y does she, all of a sudden, want to break us up?

I need to concentrate on the important one here. “Hudson? Are you still there?” I ask my heart pounds wildly inside my chest. “Yeah,” he grumbles after a short pause.

“Nothing happened with Declan, I swear.” Tears sting my eyes and I try to keep my voice calm.

“And just what would you think if I went up to the lake with another girl in the middle of the night?” he asks.

“Hudson…” my voice cracks.

The phone goes dead. My heart sink and I throw my h
ead into my hands.  I messed up this time, horribly.  The monster burger in my stomach suddenly decides now is the time to terrorize my belly.

My mind whirls as I dig through the nightstand drawer at the side of my bed. I need my box. My hands shake and my mind is so clouded with despair I can barely think. Finally at the bottom of pictures, l
ip gloss tubes, old CDs, and barely written in journals I find my little red box.

I slowly open it, revealing the contents that bring me relief when needed, a needle, a safety pin, a razor blade and a piece of broken glass. I pull out the glass that se
ems right for the occasion. It’s shattered, just like my heart.

I touch the cold piece to the inside of my forearm and apply just enough pressure to bring some bloo
d. I push until I feel I make a big enough gash. Blood pours from my arm. Making my arm bleed somehow makes my heart stop bleeding.

I make another gash, feeling more release, then another. A know when I am going to have to wear long sleeves for a couple days, but the emotional pain is gone, disappearing from me with the blood.

The cutting I can control. I can choose to start it and when to stop it. I throw the box down and curl myself into a ball and cry. Not only am I fat and ugly I am crazy as well.

“Miley Anne Davis, you open this door right now!” My dad’s thunderous voice on the other side of my bedroom door jolts me from my sleep. I spring up and shove the box containing my self- inflicting tools under my bed with my foot.

“I mean it Miley, let me in.”

“Hold on, I am not dressed!” I yell back as I grab Declan’s hoodie from the back of my closet door and slip it over my marked up arms. I hurry to the door and as soon as I flip the lock he barrels into my room. His face red and crunched up. “I was asleep.” I speak quickly in my defense.

“Are you on drugs?” he barks as he grabs me by the chin and sniffs my face.

“What?” I gasp.“No! I am not on drugs.” I back up, wiggling free from his grasp.

“I have been banging on your door for at least five minutes!” he yells as he points towards the door. I am surprised he is even home.

“I told you I was sleeping!” I yell back.

His jaw clenches. “You do not need to be locking the door when you are asleep. What if there was a fire?”

I roll my eyes and let out a long breath. “What do you want, Dad?” I glare.

“My
fiancé is not going to make it tonight, don’t make any plans Friday I am making dinner for us all.”

I give him a fak
e smile and bat my eyes. “Sounds just wonderful.” I say in the most sarcastic tone I can muster.

“Oh, hi, Shawn.”
I hear Nova’s flirty voice say. Oh please. Nova and Jess have this thing where they think my dad is hot. Yeah I know gross.