Hidden Desires (38 page)

"I don't want it to get too far. She's too intense, she's stubborn and pushy and demanding. She's determined to have me and I don't like it."

Denise pursed her lips in thought. "Did you tell her to tone it down? Maybe she doesn't realize how it makes you feel."

"She knows, and she gets off on controlling me. I can't believe how much she got away with."

"You were sick Cay, next time you guys are together, things will be different. Just tell her to slow it down, if she really wants you, she'll accommodate."

"You think so?" Cayden though a bit, then stood up. "Wait a minute, there won't be a next time, I don't want to get involved with Brooke. Period." The thought of having sex with Brooke frightened Cayden. It had been so long since she'd had sex, she was afraid of her own feelings.

"You think about her all the time, you dream about her, she turns you on, and you probably fantasize about her too." Cayden's squirming gave her that answer. "No ones saying you must have a relationship from the get go, just give her a chance and take it slow."

"Brooke won't take slow for an answer. Trust me." Cayden snorted.

"Do you really want her to go away altogether?"

The tall woman rolled her eyes and threw her hands up in defeat. "No, I guess not."

"What's wrong with asking her for dinner, or even bagels and lox?" Denise grinned, patting Cayden on the leg.

"I can't be alone with her, she'll be all over me and it makes me nervous." The tall woman admitted.

"Tell her. Cayden, she can't read your mind, she wants you and she's moving to quickly for you. Just tell her."

Cayden rolled it around in her head. She could tell Brooke to slow down, that would give Brooke the idea that there is
something
pending in the future, and maybe she'll ease up.
Do I want to think about the future? Oh man, a relationship? That means sharing everything, talking about my day, being cute and nauseating in front of my friends.... holding hands and being romantic. Maybe sleeping with her isn't such a bad idea, being an experiment isn't that bad. Then again, straight girls usually fall in love with their first woman, and lord knows what will happen to me if we do. I may lose my mind and want to be in a relationship. Sex will do that to you. I know! I'll be lousy in bed, I'll be the worst lover, then she'll be turned off by me.
Cayden knew she couldn't do that, and frowned.

"Have you even called her to thank her for taking care of you?"

"No! I didn't even want her here in the first place."

"Tsk, tsk, where are your manners Cayden." Denise teased. "It will get you two talking and maybe you'll wind up getting together, and be able to discuss things."

"Great, more talking, just what I always wanted." The tall woman said sarcastically.

"Well, I'd thank her if it were me. She didn't have to come over here and see to you, I'm sure you were less than cordial."

Cayden grinned. "I was a bitch, and she even made me soup."

"All the more reason to thank her. Think about it Cay. I'm going to get going. You probably have things to do. Thanks for talking to me, it means alot that you trust me."

"Yeah, well...." Cayden floundered.

"Call me sometimes, maybe we can all go out together." Denise leaned over and kissed Cayden on the cheek and saw herself out.

 
*  *  *

Cayden pouted around the house after Denise left, going over their conversation again and again. She wandered into her bedroom and sat on the bed, still deep in thought. La La hoisted himself onto the bed next to her and began licking himself. She scratched him behind the ears and frowned. "You know if we humans could do that I wouldn't be in the corner I'm in now." La La stopped licking and looked at her smugly. "Not you too!" she said with a heavy sigh. "Shit, I am so confused." She laid down and stared at the ceiling, the cat sat right next to her, looking at her as if he was listening. "See, I have the hots for Brooke, I definitely want to sleep with her... " Cayden took a moment to explore that idea and wound up groaning as her body responded eagerly. "The thing is, La La, I don't want it to get too serious. I don't want to be that sappy 'yes dear', I don't want to be controlled by Brooke's vagina." Cayden pursed her lips, a small debate went on inside of her about the merits versus the downside of being controlled by Brooke's anatomy. "Yeah, I told Jodie that one day maybe I'll want to settle down, but not now. I'm pretty contented being by myself with no one to answer to, and stuff like that." Cayden rolled over onto her stomach and studied the cat. "At least I thought I was... but now, I don't know. Brooke is taking complete control of my brain, I think about her all the time. Do you know, yesterday, I thought about her when I... well, you wouldn't know, you don't have any balls. Anyway, its safe to say, that maybe my subconscious is telling me I
do
want to settle down... with Brooke." Cayden frowned, regardless of what her subconscious was trying to tell her the whole idea of being half of a couple made her cringe. "Then we'd be one entity.... Oh look, there's CaydenandBrooke... I saw CaydenandBrooke at the supermarket and they were soooo cute... yuck." The tall woman sat up and sighed. "Denise
does
have a point, it really would be polite to thank Brooke for taking care of me, even if I didn't want her here. Hmm, than that may give her ideas, like I may want her to do it the next time I'm sick. I don't want that. I
do
like kissing her though, she has the softest lips and I
would
like to get a feel of those breasts. God La La... those breasts.... they sing to me." Cayden felt the tingles of arousal flitting around in her stomach. "Just thinking about them turns me on, I can't imagine what it would be like to touch them. Hell, just her kisses left me in bad shape, her mouth is so hot, her tongue...." Cayden shifted her position and pulled her shorts out of her crotch. "Its happening again." she complained. "Okay, I'm getting really horny thinking about her, maybe this is all a physical attraction, maybe I just need to sleep with her. Just have sex once and she'll be happy and I'll be happy and then we can go on with our lives." The tall woman smiled at her idea, until she thought about saying goodbye to Brooke. "Ooo, that was weird. It wouldn't be so bad to have her around after all. Shit. I just know she wants a serious relationship, I can't sleep with her right away, the quicker I sleep with her, the quicker we become CaydenandBrooke. Okay, so here's the deal, I'll call her to thank her, then maybe we can get together every so often, hang out, maybe even kiss a little. That should be alright. I'll tell her I'm not into sex right now, or relationships, and she'll back off and I can breathe. That sounds reasonable. Yeah," she gave the cat a squeeze, "That's what I'll do."

 
*  *  *

Wade stared at his cell phone is total disbelief.

"Don't say anything, don't even blink funny, or La La gets it." Cayden threatened.

"Excuse me, but can you repeat yourself? I thought you asked me for Brooke's phone number." Wade said, barely hiding his shock.

"I did, and don't you even THINK about saying something stupid. I have the cat."

"Yeah, um, what do you want it for?" He asked, worried Cayden may want to harass poor Brooke.

"Just you never mind why, give it to me." Cayden insisted.

"Okay, but no yelling, no attitude and no heavy breathing. Be nice Cayden."

"I'll be as nice as I can."

Wade narrowed his eyes. "Very frightening concept. Are you going to tell me why I'm giving you the number?"

"I want to be polite and thank her for taking care of me alright?"

Both Wade's eyebrows raised. "For real? You're not playing with me?"

Cayden sighed. "Just give it to me."

"Alrighty then."

B
ROOKE CALLED BEV to make a lunch date and was thrilled to find out that Sam and Nancy were visiting, she hadn't seen them in ages. They agreed to meet up at a coffee shop near Bev's apartment. It didn't take Brooke long to get there by cab, traffic seemed lighter than usual, and once she got inside the shop, she spotted Bev instantly.

"Brooke! You look fantastic!" Sam exclaimed, throwing her arms around the smaller woman and hugging her. "Have you joined a gym or something?"

Brooke giggled in embarrassment as Sam released her and drank her in. "No, but I've been rollerblading a lot."

"It shows." Nancy said, standing up to hug Brooke as well.

"Don't hog her all to yourselves, let her sit down and get some air, it's sweltering out there." Bev said, patting the seat next to her.

After sitting down Brooke kissed Bev on the cheek. "It's alright, I took a cab, and to my amazement, it was air conditioned. Besides, I don't mind the hugs." she winked at the two women across from her. They were smiling at her a little too brightly and Brooke narrowed her eyes. "She told you, didn't she." she said, turning towards Bev.

Sam and Nancy nodded in unison, still smiling with all their teeth.

"Bev!" Brooke said, then sucked her teeth.

"Don't be mad, I think its great news!" Sam said, reaching across the table and taking Brooke's hand. "Our little Brooke, all grown up, and a lesbian too."

"How much do you know?" The blonde asked Sam, yet turned again to face Bev.

"Everything." Bev admitted with a guilty grin.

Brooke sighed. "Well then..." she said, then stared at the table.

"So? Spill it! What happened at the party? Did you tell her? What did she say?" Sam asked excitedly. "Did you get any yet?"

Brooke laughed at her enthusiasm. "At least let me get some food first."

"Good idea." Bev agreed and they all picked up their menus and studied them.

 
*  *  *

Cayden stared at the phone in her hand for a long time, trying to think of what she would say to Brooke. She tried a few different things out loud and La La seemed to think she had the right idea with the second choice. She dialed the number quickly and when it rang three times she panicked, not knowing what to say to the answering machine. Just as she was about to hang up, someone picked up the other end.

"Hello?"

Cayden processed the voice and cringed. "Uh, Hi. May I speak to Brooke?"

"She's not in, who's calling please?" Harriet asked pleasantly.

"Oh, no, that's alright, I'll call back later." Cayden said quickly.

"Cayden? Is that you?"

Bert lowered his newspaper and peered at his wife over the top of it. "Is that Cayden the Rude?" He joked, chuckling when Harriet waved frantically at him.

The tall woman screwed up her face. "Yeah, can you tell her that I called?"

"How are you dear? I heard you weren't feeling well."

Mr. Hewitt leaned over in his chair and watched his wife harass Cayden. "Don't make her crazy Harriet." he warned.

Mrs. Hewitt covered the mouthpiece and hushed her husband.

"I'm better now." Cayden sighed and remembered this phone call was all about being polite. "And you?"

"Oh me? I'm feeling well, thank you." Harriet responded cheerfully. "So, Cayden, when will we be meeting you?"

Cayden panicked again.
Meeting me? What did Brooke tell her?
"I'm not quite sure."

"Brooke hasn't invited you over yet? I swear she has no manners. Well, you have an invitation dear."