Heroine: California Dreamin' (18 page)

I needed to get out of here at all costs before they charged me with even more crimes. At least the conversation with the doc achieved that I was somewhat normal again. I let them put handcuffs on me without resisting and was led out of the cell by the two guards. Before we stepped out I turned around once more.

“Doc, please, I would like to talk with my husband. Couldn’t you arrange that he gives me a call?”

“Visiting hours are Sundays”, snapped the officer to my right. “Before that is a no go.”

“Just a call”, I begged.

Half an hour later I was on the receiver of an old phone. Behind me I was guarded by two female guards from the station. Phone calls were allowed. A discreet wink from the doctor that this right would also apply to foreigners brought me this little piece of freedom. Apparently the doctor liked me. I couldn’t find any other explanation for his willingness to help. Unfortunately I didn’t know any of the phone numbers by heart. They were all stored on my cell phone. But cell phones were forbidden in the cell tract and whoever tried to smuggle one in or used one had to anticipate larger problems, as the trustee of the new station advised me. With the help of information I therefore asked myself through to Daniel’s company and finally reached his extension. At this time of the day he was normally still in his office. However, I only reached some answering service and left a message that I would be waiting for his call at jail. After that I had spent all the credit the guard had granted me. They actually took quite some money for a lousy phone call I noticed a bit unsettled.

Daniel did not call back. The afternoon dragged on and passed and I restlessly paced up and down the narrow cell that I occupied by myself in order to kill time. At regular times a guard would open the door and ask if everything was alright. The doc seemed very much concerned about my well-being. Later he came back and drew some blood from me in a syringe.

I was allowed to eat supper together with other females. I couldn’t find Estrella nor Linda and got scared. I begged the boss of the station to grant me another credit for a phone call. She seemed to take pity on me and in this way I found my home number in Roquetas via information. But nobody answered the phone.

After I was by myself again I threw myself onto the bunk and began to cry uncontrollably. I felt abandoned. Daniel hadn’t called. Normally he was at home at this time. He probably was just now in bed with his new female boss and was happy that he had gotten rid of me so easily. I hated him.

Sometime later a demon visited me – a demon I hadn’t felt for a long time. The inner emptiness was back. My soul felt like a black abyss in which only cold and angst awaited me. I trembled in my restless sleep only to be awakened from it shortly thereafter to have my blood pressure taken.

Until this point I somewhat had mastered the loneliness in the cell. The noise from adjacent cells had already died down. I now tossed and turned on my bunk under the bright light of the cell. I couldn’t find sleep any more, was scared and longed for somebody who would take me in the arms. That Daniel had betrayed me was such a big shock for me that all problems that I had believed had passed with my departure from Germany, now flooded me. Without protector and specifically without physical contact I would not survive for long here. In turns I cried and cursed. Then I became defiant. I would find my way here even without Daniel – I convinced myself.

I got up and began to pace up and down beside my bunk. Three steps to the wall, turn around, three steps to the door. And back again. It helped at least to switch on my brain and to call back to memory how I had survived in Cologne. Sex would calm me down.

Didn’t a man take my blood pressure this evening who was dressed in a white coat of a male nurse? Remembering that made my pulse go faster. Could I try and lure him into the cell and then seduce him? What did he look like? Vaguely I remembered a man in the early forties, not tall but, like most of the workers here, with broad shoulders. Behind him stood a female guard when he entered the cell. How could I get rid of her should I indeed succeed to lure that man into my cell? I wanted to take my chance should he come back again. The main thing was that somebody would physically touch me.

It had to be already after ten o’clock when the key in the lock announced yet another visit. It was the male nurse again. This time he was accompanied by another female guard. She remained standing in the corridor when the fellow in the white coat announced to me that he wanted to take my blood pressure as ordered by the doctor. He sat down on the bunk beside me and put the sleeve around my arm and then inflated it. I leaned back and looked at him. He didn’t return my look. I decided to go all out and softly touched his legs. With that I asked him quietly if he couldn’t come back later again, alone. The male nurse winced and looked down on me flabbergasted. Then he said what I didn't want to hear:

“Forget it baby. Women like you don’t turn me on.” Only now I became aware of his well- manicured fingernails. They shined in a soft pink color but not due the color of his skin but rather because they were painted. He really wasn’t into women! The
‘
like you’
he could have left out. Outside he spoke briefly with the female officer who grinned widely. Then she banged the door closed shut.  I fell into a deep hole again. Emotions of helplessness and angst came over me.

The key creaked in the door again. Terrified I looked up because I had fallen asleep in sheer exhaustion. The light in the cell had already been turned off and now shined bright again. The guard who had accompanied the male nurse stood under the door frame.

“A visitor for you, sweetheart. Didn’t you want to have some fun? Now you can have it. Come in, Joe.” She said in a subdued voice. She stepped aside and let a man in guards’ uniform enter; he had as broad a grin as she. His look didn’t signal anything good because his eyes were pinched together to small slits. He was way over six feet tall and had hands as big as skillets. His blond hair was shortened to a crew cut and stood up like with a hedgehog. Tattoos on his muscular arms reached all the way down the short sleeves of his shirt. The diligently ironed uniform shirt stretched over packs of muscles.

“You may take your time. Doreen has called out sick. Until shift change I’ll be on my own. But keep her in one piece, will you. In the morning she must see the doc again. And don’t make any noise, the walls have ears here”, the guard told him in a hoarse voice, then she closed the door. This time quietly. I was alone with this monster. Although I had wished for a man for the night just before – now my fear was larger than my longing for physical togetherness. The guy didn’t look at all that he would care much about my feelings. If I hadn’t lied down already I probably would have folded up like a knife that much I trembled. Something in my head told me that I should pull myself together because my wide open eyes and my physical reactions probably turned that guy on even more. He looked for a victim, I was certain of that. I had seen such a look several times before in my life. For a moment I pictured a young girl before my eyes that stood alone and helpless before a giant like he was. Then the image was pushed aside through the memories of Alan and Robert, both symbols of my fears and helplessness.

To my surprise I saw suddenly Igor’s face before my inner eye. But different from those mentioned before I didn’t see it as a threat. Igor looked cool and factual onto what was happening in this cell. For me this was a signal. I had dealt with pimps in Cologne so I could deal with this dude. These thoughts were in my head altogether only for so long as Joe needed to step up to my bunk and to sit down beside me. Terrified I slid all the way to the wall.

“Hi, Julie, I’ve heard that you wanted a guy. Now, we are prepared for such wishes and we can provide our guests with any service they want.” His voice sounded dark from his immense chest. He said nothing but the truth because I really had wished for a man for this night. Just not ‘so much guy’ at once. But wasn’t that better than to spend the night with depressions and panic attacks? Joe’s heavy paw landed on my belly and worked its way promptly up to my breasts.

“Are you always silent like that? Aren’t you happy?” I heard his deep buzz. Slowly my body started to relax and I tried to smile.

“Yes, I am happy. I’m glad you are here. You are right I wanted to have some fun”, I uttered with a tremor in my voice.

“Well, now you see. We will have much fun together I guarantee you that. I’m looking forward to it.” His hand had slid further up and had now clasped my neck which he slowly squeezed together. I couldn’t breathe anymore and began to struggle in panic. Joe obviously enjoyed my reactions. Then he let go.

“That was only a warning. If you don’t play along then your sisters will find you in the morning with a torn bed sheet around your neck. Suicide. You understand, don’t you?” I nodded submissively.

“Not a problem. I do want you. But you know that”, I coughed because he had squeezed my larynx too hard.

“Good, then let’s get started”, he commented, now totally calm. “Take your clothes off.”

“Great”, that was all he could utter
some minutes later. Now his lips trembled as well. It seemed that his blue eyes bulged from their sockets in lust. I saw it as a sign of weakness and became a bit braver.

“If you hurt me I’ll scream for the whole block to hear me”, I dared to say. Joe looked up in astonishment.

“Did the old one frighten you”, he grinned. “Sometimes she’s a bit jealous. Don’t worry I don’t demand anything else from you than from my other young mares. I don’t think I have to break you in any longer.” Well, I was already familiar with this jargon. It was the language of pimps.

“Listen to me, sweetheart. To have somebody like you go to waste here in jail would be a shame. I wanted to provide you the favor that you wanted from the male nurse. Lucky you that he is gay and so you are getting now what you need from me. He prefers to stay on the other side.” With his thumb he pointed into the direction of the men’s block in this jail. While he talked, one of his middle fingers had disappeared in my pussy and a thumb circled my clit - it had the desired effect.

“If you are a good girl you might be getting this here later.” He pulled out a small pack from his uniform’s chest pocket. I recognized some white powder through a transparent plastic. The rumor that I was a drug addicted whore had its own spin now and had lured this pimp to me like a blowfly.

“Now
spread your legs”, he commanded. I kept still and clenched my teeth. Then he collapsed on top of me and I lied flat under him. He breathed heavily.

“Fantastic, you have a hell of a body”, he still uttered. Some minutes passed by and I had the impression that Joe had fallen asleep on top of me because I felt his deep breathing. Then he got up with one jolt. I wished he had fallen asleep - then I would have had my peace and quiet
and at the same time his touch. But awoke and stood up.

“Damn’, you really have it in you. We both can make a lot of money together. Okay then, today I have nothing else on me.” I was surprised that he stopped without taking me with force. My heart was beating up my neck because I was scared that he would take my
previous provocations for a reason to show me who the boss was. But he didn’t and was satisfied. The guy wasn’t so bad after all.

“Pay attention,” Joe said to me when he had found his breath again. “You are just great. I will get you out of here and then you work for me. Then you are safe and secure. Did you dig that?” He got up slowly. Perhaps this was an option? I would die in here. Once I was set free I’m sure that there were opportunities to take a hike.

“What do I get out of it? And how do I explain this to my pimp?” Slowly I was proud that I could express myself like a pro.

“Didn’t I bring you a present?” he snapped at me angrily while he put on his pants.

“With me you are provided for, you get your dope on a regular basis and we make a lot of money. With your looks we can really get on the gravy train.” He should have left out the ‘we’. He would make a lot of money.

“Beside that I am a cop. It would never happen to me that one of my girls would land in jail. And if it happens then they are out again in no time,” he bragged.

I had to laugh. First, I wasn’t sure why. Then I saw Robert’s face before me again. Somehow all of that here was happening because I had worked for him as a prostitute, or not? At this moment that seemed to be a totally plausible explanation for my fate. Joe looked at me somewhat irritated and when his eyes squinted to small slits again I noticed that I had stepped on dangerous grounds. Therefore I threw my arms around his neck and nestled myself gently on his broad chest.

“Don’t be angry with me. I will work for you if you can manage. I only had to laugh because my ‘protector’ is also a cop and he lets me stew here in jail.”

‘
That is not correct’
a quiet voice said in my head. ‘
It is your husband who deserted you.’
Tears sprang from my eyes which I hadn’t felt coming. I wanted to get out of here regardless how. If I had to lie for it so be it. Even if I had to lie to myself. Only out and away. Joe pushed me away angrily.

“Damn’, stop crying. Now you soiled my shirt”, he snarled. Well, he had the sensitivity of a pimp.

“Now get dressed again and stop acting up. I’ll have you out of here by next week. Whatever I brought you along must last you until then.” He referred to the dope. I opened my hand. He understood and handed me the small plastic bag.

‘How generous he is’,
I thought sarcastically. Joe turned around and knocked several times carefully on the door. There was some disquiet in the block when a few women from other cells started to argue. The steel door opened and Joe scurried out. The female guard gave me some evil looks probably because I was still naked; then she locked the door quietly.

I noticed that my nervousness had gone. I was actually in a good mood. However I decided sex alone was not responsible for that. I had managed to have that guy working
for me
. At least until next week when he would get me out of here. Then I would be presented with the bill and I would work as a prostitute for him. By this point in time I needed to find a way to make myself invisible. My passport was still in Roquetas. He couldn’t take that away from me. Once I would be there I would find a possibility to disappear. Perhaps I would go to Canada by train. I had written off Daniel. All that mattered was that there was an opportunity to get out of here.

The next morning I woke up tired but reasonably stable. The door opened and I stepped out into the corridor where
some inmates had to line up. A guard who I didn’t know came towards me shortly thereafter.

“The doc wants to see you later. Therefore you’ll first take a shower with all the other ones”, she yapped at me. Her tone was unpleasant and under other circumstances this would have thrown me off. But since I had been admitted I could only wash myself superficially; on this morning I couldn’t stand myself any longer and I needed fresh clothing very urgently. The white jail uniforms that I needed to exchange at my admission for my tight thong were overdue. Therefore at her order I picked up immediately the bag with toiletries that I had been handed to and trotted after the other women into the large shower room. I was still rather calm. The events from the last night apparently had made me more self-confident. I knew there was a way out.

Once in the shower I withdrew to a corner because I was afraid of some assaults. I wasn’t too sure if the TV reality series didn’t in fact show the reality. In the first night in the U-pad I did indeed hear unmistaken noises come from the adjacent cells at night. The women who sounded these noises were by all means not busy with prayers. There were enough lesbians in this jail.

On the one hand that was good so. In case something should go wrong and I had to stay in jail a relationship with a woman was surely a possibility for me to survive. On the other hand I’d prefer if I could pick a potential lover carefully for myself if it ever came to that. I was relieved to notice that my brain was working again and that the panic attacks had gone. I left the shower room without having been molested. Some women had screened me with interest and there was the one or the other that was quite handsome. But before I allowed myself any contact I wanted to first get a feel for it who I was dealing with. So I kept my head down and avoided to show off my boobs.