Here For You (20 page)

becca

Gosh
,
why was he still here? Shouldn’t he have been with his girlfriend or at his mother’s house? Why did he have to be here? That was the least of my worries. What I was really worried with was why my dad had to die. Why couldn’t it be me? How would I live if he weren’t here with me, for me?

It’s what I wanted to shout to James, to the world, as I lay in bed, still cold from James’ ambush. As much as I hated him at that moment, I was thankful he’d done that. I was in a ‘crazy lady’ state, but now, lying in bed, I was mellow. I was also thankful that he’d called my job and told them I wouldn’t be able to work also. It wasn’t his business to do it, but I understood why he had. His question “Are you okay?” could be answered in so many ways, but I couldn’t pick just one, so I simply stayed quiet.

I totally wasn’t expecting him to come here, that was for sure. If I could have turned back time and not left that voicemail, then I probably wouldn’t have. But I couldn’t turn back time. So here I was, stuck with him in my house, in my room. I was positive the things he wanted to talk about I didn’t want to talk about, so I stayed quiet.

“Becca?” He said my name as a question. “Are you okay?” This time, he got off the chair and was now on his knees, touching my arm. I wished he’d stop asking me that question.

I stopped staring at the floor and looked up to see his sea green-blue eyes looking at me, filled with concern. “I’m fine.” I said, turning around to my other side. “You can go to your mom’s house now.”

I wanted him around, but I didn’t. I wanted to talk about the things that had happened, but I didn’t. I just didn’t want him to only be here because of the voicemail. He knew what was going on and yet he did nothing. I knew I should’ve spoken to him but he wasn’t the kind of person I needed right now. He wasn’t one to tell me that everything would be alright. Not when he knew it wouldn’t. And I needed that right now.

Sleep. That was what I wanted.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he stated as I heard him sit back down on my computer chair.

“Whatever.”

He kept saying things, but I just blocked him out. I was way too tired to speak, let alone think. So I just let him talk until I couldn’t hear him anymore.

james

She seriously just fell asleep. I couldn’t believe her ass did that. Looking at my phone, I saw that there were three missed calls, and it was only 12:30pm. Instead of waiting for her to wake up, I got up to do what I came here to do. But first, I needed to go to the hardware store and pick up a few things.

becca

When I finally opened my eyes my room was dark, so my eyes didn’t have to adjust to anything. Looking at my clock, I saw that it read 8:45pm. I jumped off my bed. I couldn’t believe I’d slept that long. I hadn’t even been to see my dad! I was such a horrible daughter. Quickly getting out of bed, I ripped my clothes off and slipped on a pair of blue jeans, a black band t-shirt, and my Converse. I hoped he was awake when I got there, and hopefully they would let me see him because visiting hours were over at nine.
Please let my dad be awake
. I could try calling him. Shit, my phone was downstairs.

James.

I didn’t know if he was still here but I dashed downstairs to the kitchen. That was the last place I’d seen my phone this morning, and
yes,
it was still there, right on top of the table. Checking my phone, I could see I had a missed call from the hospital. Fuck, they had probably done the operation and I’d been fucking sleeping.

Shit.

“James, are you here?” I yelled out, just incase he wasn’t downstairs or something. But I didn’t hear anyone. Looking around quickly, I didn’t see him at all, so I left the house.

I tried not to speed, but I got to the hospital in record time. I jumped out of my car and rushed inside just before nine o’clock. Hopefully I could see my dad, if only for a few minutes.
Please let me see my dad
.

“Hey, Becca.”

It was Nurse Joyce and she was smiling. For a nurse who worked late she was always…happy. I knew I would’ve been in a grumpy ass mood having to deal with people’s shit all day.
Literally.

“Hi, Joyce, do you know if they did the amputation today?” I hoped she’d know the answer. I didn’t know if she was his nurse tonight, but since she was always here whenever I stopped by I figured she might have known.

She grabbed a stack of paper from the desk. “Yes, they did. I was with him after surgery and he’s doing very well. His friend came to visit. He’s been here for a couple of hours. Whether he’s awake or not, I’m not sure, but he was earlier.” She smiled. “I have to file these bad boys so I’ll see you later, honey.”

I smiled back, but as soon as she walked away the smile dropped as I thought about how awful I felt for not being there. I couldn’t believe myself. How could I?

And a
friend?
Who the hell was in his room?
What friend did my dad have that came to visit him? He didn’t tell me anything, then again, I had been fucking sleeping all day. My legs moved faster, and without knocking I went right in.

I heard soft chuckles when I saw James and my dad in the same room. This was his
friend?
They both looked at me. My father had the blanket covering the lower half of his body. “Honey, I was wondering when you were going to come. It’s pretty late. James said you were sleeping. Did you just get up?” my dad said, stretching out his hand. Why was he in such a good mood? He was missing his fucking leg! He looked good though; some color had come back to his face. Instead of pale white it was a little pinker now. His eyes were droopy though; he must have been high on medicine. My goodness, how much pain was he in?

Dropping my purse onto the floor, I walked to him and gave him a hug, trying not to squeeze too hard and avoid his leg. “Dad, I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I should’ve been here.”

I didn’t bother to look toward James. I felt too horrible. Why was he here anyway?

“James was just telling me how tired you were, honey. You need to relax a little. This world is too big for you to try and handle it all.” Great, what the fuck had James told my dad? His voice was very low, just barely a whisper.

“Yes, well, I do a have job, unlike you old man,” I teased him, not wanting my bad mood to affect him. He seemed really laid back. “How did the surgery go?” I tried to keep my voice down.

“Oh that, it was fun, although I’m in pain.”

Yes, he was way out of it. Fun
? Who says that?

“Loads of pain, actually, but the medicine they gave me, well, I can barely see a thing.” And without thinking, he pulled the sheets back.

I quickly covered my mouth. His leg was really gone. There was just a stump wrapped with several white bandages. He chuckled. “Yes, well I doubt I’ll be working any time soon.”

Breathe, Becca
. I thought I might throw up. The mere sight of my father without a leg was doing things to my stomach. A bathroom would be perfect right about now.

“Okay, Larry, time to cover up,” James said, getting up and pulling the blanket back over him.

Turning around, I reached for my purse and breathed deep. I didn’t want James or my dad to see how hard that was for me.

“How was your sleep?” James asked. He was trying to change the subject and I was grateful for that.

There was another chair in the room so I slid it close to my dad, opposite where James was sitting. Taking his hand, I noticed he had a new IV on the top of it. It must be where the loony medicine was being pumped into his system. His eyes were closing a little.

“So how are you feeling, Dad?” I really wanted to know what was in his mind right now, even if he couldn’t think properly.

“I don’t haa a leg,” he slurred. “Whaa am I supposed to be feelin’? I’ll be bound to a wheel for the next few months, or days.”

The words were barely making sense although I understood what he was trying to say. Thank goodness the nurse came in when she did. I didn’t know how to respond to that. She checked his vitals to make sure things were fine before she grabbed a needle and a small bottle.

“Excuse me,” I said.

She stopped what she doing, looked at me, and smiled. “Yes?” She was putting some sort of medicine into my father's IV line.

“Is he going to be alright?” I didn’t want to know the answer to this question. The answer was really that he was going to die anyway, but I still needed to know after his operation.

“Well, the operation went just fine. He opened his eyes right away and starting talking. I know you spoke with Dr. Bert about the infection.
 Hopefully this will help make him comfortable for some time.” What she really meant was until he dies. This would make him comfortable until he died.

“So when are you going to leave this dump?” James asked him. He was avoiding any other question I had.

I looked toward my dad. His eyes were open now, the thin line on his lips grinning. “Soon, I hope. I’m goin’ cwazy heer. I wan be with my lil’ baby girl already, in my ‘ouse.” He looked at me and his eyes drooped again, mixing his words also.

Be strong, Becca.

There was another knock on the door and another nurse appeared. “Sorry to interrupt, but you have to leave soon, visiting hours are up,” she said, never taking her eyes off of James. Seriously, my father was dying and she was staring at James.

“Thanks,” we said at the same time, my voice more harsh than his.

The nurse in the room working on my dad’s IV spoke, ignoring the other nurse’s interruption. “Well, you need to speak to the doctor about that. He won’t have to do physical therapy because he wants a wheelchair, so that eliminates how long he stays as well,” she informed us.

“But is there an estimate you can give me? Anything?” I wanted my dad home. It would be hard work, but still, I wanted him home.

“I’m sorry,” she said, shaking her head. “The medicine I gave him will put him to sleep any minute now. If you need me just call.” And like that, she left the room.

I stood up. “Well, Dad, I’ll be here tomorrow after work. Sorry I came so late, but I got to see you. And I can’t wait for you to come home either.” I bent over and kissed him on his forehead. He hated to admit it, but he was losing some of his hair. He’d tried that comb-over hairstyle. Poor guy.

James got up at the same time, stretching out his hand to my dad. “It was great seeing you. I’ll be here tomorrow to bring the good stuff.” Dad could barely move his hands so James just placed his on top of my dad’s.

Just as we were about to leave his room he whispered, “Night, kiddos.”

“Goodnight,” we said in unison, and walked out.

james

I didn’t bother to stay with her after we left her father. I wanted to say something to her, but I backed out of it. I didn’t know what mood she was currently in, and I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire if she was in the same mood she’d been in earlier. So I was just going to leave her alone for now. We said our goodbyes at the exit. I could tell by the way she was looking at the floor that she wanted me to say something, but I couldn’t. Not right now, at least.

My mother was sleeping by the time I got home. I’d had a busy day and I was exhausted, so I just hit the bed, and when I couldn’t sleep easily I decided to call Juliana.

“Hey,” she whispered, sounding like she had been sleeping.

Glancing at the time, I saw that it was almost 11:00pm. “Hey, baby, sorry, did I wake you?”

“It’s okay. You’ve woken me up many times. Well, in better ways, of course.” I knew she was grinning. I sure had woken her in better ways before, and I was sure that if I was at home I’d be waking her up many times over. “How’s everything?” she asked.

Clearing my throat, I told her briefly about my visit to the hospital. “So he’s doing better? That’s good. How’s your friend doing?” I didn’t tell her about him dying, she didn’t need to know everything.

She sounded genuinely concerned considering she didn’t know Larry, or Becca, for that matter. “Yeah, we’re just trying to figure out when he can come home. And Becca is a fucking mess right now.”

“Does that mean you’re coming back to me soon? I’m missing my guy.” She was using her seductive voice right now. I knew what she was trying to do, but tonight was not a good night.

“I’m hoping so.” I wanted to go back home but I didn’t want to leave with all this shit going on. I’d only been here less than a day and I was going fucking crazy trying to work things work out for the best.

“Well, since you are away, you want to try something?” I knew right away where this was leading. The question was, did I want to start it?

Sitting up on the bed, I asked her, “And what’s that?”

I’d started it.

“Phone sex.” She got right to the point. At the mention of sex my guy twitched.

A release sounded good to me right now. “So tell me, what are you wearing?” I dropped my voice as if I was in the bedroom with her.