Here for You (10 page)

Cole hunched over the notebook, ignoring Brendan’s aunt, who hadn’t seen Brendan in some years, talking about him at age three.

Brendan and I talked about our childhoods a little tonight. Tomas is away, and Marc never discusses it, so it was only us. We were drinking beers and standing in the kitchen. Neither of us likes to cook too much, so we poked around in the refrigerator for some leftover pizza, which we ate right out of the gray cardboard box. I told Brendan about my parents’ screaming matches before their divorce. How nobody ever knew what type of mood my dad would be in when he came home, his bad moods coming like waves. How hard it was when they’d shout back and forth. My dad never wore his wedding band. I was almost relieved when he disappeared, until my mom replaced him with her parade of bad boyfriends, who were a hundred times worse.

Brendan said his parents never fought, but it was still an unhappy home. His expression grew remote as he said it. We finished our beer and leftovers, with Brendan still looking weary. He took a final sip and tossed his bottle in the recycle bin, then signaled me to follow him into the living room. The pizza was greasy, and I drank my last beer to kill the taste before I followed. He explained that his parents married too young and got stuck. “Forget all that,” he said suddenly, “It’s their mess. Talking about them won’t fix them.” He brushed his hand over his face. His cheeks were red. I think he was a bit tipsy. He flopped onto the sofa and turned on a ballgame. I settled down beside him, and we watched the inning play out in silence. Soon I felt relaxed, partly from the three beers I’d drunk and partly from knowing how much I loved my house in Ocean Vista and the people in it.

Cole shut the journal, unable to read as tears blurred his vision. He tried to dry his face with the heel of his hand. Beside him, Tomas dug into his jacket pocket and handed him a handkerchief, such an old-fashioned thing to have, so Tomas. Cole wiped the edge of his nose and then smoothed out the handkerchief and folded it up.

“Thanks, I’ll wash it,” Cole whispered.

T
HEY
DROVE
to the burial plot and watched Brendan lowered into the ground. Marc, surprisingly, sobbed openly. Tomas and Cole didn’t. Cole didn’t know about Ian. He couldn’t look his way, or he’d crumple.

“Should we drive to his parents for the reception part?” Tomas whispered. “Because I only want to go home now. I’m about to crawl out of my skin here.”

“Fine with me.”

They gathered up their things and numbly told Brendan’s parents farewell, knowing they’d never see these people again. Brendan’s mother had tears streaking down her face, and his father looked pale.

Cole forced himself to say, “Brendan was a wonderful person. I’m so sorry for your loss.”

Cole sensed, rather than saw, that Ian was behind him. He craned his neck, unable to resist meeting Ian’s eyes a moment longer. He didn’t get why he felt such a strong need for Ian, when days ago he’d avoided him, but something had changed forever on their search for Brendan.

Cole turned to look at him. “Brendan would have been honored that you came.”

“I was honored to know him,” Ian said with a catch in his voice.

“Me too.” It was all too hard, too much. A black pit of emotion threatened to do him in on the spot. Cole shoved past Ian and practically ran to Marc’s car.

Ian followed. He banged on the glass until Cole reluctantly lowered his window.

“I’m going home as soon as Tomas and Marc get here.”

“Okay.” Ian studied him. “But you dropped this when you took off.” Cole’s journal was in his hand.

Cole snatched it and tucked the notebook away.

“Why are you barely looking at me?” Ian asked, jamming his hands into his pockets.

“Because I—” Cole shook his head. “I need to be alone.”

“Fine, but… please, take care of yourself,” Ian said gently.

Cole gave a tiny smile. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Ian smiled back.

“I’
M
STARVING
,”
Tomas said when they arrived home. “I know it’s awful to say, and unimportant too, but I am.”

“I’ll fix you some soup,” Marc said. “And a grilled cheese with tomato.”

“We could open some of the neighbors’ food that they left,” Tomas said.

“No, I’ll make you something.” Marc touched Tomas’s hand briefly. When Tomas gave Marc a giant smile, Marc looked away, a flush on his cheeks. He turned to Cole. “You want one too?”

Cole shook his head. Thunder rumbled outside. There would be a storm coming soon enough, although in South Florida it could rain immediately or hold off for hours. He went to his bathroom and ran the tub full of hot water.

Much later, unable to sleep, Cole had started for the kitchen for a cup of tea when he saw Tomas opening the door to Marc’s room. He watched as Tomas slipped inside. He didn’t come back out.

Standing all alone in his hallway, Cole bit his lip. He had tried so hard to be strong through the day, but he was failing. All the emotions he’d held off charged at him ruthlessly. His legs felt as if they’d buckle under him. He wanted somebody to hit him hard. He wanted to push it all away.

He wanted….

God, he wanted Ian! He wanted to bury his face in Ian’s hard chest and clutch him close.

He hated himself for it. Ian was Brendan’s secret; he wasn’t meant to be Cole’s anything. Nevertheless, Cole scribbled a note to Tomas, borrowed his truck, and drove across town until he was standing in front of Ian’s two-story house nestled on the edge of town. Brendan had pointed out Ian’s house to him more than once. It was an attractive colonial with a long circular driveway and a basketball hoop out front. Cole liked the hoop; it made the house and Ian seem more accessible as Cole pictured him in gym shorts taking free throws. Cole knew he should turn around and drive home, but he didn’t. He gazed at the house searchingly as if there might be clues to explain everything he was feeling, and then he inhaled sharply.

Cole climbed out of the truck, rain just beginning to splatter, and hurried to knock on Ian’s door. His limbs felt oddly light as he reached the door, although his heart pounded.

“Cole?” Ian looked stunned as he opened his door. In his name, that one syllable, Cole heard all they hadn’t acknowledged before.

“
Ian
.” Cole grabbed the edge of Ian’s shirttail. “This is the… the worst… fucking…
hateful
day. And I-I didn’t know where else to go.”

Cole leaned forward. He kissed Ian, passionately, fiercely, his lips searing across Ian’s. His mouth moved frantically, licking and teasing Ian’s until he worked his tongue inside. His hands pushed underneath Ian’s shirt, and he laid his palms at Ian’s chest, right over his heart. Cole breathed all of him in, tasted his mouth, and caressed his warm skin. Cole closed his eyes.

He couldn’t bear it if Ian turned him out, even if he deserved it.

But Ian pulled him closer.

“A
RE
YOU
sure?” Ian asked, as they stumbled into the house.

“Don’t talk,” Cole said, putting a finger to his lips.

Cole pressed against him. Ian liked the weight of him there. He could smell Ivory soap, and he inhaled the scent of it. He tenderly brushed a lock of hair from Cole’s eyes. “Your hair’s wet from the rain.”

Cole cupped Ian’s jaw and simply began to kiss him again. Ian got the hint and stopped speaking. He let out a soft groan as Cole’s mouth took his. Ian had never understood the expression “losing yourself in someone” until this moment.

Ian deepened the kiss. Their tongues touched, dancing together, his mouth settling perfectly on Cole’s. The kiss made Ian go hot all over. He wrapped his hands around Cole’s waist. He nipped at Cole’s lower lip and savored the low noise Cole made in reaction. His mouth was so very sweet, and the kiss felt meant to be. Sensations swamped Ian as their tongues moved more urgently.

Ian cupped Cole’s firm ass, tugging him closer. It wasn’t close enough. Ian wanted more. He wanted all of him. He kept his mouth on Cole’s, and ran his hand up from Cole’s backside along his spine. Cole moaned at his mouth, making Ian wild. He kissed Cole until his lips were swollen and his body arched at Ian’s, Cole’s arousal at his hip.

Cole let out a little sigh, his warm breath at Ian’s jaw as the kiss ended, and he laid his head on Ian’s shoulder. They held each other. Ian tangled their fingers together. He knew Cole was hurting, and he knew he wanted to take care of Cole. A deeply protective instinct rose in Ian. As Cole lifted his head, Ian cupped the side of his face. Nothing would be the same again, now or ever.

“God, the way you’re looking at me,” Cole said.

“How am I looking at you?”

“Like….” Cole shook his head.

He shifted in Ian’s arms, but he didn’t have to say the words aloud. Ian could imagine how he was looking. Hell, he couldn’t stop looking at Cole’s face. It went beyond mere lust. He felt as if Cole
belonged
right there beside him. To Ian, it felt that right. He didn’t have the words either. He kept his eyes locked on Cole’s and let them speak for him. Cole’s expression of need moved Ian deeply.

Ian began to dot a trail of kisses along Cole’s neck. Cole’s skin was beautiful. Ian tasted each part of the curve of his neck up to the stubble. He splayed his hand at Cole’s chest, and Cole inhaled a long, slow breath.

“Come into my bedroom.” Ian held Cole’s hand again, gently tugging him to follow, and Cole offered no resistance.

Hope crested and rose in Ian like a wave, for Cole going with him, he knew, was an act of trust. In his room they began to strip off their clothes in abandonment, their movements urgent. Ian ran his hands down Cole’s body as he undressed. Cole had broad shoulders, a trim waist, a flat stomach, and long legs dusted with dark hair. He gazed at Cole for a long minute, taking in his beauty. And yes, a man could be beautiful. Cole certainly was. Ian shuddered, still amazed Cole was there.

Ian glanced down at Cole’s thick cock. He wet his lips, dropped to his knees, caressed and then licked, savoring Cole’s taste and scent. Ian almost felt feverish, he wanted him so badly. He wanted to possess him, protect him, keep him. His hand closed around Cole’s erection. He looked up for a moment and met Cole’s hungry gaze. The sheer force of it took Ian’s breath away, and he wanted to be inside him… make it good. He stroked Cole’s dick. Then he brought his lips down again. He ran his tongue over Cole’s entire length and then took him inside his mouth. Ian listened to Cole’s loud pants and moaned in reply. He’d never wanted to give to somebody so much before, to hear their pleasure even more than his own. Ian teased Cole’s cock with his mouth and tongue as Cole clutched his shoulders, bucking forward under Ian’s blowjob while he continued to gasp and pant with clear delight. Ian moved his mouth to Cole’s sac, circling it and then sucking it hard.

Cole shouted out and writhed wildly. Ian’s own erection jutted proudly at his stomach. He let Cole’s balls slide out of his mouth. The more Ian touched and tasted, the more he wanted.

“I want you to come when I’m inside you.”

At Cole’s agreeing low moan, Ian went to his nightstand for the needed supplies.

Then he urged Cole to his bed. As he joined Cole on the mattress, Cole stroked Ian’s back and ass.

“So fucking sexy,” Cole mumbled. His cheeks flushed. “Want this so much.”

Cole’s erection leaked, cum slicking his head, and Ian bent and licked it.

“Oh Jesus! Please, Ian!”

Ian murmured an unspoken answer. Yes, I’ll please you. I’ll give you everything.

Ian’s control would slip soon, and he wanted to last inside Cole. He quickly took care of the lube and condom.

Cole moved against him, and Ian took one more second to hungrily kiss his mouth. Lifting up his knees in a silent plea, Cole returned the kiss hotly. Ian sucked Cole’s lips, kissed the hollow of his throat, and then he lined his body up and gently pushed Cole’s legs even higher.

Ian thrust forward smoothly. Each time he pulled back, he watched Cole and then slid in deeper. Cole groaned with pleasure, his body opening for Ian, his tight little hole loosening. Ian increased his strokes. His hand reached for Cole’s dick between them, and he pumped it. Cole arched against him as Ian continued to pummel his ass, working his already leaking cock.

“Give it up to me,” Ian commanded. He plunged deeper still, hitting Cole’s right spot. With a sudden jerk, Cole’s eyes flew open and his mouth made an O of pleasure as he climaxed in Ian’s hand. He shot his load, splattering over Ian’s fingers and past them to his chest, and Cole’s release, the burst of ropy cum, sent Ian over the edge too. He roared as his own orgasm rushed through him and spilled inside the condom, his head thrown back, teeth gritted as he came and came and came. Their bodies locked together, clinging, desperate for every last bit of pleasure. Far more than he ever had before, with Sam or any other man, and far more than he expected, Ian was blown away. Aftershocks shook through him. He dimly realized his world had just changed.

Slowly Ian recovered. He lay on top of Cole in a sticky mess. Cole was tenderly caressing his back, his head down on the pillow, eyes shut now. He sighed in contentment.

Ian sat up and smiled at Cole. “Shower?” he asked invitingly.

“Sounds good.”

They showered, letting the water get nice and steamy, and Ian soaped Cole’s back. He kissed the curve of Cole’s shoulder. Everything else in the world was far away. In every way being with Cole had changed what he expected out of sex. It was richer, more intense than ever before. Cole spun around and Ian studied his happy smile. He wanted to inhale Cole all over again.

At the end of their shower, they got out. Ian turned off the faucets and reached for the towels.

“Thanks.”