Here For You (15 page)

This time, I yanked my hand away hard, causing my glass of wine to spill over the table. The waiter quickly came over to clean the mess. How fucking embarrassing! This was not why I came out today. I just wanted a relaxing time like the previous dates we’d been on. He’d had plenty of time to tell me this shit. Why now? Why, when I had all this shit on me already?

“I don’t need this shit today, Grey, I really don’t.” I was about to get up when he grabbed my arm.

“Sit,” he commanded. I didn’t know why I listened to him, maybe it was the place we were in, but I did. “I’m not finished talking. You said you would listen.” He pleaded with his eyes.

I took a few deep breaths.

“Can I continue?” he asked me, bunching his eyebrows together.

“Who was she?”

“Does it matter?”

He had some balls.

“Yes, it does.”

“Her name was Juliana. I didn’t want to, but I thought you were lying and cheating on me and I was already drunk. You have to understand where I was coming from. A guy, well-known for being a player, was always at your house and rumors were always floating around about the two of you.” He rubbed his head, gripping the back of his neck. He was nervous? “I didn’t expect to fall for you,” he continued, looking at me. He was very serious.
He loved me?
“But I did, and what I am about to tell you, I hope you understand.”
There was more?
“I…applied for this before I thought this was going to be anything.” He moved his hands, gesturing between the both of us.

He was giving me a headache. I couldn’t keep up with this shit. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Grey.” I was two seconds away from just leaving and dealing with this later.

“I took a job offer in New York.”

Shock
.

“But listen, I put in for this way back when we first started to date. I didn’t think they were going to look at my resume, let alone hire me.” This was the bad news. This was why I was here.

Breathe, Becca, you’ve gone through worse.

“And you’re telling me this now because?” My words came out harsh. I rushed to drink my wine and it went straight to my head.

“Because I love you and I want you to come with me.”

I didn’t know what to think, let alone what to say. Was he asking me because he felt bad about cheating on me in the beginning?

“I know something has been going on with you lately, and I just want to take that entire burden away from you. Come with me?”

“I…I…ummm...” I didn’t know what to say. What does one say to something like that? This time, when he went for my hand I let him. I had to think of something else because I was so close to kicking him in the balls so he would never be able to have children. But in some weird way, I understood why he cheated, even if it didn’t justify his actions. But for him to have asked me to go with him? That was a whole different ball game.

“Grey…I…” Fuck, what do I say? “I just can’t leave my problems and go.” It was the truth. I would be ignoring them. They wouldn’t leave, they would just be here for me when I got back.

He put his head down in defeat. “I thought you would say that. You’re a kind woman, Rebecca.” I couldn’t help but smile at the mention of my birth name. I’d gotten so used to Becca that when he would say my full name it was like he really knew me…or didn’t know me.

“When do you leave?” I asked. A part of me didn’t want to know. I didn’t want him to go even after everything he told me.

The waiter finally came with our food, but truth be told I wasn’t hungry anymore. My stomach was in a bunch of knots and twisted, like a bunch of bees all trying to go for that single honeycomb.

Grabbing his knife and fork, he started to slice his steak. “I leave next week.” He whispered.

What?!

“And you’re just telling me this now?!” I slammed my hands down on the table harder than what I wanted to. “Oh I fucking get it, you told me about the cheating to justify you leaving. Then you just thought out of guilt you would ask me to go with you? Am I a fucking idiot, Grey?” I shouted, not realizing I was so loud.

He looked around, giving those around us his apologetic eyes. “I just found out yesterday. And no, I’m not asking you out of guilt. I want you to come with me.” He was avoiding eye contact with me as he went back to cutting his food. I think I grew a pair of horns.

I don’t know, maybe it was the wine that had gone to my head mixed with the emotions I had yet to face, but I didn’t want to hear anymore. If he wanted to leave then he could leave, but I was not going. A part of me, a
huge
part of me, wanted to say to hell with everything, but I knew I just couldn’t run away from this situation. Yes, my feelings for Grey had grown into something I never could have imagined, but then he pulled a stunt like this? I just wanted to come out and have a not-so-serious time, but this was pretty damn serious to me.

Not only was this the longest relationship I had ever been in, but also I was finally happy, or was, five minutes ago. Grey was that
calm
for me. And now, now he was just another person in my life who was going to leave me behind. I didn’t know if I could deal with another person I cared about leaving. I began to wonder why I had put my heart and everything into this relationship. I knew I should’ve guarded it from the beginning. And now that we were here I really didn’t want it to end, but I didn’t see any other way around it.

Pushing my plate away, I breathed in and out before I spoke to him. “Look, Grey, I know that I haven’t put my best into this relationship from the beginning, and I can sort of, in a fucking twisted way, understand why you cheated. Even though everything in me wants to kick your dick so you can never use it again, but I can’t deny these past few months have been the best with you in it. You allow me to be down if I want to be and you don’t push me. Now you tell me that you need to go? I can’t get past the fact that it’s from fucking guilt and maybe, just maybe, another time would have been better, but with the shit I'm sitting on, it’s impossible. And seeing that you already cheated on me in the beginning I won’t be able to trust you and be with you
when
you’re living elsewhere.”

Tears were forming in my eyes, making my vision blurry. He was just a blur. I failed miserably at trying not to blink, allowing those unshed tears to stream down my face.

“What are you saying?” he asked. His voice was a little unsteady.

Picking up a napkin, I wiped the tears from my face. “I can’t go with you, which means I can’t be with you. And I definitely won’t be able to trust you when you go.”

Was I breaking up with him?

“I’m sorry for the beginning. I’ll apologize a million times if I have to.”

Was he begging?

My head hurt. This was all too much for me to handle. I slowly rubbed my temple as a headache started to brew. I spoke to my plate. “Grey, I do have strong feelings for you.” I looked up to him. Shock and confusion were written all over his face
.
“But the stuff I am going through right now is eating away at me. Like my insides are tearing apart, and now this? I can’t handle it. I just can’t.”

“So this is it?” Placing his knife and fork down, he leaned back against his chair.

I nodded.

“Well, this is not how I imagined the night to turn out.”

You’re telling me.

Just then, my phone rang. I grabbed it from my purse and saw it was a number I didn’t know or recognize. It was the same area code but a weird number with four zeros at the end.

“I have to answer this, okay?”

He nodded his head, looking down at his food.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is this Rebecca Miller?” a woman asked.

“Yes, may I ask who’s speaking?” I looked at Grey to find him curious.

“Hi, I’m Nurse Pierce from the St. Peters Hospital. Your father called because he was having severe pain, so we picked him up. He’s in th…”

“My dad is in hospital?” I didn’t know what else to say. He didn’t try calling me or anything. I’d been so upset with him for the past month, ever since I got the news from his doctor's visit. I guess he didn’t want to bother me. “I’ll be right there.”

I didn’t let her speak again. I hung up the phone, grabbed my purse and was heading out the door.

“Wait,” Grey said, grabbing me by the wrist. He took out a few hundred-dollar bills, threw it on the table, and exited the restaurant with me.

Hastily, we got in the car.
“Where to?”

“St. Peters Hospital.” And like the wind we sped off to the hospital.

chapter - 9

becca

I hadn’t called anyone to tell them about my father. When Grey dropped me off at the hospital I quickly told him I was sorry and I’d call him later. We didn’t part on the best circumstance, but since he was leaving we didn’t need to add any drama to our breaking up. I couldn’t say I wasn’t hurt over Grey, but my father was my number one priority.

When I ran into the hospital that night I wasn’t able to see him right away. Waiting felt like hell, like I was actually waiting in line in hell to hear the worst news ever. I told the lady at the desk that my dad had just come in. After being asked a million and one questions I had to wait in the waiting room because I wasn’t allowed to see him just yet. I’d just wanted a nice night out without having to deal with my dad and him being so sick.

When I drove him to the hospital the other day I was not expecting the doctor to tell me that my father was very ill. My father hadn’t been taking his medication properly, he hadn’t been keeping an eye on his blood sugar levels, and he hadn’t been going on his walks either, making his diabetes much worse. He was also eating whatever he wanted. Even though I made sure to cook him a healthy meal, the man wasn’t taking care of himself away from my watching. In essence, he wasn’t doing anything that was remotely good for him. The doctor said if he kept this up everything would just get worse and his body would shut down dramatically. I’d always known my dad to be healthy like a horse and this was a huge set back. I’d tried to ignore the situation but how could I now that I was in the hospital waiting for news that could very well change my life forever.

When I was finally able to see him he was hooked up to machines and an IV. There wasn’t a doctor in the room so I couldn’t ask questions, but there seemed to be some sort of wrap around his left leg with his toes sticking out. They looked swollen and seemed to be a different color, ranging from green to a dull purple. What the fuck was going on? If he wasn’t sleeping I would’ve ask him up front what was wrong with his leg, but instead, I pulled a chair up next to him, held his hand and waited.

I didn’t leave his side all night.

Looking out the window, I thought about how life had changed so much in these last few days. Crazy. The doctors had just taken my dad out to run some tests so here I was in his room, waiting for them to come back. When I was finally able to talk to someone that morning they had told me that my dad had a bad case of gangrene, which occurred when a body part lost its blood supply. It could’ve been caused by his diabetes mixed with the injury he’d had previously to his left leg, but they needed to run some tests to see how severe it was. The infection could spread, making it incurable if left untreated, and because they didn’t know how long it had been like that the tests would hopefully give them answers.

They’d been gone for over two hours, but I promised Dad I would be here when he got back. Going into my bag, I pulled out my phone and found a text from Emma. She hadn’t stopped pestering me, no matter how many times I ignored her.

Emma: Would you call me already! (5:35pm)

Me: I’m extremely busy, I’ll call later I promise (5:36pm)

Emma: You fucking better! (5:37pm)

Yesterday, I finally called her and gave her a brief rundown about what was going on with my father and his diabetes, never mentioning how severe his diabetes was. I didn’t mention the gangrene because I didn’t know how bad it was and I didn’t want to think about it. I let her know that all of the working and taking care of him had gotten the best of me and
that I was stressed and didn’t want to discuss it with anyone. She semi-understood, but I was only giving her maybe a quarter of the story.

I threw my phone back into my bag. I had called my job earlier and explained that I had personal family problems that needed urgent care. At least my boss wasn’t a total dick and said to take my time. Pretty understanding for someone who didn’t know what was going on. Maybe it was because he just needed me that much? Who else wanted to work at an old diner for shit pay?

I wished they’d come through those doors soon because my mind was drifting, drifting to the person who I should’ve called when I first found out about Dad’s worsening condition…James. He was my go to person and the one person I was trying to avoid. I couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing, and how he was doing. The brief texts that I’d received from him never gave away too much about what he was up to, and I didn’t bother asking. I was sure he’d be happy that Grey and I weren’t together anymore though. He would have just said, “Becca, you could do way better than that asshole anyway.”

As soon as a smile crept onto my face the doors opened and in wheeled my Dad. When he saw me he smiled, which in turn, made me smile again. Maybe everything was good and I was just freaking myself out.

Standing up, I made my way to my dad, who was now in the middle of the room where his bed had been positioned before he left. I squeezed his hand. “How did everything go?” I asked him, trying to keep my hopes high as a nurse hooked him back up to his IV.

“The doctor will be in shortly,” the elder nurse told me.

My dad looked at me. He was just about to speak when his doctor came in. He was an older guy, around the same age as my dad. He had a white beard and mustache, chubby cheeks and a double chin. His eyes were a dark brown and he was bald. He looked at me and smiled, showing his yellowish teeth. “Becca.”

“Hello, Dr. Bert. I was just asking my dad how everything went with the test.”

In that moment, for a split second, he looked at my dad almost like they were silently speaking to one another before he looked back at me. What the hell was that about?

“Well, Becca, the test helped us determine what is going on. Since your father came in last night the color to his leg has improved a little from the antibiotics we’ve been administering to him.”

That’s good, right?

“But…”

Oh no.

“The results show us that the infection has progressed. It appears your father has had the infection for quite some time.” He turned away from me to my father.

I just kept my eyes on Dr. Bert. “I’m sorry,” I said, my voice shaky. “What does that mean?” I knew it couldn’t be anything good.

Neither the doctor nor my father had a smile on their faces now. I felt my heart beat hard and fast, like it was going to burst through my chest if I didn’t calm down. I knew this was a test to see how much damage it had done but I never thought this was the news I’d be receiving. This was just to see if he could go home, what kind of medication he would need. Right?

Never taking my eyes from Dr. Bert, I watched him look at me once again. “It means that your father’s prognosis is not good, not good at all, in fact, it’s terminal. His diabetes has gotten considerably worse, which only worsens the gangrene infection. Unfortunately, there’s little that we can do now. He is passed the point where amputation would be effective because the infection has been found in his bloodstream. I mean, we can still amputate, and want to, but I doubt that would help, except maybe make it more comfortable for him to move around. His leg is just dead tissue.”

Letting go of my dad’s hand, I backed away and pointed at Dr. Bert. “Don’t you dare fucking tell me that!”

He looked down.

“Becca,” I heard my father say in his stern voice. I knew I shouldn’t have cursed but this couldn’t be happening.
The tears were coming fast. I couldn’t lose him. I wouldn’t be whole without him. I wouldn’t be able to live. I felt like I was going to pass out and I could feel my heart pumping, blood running through my veins. I was getting hot and there were little spots every time I closed my eyes.

“How long?” I asked, pressing my forehead against the coolness of the window.

I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder but I shoved it away and turned to see that it was Dr. Bert. “How. Long.” I repeated slowly this time.

“Becca, honey, that doesn’t mat…” my dad started but I didn’t let him finish.

“Don’t you dare fucking tell me it doesn’t matter. You don’t get to tell me that! If only you went to the doctors instead of being stubborn. If only you actually took your medicine like you were supposed to and eat right and exercise. None of this would’ve happened!” I was screaming, I could feel my whole body shake from the anger pulsing inside me. He was about to say something but thought twice about it and said nothing.

I looked back to the doctor expectantly.

“There really is no way to give an exact time,” Dr. Bert began. “It could be several days, it could be several months. We will continue to give him antibiotics and try and fight this, but we don’t know for sure how much we’ll be helping.” He didn’t have the balls to look at me. Neither of them wanted to look at me.

Several days?

That was all I might get with my dad? That was it? That was nothing. I wanted my dad forever, or close to forever. This couldn’t be happening. I couldn't be here. I couldn’t breathe.

I needed…air.

I needed…
James.

And before they could say another word to me I was out the door. I hailed a cab and cried all the way home. How could my dad be so calm about the whole thing? Why did this have to happen to him? First my mom left me, now my dad was dying. Did he know this the whole time? Maybe the doctors were making a mistake. I mean, they make mistakes all the time, so this could surely be one of those times. This was the man who had been there for me since I was born.

Once at home, I didn’t stop to think. I just jumped in my car and left.

james

Tonight, Juliana and I would be staying in my apartment. She loved to go out but this evening we stayed inside to relax and watch movies, amongst other things. Juliana and I established that we were, in fact, together, and we would only be fucking each other. I never thought I would see the day that I would agree to something like that. I mean, there was still time for this shit to blow up in my face, but for now I was banging one chick and I was happy about it so far. I got to try different shit, especially in between the sheets. She was a freak in the bed, just the way I liked it.

I took a quick nap earlier so that when she came over we could stay up all night. Work had been kicking my ass. I didn’t get to be a cute little model like Juliana, although she had tried to get me to do a photo shoot with her. That was not my style, so I passed on that.

As I glanced at the clock I couldn’t help but wonder how Becca was doing. I gave up trying to get in contact with her but I never stopped thinking about how she was. The one-word texts pissed me off. I called my mom again but she said she had barely seen her and she hadn’t stopped by. I had a bad feeling about it but what was I to do? And I couldn’t tell Juliana, “Oh hey, my best friend, who is a hot chick, needs me more than you do.” She would have probably freaked out
.

Emma picked up her phone when I called her almost two weeks ago. She said she’d spoken to Becca a few times but that was it. She hadn’t been returning her calls either and she was always busy. At least it wasn’t just me she was ignoring.

I reached for my phone and unlocked it. I had to put a stupid code on it because Juliana thought she could go through my phone. She asked me that shit one day. I wasn’t hiding anything but until you paid for my fucking bill you were not touching or looking at shit. Just because we were together didn’t mean I had to share my privacy with her. It pissed her off a little but then she gave me a blow job ten minutes later.

Not listening to my fucking brain, I sent Becca a message anyway.

Me: Hey stranger, hope all is well (8:31pm)

Tossing my phone next to me, I put my hands behind my head. As I felt my eyes start to close again there was a knock on my bedroom door. Slowly, I sat up, running my hands through my bed hair. They knocked again.

“I swear, Paul, if that’s you, I will kick your...” I didn’t finish the sentence because it wasn’t Paul. It was Juliana, looking sweet as ever with a long trench coat jacket on. I was sure he’d let her in.

This woman loved to role-play. With a huge smile on her face she opened her jacket to reveal a schoolgirl outfit underneath. Looking around to make sure that Paul wasn’t around to see what was mine, I yanked her by the waist and brought her into my room, kicking the door closed.

She giggled a little. “Do you approve?”

Running my hands up from her waist, across her stomach and up toward her breasts, I squeezed them a little before making my way to her lips. “Fuck yeah.”

As we were making our way toward the bed my phone rang. It was the default ringer since I’d had to restore my damn phone a week ago, so I didn’t know who was calling. “Aren’t you going to answer that?” she asked me. She was testing me.

I shook my head before throwing her onto the bed. The phone went silent.

“Hey, I’m the teacher here,” she said, biting her lips with her legs wide open. The short school skirt rode up to her thighs, revealing white lacy underwear. The top button to her white blouse opened up from the drop.

“Not today, babes. I’m the teacher and you,” I said, hovering over her, “Are. The. Student.” I slowly unbuttoned all of her whole blouse.